Shadows From the Abyss

"So how have you been?" Dr. Jace asked, quickly filling out his typical paper work as Shawn got comfortable.

"Before yesterday I was fine," Shawn mumbled, staring at his finger nails, trying to distract himself from his desire to have a third meltdown of the day.

"What changed?"

"Haven't seen Art in a few days," He had been working both jobs the last few days and was always good about making lengthy phone calls before bed each night but it wasn't the same as having him within arm's reach. "I miss him a lot."

"Have yall been talking still?"

"Every night. But it's not the same, ya know?"

Dr. Jace was a lot different than the therapist Shawn had seen briefly back in California. She had been a lot more straight laced and by the book, whereas Dr. Jace was a lot more laid back and open about things. He never bullshitted or led Shawn on to ideas, but instead let him arrive there on his own. Occasionally they would bounce ideas off each other or go completely off topic, which Shawn knew was more to make him comfortable than it was of Jace's own interest but it was nice when things were getting tense to take a mental break for a few minutes to talk about Game of Thrones or The First 48.

"So would you say you've become a bit dependent, mood wise? Like, when you don't see Art, do you feel like it brings your day down? Or is it more just a general mood shift overall?"

Shawn thought about that for a bit. "Well, I knew a crash was coming. It can only be so good for so long, right?"

"Well if that's your mindset-"

Shawn's phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket and he froze. There was a pretty strict no phone rule past the front door. "Shit, sorry."

Jace just sighed. "Go on and check it, man."

Shawn slowly slid his phone out of his pocket, feeling guilty. He glanced at the screen and almost dropped it. Billie had texted him. "Holy shit,"

"Something wrong?"

Hey asswad, facetime me when you can, dammit! Need to ask you something urgently! It's pretty time sensitive so please hurry the hell up ~GL

"It's my damn sister. She texted me from Billie's phone."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah she's just got some question. Mind if I-no no it can wait. She'll be okay for another hour."

Dr. Jace eyed the door before getting up and locking it. "Go ahead, man. You get one."

"I appreciate it." Shawn pulled up Billie's number and tapped the facetime button, fixing his hair in the front view camera as it rang.

"Well that was fast for once," Gloria smiled at her brother as her front facing camera clicked on. "Sup!"

"What's up, G? I'm kinda in the middle of a session." Shawn was blown away with how much his ten year old half sister looked like their mother. Her hair was darker and fuller and had beautiful curls to it, so she won that lottery from Billie, as well as his eyes and skin tone, but other than that she looked just like Iva. She was the perfect mesh of the two of them. Her voice had a very slight lisp, but unless you were listening for it, you didn't notice it.

"I won't keep you long. So Dad says I can throw a silent dinner next week and I wanted to extend the invitation to you and Mama K and Papa Dave. Soooo you should come!"

"Gloria, while I'm flattered and would love to, I'm not going to fly all the way across the country just for dinner."

"Well no shit. You stay for a few days and make a trip of it."

"I don't think that's a great idea, G."

Gloria rolled her eyes. "Dude, I'm trying to be nice here and you're being a pain."

"Gloria-"

"How dare I want to see you after all this time! What a jerk I am!"

"Oh my God you are so dramatic," Shawn was trying not to laugh.

"Tell Shawn he should come," Gloria said to someone off camera.

"Oh shit, Shawn!"

The sound of Billie's voice made Shawn's heart stop. He knew he would be there but he hadn't intended to speak to him today. It had been a few months since they had spoken to each other and while Billie never seemed bothered, Shawn always felt a little off about their relationship after everything that had happened.

"Hey Billie," Shawn said flatly, trying not to hang up.

Billie sat down on the bed beside his daughter. "Honey, I told you that's a little far for one dinner."

"He can visit with everyone!"

"He might not want to, sweets."

"Pfft! He might not wanna see yall! But I'm a precious joy to be around."

"Yeah sure okay. I really gotta go, yall." Shawn looked up at Jace who seemed amused by this exchange.

"Please think about it. Please?" Gloria asked. "Like it's really not a huge deal but I really want to share this experience with people I give a damn about for once and not just that random group that keeps inviting me over."

"You have a group now?"

"Yeah. They're really nice but sign way too fast for me to keep up. But please think about it. And actually bring it up to grandma and grandpa and see what they think."

"Okay okay. Now I gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Shawn," Billie smiled.

Shawn quickly hung up and pocketed his phone. "I am so sorry about that."

"You used your one phone pass. Just please make sure it's off next time, okay?"

"No problem."

"So that was interesting to watch. I feel like I saw a new side of you. I keep forgetting you have a sister."

"Yeah, she's something else."

"And she lives with her dad, right?"

"Yup. Although she's loves Mike a lot more."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. But I loved Billie more than I did my Dad so it's a weird pattern."

"So I noticed when Billie showed up your entire demeanor changed. Why is that?"

"Did it?"

"Yeah. Your tone dropped, you almost looked like you went on guard all of a sudden."

"You kinda have to have your guard up with him. One second you hate him, the next he’s your best friend and you don’t know how you could ever hate him.”

“Has it always been that way?”

“Yeah. Yeah it has. He’s smooth like that. It’s devilish sometimes. If only really happened once with me but he would use his charm on my mom constantly. She couldn’t stay away from him.”

“Can you give me an example?”

Shawn sighed. “I have a question. Do you believe in the paranormal?”

“Well,” Dr. Jace thought for a second, “as a man of science, I always try to lean towards logic, but I’m not closed off to the idea by any means. It’s a giant universe, who knows what’s out there or what is possible?”

“So, when everything happened with my half brother, my mom was really active. Like I saw her regularly. We all did. And I think she was trying to help me fill in the blanks on everything that went down without spelling it out for me.”

“Interesting. How do you mean?”

“I would have these dreams. And it was of events that I wasn’t around for but they were so vivid and always lined up with the stories I had overheard so well I think she was sending me her memories in the form of dreams.”

“Okay,” Dr. Jace got comfortable. “Why don’t do tell me about one.”

“Well, the first one that comes to mind is the night Mom and Billie got engaged. They hadn’t spoken to each other in months, she and Dad had called off their short lived rekindle and he had moved back to California. But they had invited us up to New York for the week to hang out and visit. And we had gone out to dinner....”

Iva and Shawn walked down the wet sidewalk towards the restaurant where they were meeting Mike, Tre and Billie for dinner. Iva’s heels clicked as they walked, tonight being one of the rare occasions she had worn a dress, heels and makeup. That was a regular occurrence in California but in North Carolina it was few and far between.

Mike waved at them from down the street as he shook the rain off his umbrella and folded it closed. “Well don’t you look nice!”

“Thanks, hun,” Iva smiled, hugging her friend tight. The trio walked inside to join Billie and Tre, who had grabbed and table or ordered drinks for everyone. Shawn sat between his parents, and Mike strategically placed himself between Billie and Iva.

The group sat and chatted for awhile, eventually ordering dinner, having a wonderful time as if nothing bad had ever happened between any of them. But Mike had become aware of Billie and Iva shooting glances at each other from across the table. He dropped his arm over the back of Iva’s chair as she and Tre talked, leaning into her a bit and raising an eyebrow at Billie, making his silent message abundantly clear: Don’t try anything. Not tonight.

The ringing of a cell phone suddenly brought dread to Iva’s face as she recognized the ringtone. “Mom. Be right back, sorry y’all.” She pulled her phone out of her purse and excused herself, stepping outside to take the call.

“Alright, before food gets here, I’m gonna smoke,” Billie said, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He looked at Mike. “Join me?”

“Nah, I’m trying to cut back again,” Mike replied with a smile before leaning in. He spoke quietly so no one else could hear him. “Behave out there.”

“Scout’s honor,” Billie smirked before heading outside.
He stood on the other end of the building front from Iva, watching her pace back and fourth as she carried on with her mother. He tried his best to be patient, nursing his cigarette for as long as he could, waiting for her to finish her phone call so he could try and talk to her away from everyone else. Finally he heard the magic words and smiled.

“Okay I love you too. I’ll call you this weekend. Bye, mom.” She clicked her phone closed and the pair shared a long look. “Hey.”

“Well hi,” Billie smiled. “You look great tonight.”

“Thanks,” she smiled, walking towards him. “Can I bum one?”

“Thought you quit?” He fished two out of the pack and handed her one and stuck the other in his mouth. He’d chain smoke as long as he needed to if it meant they could finally speak to each other.

“Try not to,” she replied, finally getting it to light before handing Billie his lighter back. “Thought you didn’t chain smoke.”

“Try not to,” Billie smirked after blowing smoke into the air. “So how have you been?”

“Hanging in there. What about you?”

Missing you was what he wanted to say. “I’ve been alright. How’s the east coast treating you?”

“It’s nice to be home again,” Iva took a long drag, closing her eyes and holding the smoke in for a few seconds before blowing it out her nose. “Really lonely though,” she breathed, trying not to cough.

“Oh yeah?” Billie turned his head to blow smoke in the other direct and tried to wipe the smile off his face.

“Fuck it’s cold,” Iva suddenly said, rubbing her right arm. “Alright let’s hurry up and get back inside.”

Billie just casually pulled one side of his coat open and without missing a beat, Iva slipped her free arm around his waist and huddled against him for warmth. He held her close and tried not to grin.

Gotcha.

The duo stood together and finished their cigarettes before making eye contact again. Neither was too surprised when they saw a look of longing in the other’s eyes.

Billie glanced around real fast, scanning to make sure no one in their party had come outside to find them before spying the alley way beside the restaurant. “Come on,”

“Hell Yeah,” Iva giggled as they rounded the corner and walked a few yards before latching on to each other, their kisses deep and passionate with desire and longing. “Fuck, I’ve missed you,” Her breathing was ragged.

“Oh you have no idea,” Billie replied, pressing her against the wet brick wall. “I want you so God damn bad.”

“Tre has Shawn tonight. You should come by my room,” She purred in his ear as she guided his right hand up her skirt.

“Oh yeah? And what would we do?” He teased, following her lead and doing as she silently instructed and pushing his fingers inside of her.

“Oh fuck,” Iva gasped, leaning her head back and closing her eyes.

“Yeah we can do a lot of that,” Billie smirked before kissing her deeply, slowly picking up speed.

“Don’t stop,” She gasped, forgetting about the freezing cold air around her and focusing on her feeling of ecstasy. “Oh God baby right there!”

Billie bit his lip and tried to focus on what he was doing and not his deep desire to fuck her right then and there. “Come on, baby.”

“Fuck!” Iva grabbed Billie’s jacket and pulled him closer as she finally released almost a year of pent up sexual tension. Her entire body shook as she held on to him, feeling him slow down as she tried to catch her breath. “Oh my God, Billie.”

“Just wait til later,” He whispered in her ear, slowly pulling his hand back. “We should probably get back.”

Iva nodded, taking a few deep breaths before somehow being able to collect herself again. She kissed him one final time, this one much sweeter and innocent than before.

He smiled as he took her hand and led her back inside, holding the door open for her. “God it’s miserable out there.”

Tre and Shawn had hardly noticed their absence but Mike....Mike was glaring a hole into him. “I’m sure it was.” He said flatly, drumming his fingers on the table. He knew. He always knew.

Iva just sat down sheepishly, feeling the heat coming off of Mike as he once again drapped his arm over the back of her chair and rubbed her right shoulder, still staring a hole into Billie.

As soon as dinner was served, however, everyone’s mood changed as if nothing had just happened. The conversations and jokes picked right back up and continued for the rest of the meal.

Billie polished off his drink and stretched, feeling very pleased with how his night had gone. “Think I’m gonna have one more before we leave.” He looked across at Iva. “Join me?”

“I’ll join you,” Mike said, grabbing his coat and standing up.

Billie hesitated, glancing at Iva, who looked slightly defeated, and then back at Mike. “O-Okay.”

The two walked outside and Mike watched the door close before he spoke, his tone harsh. “The fuck are you doing, dude?”

“What?”

“Her child is sitting beside her and you lead her off to go screw around?”

“We didn’t-“

“Bullshit!”

A couple walked out the door and Billie took the opportunity to light a cigarette while they waited for them to walk away. “Look, that wasn’t the plan.”

“Oh don’t lie to me, Bill. We have finally all gotten to a good happy place and you want to drag her back down again.”

“No I don’t.”

“You know what she needs right now? To focus on raising Shawn. I know she’s having a hard enough time as is, she doesn’t need you and your fucking eternal hard on throwing her off!”

Billie rolled his eyes and blew a cloud of smoke away from his friend. “I know you care but why can’t we have fun?”

“Because y’all having fun never ends well. It starts off as just fucking around and having a good time and then someone gets attached and the other gets hurt. This hasn’t ended well before, the hell makes you think this will end any different this time?”

Billie just shrugged, blowing more smoke. “It just feels different.”

Mike pinched the bridge of his nose. “When we leave here, go with Tre and Shawn. I’m walking Iva back to the hotel and I swear to God, Billie, if I see you anywhere near her-“

“Oh what, you gonna kick my ass again?”

“Maybe I will,” Mike concluded before taking a deep breath and heading back inside as if no harsh words had just been exchanged, leaving a somewhat shocked Billie alone outside in the cold New York air.

After angrily finishing his cigarette, he headed back inside and rejoined the party. They paid their bill and everyone got ready to part ways. Iva hugged her son tight and made his promise her he’d behave for his father, hugged her ex husband, and then turned to Billie. “Thanks for earlier. Um, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come by tonight. Sorry,” she said in a quiet voice.

Billie sighed, trying not to roll his eyes or glare over at Mike. “If you wanna let him get in the way of a great thing, fuckin fine. Your loss.” He replied bitterly before walking across the street to catch up with Tre and Shawn.

Iva watched him as he crossed the wet street and disappeared up the sidewalk. Her heart hurt and her eyes stung with unshed tears but she had to keep it together.

“Come on, sweetie. I’ll walk you back.” Mike’s voice was calm and understanding but slightly disappointed.

“And after all that what happened?” Dr. Jace asked

“Billie showed up anyway a few hours later. They had a fight and somehow the next morning came down for breakfast and were engaged, ring and all. I thought Mike was going to have a fit.”

“Mike really cared about your mom, huh?”

“He loved her to death, man. I think that’s why he’s so protective of Gloria. She’s a mini mom. He couldn’t protect the first one but maybe he can with the second one.” Shawn shrugged and sighed. “That was a lot. My head hurts.”

“You did really well though, I’m proud of you. Let’s call it here for today.”