Smoke
Eleven
He sat in the passenger seat, a place he had been so many times before, and yet this time it felt alien,
“What did you name her?”
He said trying to break the tension, he wanted nothing more than to hold her, he popped the glove box open passing her a packet of tissues from inside, she took a few minutes to catch her breath,
“I always thought you’d be my happy ending, my bloody forever, even when you told me about your dad, it didn’t bother me I thought you’d want different for her”
“and I do”
“Oh yeah Kevin that’s obvious, you weren’t there, she’s nearly three months old and this is the first time you’ve laid eyes on her”
“It should have been different I should have come and made sure you were both okay, but I didn’t I dealt with it wrong, yes I drunk a lot, yes I split with Marnie, I should have come straight to you then” he fell quiet his eyes cast down “and I didn’t, I should have been back home with you, I should have been baby shopping and putting together furniture and I’m sorry” he choked up “I’m sorry Scarlett” he turned in his seat “Can I see her?”
She nodded, he opened the door and glanced in to the car seat, gently moving the blanket to the side, he gasped, soaking in every tiny detail of her face,
“She’s perfect Dolly, absolutely perfect”
He felt his eyes well again, he wanted so badly to lift her out of her seat and hold her, his little girl, his daughter, he was completely enamoured with her, She smiled to herself climbing out of the car and standing next to him,
“Look Kev, come back to mine after shift, we’ll talk properly there”
After seeing him fall head over heels for the baby she had softened considerably, although still hurting she was willing to try, he smiled, he put his arm around her, nudging her closer, he pecked her on her temple,
“I’ll see you in a bit”
She smiled as he jogged back in to the station.
He walked in to her flat, hanging his coat and kicking his shoes off, it came naturally like he had never left,
“Do you want tea and toast love?” she stopped dead in her tracks as soon as the words left her mouth “I mean, if you want you can have tea and toast?”
“Go on then”
He smiled nervously, before sitting on the sofa, his eyes burned, and his body cried out for sleep, but this couldn’t wait.
She slipped in to the kitchen, rubbing her face, stress began to take its toll as her mind became more and more conflicted, having Kevin in her home felt like the missing piece, the flat felt warmer and she felt calmer, her mind kept snapping back to how it had been, long nights in the mess room, him laughing at her when she tried to bluff during poker, a skill which he had taught her, Dancing to whatever cheesy synth pop ballad was on the radio making the rest of the crew laugh, him mocking her driving even when they were on a shout. The play fighting and the way he squeaked when she managed to hoist him over her shoulder in a fire man’s lift, much to every ones shock.
She walked back in to the living room stopping as she got to the doorway, Kevin picked up the muslin from the sofa, wiping the baby’s mouth he put her on his shoulder rubbing her back, the half empty bottle on the coffee table, a warmth spread through Scarlett’s chest, she put the mug and plate on the table, sitting on the sofa next to Kevin, just watching for a moment, he didn’t need telling he knew almost instinctively what his little girl needed, he couldn’t believe she was real, looking down at her in his arms, she was like a little doll,
“Marmite as well” he grinned, bringing himself back to reality, “I knew there was a reason we called your mum Doll!” She passed him the mug watching as he took a swig “That reminds me, what do we call you eh?” he sat and examined her face, “You are the image of your mother” he paused “Ruby? Yeah definitely a Ruby just like mummy”
She looked at him confused,
“My name is Scarlett Kev, Christ!”
“They’re both shades of red you daft mare!”
“That’s George’s girls name anyway”
“I’m almost certain he hasn’t copyrighted it!”
“I was thinking Bayleigh”
She whispered stroking the baby’s head, Kevin glanced at her brow furrowed,
“Sounds like Bayleaf”
She looked at him her eyebrow cocked
“That’s the point!”
“Right!” he cleared his throat “Bayleigh Medhurst it is, Bayleigh Georgina Medhurst”
“Nice little ego boost!”
They laughed together, for the first time in well over a year, he took a breath in, his head rolled to look at his daughter, he bit his lip pausing for a moment
“Scar? Just come home”
She sighed
“I am home Kev”
“Nah I mean it, me you and Bayleigh, we’ll live together on the boat, like a proper family”
“It’s not that easy, with everything that’s gone on,I can’t live with her hanging over me” she stood from the sofa picking the empty plate and mug from the coffee table “Kevin, I love you but I’m the other woman, I can’t be dealing with everyone staring and bad mouthing me all the time”
He put Bayleigh back in her Mosses basket,
“Don’t be like that love, I’ve already told her to do one, I’ve not heard from her for months, Dolly I don’t care what people say, I’m just as much in the wrong I called off a wedding for fucks sake! If that doesn’t say that it’s you I want to be with I don’t know what will”
“Really?”
She asked in disbelief an eyebrow raised, He stood in front of her, the sunrise began to colour the room in a warming haze, placing his hands on her hips he pulled her close to him,
“I swear to you, she’s gone, ask anyone at the station, I told her about everything, there was never a question over who I’d rather spend the rest of my life with” she rolled her eyes, “and the rest of my shifts”
She leaned in to him, resting her head on his shoulder, she looked up at him, placing her lips on his, his grip tightened ear so slightly as his hands moved from her hips to the small of her back,
“Small steps Kev” she run her fingers through his hair “Now go to bed for a bit, you know where the bedroom is”
He grinned, in a swift movement he scooped her in to his arms, she laughed as he strolled through the flat with her dumping her on to the bed, before disappearing and returning with Bayleigh, he kissed her softly before laying her in to her cot, he climbed in to bed, pulling Scarlett close to him,
“I missed you”
“Yeah you’re alright as well mate”
She sniggered, as he sighed and rolled over, like old times, she rested her head in the crook of his neck, he had one arm under his pillow and the other draped lazily over her hips, within minutes his breathing had turned soft and slow, she lay awake, mulling things over in her head, she felt as though she belonged, in this moment right now, laying in Kevin’s arms this is where she was supposed to be, but as a father he was supposed to attend appointments and hold her hand during labour, she had already admitted to herself she needed him, she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind, allowing herself to rest.
“What did you name her?”
He said trying to break the tension, he wanted nothing more than to hold her, he popped the glove box open passing her a packet of tissues from inside, she took a few minutes to catch her breath,
“I always thought you’d be my happy ending, my bloody forever, even when you told me about your dad, it didn’t bother me I thought you’d want different for her”
“and I do”
“Oh yeah Kevin that’s obvious, you weren’t there, she’s nearly three months old and this is the first time you’ve laid eyes on her”
“It should have been different I should have come and made sure you were both okay, but I didn’t I dealt with it wrong, yes I drunk a lot, yes I split with Marnie, I should have come straight to you then” he fell quiet his eyes cast down “and I didn’t, I should have been back home with you, I should have been baby shopping and putting together furniture and I’m sorry” he choked up “I’m sorry Scarlett” he turned in his seat “Can I see her?”
She nodded, he opened the door and glanced in to the car seat, gently moving the blanket to the side, he gasped, soaking in every tiny detail of her face,
“She’s perfect Dolly, absolutely perfect”
He felt his eyes well again, he wanted so badly to lift her out of her seat and hold her, his little girl, his daughter, he was completely enamoured with her, She smiled to herself climbing out of the car and standing next to him,
“Look Kev, come back to mine after shift, we’ll talk properly there”
After seeing him fall head over heels for the baby she had softened considerably, although still hurting she was willing to try, he smiled, he put his arm around her, nudging her closer, he pecked her on her temple,
“I’ll see you in a bit”
She smiled as he jogged back in to the station.
He walked in to her flat, hanging his coat and kicking his shoes off, it came naturally like he had never left,
“Do you want tea and toast love?” she stopped dead in her tracks as soon as the words left her mouth “I mean, if you want you can have tea and toast?”
“Go on then”
He smiled nervously, before sitting on the sofa, his eyes burned, and his body cried out for sleep, but this couldn’t wait.
She slipped in to the kitchen, rubbing her face, stress began to take its toll as her mind became more and more conflicted, having Kevin in her home felt like the missing piece, the flat felt warmer and she felt calmer, her mind kept snapping back to how it had been, long nights in the mess room, him laughing at her when she tried to bluff during poker, a skill which he had taught her, Dancing to whatever cheesy synth pop ballad was on the radio making the rest of the crew laugh, him mocking her driving even when they were on a shout. The play fighting and the way he squeaked when she managed to hoist him over her shoulder in a fire man’s lift, much to every ones shock.
She walked back in to the living room stopping as she got to the doorway, Kevin picked up the muslin from the sofa, wiping the baby’s mouth he put her on his shoulder rubbing her back, the half empty bottle on the coffee table, a warmth spread through Scarlett’s chest, she put the mug and plate on the table, sitting on the sofa next to Kevin, just watching for a moment, he didn’t need telling he knew almost instinctively what his little girl needed, he couldn’t believe she was real, looking down at her in his arms, she was like a little doll,
“Marmite as well” he grinned, bringing himself back to reality, “I knew there was a reason we called your mum Doll!” She passed him the mug watching as he took a swig “That reminds me, what do we call you eh?” he sat and examined her face, “You are the image of your mother” he paused “Ruby? Yeah definitely a Ruby just like mummy”
She looked at him confused,
“My name is Scarlett Kev, Christ!”
“They’re both shades of red you daft mare!”
“That’s George’s girls name anyway”
“I’m almost certain he hasn’t copyrighted it!”
“I was thinking Bayleigh”
She whispered stroking the baby’s head, Kevin glanced at her brow furrowed,
“Sounds like Bayleaf”
She looked at him her eyebrow cocked
“That’s the point!”
“Right!” he cleared his throat “Bayleigh Medhurst it is, Bayleigh Georgina Medhurst”
“Nice little ego boost!”
They laughed together, for the first time in well over a year, he took a breath in, his head rolled to look at his daughter, he bit his lip pausing for a moment
“Scar? Just come home”
She sighed
“I am home Kev”
“Nah I mean it, me you and Bayleigh, we’ll live together on the boat, like a proper family”
“It’s not that easy, with everything that’s gone on,I can’t live with her hanging over me” she stood from the sofa picking the empty plate and mug from the coffee table “Kevin, I love you but I’m the other woman, I can’t be dealing with everyone staring and bad mouthing me all the time”
He put Bayleigh back in her Mosses basket,
“Don’t be like that love, I’ve already told her to do one, I’ve not heard from her for months, Dolly I don’t care what people say, I’m just as much in the wrong I called off a wedding for fucks sake! If that doesn’t say that it’s you I want to be with I don’t know what will”
“Really?”
She asked in disbelief an eyebrow raised, He stood in front of her, the sunrise began to colour the room in a warming haze, placing his hands on her hips he pulled her close to him,
“I swear to you, she’s gone, ask anyone at the station, I told her about everything, there was never a question over who I’d rather spend the rest of my life with” she rolled her eyes, “and the rest of my shifts”
She leaned in to him, resting her head on his shoulder, she looked up at him, placing her lips on his, his grip tightened ear so slightly as his hands moved from her hips to the small of her back,
“Small steps Kev” she run her fingers through his hair “Now go to bed for a bit, you know where the bedroom is”
He grinned, in a swift movement he scooped her in to his arms, she laughed as he strolled through the flat with her dumping her on to the bed, before disappearing and returning with Bayleigh, he kissed her softly before laying her in to her cot, he climbed in to bed, pulling Scarlett close to him,
“I missed you”
“Yeah you’re alright as well mate”
She sniggered, as he sighed and rolled over, like old times, she rested her head in the crook of his neck, he had one arm under his pillow and the other draped lazily over her hips, within minutes his breathing had turned soft and slow, she lay awake, mulling things over in her head, she felt as though she belonged, in this moment right now, laying in Kevin’s arms this is where she was supposed to be, but as a father he was supposed to attend appointments and hold her hand during labour, she had already admitted to herself she needed him, she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind, allowing herself to rest.