After the Crash

The next few days we started earlier and stopped later, we ate less and took shorter breaks. I was determined to get further, before settling down for a few days. I also wanted to get as far away from the scouts I’d left dead, just in case a PCD search party came after them. Dale got on me two days ago, for my decision to push the party a few days longer than I had initially found. The girls were complaining, and the children were dead tired by night. So, by the twelfth day on the move, I had to give into the demands to stop and rest. At about high noon we came across a cabin, a cabin that was not on my map and looked practically untouched. “It could be a trap,” I looked at Dale, “I should go check it out, make sure it’s clear.”

“Take Ren with you,” Dale said.

I nodded, “send Whit and Mac in one direction and Eric and Sam in the other to make sure there’s no one lurking in the surrounds.” He nodded and then I looked at Ren, “let's go.” The two of us held our guns tight and went down into the clearing to investigate the house. I knocked on the door and then turned the nob to open the door, we both stood back, expecting shots to come from the open entryway, but there was nothing. I looked at him, and he nodded, I held my gun and went first. “Clear,” I said looking around the room. He followed me in, and I looked around, “you take that end, and I’ll take this end.” I pointed, “if you run into trouble, just yell, and I’ll be there.” He nodded, and I looked at him, “be careful.”

He smiled at me, “you too.” I started moving through rooms of the house. They were all empty; I was moving toward what looked like a cellar door then I heard Ren, “Ky, get in here.” I ran into the room ready to start shooting, but he was just standing in front of a giant bookcase, full of books, untouched books.

I put my gun down and approached the wall. I put my hand on the books, “I didn’t think I’d see anything like this again.” I looked at him, “it seems like no one’s been here since the crash, I mean, this place must be off the grid, it's not on any maps I’ve looked at.” I ran my hand down the binding of one book, collecting about four years of dust on my fingertips. I began searching for familiar titles. There were quite a few. Finally, I pulled one out and walked over to one of the two chairs in the middle of the room. I found what I was looking for in the table of contents, then flipped to the right page, and began reading, probably indulging in it too long:

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow …

I paused and looked up; he looked at me expectantly.

This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

“Why that,” he looked at me.

“Because it’s beautiful,” I shrugged. I closed the book, placing it face down on the table, “I used to get so nervous speaking in public.” He looked at me. “I know, it sounds silly,” I shrugged, “but I used to crawl into small spaces and read these words over and over again until I felt calm. Can you imagine,” I shook my head, “that such terrifying words could comfort anyone, but even when the world has fallen into shadow and so quietly,” I shrugged, “just like he predicted.” I paused, putting my hand on the cover, “it still comforts me.” I looked back at him, finding him smiling at me, “why are you looking at me like that?”

“Have you ever just witnessed something or someone so remarkable that you just can’t look away,” he raised an eyebrow.

I sighed as I stood up, “the house is clear, we should get everyone down here, we could probably stay here for a couple days, rest.” He nodded and then we went outside and called the group down. Whitney met me, and I raised my eyebrow, “no one lurking in the forest?”

“We didn’t find anyone, seems pretty safe, we’re miles away from the closest road, and the foliage is rather thick leading to the cabin. If someone does find us, though, all they’d have to do is surround the cabin, but we could set a few traps around and check them daily. I don’t think we’d meet a big enough group of looters and PCD would send scouts before returning with a large party. If the ground or trap is disturbed, then we bolt.”

I nodded my head, “we won’t stay too long, three-four days tops, just to regroup, maybe do a little hunting, and rest before we start moving again.” The kids ran past me, into the cabin. Rosa yelled a warning, and I turned to Sam, “we didn’t check the cellar.” I just remembered that I stopped short, “grab someone, and make sure no one is lurking down there, and don’t let any of the kids down there until its cleared.” He nodded, moving forward. “Actually,” I marched into the house, “no kids in the cellar.” I tried to yell it, though I doubt they’d listen to me. I saw Zack peak out one of the doors. I raised my eyebrow, “you hear me, that door,” I pointed toward it, “off limits.”

He looked at me, “I’m not a kid.”

I watched him retreat into the room, then looked at Whitney with my eyebrow raised. She smiled, “he’s almost a teenager.” I let out an exacerbated breath as I crossed my arms, but she just shrugged. She raised her eyebrow, “what exactly do you and Ren talk about when you're alone?”
I shrugged moving into the house, “fastest route, supplies, effective tactical maneuvers, it’s pretty much all business.”

She raised an eyebrow, “but you two were in here for a while.” I smiled, then grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the library. She nodded her head as she walked into the room, “okay, I get it.” She picked up the book that I had placed beside the chair, raising an eyebrow as she read the cover, “modern poetry?”

I shrugged, “I’ll probably take that one with us,” She laughed, and I continued, “there's lots of commentary on war hidden in these texts, there’s more truth in literature than news, it’s a good source for us on the road.”

“There’s no war, Ky,” she looked at me.

“There’ll have to be eventually,” I said, “the PCD isn’t just gonna dissolve on its own.” I sighed, “these few have the passions of the one; and they unite to strengthen themselves, and to secure the gratification of their lawless passions at the expense of the general good.” I shook my head, “I will not see that happen. I am sure there are more like us, Whit. The resistance,” I shrugged, “we just have to find them, and then we have to fight. The world will not change by vigilante justice, killing three or four at a time, saving a family here and there. There’s a bigger picture.”

“We should worry about surviving, first,” she said.

“I will get everyone to safety,” I nodded, “you can trust that your safety is my main concern, but I’m afraid war is inevitable. If we find safety, it will be with the resistance, and I’ll be darned if I let anyone fight for me.”

She raised her eyebrow, “and Ren?”

I shrugged, “he’ll probably fight too.”

She made a face, letting out a sigh as she shook her head, “you know I crave romance, Ky.”

I smiled and scanned the shelf and then tossed her a book, “Emma, it’s got plenty of romance, dashing men dating fifteen-year-olds,” she made a face, and I shrugged, “it was a different time,” and then continued, “rakes, with their trickery, and misguided matchmaking. It’s basically Clueless,” I shrugged, “it’s also Austen’s longest novel, so it should take you a bit to get through.”

“Not what I meant,” she tossed the book aside.

“Mom,” Maddie ran into the room, “Sarah says we’re gonna have a party.” I raised my eyebrow, and Maddie continued, “there’s a closet full of pretty dresses, and Uncle Sam found adult juice in the cellar and even the guys are going to dress up.”

I raised an eyebrow, “adult juice?” I let out a deep breath, “that sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.” I shook my head looking at Whitney, “no doubt, this was Sam’s idea, he finds alcohol, and he thinks, let’s throw a party.” She smiled, and I kept my current expression, “I’ll go talk to him.” Maddie tugged on my jacket, looking up at me with her big, eight-year-old eyes. I shook my head, “don’t look at me like that, kid, I’m immune to your cuteness.”

She frowned, then looked at Whitney, “please mom, I want to see you look all pretty, like before the crash.” Whitney smiled at her daughter and then Maddie looked at me, “you two Auntie Ky, Zack says you're not really a girl, and I bet him half a day’s food that you were.”

“Putting me in a dress ain’t gonna prove anything,” I looked at the kid, “guys can wear dresses, and Zack’s gonna be a sexist idiot until I go smack some sense into him.” Whitney looked at me, disappoint, and I just shrugged, “I’m gonna smack some sense into Sam too.”

“Come on Ky,” Whitney smiled, “it’s not gonna hurt anyone.” Maddie smiled, leading the two of us down the hall. I glanced into the room, raising my eyebrow as I watched Jen, Lola, and Val wave around dresses in front of each other. Party dresses, jewelry, and laughter, oh my. Whitney looked at me, with an insistent smile, as Maddie pulled her toward the mess.

I shook my head and crossed my arms, “you’re all acting ridiculous, I’m gonna have a word with your husband, Sarah.” She turned her head from the mirror; she had been holding a dress up in front of it. She opened her mouth, but I left the room before she could object to me calling Sam her husband. I found Cody running around the hall, wearing a tie as a cape. He ran around me twice, as I crossed my arms. “Cody,” I stopped him with a stern voice. The little boy looked up at me, “where’s Sam?” He pointed down the hall to a closed door. I took a deep breath, made my way to the door, and gave it a hard knock, before starting, “Sam, I swear to …” I stopped as the door opened. I swallowed, stepping back slightly, when Ren looked down at me, without a shirt on. I looked down, “s-sorry,” I stuttered, “I can wait until you’re all um - all decent.” He let out a slight laugh, and I shook my head cursing myself for stuttering. “Actually,” I let out a breath, “just send Sam out, please.” I sat there for a long second, then looked up slightly because he hadn’t shut the door. He just smiled down at me, and I rolled my eyes before adding, “just make sure he’s clothed.” I shook my head, turning around, and walking down the hall.

He just laughed before shutting the door. I paced in the hall until I heard the door open. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow, as Sam approached me. “What’s up, Ky,” he laughed, “did you like the view?”

“Don’t test me, Sam,” I glared at him, “I know this is your stupid idea, and I ...”

“Come on, Ky,” he stopped me, “lighten up, it’ll be fun.”

“It's frivolous,” I looked at him.

“Look,” he said as he let go of a deep breath, “no one here expects you to join us, you couldn’t take that stick out long enough to actually have a little fun.” I was not amused. He crossed his arms, holding my narrowed gaze, “just give us one night, Ky. Just one night to pretend like we’re back, before the crash, when things were normal,” he shrugged, “we might not get this chance again.”

I sighed, “fine, I’ll keep watch, while you play dress up.”

He shrugged, “sounds good.”

I turned swiftly on my heels, grabbed my gun and a lantern. I went out to the porch and took a seat, looking out into the forest, I figured I could make regular trips around the cabin. We were vulnerable from all sides, and they’d decided to have a party. I rolled my eyes as someone put on music, I hadn’t heard music in years. I let out a deep breath. I understood some of them, but I couldn’t believe I was the only person who disapproved of this. The laughter grew louder. I shook my head, banging on the door, telling them to keep it down. Then, of course, someone knocked something over. I sighed as I contemplated what Sam could have possibly broken. “Hey,” the door opened. I raised an eyebrow and looked toward the door. It was Alex, with a bottle. He took a seat next to me on the porch. He tipped the bottle toward me, “thought you could use a drink.”

I shook my head, pushing the wine bottle away from me, “what’d Sam break?”

He laughed a bit, “Sam can’t handle his liquor.”

“Sam can barely handle walking forward,” I shook my head. He tipped the bottle toward me again, insistently. I raised my eyebrow, “what’d he break?”

“He just knocked over an old picture frame,” he shrugged, “Sarah’s cleaning it up.” I shook my head, and he tipped the bottle toward me again, “come on, you deserve a drink.”

“I’m on watch,” I looked at him, with a stern expression, “someone needs to stay sober and vigilant.”

He looked at me with an eyebrow raised, “are you still mad at me for calling you cute?” I didn’t say anything, just kept my eyes forward. “Aside from yellin’ orders,” he took a sip from the bottle, then shook his head, “you haven’t really spoken to me since.” I tightened my grip on the rifle but said nothing. He raised his eyebrow again, scooting a bit closer, “you can’t be upset with me for thinking you’re attractive.”

I shot my eyes in his direction, “you what?”

He shrugged, “I find you attractive.”

I shook my head, turning forward, “you better find your way back into that house, before I point this gun in your direction.”

“Have you always been this hostile,” he moved closer, placing a hand on my upper arm.

“I don’t joke,” I turned my gun on him. He removed his hand from my arm, and put them up, “I don’t appreciate your flirtations or unwelcomed touch, I’m not charmed.” He opened his mouth, but I narrowed my eyes, “pick your words carefully.”

He looked at me, then at my gun, which I was still pointing at him. I held it tight and held my glare tighter. “What’s going on here,” Ren came out the door, looking between Alex and me. He smiled, then looked at Alex, “maybe you should go inside?”

Alex looked at Ren, unamused. Then he looked back at me, with his eyebrow raised, “we’ll finish this conversation later.”

I watched him walk by Ren, the two of them exchanging glances. Then, as Alex disappeared into the cabin, Ren looked at me with his eyebrow raised. I let out a breath, turned forward, and slammed my gun onto the deck. I brought my hands to my head and tried to rub out the headache I felt. “What the hell did I interrupt,” he sat down, looking at me, with an amused expression. I shook my head but said nothing. He shrugged, “must have done something pretty bad if you were pointing a rifle at him?”

I let out a deep breath, “like you’d object to me shooting him.”