How Did We Get Here?

Chapter Twelve - Concealer

You don’t know what it’s like/ Not to know who you are/ To have lived in the shadows/ And have travelled this far/ I’ve seen flashes of fire/ Heard the echo of screams/ But I still have this faith/ In the truth of my dreams! – Anastasia the Musical, In My Dreams.
Hannah knew that she couldn't go into work the following day, it just wasn't conceivable. Instead she pretended to be sick on the phone to her father so he wouldn't ask any more questions and she requested that Danny's nanny take him earlier than usual. She spent the day in bed, she simply lay there and stared at the ceiling, trying her best to think of nothing. She allowed herself one day of self-pity but then she knew she had to get back out there and get back to what she did best, being a doctor.
Two days after she was attacked she returned to work. She stared at herself in the mirror for a long time that morning; her eye was no longer swollen, just badly bruised, the cut on her lip extended a little further down and looked just like a split lip that had gone a bit far, it was ugly; but the ugliest cut was the one on her opposite cheek where her face had collided with the metal bin. The cut had been deep and she had stitches there now surrounded by a mottled bruise, it extended from just below her right eye down her cheekbone towards her mid-cheek. It wasn't too long but it would leave an ugly scar, another to add to her collection and remind her of her pain, this one wasn't as easy to hide though. She did her best to dab concealer onto her injuries but stopped short of adding it to the cut on her cheek - she didn't want to add an infection to that wound and make it worse than it already was.
It was difficult to drive past the alley where she knew it had happened but she stared straight ahead and controlled her panic. The hot air didn't do much to help as she got out of her car in the car park, she ducked her head down and prayed that she wouldn't meet with anyone she knew just yet, she hadn't had the time to think of a cover story. Well, she'd had the time, but she hadn't been willing. She made her way into the hospital and took the stairs to minimise the risk of running into people such as her father, and John. She dreaded seeing John even without her facial injuries. His revelation to her two days previously played through her mind and she constantly wondered whether she'd made a good choice in rejecting him. She had strong feelings for him too and over the past couple of days she'd found herself longing for his company more than ever, she'd been on the brink of calling him and asking for him to come to her multiple times but one look in the mirror always stayed her hand.
She managed to change into her scrubs and make her way out onto the ward without meeting anyone who would demand an explanation of her, but Fletch and Nicky were at the nurse's station when she approached.
'Ms Hanssen...' Nicky seemed surprised to see her and Fletch's eyes widened.
'Hannah? What the hell happened to your face?' he asked and she shrugged.
'Got into a fight with a tree. The tree won.' the excuse was lame she knew but her imagination was not what it had once been. She used to be so good at coming up with stories to cover bruises and other damage, it came with the package of dating a douchebag. That ship was long sailed, though, and she hadn't had the need to lie about these kind of things for years.
Luckily Fletch dropped the inquisition with a glare from Nicky, something Hannah was grateful for. Hannah accepted her cases and did her best to focus on her work, after a while it became easier. The pain in her cheek and eye subsided and she found it easier to connect with patients again. Of course, they stared at her and raised eyebrows but they were all sincere enough not to ask any questions and for that she was thankful. Only one patient refused to be seen by her.
She went about her business and slipped back into the persona of being the doctor, she began to regain a little of the confidence she had felt lacking at the beginning of her shift.
This all changed when she turned a corner and walked straight into Roxanna.
'Oh sorry,' Roxanna began and then caught a good look at Hannah's face. Hannah had forgotten to include Roxanna in the list of people who weren't allowed to be told but it seemed like Dom had not made the same oversight.
'Oh, my God, Hannah, what happened?' Roxanna asked, taking Hannah's chin without hesitation and tilting her face to look at the injuries just like a mother with a toddler, in a way she was making up for lost time. Hannah took a step back, annoyed.
'Nothing, it's fine.' she replied grumpily but Roxanna raised an eyebrow. There was genuine concern in her eyes and Hannah felt bad for a moment, true, she had not been there for the first twenty-six years of her life but she was there now and Hannah could tell that she wanted to try and make things work somehow.
'Hannah, please, tell me.' she instructed and Hannah shrugged.
'Just me being clumsy.' she replied but Roxanna still wasn't convinced.
'Hannah, I'm your mother, tell me the truth.' she demanded and Hannah was annoyed for a moment.
'I found out that piece of information a month ago, you don't get to start using that card now.' she retorted angrily and Roxanna shook her head quickly.
'No, I didn't mean...' she began but Hannah pushed past her and left her standing dumbfounded in the hallway. Fear and worry spiked in Roxanna's chest, just because she hadn't been able to be there for Hannah for most of her life it didn't mean that she didn't care about her. She approached the nurse's station where Nicky was going over some notes but looked up when she became aware of Roxanna's presence.
'Everything alright Ms MacMillan? You're very pale.' Nicky queried and Roxanna blinked for a moment as if coming out of some trance and then looked at Nicky properly.
'Yes, I'm fine.' she said and made to continue with her way before pausing and returning to Nicky. 'Dr McKendrick, I don't suppose Hannah, uh Ms Hanssen has said anything about how she got her facial injuries. I'm concerned as someone who's known her since she was small of course.' Roxanna quickly justified but Nicky had frozen, she shook her head quickly.
'Nope, sorry I have no idea. Fletch did ask her earlier and she said something about a tree but I don't know any more than that I'm afraid.' Nicky said hurriedly and Roxanna suspected that she wasn't being entirely truthful but she dropped the subject anyway, she imagined that Hannah had sworn her to secrecy. Her first guess was that Hannah had gone out drinking and gotten herself into a fight or something, it sounded like something she could do, but she wouldn't know for sure. She imagined that there were only two people who Hannah might wilfully tell the reasons for her injuries to, John and Henrik.
Soon after Roxanna left the ward Nicky sought out Hannah who was drinking a glass of water in the break room. Nicky shut the door behind them and stood for a moment, trying to work out what to say.
'Ms MacMillan is concerned about you.' she began and Hannah put down her glass slowly and raised her good eyebrow.
'Is she now.' she replied drily and Nicky winced.
'Hannah, are you sure you should be here.' she asked and Hannah gave her a glare which reminded Nicky of a look Mr Hanssen might give, she'd never really seen the resemblance until that moment.
'I don't recall asking your opinion Dr McKendrick.' she replied icily and Nicky came forward quickly.
'What happened to you was... horrible. Have you even spoken to anyone about it?' she asked and Hannah flushed red with anger.
'What gives you the right to talk to me about this? I swear to God, Dr McKendrick, if you mention this again to either me or anyone else, I will have you transferred out of here so fast.' she threatened and Nicky took a step back, shocked. Out of everything she expected of Hannah she had never expected her to make threats, she had never seen her so angry before.
Nicky paused for a moment before looking down at the floor and shifting her weight from one foot to the other.
'I'm sorry.' she said quietly and then turned quickly and hurried out, her spirits were a little damper from the interaction from Hannah but she didn't allow herself to feel any self-pity, she couldn't when she tried to imagine how Hannah must be feeling underneath it all.
Hannah stayed in the break room for a minute longer but couldn't bear the confines of the walls so had to leave. She wandered through the hospital, pretending to be checking through notes as she walked but in reality, she was just hoping that people would ignore her. She didn't know why her feet always carried her to that spot on the stairwell and she wasn't paying attention as she approached it. She looked up just in time to see John looking out of the window a few paces in front of her, she turned just as he turned and took a step towards the stairs as he called out to her.
'Hannah!' he called and she froze, she supposed she couldn't avoid him forever. 'Good, I was hoping you might turn up here, my next port of call was the ward. I just wanted to discuss the next steps of the trial with you and how you'll be a part of them.' he explained as she turned slowly, keeping her eyes on the floor. He had been speaking quickly and clearly intending to go on but he stopped short when he saw her face. There was a beat before he had closed the distance between them and had her face in his hands.
At first, she was a little taken aback as he looked over her injuries wordlessly for a moment, his fingers cupping the sides of her face as his thumbs gently traced her cheekbones just under her injuries.
'What happened?' John's voice was grave, Hannah noticed with a hint of tenderness that he was angry. 'Did someone do this to you? Who did this to you?' he demanded, his eyes not meeting hers as they were too preoccupied with the rest of her face.
'John nothing, I'm fine...' she said, smiling despite the situation. She liked being near him again and feeling his fingers on her face made her regret everything she had said to him previously.
'You're not fine, you have stitches...' he commented and his voice cracked, she noticed tears in his eyes and she started to panic. She never knew how to deal with situations when other people cried, she usually started crying too and then things just felt awkward and uncomfortable.
'John, please... Maybe one day I'll tell you the story, but not today.' she said quietly and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her, she was glad that he didn't. He took a small step back but stayed close, he understood that she didn't want to talk about it at that moment and respected her decision even though she could see it was difficult for him not to press her.
'The trial?' she asked, even though she had no idea how she could still be involved now it had taken a step back from surgical testing.
'Yes, I've decided to cut down the team to a select few and I'd like for you to be one of them. Even in a theoretical capacity I need my CT surgeon.' he commented and she raised an eyebrow, painfully.
'Are you sure that's a good idea?' she asked after masterfully masking her wince.
'Jac's death was a tragedy and I know that coming back from that will be hard, but we can still make it right, it works I know it does. Look at Mara Sandhurst, she's recovering more and more with every day. It works, Hannah, we just need to iron out the kinks.' he replied and Hannah considered for a moment.
'It's not so much a matter of the science, the medicine, that's not what gives me cause for concern.' she replied and John sighed.
'It's whether or not you can trust me.' he surmised and she nodded slowly.
'And after what you told me the other night, is it really such a good idea for us to keep working together?' she asked and John paused for a moment.
'It's a crush, I'm sure we can deal with it like adults. The only issue would arise if it were reciprocated...' he paused and when she didn't answer he pressed on, taking that small step towards her again. 'Is it?'
'Do I really have to answer that question?' she asked, her voice was barely above a whisper as her heart hammer in her chest. They stood like this for a few more moments, neither of them sure where to go from there. Hannah made the call.
'I have to go. I have patients.' she said quietly, sadly. She made the decision for the both of them, they had both admitted their feelings, now it was the time to admit that nothing could come of them. Hannah felt that squeezing in her chest again, the familiar feel of heartbreak. She turned away slowly and made her way down the stairs, half hoping he would call her back but of course he didn't.
She didn't see his emotional barriers finally break and as soon as she turned he too turned away and hurried to the railing by the window, gripping to it for support as tears poured down his cheeks. He hated the invisible barrier between them, he wanted to comfort her for the injuries she had obviously received through some horrible event but he couldn't be with her unless she let him. He couldn't get to her unless she was the one to break down that barrier.
When Hannah returned to the ward she had got some of her emotions back under control and was feeling a little calmer but her chest was still tight and her heart was still pounding.
Abigail was at the nurse's station but pulled Hannah to one side as soon as she saw her.
'Are you sure you should be here?' she asked before anything else and Hannah rolled her eyes.
'I would rather be here than anywhere else and my patients don't seem to have a problem with me saving their lives.' she replied and Abigail considered her for a second before nodding.
'Alright then.' Hannah was surprised, she had expected more of a fight from Abigail above everyone else. She had expected her to insist on returning home and taking time off. 'Well I have an interesting case in theatre in about half an hour and I could use some assistance?' she said and Hannah knew her reasoning now, she wanted to keep her close to keep an eye on her, she was being babysat.
Whilst Hannah submitted to the inevitable, Roxanna returned to Keller and decided that the best course of action she could take was to ask Henrik what was going on. Even if he didn't know he ought to be aware of his daughter's facial injuries, it was his right. He was sat at a desk in the office when she found him, reading something intently on the computer.
'Do you have a minute?' she asked and he barely glanced at her.
'Depends on what the minute's for.' he replied drily and she fought back a smile, she was glad to see that he was getting some of his sense of humour back.
'Hannah.' she replied and expected a reaction from him but he didn't look up.
'Go on.' he invited her and she slowly sat down in the chair opposite him.
'Is she alright, do you know? She won't tell me what happened.' Roxanna explained carefully and Henrik sighed.
'From what I understand she wasn't feeling too well after Ms Naylor's surgery.' Henrik replied and allowed his eyes to flicker to her for a moment before returning them to the computer screen.
'Well, yes I understand that. I meant about her black eye and stitched up cheek.' Roxanna continued and Hanssen's head snapped up and he looked at her with that stone-cold glare he mastered so well.
'What do you mean?' he demanded.
'I saw her earlier and it looks like she's taken a beating, I thought you knew.' Roxanna told him and he stood up immediately before sitting down again.
'I'm sure she would tell me if anything like that happened to her...' he said but he sounded uncertain even of himself, memories of her relationship with Liam were flashing into his mind.
'Are you sure, Henrik? After what happened with Jac and... other things, I'm not sure she's really in a sharing mood at the moment. She won't talk to me but she'll talk to you.' Roxanna pleaded, she just wanted her daughter to be alright.
'I think... since the truth is now out in the open... she ought to talk to both of us.' Henrik said slowly and Roxanna felt a twinge of surprise accompanied by a wave of gratitude. She'd been cut out of Hannah's life for so long and she was desperate to become a proper part of it now, but it wouldn't be easy, she appreciated Henrik's support.
'Besides, no matter how close we might have been in the past, she's always needed her mother.' Roxanna and Henrik shared a bittersweet smile, full of regrets but with a mutual understanding that the past could not be altered so there was no point in brooding over it. Henrik was insistent on finding Hannah immediately for an explanation and Roxanna had no choice but to go with him, in truth she wanted to be there, she didn't want to hear about it after the fact.
In the meantime, Abigail had introduced Hannah to her patient who was booked in for a complex heart procedure, and Abigail wanted Hannah to assist. Hannah knew that Abigail was throwing her in at the deep end to test her, to find out if she was actually able to be there. It was a harsh test but it would serve as a proof not only to Abigail but to Hannah herself, she was determined to pass it. They were due in theatre within the hour and the minutes seemed to go painfully slowly, every second felt like a sledgehammer to Hannah's confidence but she maintained her brave face. Fear began to creep in as the memory of Jac's lifeless body swam in her mind.
She did her best to keep her fear under control and for a while she managed it. She used the ritual of scrubbing into theatre to try and transform into her alter ego, the person who was confident and sure of herself. She tried to transform herself into the surgeon she wanted to be rather than the frightened girl she was.
She stood over the unconscious body of their patient and focused on what Abigail was doing, this was a good learning opportunity for her and she couldn't afford to squander it, she had to push her feelings aside and just focus. Abigail opened and talked through what she was going to do whilst Hannah watched attentively, silently. She watched as Abigail worked her magic and waited for her turn, to be told what to do, to hold open the wound with clamps and learn from the best. So far so good.
Hanssen strode onto Darwin with Roxanna trotting along beside him, trying her best to keep up on her significantly shorter legs. He approached the nurse's station where Fletch was sitting at a computer inputting information for a patient.
'Nurse Fletcher.' Hanssen spoke in his commanding tone and Fletch looked up in surprise.
'What can I help you with Mr Hanssen?' he asked, leaning forward with one his cheeky grins.
'We're looking for Hannah.' Roxanna explained before Henrik could say anything. Fletch's face fell and his expression turned to one of inquisition.
'Is she alright? She said something about fighting a tree earlier but I wasn't entirely sold.' he said and Hanssen sighed.
'It appears that you have more information than I do, I was unaware even of her injuries. Where is she, please?' he demanded of Fletch who looked concerned. Fletch knew that whatever differences Hannah had with her father, she always trusted him with sensitive information and if she hadn't even told him she had been hurt in the first place then something bad must have happened.
'She's in theatre with Ms Tate.' Fletch explained.
'One or two?' Hanssen demanded and when Fletch gave the answer he strode off without another word. Roxanna rushed after him, she didn't have time to give Fletch any more explanation.
'Wait, Henrik, you're not just going to burst into theatre and demand she come out, are you?' she asked and Henrik sighed and stopped in the deserted corridor.
'I don't know.' he admitted and bowed his head. 'I just want to see her, to know how badly she looks.' his voice was quiet and Roxanna pitied him.
'I know Henrik, but you need to handle this gently. She won't forgive you for embarrassing her.' she said and Henrik nodded.
'Alright, let's just go and see how things are.' he said and Roxanna had no choice but to acquiesce.
Abigail was ready to let Hannah have some responsibility in the operation and she moved aside to let her do her work. Hannah's hand began to shake a little and she knew that her boss noticed but she steadied it before Abigail had an opportunity to say anything. She began her work slowly, meticulously, determined not to make any mistakes, nothing that could cause any problems.
She looked down at the patient's face and suddenly she saw Jac's face. She jumped back, pulling away and dropping her scalpel to the ground as the bottle she was struggling to keep her emotions in, threatened to shatter.
'Hannah?' Abigail was concerned but Hannah was pulling off her gown and gloves, she couldn't breathe in that tiny theatre.
'I just... I need a moment.' Hannah gasped, hyperventilating and Abigail recognised a panic attack. She called to an assisting doctor.
'Can you keep him stable please, take over from Ms Hanssen and somebody page Ms Petrenko.' she ordered as she hurried after Hannah who had discarded her gloves, gown and cap on the way out of theatre. Abigail also removed her gloves and gown as she rushed after her registrar.
'Hannah...' she called after her but Hannah had stumbled out of the theatre and was holding onto the wall opposite to the theatre doors for support. She was taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm her panic attack, but she was slowly losing the battle.
'I'll be fine...' she said but her voice was breathy. Abigail put her hands on her hips.
'You're not okay, Hannah. Have you even spoken to anyone about what happened the other night?' she asked and Hannah turned on her, anger flashing in her eyes.
'Don't... This isn't about that.' she said but Abigail shook her head.
'Of course it is. What happened with Jac was a tragedy but this isn't about that, I know.' she told her and Hannah groaned as she fought back the panic.
'I am fine why does everyone keep questioning me!' she yelled and suddenly turned and punched the wall, hard, and Abigail put out her arms to calm her.
'Hannah please. You have to confront what happened to you!' she said, her voice raised.
'I can't confront it because I don't remember!' Hannah yelled suddenly and there was a silence between them. Admitting this made Hannah a little calmer but she could feel the tears threatening to overwhelm her so she continued to shout at Abigail just as a way of venting her frustration, her pent up emotions.
'You have no idea what it's like to lose part of who you are! To wake up in a hospital bed and be told that something terrible happened to you but not to know what! To be unsure whether you even want to know. I wouldn't let them tell me in the ED, Dom and Dr Keogh, they both tried to tell me what happened to me but I wouldn't let them and it's eating away at me because I have all these thoughts and these suspicions but I have no idea what actually happened!' her voice was hoarse as she vented to Abigail, tears streaming down her cheeks all whilst the CEO stood there and took it calmly. Neither of them had noticed Roxanna and Henrik appear silently at the other end of the corridor.
'I don't remember...' Hannah sobbed and found her knees going weak, Abigail put her arms out and caught her to stop her falling.
'Hannah, you were drugged and you were raped. We found you unconscious in an alley with two men... I'm so sorry.' Abigail explained slowly, Hannah had to know. Instead of calming her the knowledge only threw Hannah into a worse state of hysteria and she finally fell to the floor in sobs, Abigail lowered her down gently.
'Oh, my God...' Roxanna said and Abigail turned to see them staring at the scene from the other end of the corridor.
'Hannah...' Henrik whispered before something seized him and he ran forwards, he fell to the floor beside Hannah and put his arms around her, drawing her to his chest, but she didn't even acknowledge his presence. Roxanna approached slower, she went to Abigail and they spoke in hushed tones as Abigail explained in detail everything which had happened two nights previously.
Abigail had to excuse herself and return to theatre and when Roxanna looked down at Henrik stroking his daughter's hair and trying to comfort her she knew that she had to take a risk. She turned away and pulled out her phone, opening her messages and finding John's name.
Darwin theatre, urgent. she typed quickly before hitting send. She hoped that he would get the message quickly and come quicker, she had a suspicion he would be the only one who would be able to calm Hannah enough even to just move to a more private spot. She slowly knelt on Hannah's other side and reached out for her hand but Hannah barely made an acknowledgement that she even knew where she was. Roxanna knew the painful truth, she needed medical treatment urgently, she might even need to be admitted to the psych ward if they couldn't calm her down quickly.
John only took five minutes to arrive and when he appeared at the end of the corridor and saw the small mass of people huddled together on the floor he was immediately worried. It took a moment for him to recognise Hannah's blonde hair from Henrik's chest but when he clocked that she was sobbing his pace quickened to a slight jog.
'What happened? Is everything alright?' he asked, his tone urgent and tinged with fear. At hearing his voice Hannah changed slightly and her head snapped up. She saw John and immediately scrambled up, pushing away her father's arms, she ran to him and he met her halfway. She threw her arms around him and he held her tightly as Roxanna and Henrik watched in disbelief. Roxanna hadn't expected her to react in that way but she seemed to be behaving a little more lucidly in John's arms but she continued to cry into his shoulder.
Roxanna looked at Henrik and a flash of worry shot through her as she studied the way he watched John and Hannah. She knew in that moment that Henrik suspected something between them and she wondered if he would say anything, if he would grow angry and question them or her, she wondered if she had made the right call in supporting them both in their decisions. She stood by her judgement all the same, it was clear even just from this interaction that Hannah needed John, and that John's feelings for Hannah were genuine. She trusted them both to make smart choices.
'Why don't we go somewhere a bit more private and call the police? Abigail said we could use her office.' Roxanna suggested as she and Henrik rose to their feet. John looked confused but he gently detached Hannah from his arms but kept one around her for a moment before letting Henrik take over and lead the way. A little calmer, Hannah allowed herself to be led by her father whilst John held back with Roxanna trailing behind.
'What happened?' he asked her and she shrugged.
'I'm not entirely sure. I don't think anyone is. Hannah was found two nights ago in an alleyway, she had been drugged and attacked...' Roxanna always prided herself on remaining calm in these kind of situations, but this was her daughter. She looked at the back of her head where her ponytail swayed slightly as she walked, her little girl had been hurt in the most horrific way and there was nothing she could do. Tears sprung to her eyes and she put a hand to her mouth as she tried to stifle her own tears; John put a friendly arm around her and she fought to retain control of herself, she didn't want Hannah to see her like this.
When they got to Abigail's office, Roxanna remained outside with the excuse of calling for the police but she also utilised this time to collect herself, she had to stay strong for Hannah. John stayed outside with her to give her some moral support and Hanssen was left alone with his daughter. The hysterical sobbing had passed and left Hannah in a silent state of contemplation. She stared straight ahead with an empty look on her face, her cheeks sodden with tears, her hair sticking to them like she was a child after a tantrum. Hanssen took the opportunity to study the facial injuries she had received, he was barely aware that he was crying until she looked at him suddenly and reached up to brush a tear away, wordlessly.
'You shouldn't be the one comforting me.' he said, his voice wobbling with his tears and she attempted a watery smile.
'I'll always be the daughter you need me to be.' she whispered, her voice hoarse.
She leaned over slowly and kissed his cheek before wrapping her arms around him and hugging him close, he dissolved in her strength and clutched at her, sobbing into her shoulder. It was amazing how she had always managed to be this pillar of strength for him when he was struggling but he couldn’t even do the same for her.
'I wish you felt you could have told me.' he cried and he could hear her sniffling again too.
'I'm sorry, daddy. I'm so sorry.' she began to cry again and they clung to one another tightly when John and Roxanna re-entered the room. They detached themselves from one another but Hannah kept her head on her father's shoulder and he kept an arm around her to comfort her. Roxanna sat on her other side and held her hand, she let it be held. Roxanna lifted it gently to survey it as it was swollen and bruised around the knuckles, she suspected it was broken from when Hannah had punched the wall.
John stayed at the other end of the room. Once again Henrik looked between them and suspected something but decided to put off saying anything until things were calmer.
When the police arrived, John let himself melt even further into the background as they sat opposite Hannah who remained between her parents, holding both of their hands tightly. Roxanna allowed herself the brief feeling of satisfaction and overwhelming love for her daughter when she realised that Hannah was gripping just as tightly to her as she was to her father.
'Can you tell us, in your own words, what happened two nights ago?' a female police officer asked in a gentle tone whilst her male partner stood behind her, poised to take notes.
'I went wandering around a bit, I'd just been told some shocking news and needed some space.' Hannah said slowly and her eyes connected with John's for a moment before they lowered again, nobody else seemed to make the connection. 'I don't know how I wound up at the pub but I did, I had friends there and I needed some comfort I guess. I met Ms Tate there, the CEO of the hospital, and she told me to go home so I tried to but...' Hannah stopped and scrunched up her nose in concentration, John found it adorable but didn't move from his spot in the corner.
'There was a man at the bar... his name was Colin or Kyle or something. He was talking to me, trying to chat me up, but I rejected him. I turned around for like a minute to talk to Abigail, not even a minute but… he was the only one who could have spiked my drink. And then...' her voice trailed off and she swallowed hard.
'In your own time.' the female police officer said quietly and Hannah took a few moments to breathe deeply and she closed her eyes.
'I don't really remember things exactly, I remember flashes and feelings.' she explained.
'Anything you can tell us would be hugely helpful.' the police lady replied and Hannah took another minute to think, scrunching her nose again.
'I realised that I had been drugged, almost right away and I tried to get away but two men caught up to me. They pulled me down an alley, they were arguing about something, I tried to fight but they hit me... then all I remember is how scared I was, I've never been more scared in my whole life. I felt so alone, and so, so frightened.' she was staring at a spot on the floor now but her mind was clearly reliving the events of that night and she was terrified all over again.
'You've been a huge help to us, Ms Hanssen. We're going to go to the pub and pull some CCTV footage and then we'll get back to you, we'll keep you updated with everything. I promise.' the lady said and conferred with her partner for a moment before saying something to Hannah's parents but she was too engrossed in her memories to hear anything from the present. No matter how much she tried, there was no way she could conceal her pain now. She had to tackle it head on, she had to use it to make her stronger, she had to keep moving on.