Status: Completed <3
We're Going to Hell
Growing Emotions
^*Zacky’s POV*^
I felt Payden’s hands on my chest, and she pushed me forcefully off of her, staring at me as she breathed heavily.
“Zacky…this isn’t the way to solve shit.” She said and I shook my head.
“It’s the perfect way to solve shit.” I growled.
“Just…just get out, Zack.” She said, and I could see a hint of fear in her eyes. I was already pissed off, and that didn’t help. I got up and stormed to the door, and flung it open, hearing the doorknob slam into the drywall, but it didn’t bounce and close. I was lucky I didn’t jerk the car door off as I got in, and slammed it back, half expecting it to fall off. I drove out, not sure where I was going, just not wanting to go back to my house, and wanting to be anything but alive. Though with the pain in my heart, I could’ve sworn I was already gone.
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^*Saleigh’s POV*^
I got out of the shower, and towel dried my hair, too tired from the long day to actually dry it. I made my way into the living room, expecting to find Zacky, but when I didn’t run into him, I then moved on into the kitchen, though he wasn’t their either. It was like he just got up and left.
“Zacky?!” I called, jogging up the stairs. I looked into our bedroom, but he wasn’t there either. My mind began racing, thoughts pushing each other in and out of my mind, and my heart beating so fast I couldn’t think. I flew into the bathroom, grabbing my phone from the counter since I had taken it out of my pocket before I got in the shower. Before I decided to dial his number I ran down the stairs and to the window in the living room. I peeked out through the curtains to see his car was gone. I dialed his cell phone then, and listened to it ring before it went to voicemail. I just hung up. I slowly went over and sat down on the couch, looking down at my phone before I dialed Payden’s number. It rang, but it only twice before it seemed that someone ignored the call. I took the phone away, seeing the call had ended. I had to stop worrying so much, I mean, he could’ve gone to get some decent food, or something could have happened to Matt or Johnny or Brian, and he could’ve darted out. He could’ve called for me, but I wouldn’t have heard him because I was in the shower. But I had a reason to be worried. I just got him back from being in a coma. The doctor said he wasn’t even supposed to drive for a few days. I just curled up, because he’d be back. He just went out. He’d be careful. But as I sat there, my phone still in my hand, I couldn’t help but begin to think… With everything going on, there was something just ripping my mind apart, but I didn’t want to think it, because it terrified me.
What if Jimmy took him? It sounded cr- actually, it didn’t sound crazy. With all that had happened, I learned that logic had been thrown into a metaphorical wood chipper long ago, along with sanity. But in all reality, what if Jimmy did take him? What if he got impatient with Payden, needed bait, and Zacky was a first target, because he knew I’d try to go after him, and find him? Then he’d have me too, and he knows that Payden’s like my sister, and she’d go the length for me. He’d not only have Payden in his grasp, but he’s probably already killed Zacky, and now he’s waiting for me to step foot outside of the house so he could ambush me with a rag of chloroform and drag me off to hell as well. Maybe to the torture chamber under our house that only he knows about.
“Hello? Hello? Saleigh? Are you there?” I hadn’t noticed it until the voice snapped me from my thoughts, but in my dazed state of terror I had called Matt. Of course I’d called Matt, he could fight off Jimmy, and he was the most protective person ever. Besides Zacky, of course.
“M-Matt, I-I need you.” And I had begun crying. Wonderful. “I-I can’t get a hold of Payden, and Z-Zacky’s gone.” I whimpered, and as I finally got a better hold on my surroundings, I found that I had sat in a state of half-conscious fear and paranoia long enough for it to turn dark outside.
“Saleigh, just calm down.” I heard Matt’s voice, and Val in the background, telling him something. “What?” He asked her, and there was a pause. “Why’s Michelle in the- Alright, alright, just go.” He said and I heard another few words before a door opened and closed, and he came back to the phone. “Are you still there?”
“Yea.” I whispered, suddenly afraid of everything around me. “Just get over here, please.” I couldn’t get my voice to work right.
“Alright, I’ll be over in a few minutes.” He said, and I hung up. God I had become a wreck. I was crying, shaking, and thinking everything was out to get me. Well, I always think everything’s out to get me, but I don’t cry. I just didn’t want something to happen to Zacky again. He could’ve gone to get something to eat, and gotten in another crash, and maybe when I had dreamt off a moment ago my phone could’ve started ringing, but I didn’t notice it because I was too deep in fear and though to notice. I hadn’t even noticed that I called Matt, so who the hell knows what could’ve happened. The front door could’ve opened, Jimmy could’ve come in, and he could be behind the couch right now, waiting for the opportune moment to pounce, and wrap a rope around my neck, and choke me out. I didn’t want to be in this anymore with Payden. Yes, I tended to veer towards danger, but this was a different kind of danger. My danger was from clumsiness, and stupidity, and at the most could result in yet another dislocated shoulder, or broken bone. This danger was deadly. And according to Pay, we’re all in it now, whether we’re conscious of it or not. Everyone’s in danger, including Zacky and I, and it broke my heart to think of anything happening to him. I heard the front door open and within a second I was looking at the door, ready to knock whoever was there out. “Woah, it’s just me, clam down.” Matt said quickly and I took a deep breath, sitting back on the couch as he closed the door and came over. “Now what’s going on? I couldn’t understand you over the phone.” He sat down beside me.
“Payden ignored my call, and Zacky’s missing.” I said quickly and he just blinked.
“Okay, first of all, calm down,” He spaced out his words as he put his hands on my shoulders. “Please, I feel like you’re going to have an asthma attack on me.”
“Okay…I’m calm.” I said and he nodded.
“Now, tell me what’s happening.” He kept that calm tone in his voice, and I nodded, closing y eyes for a second as I tried to get my breathing back to normal. I had been so stressed out lately, and fucked up over every little thing that I was losing it.
“Alright,” I began slowly, but as I opened my eyes, I saw Jimmy’s face, grinning at me and I screamed, and scrambled back before I got up, running for the door.
“SALEIGH!” I heard Jimmy’s voice, and a hand grabbed one of my arms, and then the other, and pulled me from the door, turning me around.
“Get off of me!” I screamed.
“Saleigh! Open your eyes!” I heard Matt’s voice, and I opened my eyes, seeing Matt’s worried face as he kept a hold on my arms. I was still on the couch. Jimmy wasn’t here; I hadn’t ran for the door. Something wasn’t right with me. I was seeing shit. Stress, piled on top of worry, piled on top of not being able to get a hold of Zacky and Payden had really fucked with me. “You’re not okay.” Matt said, sitting back as he let go of my arms. “Do I need to take you to the ER?” He asked and I numbly shook my head.
“No…I just need to go…lay down…” I got up, feeling him watching me as I walked up the stairs and to Zacky and I’s bedroom, and once I got in I closed the door and locked it before I went over to the window and locked it as well. I stayed there for a moment, staring down the street, half expecting to see Zacky’s car, but when I didn’t I went over and got into bed, covering up. I knew what this was. This was just a stress induced nightmare. I’d wake up tomorrow in Zacky’s arms, I’d be able to call Payden, Matt won’t be thinking something’s wrong with me, and my mind will have settled back into its normal state of minor paranoia.
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^*Matt’s POV*^
Something was terribly wrong with Saleigh. I didn’t mean that in a mean way, either, because something was actually wrong. I swear when she first called me I had said ‘hello’ at least ten times before she said anything, and when I got here and she was flipping out because she couldn’t contact Payden, or Zacky… I would stay here until Zacky got back from wherever he was, though, because her behavior scared me. Val’s sister got admitted into the hospital for some reason, and she won’t be home for the rest of the night, so I didn’t really have a reason to go home, anyways. I dug my phone from my pocket after a moment, thinking I did need to call Zack and ask where he was and tell him that Saleigh was freaking out. I dialed his number, and it rang and rang and rang, but he never answered, instead I got voicemail. I left a message.
“Hey Zack, it’s Matt, uh, Saleigh’s flipping shit because she can’t get a hold of you, and I don’t know, it’s pretty bad. I think her nerves are shot from everything, but you need to get home, or at least call. She’s gone to bed now, but she didn’t seem right, so I’ll be here until you can rather call, or get back. Bye.” I hung up, and just as I went to put my phone on the coffee table, I decided to make another call. I dialed Payden’s number, but it didn’t even ring. It was off. That scared me. She didn’t just turn her phone off. It had me confused when Saleigh said she ignored her call, but now her phone was turned off… I dialed Brian.
“Hey, look who-”
“Brian is Payden with you?” I asked him, and he fell silent.
“No, is she ok-”
“She’s fine, but where are you? Are you at you house?”
“No, I’m at the store, picking up groceries, with- Johnny! Stop! You’re going to- Fuck!” There was a sound that sounded like boxes falling.
“Oh shit.” I heard Johnny’s voice in the background.
“Shit fuck, I’ve got to go.” Brian barely got the few words out before he hung up.
“But-” He was already gone. I hung up and sighed, out of people to call. I put my phone on the coffee table and laid down, watching it, hoping it would ring; willing it to ring.
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^*Saleigh’s POV*^
The next day I woke up early, at nearly six AM, and found Matt asleep on the couch, and I still had my phone clenched in my hand. It had become an appendage almost in the past few hours. Zacky wasn’t home, though, still. I walked back upstairs to our bedroom and locked the door back, before going over and sitting on the bed, and dialed his number. Voicemail. I finally built up the stomach to leave a message.
“Zacky, where are you? You just up and left yesterday without a word and…I’m worried. I’m more than worried, actually, I’m scared. The last time you disappeared you were in a car wreck that put you in a coma and I just…I just want to know you’re okay. Call me if you can. Love you.” The words hurt my heart as I hung up and curled up in bed, determined to spend the day here until Zacky came back.
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Another day passed, I was still in bed. Matt had stayed, another night, and he came and check on me, and tried to get me to come out, and eat, or do anything, really. Val stopped by, she said she would’ve been over sooner, but Michelle got admitted into the hospital for something I was too hateful towards her to care about. She was still alive. That didn’t help my mood. I hadn’t heard anything from Payden, though I hadn’t tried to call her. I only cared about Zacky, and I left another voicemail, hoping that maybe he’d show up. But things were beginning to sink into my mind, and a question hit me really, really, really hard. What if he never came back?
“Zacky…you’re killing me here…I don’t like this, whatever’s going on. It’s killing me, and I’m…I’m pregnant with your child and I need you here with me. …I-I love you.”
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Day three was the same. Matt stayed, worried to death, Johnny dropped by today, tried to cheer me up, and Matt called him a garden gnome a few times, earning a smile though they couldn’t see through the closed door. I snuck out into the kitchen while Matt was asleep to find Johnny asleep at the kitchen table. I grabbed a few slices of pizza, quickly ate them and washed them down with some Mountain Dew, and then made my way back to bed. Matt and Johnny said earlier that they had been calling Zacky all day to no avail. I called again. Didn’t get an answer. Left another voicemail.
“What happened, Zacky? Did I do something? Was the news too much? Did it push you away? Was it too much for you to handle? Do you not want this? I don’t know what happened to make you disappear, or if it was something that I did but…I love you.”
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Four days without half of my heart… Four days without any contact to or from a girl I classified as a sister. Four days of Matt trying to coax me out of the bedroom. Four days of hell. Zacky was still missing. And my heart was still breaking every single time I remembered his face. I was beginning to think my voicemails were pointless.
“Was it me? I mean…everything seemed perfect, and then you just… It’s like you cut yourself out of my life and I…I don’t want to move on without you. I miss you, Zacky, and I love you.”
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It was official. Five days had gone by, Matt had finally gone home for some rest, and Johnny had taken his place outside of my door like a loyal dog. Zacky wasn’t coming home. He was gone. I didn’t know if I wanted to try to keep moving, but I knew that if I didn’t, it sure as hell wouldn’t at least help me try to find him.
“Zacky, I don’t know where you are. I don’t know why you’re gone. I don’t know what made you leave. I don’t know if it was me, or the baby, or someone else. I don’t know anything new, but I know that I love you. I don’t even know if you’re hearing these messages, but if you are, I just want you to know that. I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.”
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^*Zacky’s POV*^
“I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I replayed the end of that message a thousand times in the past hour as I laid on my bed in my hotel room and stared at the ceiling. I couldn’t even think of her name or I wound up getting pissed off and throwing something att he wall. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” She cheated on me. She went behind my back with some sorry ass motherfucker, and then led me to believe that it was my kid. But did she even know? “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” Did she really think it was mine? Maybe she thought she could fool me. Maybe she thinks I’m just some stupid fuck that she can push around. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I gave ten years of my life to her, and it feels like she’s just thrown it all away. And she keeps telling me she loves me… In every message for the past five days those words have been there, dominant as day. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I turned my phone off. I had kept it on charge for the past five days, and I’d listen to her messages, and lay here, questioning love, life…myself. How dumb was I really to believe her when she told me she wasn’t doing anything behind my back? How fucking stupid did that make me?!
“I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I looked over to my phone as it played the last part of the last message again. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” The fuck? I grabbed my phone from the nightstand as I sat up. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I unplugged the charger from it and took the battery out. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I took my phone and threw it at the wall. “I’ll never stop loving you…” It trailed off, finally shutting up. I stared at the unbroken phone, telling myself I’d have to put the battery back in soon, but not now. ‘I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stopped loving me.’ The words repeated themselves once more in my head, her tear stained voice haunting me. I didn’t like hearing her upset, because it hurt me. ‘I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.’ That was a question I had yet to face: Had I stopped loving her? The answer didn’t shock me, though I wished it to be untrue.
No. I hadn’t stopped love her
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^*Saleigh’s POV*^
“She’s got to come out. I can’t fucking hunt him down on my own, and I’m almost afraid to go talk to Payden.” I heard Matt’s voice outside of the door, sounding tired, and like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown.
“She can’t stay in there forever.” I heard Johnny’s voice next.
“Just stand back.” Matt said, and a moment later the door burst open, Matt having kicked it, and broken the lock. “Okay, I need you.” He came over and I looked up at him, his face desperate and worried.
“For what?” I asked, my heart aching. “Zacky’s gone, love’s dead, and my life’s going down the drain.” I whispered.
“Don’t say that, I’m going to have a breakdown if you don’t get out of here and go over and talk to Payden, or someone, because we can’t even get a hold of Brian anymore, and worry, fear, anger, paranoia, and concern are fucking with my head.” Matt was desperate, and so I slowly sat up.
“Fine, I’ll go.” I said, and he smiled and hugged me as I stood up.
“Everything’s going to be okay, if you can just go talk to her.” He said and I nodded as he pulled away.
“Alright, just get out so I can change clothes.” I said, mustering up a smile.
“Right, right.” He ran from the room, shutting the door back though when I went over to lock it, the notch just turned around and around, telling me he had fucked it up. Good job, Matt. I forgot the lock, and went over to my closet, shedding the pajamas I had worn for the past few days and pulled on a pair of jeans and an old grey Nautica shirt with yellow lettering and seams. I slipped on my black Converse, and walked from the room, ignoring Matt and Johnny grinning like idiots at me from the couch as I walked out the door, my phone still in my hand. I hadn’t let go of my phone in days, even when it was on charge. I just kept praying that I’d feel it vibrate, and ring, and I’d look on the screen and find Zacky’s picture and name. But no, of course I never heard a word from him. I just hoped that once I got to Payden’s she was still there, and hadn’t ditched me as well. I had already been left by one person that meant the world to me, and just look at what that’s done to me.
A second loss could be fatal.
I felt Payden’s hands on my chest, and she pushed me forcefully off of her, staring at me as she breathed heavily.
“Zacky…this isn’t the way to solve shit.” She said and I shook my head.
“It’s the perfect way to solve shit.” I growled.
“Just…just get out, Zack.” She said, and I could see a hint of fear in her eyes. I was already pissed off, and that didn’t help. I got up and stormed to the door, and flung it open, hearing the doorknob slam into the drywall, but it didn’t bounce and close. I was lucky I didn’t jerk the car door off as I got in, and slammed it back, half expecting it to fall off. I drove out, not sure where I was going, just not wanting to go back to my house, and wanting to be anything but alive. Though with the pain in my heart, I could’ve sworn I was already gone.
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^*Saleigh’s POV*^
I got out of the shower, and towel dried my hair, too tired from the long day to actually dry it. I made my way into the living room, expecting to find Zacky, but when I didn’t run into him, I then moved on into the kitchen, though he wasn’t their either. It was like he just got up and left.
“Zacky?!” I called, jogging up the stairs. I looked into our bedroom, but he wasn’t there either. My mind began racing, thoughts pushing each other in and out of my mind, and my heart beating so fast I couldn’t think. I flew into the bathroom, grabbing my phone from the counter since I had taken it out of my pocket before I got in the shower. Before I decided to dial his number I ran down the stairs and to the window in the living room. I peeked out through the curtains to see his car was gone. I dialed his cell phone then, and listened to it ring before it went to voicemail. I just hung up. I slowly went over and sat down on the couch, looking down at my phone before I dialed Payden’s number. It rang, but it only twice before it seemed that someone ignored the call. I took the phone away, seeing the call had ended. I had to stop worrying so much, I mean, he could’ve gone to get some decent food, or something could have happened to Matt or Johnny or Brian, and he could’ve darted out. He could’ve called for me, but I wouldn’t have heard him because I was in the shower. But I had a reason to be worried. I just got him back from being in a coma. The doctor said he wasn’t even supposed to drive for a few days. I just curled up, because he’d be back. He just went out. He’d be careful. But as I sat there, my phone still in my hand, I couldn’t help but begin to think… With everything going on, there was something just ripping my mind apart, but I didn’t want to think it, because it terrified me.
What if Jimmy took him? It sounded cr- actually, it didn’t sound crazy. With all that had happened, I learned that logic had been thrown into a metaphorical wood chipper long ago, along with sanity. But in all reality, what if Jimmy did take him? What if he got impatient with Payden, needed bait, and Zacky was a first target, because he knew I’d try to go after him, and find him? Then he’d have me too, and he knows that Payden’s like my sister, and she’d go the length for me. He’d not only have Payden in his grasp, but he’s probably already killed Zacky, and now he’s waiting for me to step foot outside of the house so he could ambush me with a rag of chloroform and drag me off to hell as well. Maybe to the torture chamber under our house that only he knows about.
“Hello? Hello? Saleigh? Are you there?” I hadn’t noticed it until the voice snapped me from my thoughts, but in my dazed state of terror I had called Matt. Of course I’d called Matt, he could fight off Jimmy, and he was the most protective person ever. Besides Zacky, of course.
“M-Matt, I-I need you.” And I had begun crying. Wonderful. “I-I can’t get a hold of Payden, and Z-Zacky’s gone.” I whimpered, and as I finally got a better hold on my surroundings, I found that I had sat in a state of half-conscious fear and paranoia long enough for it to turn dark outside.
“Saleigh, just calm down.” I heard Matt’s voice, and Val in the background, telling him something. “What?” He asked her, and there was a pause. “Why’s Michelle in the- Alright, alright, just go.” He said and I heard another few words before a door opened and closed, and he came back to the phone. “Are you still there?”
“Yea.” I whispered, suddenly afraid of everything around me. “Just get over here, please.” I couldn’t get my voice to work right.
“Alright, I’ll be over in a few minutes.” He said, and I hung up. God I had become a wreck. I was crying, shaking, and thinking everything was out to get me. Well, I always think everything’s out to get me, but I don’t cry. I just didn’t want something to happen to Zacky again. He could’ve gone to get something to eat, and gotten in another crash, and maybe when I had dreamt off a moment ago my phone could’ve started ringing, but I didn’t notice it because I was too deep in fear and though to notice. I hadn’t even noticed that I called Matt, so who the hell knows what could’ve happened. The front door could’ve opened, Jimmy could’ve come in, and he could be behind the couch right now, waiting for the opportune moment to pounce, and wrap a rope around my neck, and choke me out. I didn’t want to be in this anymore with Payden. Yes, I tended to veer towards danger, but this was a different kind of danger. My danger was from clumsiness, and stupidity, and at the most could result in yet another dislocated shoulder, or broken bone. This danger was deadly. And according to Pay, we’re all in it now, whether we’re conscious of it or not. Everyone’s in danger, including Zacky and I, and it broke my heart to think of anything happening to him. I heard the front door open and within a second I was looking at the door, ready to knock whoever was there out. “Woah, it’s just me, clam down.” Matt said quickly and I took a deep breath, sitting back on the couch as he closed the door and came over. “Now what’s going on? I couldn’t understand you over the phone.” He sat down beside me.
“Payden ignored my call, and Zacky’s missing.” I said quickly and he just blinked.
“Okay, first of all, calm down,” He spaced out his words as he put his hands on my shoulders. “Please, I feel like you’re going to have an asthma attack on me.”
“Okay…I’m calm.” I said and he nodded.
“Now, tell me what’s happening.” He kept that calm tone in his voice, and I nodded, closing y eyes for a second as I tried to get my breathing back to normal. I had been so stressed out lately, and fucked up over every little thing that I was losing it.
“Alright,” I began slowly, but as I opened my eyes, I saw Jimmy’s face, grinning at me and I screamed, and scrambled back before I got up, running for the door.
“SALEIGH!” I heard Jimmy’s voice, and a hand grabbed one of my arms, and then the other, and pulled me from the door, turning me around.
“Get off of me!” I screamed.
“Saleigh! Open your eyes!” I heard Matt’s voice, and I opened my eyes, seeing Matt’s worried face as he kept a hold on my arms. I was still on the couch. Jimmy wasn’t here; I hadn’t ran for the door. Something wasn’t right with me. I was seeing shit. Stress, piled on top of worry, piled on top of not being able to get a hold of Zacky and Payden had really fucked with me. “You’re not okay.” Matt said, sitting back as he let go of my arms. “Do I need to take you to the ER?” He asked and I numbly shook my head.
“No…I just need to go…lay down…” I got up, feeling him watching me as I walked up the stairs and to Zacky and I’s bedroom, and once I got in I closed the door and locked it before I went over to the window and locked it as well. I stayed there for a moment, staring down the street, half expecting to see Zacky’s car, but when I didn’t I went over and got into bed, covering up. I knew what this was. This was just a stress induced nightmare. I’d wake up tomorrow in Zacky’s arms, I’d be able to call Payden, Matt won’t be thinking something’s wrong with me, and my mind will have settled back into its normal state of minor paranoia.
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^*Matt’s POV*^
Something was terribly wrong with Saleigh. I didn’t mean that in a mean way, either, because something was actually wrong. I swear when she first called me I had said ‘hello’ at least ten times before she said anything, and when I got here and she was flipping out because she couldn’t contact Payden, or Zacky… I would stay here until Zacky got back from wherever he was, though, because her behavior scared me. Val’s sister got admitted into the hospital for some reason, and she won’t be home for the rest of the night, so I didn’t really have a reason to go home, anyways. I dug my phone from my pocket after a moment, thinking I did need to call Zack and ask where he was and tell him that Saleigh was freaking out. I dialed his number, and it rang and rang and rang, but he never answered, instead I got voicemail. I left a message.
“Hey Zack, it’s Matt, uh, Saleigh’s flipping shit because she can’t get a hold of you, and I don’t know, it’s pretty bad. I think her nerves are shot from everything, but you need to get home, or at least call. She’s gone to bed now, but she didn’t seem right, so I’ll be here until you can rather call, or get back. Bye.” I hung up, and just as I went to put my phone on the coffee table, I decided to make another call. I dialed Payden’s number, but it didn’t even ring. It was off. That scared me. She didn’t just turn her phone off. It had me confused when Saleigh said she ignored her call, but now her phone was turned off… I dialed Brian.
“Hey, look who-”
“Brian is Payden with you?” I asked him, and he fell silent.
“No, is she ok-”
“She’s fine, but where are you? Are you at you house?”
“No, I’m at the store, picking up groceries, with- Johnny! Stop! You’re going to- Fuck!” There was a sound that sounded like boxes falling.
“Oh shit.” I heard Johnny’s voice in the background.
“Shit fuck, I’ve got to go.” Brian barely got the few words out before he hung up.
“But-” He was already gone. I hung up and sighed, out of people to call. I put my phone on the coffee table and laid down, watching it, hoping it would ring; willing it to ring.
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^*Saleigh’s POV*^
The next day I woke up early, at nearly six AM, and found Matt asleep on the couch, and I still had my phone clenched in my hand. It had become an appendage almost in the past few hours. Zacky wasn’t home, though, still. I walked back upstairs to our bedroom and locked the door back, before going over and sitting on the bed, and dialed his number. Voicemail. I finally built up the stomach to leave a message.
“Zacky, where are you? You just up and left yesterday without a word and…I’m worried. I’m more than worried, actually, I’m scared. The last time you disappeared you were in a car wreck that put you in a coma and I just…I just want to know you’re okay. Call me if you can. Love you.” The words hurt my heart as I hung up and curled up in bed, determined to spend the day here until Zacky came back.
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Another day passed, I was still in bed. Matt had stayed, another night, and he came and check on me, and tried to get me to come out, and eat, or do anything, really. Val stopped by, she said she would’ve been over sooner, but Michelle got admitted into the hospital for something I was too hateful towards her to care about. She was still alive. That didn’t help my mood. I hadn’t heard anything from Payden, though I hadn’t tried to call her. I only cared about Zacky, and I left another voicemail, hoping that maybe he’d show up. But things were beginning to sink into my mind, and a question hit me really, really, really hard. What if he never came back?
“Zacky…you’re killing me here…I don’t like this, whatever’s going on. It’s killing me, and I’m…I’m pregnant with your child and I need you here with me. …I-I love you.”
*^*^*^*^*^*
Day three was the same. Matt stayed, worried to death, Johnny dropped by today, tried to cheer me up, and Matt called him a garden gnome a few times, earning a smile though they couldn’t see through the closed door. I snuck out into the kitchen while Matt was asleep to find Johnny asleep at the kitchen table. I grabbed a few slices of pizza, quickly ate them and washed them down with some Mountain Dew, and then made my way back to bed. Matt and Johnny said earlier that they had been calling Zacky all day to no avail. I called again. Didn’t get an answer. Left another voicemail.
“What happened, Zacky? Did I do something? Was the news too much? Did it push you away? Was it too much for you to handle? Do you not want this? I don’t know what happened to make you disappear, or if it was something that I did but…I love you.”
*^*^*^*^*^*
Four days without half of my heart… Four days without any contact to or from a girl I classified as a sister. Four days of Matt trying to coax me out of the bedroom. Four days of hell. Zacky was still missing. And my heart was still breaking every single time I remembered his face. I was beginning to think my voicemails were pointless.
“Was it me? I mean…everything seemed perfect, and then you just… It’s like you cut yourself out of my life and I…I don’t want to move on without you. I miss you, Zacky, and I love you.”
*^*^*^*^*^*
It was official. Five days had gone by, Matt had finally gone home for some rest, and Johnny had taken his place outside of my door like a loyal dog. Zacky wasn’t coming home. He was gone. I didn’t know if I wanted to try to keep moving, but I knew that if I didn’t, it sure as hell wouldn’t at least help me try to find him.
“Zacky, I don’t know where you are. I don’t know why you’re gone. I don’t know what made you leave. I don’t know if it was me, or the baby, or someone else. I don’t know anything new, but I know that I love you. I don’t even know if you’re hearing these messages, but if you are, I just want you to know that. I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.”
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
^*Zacky’s POV*^
“I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I replayed the end of that message a thousand times in the past hour as I laid on my bed in my hotel room and stared at the ceiling. I couldn’t even think of her name or I wound up getting pissed off and throwing something att he wall. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” She cheated on me. She went behind my back with some sorry ass motherfucker, and then led me to believe that it was my kid. But did she even know? “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” Did she really think it was mine? Maybe she thought she could fool me. Maybe she thinks I’m just some stupid fuck that she can push around. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I gave ten years of my life to her, and it feels like she’s just thrown it all away. And she keeps telling me she loves me… In every message for the past five days those words have been there, dominant as day. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I turned my phone off. I had kept it on charge for the past five days, and I’d listen to her messages, and lay here, questioning love, life…myself. How dumb was I really to believe her when she told me she wasn’t doing anything behind my back? How fucking stupid did that make me?!
“I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I looked over to my phone as it played the last part of the last message again. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” The fuck? I grabbed my phone from the nightstand as I sat up. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I unplugged the charger from it and took the battery out. “I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.” I took my phone and threw it at the wall. “I’ll never stop loving you…” It trailed off, finally shutting up. I stared at the unbroken phone, telling myself I’d have to put the battery back in soon, but not now. ‘I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stopped loving me.’ The words repeated themselves once more in my head, her tear stained voice haunting me. I didn’t like hearing her upset, because it hurt me. ‘I’ll never stop loving you, even if you stop loving me.’ That was a question I had yet to face: Had I stopped loving her? The answer didn’t shock me, though I wished it to be untrue.
No. I hadn’t stopped love her
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
^*Saleigh’s POV*^
“She’s got to come out. I can’t fucking hunt him down on my own, and I’m almost afraid to go talk to Payden.” I heard Matt’s voice outside of the door, sounding tired, and like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown.
“She can’t stay in there forever.” I heard Johnny’s voice next.
“Just stand back.” Matt said, and a moment later the door burst open, Matt having kicked it, and broken the lock. “Okay, I need you.” He came over and I looked up at him, his face desperate and worried.
“For what?” I asked, my heart aching. “Zacky’s gone, love’s dead, and my life’s going down the drain.” I whispered.
“Don’t say that, I’m going to have a breakdown if you don’t get out of here and go over and talk to Payden, or someone, because we can’t even get a hold of Brian anymore, and worry, fear, anger, paranoia, and concern are fucking with my head.” Matt was desperate, and so I slowly sat up.
“Fine, I’ll go.” I said, and he smiled and hugged me as I stood up.
“Everything’s going to be okay, if you can just go talk to her.” He said and I nodded as he pulled away.
“Alright, just get out so I can change clothes.” I said, mustering up a smile.
“Right, right.” He ran from the room, shutting the door back though when I went over to lock it, the notch just turned around and around, telling me he had fucked it up. Good job, Matt. I forgot the lock, and went over to my closet, shedding the pajamas I had worn for the past few days and pulled on a pair of jeans and an old grey Nautica shirt with yellow lettering and seams. I slipped on my black Converse, and walked from the room, ignoring Matt and Johnny grinning like idiots at me from the couch as I walked out the door, my phone still in my hand. I hadn’t let go of my phone in days, even when it was on charge. I just kept praying that I’d feel it vibrate, and ring, and I’d look on the screen and find Zacky’s picture and name. But no, of course I never heard a word from him. I just hoped that once I got to Payden’s she was still there, and hadn’t ditched me as well. I had already been left by one person that meant the world to me, and just look at what that’s done to me.
A second loss could be fatal.