After the Crash

The next morning began like most, Sarah got up early to start breakfast, and as soon as everyone was out of their tents, I started breaking down the camp. We didn’t set up the tents like we did when we were stationary, put them up for quick tear down, no mattresses, no sleeping bags, and nothing extraneous from our bags. Usually, I could pull down the tents while everyone else was eating. On a good day, I could pack them up too. After I tore down the second tent, I threw two coffee beans in my mouth, couldn’t go without my breakfast. Then, I started with the third, the big tent that Dale and his family occupied. After I tore down the last two tents, I started folding them and packing the poles for transport. I examined a tear that had been forming in Sam’s tent and made a mental note that we’d need a new one soon. I glanced over, seeing some of the kids finish. They threw their plates at Sarah, which made me shake my head, and then they were off playing. I stuffed two more poles in the bag, then noticed Ren approaching with his plate. “Good,” I looked at him, “put down the plate, and help me get this tent in the bag.”

He took the bag, and I started pushing the tent in. As I closed the bag, I nodded my thanks. Then I noticed his eyebrow raised, “we’ve got a long day, you should eat something.” I rolled my eyes, before moving toward the next tent. I picked up the bag, started shoving the poles in, but he had followed me. “I don’t think I’ve seen you eat since I got here,” he said. I nodded for his help again. He let out a deep breath and lifted the bag while I pushed the tent inside. As I was closing the bag, he insisted, “alright, we can put the last two away after breakfast.”

“If you’re that hungry, you can eat, and I can finish up,” I looked at him. The last thing I needed was someone telling me to eat more.

“Come on, just a few bites,” he nodded toward his plate, “Sarah gave me way too much.”

“Then I suppose you’ll have a good meal,” I gave him a stern look. He returned it. I was going to have problems with this one; he wasn’t used to taking orders, and clearly thought he knew what was best. He nodded down. “Listen, Ren,” I looked at him, “I eat five times a day, never miss a meal, and if I did, it wouldn’t really be your business.” He looked at me, unsure. I raised my eyebrow, “right?” He held his opinion, I could tell by the way his jaw tightened. He just nodded, going back to where the rest of the party was eating. I finished with the tents. Within the hour, we were fed, packed, and on the move. We were heading northeast, and thankfully still had the forest on our side. This kept us off the main road, and away from possible PCD encounters. The day was low key. The only trouble we ran into was a rattlesnake, which Lola used as an excuse to jump on Ren. I snapped my fingers at her, “it’s just a snake, Lola, get off him.” She naturally scowled at me. I rolled my eyes, “you two, separate now. Ren, take the lead and send back someone who won’t get their heart rate going.” He let out a slight laugh, as I put my hand to my head, letting out an exacerbated breath. Whitney gave a slight laugh as she made her way back. That was the only slight roadblock; we got in nine hours of walking. Naturally, a few rests were included. Dale and Mac got the fire set up quick. Sarah and Rosa got dinner ready, while we pitched tents. I walked into our tent, threw my bag down, dug through it and found the second book I was currently holding. I took it out of the tent, then called Zack, Maddie, Cody, Shay, and Bella. I held the book up, “you guys know the drill, take it from where we left off, starting with Cody.”

I gave the book to Cody, as the kids sat down in a circle, and he opened it to the page I had marked. “Mr. Foster was left in the Decanting Room,” he started reading and continued until the paragraph break.

He looked at me, and I nodded, “read the next one too, it’s short.”

The boy did as I said, before passing the book to Maddie. She started the next paragraph, “the director opened a door …”

“What’s this,” Mac came to my side with an eyebrow raised.

“I figure they’ll need to know how to read,” I crossed my arms, helping Shay with a few words as she took her turn. Shay and Bella were a few years younger, and they struggled a bit more. Mac was still giving me a curious eye. I shrugged, “it’s the only book I’ve got right now, it’s their third time through, but we read Great Expectations five times before I found a new book.”

“It’s good,” he nodded, “we know the PCD’s got their kids reading, though I’d hate to know what they’re reading.”

I crossed my arms, “something tells me reading is not their primary concern. I’m more afraid of the lifestyle they’re learning, and you know they’re being taught not to question anything. Soon the soldiers coming of age won’t remember a time when the PCD didn’t rule when women weren’t forced to be breeders or any of the old world.” I let out a deep breath, then shook my head, “what they do to children is awful.” He looked at me, raising an eyebrow. I shook my head again, “I don’t know much. Never been real close, but Dale’s told me enough. They run tests on the children, painful tests,” I shrugged, “but you’d expect that. The atrocity is that they’ve taught the children to administer these tests on each other.”

He looked at me, unsure, “you’re serious?”

I nodded, “it’s sick, like a right of passage. Once you rise in the ranks, you get to administer the tests on the lower ranks. And they like it; they even feel justified because it was done to them. It regularizes it.” I shook my head, “from what I’ve been told, some of these kids rise in rank as early as eight. So, you’ve got eight-year-old children torturing six-year-old children.”

“I didn’t know about that,” he shook his head.

“I try to teach them a little,” I shrugged, “but really, I just want them to be kids, grow up free.” I watched as Shay passed the book to Bella, gave a slight smile. Then looked at Mac, “I don’t want them to become monsters.” I shook my head, “and I don’t want anyone here, the kids, Jen, and the girls,” I sighed, “don’t want them to become me.”

“You,” he raised an eyebrow.

I looked at him, skeptical, “spare me,” I turned my head forward, “I’m sure you’ve noticed I’m not exactly a beckon of mental health.”

He looked at me, “no, you’re not.” I smiled, and looked down as he continued, “but they could do a lot worse than growing up to be like you.” I shook my head. “I don’t know what you’ve been through, Ky,” I looked up, and he was looking down at me. He raised his eyebrow, “and I doubt you’d tell me, but I know it wasn’t good.” I said nothing, just kept my head down. “What I do know,” he continued, “is that you’ve found an impeccable way to cope with everything, and what you’ve built here is no small task. They’ve got a good role model in you.”

“I wish them better,” I shrugged.

“I do too,” he nodded, “people like you are the only chance they’ve got.”

I looked up at him, “and people like you.” He looked at me with a slight grin and an eyebrow raised. I nodded, “I had my reservations, but you understand that my hostility stems from my desire to keep these people safe.” He nodded, and I continued, “and though it hasn’t been long, I already consider the three of you as my people, and more than that, you and Ren have proved useful.” He looked at me with his eyebrow raised. I shrugged, “juries still out on Eric, he’s good with the kids, but he’s not bright, and his relationship with Val is developing far too fast.”

He shrugged, “they’re young.” I shook my head, and he laughed, “you remember being young.”

I let out a deep breath, “it’s been a long time since I was young.” He looked at me with an eyebrow raised, probably because he was older than me. “I’m not against love or companionship,” I looked at him, “I understand it, biologically and psychologically, I know it’s normal, but while we’re on the road, the type of intimacy that they’re encroaching on is dangerous. We stayed in the same location for four months, because Sarah was giving birth.” I shook my head, “four months is too long to stay in one place.”

“I’ll keep him in line,” Mac said.

“Good,” I said. We both stood there, arms crossed, watching the kids for a while. I glanced at him through the corner of my eye. I saw him glance at Whitney, twice. They were quick glances. I sighed, “I’m not worried about you and Whitney.” He looked at me, shocked. “I’ve got eyes,” I looked at him, “and there are no two people here more responsible than the two of you.” He gave a small smile. “Though,” I nodded, “she is my best friend, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention what I’d do to you if you ever hurt her.”

“You’ve got nothing to worry about,” he confirmed. I nodded, before taking a step toward the reading circle. They were nearing the end of the chapter. “You know,” he stopped me. I turned my head. He shrugged, “it’s something you could have too.” I raised my eyebrow. He shrugged, “companionship, maybe love.”

I shook my head, “I don’t think that’s in the cards for me.”

He shrugged again, “right guy …”

I stopped him, “any guy would be better off finding himself a nice dolly. Still plenty around,” I shrugged, “and if we can set the breeders free, even more.” He opened his mouth, but I just let out a deep breath, “the sentiment is nice, but I can’t, not after the crash.” I left him there, as I came to Maddie’s side. She was on the last paragraph. “Good job,” I smiled as she handed me the book. I made sure to look at all of them, “you’re all getting really good, hopefully, we can get some more books soon.” Shay asked me a few questions regarding the plot and logistical possibility of Brave New World. I smiled, answering her questions the best I could. “If you have more questions,” I looked at her, “write them down, or try to remember because you’ve gotta get to bed.” She pouted. “I know,” I gave her a sympathetic look, “but your mom is signaling to me that it’s bedtime.”

“Like telepathically,” her eyes widened. I let out a slight laugh but nodded. “Cool,” she said before running toward Nikka. I followed the little girl with my eyes, watching her jump into her mother’s arms. I smiled, but it faded quickly. I turned, seeing Ren and Mac talking. For the most part, Ren’s back was turned to me. Then he turned, his arms were crossed, and he looked at me. I quickly moved my eyes elsewhere, looking around for something to do or someone to help. I mentally cursed at myself, I had overshared the previous night, and I couldn’t take it back. There was nothing to do but go into the tent. Whitney had first watch with Eric, so I was alone with Maddie, Jen, and Lola. By the time I left to take my shift, Lola was the only one still awake.

I was on watch with Sam. I couldn’t stand watch with Sam, because he always ate some type of snack, and never held his gun properly. I glanced over him every other second, tightening my grip in frustration. After a while, I always got on him, “what’s the point of even going on watch if you’re not gonna hold your gun?” Then he’d mock me, probably look at his wrist, and make some crack about how long I lasted. Then he’d tell me to relax. I probably would. Sam was the only person who knew me before the crash, and because of this, we shared an almost familial bond. No matter how much he frustrated me, I couldn’t stay mad at Sam, even when he knocked up Sarah. Or today, when he looked at me and raised his eyebrow, “how do you feel about the new guys?”

I shrugged, “they might not be the wolves I thought they’d be.”

He nodded, “I thought you might say that.” I ignored this comment, keeping my eyes forward, surveying our surroundings. “Which one of the wolves would you call your favorite,” he continued. I didn’t answer. He nudged, “come on, Ky.”

“Sam,” I looked at him, “I don’t know what you’re getting at, they’ve all got their strengths and weaknesses. Some are weaker than others,” I gave a slight smile, “but they’re all more useful than you, so I can’t complain too much.”

“Funny,” he nodded, “but I’m talking about a possible spark?”

I raised my eyebrow at his suggestive expression, “aside from the one used to start our nightly fires?” His expression fell. I know what he meant. “I am trying not to be a tyrant,” I looked at him, “but Val and Eric are testing me.”

He let out a deep breath, “I’m talking about a spark for you.” I shook my head. “Ky,” he looked at me, “it’s okay.”

“You're ridiculous,” I turned forward.

“So, there’s nothing,” he asked. I ignored him, only watching him with the corner of my eye. He continued, “none of them peak your interest?” Again, I ignored him. He went on, “no one lights your fire?” I made a face at the phrasing but kept my eyes forward. He laughed, “come on, no emotions toward the strong, handsome gentleman that jumped in a river to save you?

“Don’t try to transfer your attraction to the guy on me,” I shook my head.

“Ky, he jumped into a river to save you,” he tried to provoke me.

“I don’t see your point,” I looked at him, “he would have done it for anyone here, and I would have done the same. There’s nothing to read into, Sam. It only seems strange to you, because you’ve yet to grasp the concept of pulling your weight.” He muttered something under his breath, which I proudly ignored and we settled into the comfortable silence that usually ensues during our watch shifts.