We're Going to Hell

“I heard Brian pinned the tail on the donkey,” Zacky stated as he entered the kitchen, “your donkey to be exact,” he smirked as he turned around, his arms going around Saleigh.

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYBODY,” I yelled defensively at Saleigh, and there was absolutely not stopping her laughter. I huffed as I pulled myself up onto their counter. Zacky was giving me a few weird looks, which made me slightly uncomfortable. I’ve known him for a while now, but his gaze had never been this awkward. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like, a lust stare, or him wanting me. For god sakes, hell no. It was more of a curious look.

“You should have assumed by when I said ‘nobody’ that I was going to tell Zacky,” she stated, and I put my head in my hands before looking back up at her.

“I’ll get you back for this,” I pointed my finger at her, “Oh yes, I. Will. Fucking. Murder. You,” I spaced out each word as I hopped off of the surface and backed out of the kitchen. I left the house, and started walking back to Brian’s house. I stuffed my hands into my jacket pockets as I took in the fresh air, relieving a bit of my headache. The question still lingered in my head though, if Saleigh and I weren’t going to back out of this, then what were we going to do next? Of course the overall goal was to get to the bottom of this, but what other steps were we going to take to get to this goal? I mean, I wasn’t good at meddling, or sneaking around. This was a very dangerous game, and Saleigh and I –possibly other people- were bound to get hurt, if not dead. I sighed as I entered the apartment. Brian’s SUV was gone, telling me that I was alone in the house. I plopped down on the couch, thinking of what we needed to do next.

Well I guess next would be finding this abandoned warehouse. Even if they weren’t there anymore, we could still find a few things, maybe. Like hints, things Jimmy would have left behind, assuring me that I wasn’t imagining all of this and that I wasn’t fucking insane. Lately, that’s what I had been thinking of myself, that I had lost it completely, but Saleigh is here, she’s seen everything I have since I’ve told her, and she believes me.

But maybe she was in on this with Jimmy. What if everybody was in on this with Jimmy. She could just be playing along with me. I was starting to realize that I couldn’t trust anybody. What this whole ordeal was doing to me mentally, was obvious. I was breaking down, losing all of my friends, and my trust. Of course the idea that everybody was in on this was insane, but my brain was telling me that it was true, though I scarcely believed it. I sighed as I grabbed the remote, turning on the television. Maybe I’d watch a movie to try and get all of this stuff off of my mind.

“Hey,” Brian said as he came through the front door with Matt, “glad to see you’re up,” he smiled cheerily at me, and it kind of freaked me out.

“I’m glad to see you’re safe,” Matt said, walking over to me and sitting down.

“I’m glad to see your ass is still attached to your body after that incident in Brian’s bathroom,” I mocked him, and a grin grew on his face.

“I’m glad to see your vagina is still-“

“Okay, that’s enough,” Brian sat down, two open beers in hand, and he handed one to Matt. My hands flew to my face as I groaned in embarrassment. So everybody did know.

“And yes, everybody does know,” Matt said as if he were reading my mind, “I made sure to tell Johnny, too,” he grinned. My head fell into my hands at this, and I just wanted to go crawl into a hole and possibly just die.

“Great,” I said to myself, “now everybody’s going to think I have AIDS, now,” I said in a saddened tone.

“HEY,” Brian shouted, “I DON’T HAVE AIDS,” he protested.

“Yeah, of course not. You just sleep with every willing girl,” I mocked, meant to be in a teasing tone, until I noticed that the fact that he did sleep with a lot of girls annoyed me.

“Not every girl,” he said in a defensive tone, and I crossed my arms as I shot him a death glare, and he threw his hands up in defense, “well then I guess you have AIDS.”

“Great,” I groaned playfully.

“So you were at your parents,” Matt asked me, interrupting the conversation Matt and I were having.

“Umm…yeah,” I lied. Well, it was only a partial lie, I guess.

“Why,” he asked. Out of everybody, he especially disliked my parents, even though he was the one my parents hated less.

“Because, er, you only have one set of parents, you know? Why act like they don’t exist,” I said, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly.

“Because if you pretend they don’t exist, you can bare to live your life without knowing every second that somebody that hates your guts is watching you,” he said, and I shook my head slightly, smiling.

“Matt, you big fuck off,” I joked, “They aren’t that bad,” I defended them, surprisingly.

“No, they’re not bad, they’re horrible, and don’t you dare deny that Payden Harris,” He pointed a mocking finger at me, which I grabbed and twisted back, and a scream of pain erupted from his mouth, in which I immediately let go of his finger, feeling kind of bad. He laughed at me when I apologized, in which I cocked an eyebrow at. “Gotcha,” he stated, and I punched him on the arm as hard as I could. I hurt my own fist, but I will never admit that.

“Asshole,” I muttered before getting up.

“Where are you going,” Brian asked, and I shrugged.

“Back to my room,” I said, as I wasn’t really sure where I was going to go when I got up, decided on the spot when Brian asked where I was headed to.

“Alright. See you later,” he said, sitting back on the couch and grabbing the remote.

“Bye, Payd,” Matt smiled.

“Bye fuck face. Bye tweedle dum,” I curtseyed and went back to my room, where I plopped down on my bed face first, “Jimmy, why you do this?” I asked into my mattress, frustrated about all that was going on.

,,,

Brian

,,,

“By e fuck face,” I said to Matt as he headed out of the door, which I was about to close behind him.

“Great. You’re calling me that, now, too?” He said.

“Well, it’s catchy, and we’ve always called you fuck face,” I informed him.

“Who’s ‘we’?” he asked as he searched for his car key on his key ring.

“All of us, Matthew, now good bye,” I said, and closed the door. I turned around, leaning on the oak slab, and sighed. I couldn’t get that night out of my head, really. Payden probably thought it was only because we were drunk, but…I just had to drop it. That’s all. I was killing myself thinking about it, anyways. Payden was still in love with Jimmy, and I was…tweedle dum, apparently. I enjoyed having her here, it kept me company with somebody I was comfortable around in just talking to, and she didn’t play mean as hell pranks on my like any of the others would. Honestly, it had been so far the best two months of my life. I had been scared shitless when she went missing for those three days. I honestly thought she was gone for good, dead. Thankfully, though, she was okay.

I kind of wanted more than anything to tell her how I felt, but I was Synyster Gates. Synyster Gates doesn’t do anything like that. I never had girlfriends, but I couldn’t help it, Payden was different. She made me happy when I was around her, and I wish she’d be able to see it. As if the way I looked at her wasn’t enough. I wouldn’t be able to tell her though, no, I couldn’t. I knew she didn’t feel anything towards me, and….I was afraid of getting rejected. I couldn’t believe I just admitted that to myself. I sighed as I couldn’t take the thoughts, and left the apartment, deciding that I needed to go on a little walk and attempt to clear out my head. I’ve been the same way about girls for most of my life, why was this starting to change now? How come one girl was able to worm her way into my head, and break me down, without even doing anything but being herself.

I walked around the block, already getting bored with the outside. Not to mention, I didn’t even have on shoes, and my feet were starting to hurt. I sighed heavily as I turned around to walk back to the apartment, and then my feelings suddenly over came me. It’s like my brain didn’t have any control of my body as I walked into the house, and I paced outside of Payden’s closed bedroom door for a few minutes, before I barged in, to see Payden asleep on her bed. I smiled at the sight, not wanting to wake her up, since she had seemed so peaceful.

I leaned against the doorway, just staring at her as she slept. Fuck yes, I felt creepy, but I wasn’t able to pull my eyes away from her face. I actually wasn’t aware that I had been staring at her until she was staring back at me, causing me to jump back a little bit. It’s funny because I was the one staring at her, but she’s the one who scared me, and I’m going to shut up now.

“What are you doing,” she asked in a yawn, and I shook my head and shrug my shoulders, not really able to answer her.

“I actually don’t know. I came in to check on you, and spaced out, you know what I mean?” I asked, and she nodded as she sat up.

“Did Matt leave?” she asked, and I nodded.

“Just a few minutes ago, actually. He told me to tell you he said bye, and the next time you storm off like that he’s going to throw you off of a bridge,” I said, remembering Matt saying that somewhere in between the time she went to bed and the time he went home, and she giggled, and my god, it was adorable.

“Well, he never comes over, so he has no place to talk, the big fucking incredible hulk,” she defended, and I shrugged.

“Yeah,” I said, my feelings once again taking over.

“So, did you need anything,” she asked, standing up, and I hesitated.

“Actually, um, I needed to talk to you,” I said, looking at the ground, not being able to look her in the eyes directly.

“Yeah?” she asked, seeming cautious as she walked closer to me.

“Um, Payden, I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’m just going to say it,” I told her.

“Okay,” she stopped in front of me, and I looked up at her. My hands were on either side of her face as my lips found their way to hers. It was sweet at first, until her mouth parted, and my tongue entwined with hers, and her arms were around my neck. I didn’t want this to turn into me having sex with her. No, I actually wanted – and needed – to tell her how I felt. As much as I didn’t want to, and my body protested against it, I pulled away from the kiss, and rested my forehead against hers, and looked directly into her eyes.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

©Shannon.