Status: Completed <3

We're Going to Hell

Uncomfortable Feelings

“Jimmy?” My eyes grew wide. It couldn’t be him standing in front of me, but it was so obvious that it was. The same blue eyes, the same distinct smell of not bathing. It was everything that was Jimmy, and against everything I thought I knew, he was standing right here. I wanted to throw myself into his arms, but I still didn’t trust it, at all. He was found dead, I couldn’t forget that, but all reasoning didn’t have a light to this.

“Hey,” a toothy grin spread across his face. There was something different about him, and I couldn’t put my finger on if it was good or bad.

“Wha – I thought you were dead,” I wasn’t able to gather my thoughts, since I was trying to get my breathing back to normal.

“I had to fake my death, babe,” he said, his hand coming up towards me, and I swatted it away.

“Don’t touch me,” I squeaked, and he looked at me in confusion, “don’t call me babe, either,” I said, and backed against the door, my heart racing.

“Why? Payd, it’s me, Jimmy,” he said, trying to reassure me, and I shook my head.

“No, you’re dead,” I pointed at him, and my body grew stiff, and then I ran past him, “and this is not right,” I quickly picked up my phone, starting to look for Saleigh’s number, but wasn’t quick enough, because Jimmy snatched it right out of my hand.

“Listen,” he put his hands on my shoulders, causing me to feel very uncomfortable, “you read that note I left, right?” he asked, and I nodded my head, “Okay, I told you there was a reason I left, to keep you safe,” he said, and I nodded again, even though it wasn’t a question, “I can’t tell you what those reasons are, not yet, but it was for your safety, and the guys, and Val,” he told me.

“Saleigh looks like a girl now, actually,” I intruded, and there was a glint in his eyes.

“I missed you so much, baby,” he said, pulling me into his arms. I still felt very uncomfortable about this, but I did love him, and I never stopped, so I was sucked into whatever mess was ahead by default. Go me.

“Missed you, too,” the words came out blunt, and short, but I don’t think he caught them. I know I should be so happy that he’s here right now, but I was unsure of it, it didn’t feel right.

“So I’ve missed holding you at night, let’s go to bed?” he asked, and I hesitantly nodded my head before he pulled me towards the room. He tucked me in before laying down on the other side of the bed, and I turned over, and closed my eyes. He felt so far away, even though he was so close. What was happening?

I woke up with no sign of Jimmy ever being here the next morning. I guessed it was only a dream, even though I don’t remember going to bed besides in my dream, when Jimmy was there. Then again, maybe it wasn’t a dream, and it went against everything I knew. Faked his death? He told me he had a reason, and he would tell me, but now wasn’t safe. I had to go and talk to Saleigh about this; that was all I knew. I quickly threw my legs over the side of the bed, and hopped into the shower, quickly cleaning myself off. I didn’t bother with my appearance when I started getting dressed, and grabbed my keys on the way out. I drove over to her house, surely exceeding the speed limit, and once again, parked in their front yard. I didn’t knock before I bolted into their house, finding Saleigh working at her computer.

“Saleigh,” I breathed, and she turned around to look at me like I had lost it.

“Yes, psycho bitch that barges into people’s houses?” she asked and then plastered a smile onto her face.

“Is anybody else here,” I asked, collapsing onto the couch.

“No, guys are working in the studio, trying to work on stuff for a new album,” she admitted, and I nodded.

“Good, I need to talk to you,” I told her, and she got up from her computer desk and sat down next to me.

“What is it?” she asked.

“I had a dream, though…it didn’t feel like a dream,” I told her, finally able to catch my breath.

“What was it about,” she looked like she was interested in my story.

“Yesterday, when I got home, Jimmy was at my apartment,” I said, now playing with the hem of my shirt.

“Well, it had to have been a dream,” she said, and I looked at her with wide eyes.

“I don’t remember going to bed,” I said, and she shook her head.

“You’re having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It’s common,” she assured me, and I shook my head, feeling like I was about to throw up.

“Say, it was so real, and so….weird. I felt him touching me, his breath on me, his voice was so audible,” I told her, putting my head in her hands.

“Payden, I think maybe you should come back and stay here for a few days. You’re losing it,” she told me in a completely serious tone.

“Listen, Saleigh,” I turned to her, “I expect you to try and believe me on this. You’re my best friend, and I know I can tell you anything, and no matter how mentally insane I am for it, it never leaves your lips. Please, just bear with me, here,” I begged, and her eyes had grown wide.

“Okay, Payden. So what, do you think he’s still alive,” she asked, trying to understand as her eyebrows furrowed together.

“I don’t know, but something is going on here,” I told her, and she shook her head.

“How did I ever become friends with you,” she said sarcastically, a smirk crawling on her face, “so, we’ll like, investigate, or something like that. God, I feel like such a nine-year-old right now. Why do you always choose to drag me into these situations? Why not Val?” she looked at me with pleading eyes.

“Because she tells Matt everything. She doesn’t mean to, but she accidentally always tells him, and Matt can’t keep a secret for his life,” I reminded her, and she nodded.

“I should start leaking everything you tell me to Matt, too, and maybe you’ll leave me alone, too,” she said, more to herself.

“Then I would lock you in a cabinet like I do to Johnny. You wouldn’t want that, would you,” I had a perfectly friendly smile on my face like I wasn’t threatening her, and a chuckle escaped her lips.

“Yeah, okay,” she said, and I got up.

“So, um, I’m going to get caffeine, because I really need it. You in?” I asked, and she shook her head, and then nodded to her computer.

“I have to get something done with that,” she told me, and I nodded my head.

“I guess I’ll stop by the studio, too. Hang out with the guys,” I told her on my way to the front door, “I’ve been neglecting them,” I said, and shrugged, “see you later,” I told her, and she nodded at me. I got back into my car, and backed out of the driveway. I started heading towards Beanz, and went to turn on the radio.

“I thought I told you not to tell anybody,” Jimmy’s voice came from the back seat, his voice startling me. My head snapped back to him as a reflex, and I lost control of the steering wheel, my car flipping into oncoming traffic. I didn’t die, I don’t think, but I lost consciousness. I heard the sounds of sirens around me, but I couldn’t manage to move my body, or open my eyes. I felt the medics as they put me onto the stretcher, and lifted me into the ambulance. Was Jimmy okay? He had been in the back seat of my car. I didn’t have much time to dwell on it, because I had passed out at that very moment.

,,,

My eyes fluttered open due to the bright morning sunlight that was pouring through a window. This positioning was very unfamiliar to me. No matter what house I stayed in, the sunlight had always came in a window on the right side of the room, and this light was coming in through the right side. As my sight adjusted to the sudden brightness, I realized I was in a hospital room, and then the memories of the crash flooded into my mind. I tried to throw my feet over the side of the uncomfortable hospital bed, and felt a sharp pain in my right leg. I looked down to see a very unappetizing neon pink cast taking up my foot and going up to my knee. Oh, just wait until Saleigh saw this, she would get a kick out of it.

There was a loud and abrupt snore that came from my left, causing me to jump, and I turned my head to see Syn sleeping upright in a chair, his head lolled back and resting on the back of the chair. His black hair was going everywhere from underneath his camouflage hat, his white v-neck contrasting with his black leather jacket. You could see his dark black leg hairs protrude from the numerous holes in his dark washed out jeans. I have never taken in this much detail about Brian, but I did because right now, he was the only one that was here with me in this cold room, that smelled very funny. I wonder if it had anything to do with what Saleigh was saying yesterday, or the day before yesterday, about how he acted weird every time my name came up. I lay back and studied him as his chest went up and down, even with his breathes.

“HEY FAG,” Saleigh’s voice filled the room, and Brian bolted upright, “IS SHE AWAKE YET,” I realized she was talking to him, and not me. Once she asked that question, they both looked at me, and her eyes trailed down to my cast. She didn’t laugh hard like I expected her to, “don’t worry about me laughing. I already got my fun when you were out,” she smirked, and I examined the cast a little bit more, to see a bunch of ‘fuck you’s’ all written in sharpie everywhere on it with black marker. Only Saleigh.

“Thanks. That’s…delightful.” I said, and looked back up at her, “Where’s Jimmy,” I asked, and Brian came into my view, a confused look on his face.

“Jimmy? Payden –“

“Brian, shut up. Get out,” Saleigh commanded, and then he opened his mouth to protest.

“Brian, please, can I talk to Say alone?” I asked, and he pursed his lips before he left the room, and I turned my attention back to Saleigh, “So what happened to him?” I asked, not forgetting why I crashed in the first place.

“Why don’t you tell me what happened first…” I trailed off, and I nodded.

“Okay, I got in my car, and got on the highway, on my way to the coffee shop,” I said, and she nodded her head, telling me she was listening, “And Jimmy popped out of nowhere, scaring the absolute shit out of me,” I told her, and there was a scared look on her face.

“Payden…I – I don’t know how to tell you this,” she said, and only managed to look at the ground, “You were the only one they found in that car,” she told me, and my eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

“Maybe he got out okay and –“

“No, it wouldn’t have worked that way, you were the ONLY one in that car, I assure you,” she said, and my heartbeat rose a little bit.

“Then, how…” I trailed off, starting to get lost in my own thoughts.

“Maybe it was just a dream that you had, and you forgot going to bed?” she suggested, and my heart dropped.

“Maybe,” I said, bummed out, yet kind of happy.

“Well, now you’ve got this stupid broken leg. We need to like, find somebody to help you out, because,” Saleigh started explain, then put her head in her hands, “Zacky’s parents are taking Zacky and I on a get-away,” the she looked at me and plastered on a big fake smile, “just the four of us,” she tried to hold excitement in her voice, but the sarcasm was very obvious.

“Great. Broken Leg. Pink cast. Destroyed car. Dead boyfriend. You have blonde hair, at least I know this couldn’t get any worse,” I sighed, thinking of all of the negative things that were going on right now.

“Actually, it gets worse,” she said, and my face went blank.

“Blondie says what?” I asked, then cocking an eyebrow.

“Since Michelle is staying in Matt and Val’s only guest room still, and Johnny’s always out hiding from one of the guys so they don’t pick on him, you’re left with, and I hate to say it…Brian,” she said, not being able to look me in the eyes as she said it. I couldn’t process what she had just said to me, much less speak about it, “on…on the bright side, I don’t think he’ll try anything with you since your leg is broken.”

“You – YOU DON’T THINK? I COULD BE DEAD AND HE’D STILL TRY,” I said, waving my arms in the air, succeeding in looking like a madman, but I tried to prove my point.

“He’s not THAT much of a horn dog,” she said, biting her lip, meaning she was lying.

“Sure,” I snorted.

©Shannon.