How Did We Get Here?

Chapter Two - Happy Families

Hannah stepped out of her car and stood outside of the hospital, it had been six years since she’d last worked there and she was feeling a pleasurable mix of excitement and nerves. It was her first day as an F2 on Darwin ward at Holby City hospital and she was anxious to prove herself since she’d last been there. She’d left without much of an explanation and, aside from bringing Danny in for the occasional quick visit, she’d not been back much. She slowly made her way towards the front entrance and looked down at her phone, she’d left with plenty of time to drop Danny off at school before she needed to be there so was surprised to see that the time was so late. She rushed in through the front doors and saw that the lift was open so hurried to catch it before she would have to wait for another.

‘Hold the doors!’ She yelled and darted in front of the closing doors which sprung back open with the interruption of her arm. She was surprised to see two very familiar faces looking back at her, they seemed equally surprised to see her. ‘Dad! Fred! Oh, this is great! Like a proper family reunion!’ She grinned as she stepped into the lift between her two relatives, she took one arm of each and grinned at them both, oblivious to the uncomfortable looks on both of their faces, it didn’t register to her that she might have interrupted something.

‘I didn’t think that you were starting until next week?’ Hanssen asked her coolly and she shrugged.

‘Jac called and asked if I could start a week early and, really, who can say no to her? No, really, she’s scary and I don’t know how to say no to her.’ She laughed and Frederik winced a little which only brought her attention back to him.

‘And you!’ She reprimanded him, ‘Are you not going to say anything when you haven’t seen me for ages? How’s Sara, how’s Oskar?’ She demanded from him but the lift stopped and he hurried out with a quick apology. As the doors began to close he stopped and turned back to her with a subdued look, he stopped the doors from closing and gave her a sincere look.

‘Sorry, it is good to see you.’ He said and she smiled at the small achievement. He left in the direction of Keller and Hannah got out at the next floor for Darwin, leaving Hanssen to go to his office alone.

Hannah made her appearance on Darwin ward with a couple of minutes to spare but her seeming lateness meant that Jac was unhappy.

‘You’re late Hanssen,’ she scolded her and Hannah grinned in response.

‘I bet you’ve waited a long time to say that.’ She said and Jac suppressed a grin before pointing to Ollie who was talking to a patient.

‘Your dad is implementing a new mentoring system starting today, alas that means you’re being mentored, and you’re stuck with Valentine.’ She said and Hannah faked a pout.

‘Not you? My heart is breaking.’ She grinned and tripped over to Ollie before Jac had time to respond. Ollie turned to walk away from the patient as Hannah approached and almost walked straight into her. For a moment irritation crossed his face but then he saw who it was and his face broke into a grin.

‘Hannah Hanssen!’ He exclaimed before pulling her into a tight hug. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ He laughed and Hannah struggled to catch her breath as he squeezed her.

‘Jac asked me to start a week early, and you are training me up to Registrar material, you hear?’ She demanded and he laughed as she pulled away from him and they made their way back through to the doctor’s station in the middle of the ward.

‘How are you? How’s Danny?’ Ollie asked as he finished checking the discharge papers for a patient, Hannah leaned against the desk beside him and peered over his shoulder.

‘He’s good, I’m good, everything’s good. How’s everything with you?’ She asked and she thought his face fell for a moment.

‘I’m doing well.’ He replied but his tone was somewhat subdued. She decided it was best not to pry but the rest of the morning was spent in catching up with her old friend, she eventually learned about his relationship with Zosia, the wedding, and her leaving him to go to America. She was more careful in what she said after that point. Her next port of call was to drop in on Dominic in Keller. Whilst she’d never been as close to him as she had been with Ollie, she had enjoyed the brief time she’d known him and was keen to renew that friendship. She also owed it to Sacha to drop in on him and hoped to see Frederik whilst she was down there too.

Sacha and Dom had a similar reaction to seeing her as Ollie had displayed and she was introduced to Lofty cordially with glowing references from the other two. Frederik watched from afar, pretending to be checking a patient’s notes. He knew that it wasn’t her fault that their father had chosen to come to England and keep her rather than staying with his mother and him in Sweden and trying to make things work; but he couldn’t help resenting her a little. To see her so beloved by all in the hospital was a painful reminder that she had been chosen to be cared for by their father whilst he had been left behind, she had relationships with these people because she’s had the opportunity for them when he hadn’t. It wasn’t long before she spotted him and he knew that he couldn’t avoid her forever.

She met him to one side, away from the others, she couldn’t see how they were watching them and talking in low voice but he noticed.

‘Listen, Freddie, I know things must be a bit weird with us both working here now, but I really just want to spend some time with you and maybe dad too. I think it’s important that we get to connect again as a family. I mean I want to spend more time with you, and Sara and Oskar too. I have a little boy too, I know I’ve not seen you since he was born and I don’t know whether dad told you.’ She said and Frederik froze suddenly.

‘No, he didn’t.’ He replied coldly, one more thing their father had kept from him.

‘Well, I’d love to introduce the two boys. They’re about the same age, I mean Danny’s a few months younger. But I think it would be good?’ She smiled and her smile was so sweet Frederik couldn’t help but be affected. She was only trying to do good, to do right by him despite their father’s lack of any attempt.

‘Why don’t we meet up for lunch?’ He suggested with a small smile and was unprepared for the happiness which seemed to swell up and threatened to burst from her.

‘I’d really like that.’ She grinned as her pager bleeped and she was forced to check it.

‘Oh, that’s Jac, I have to go. I’ll see you at one thirty?’ She asked and he nodded. She rushed off and he watched her blonde ponytail disappear around the corner, he was unsure how he could possibly be related to somebody like her.

When lunchtime arrived, they met up and ate together and gradually she got him to open up about Oskar and Sara and he found himself enjoying her company. Her happiness was infectious and he struggled to stay upset with her despite the constant underlying anger that she possessed a place in their family that he had always been denied and always would be. Over the course of the next few weeks she continued to come to him and force him to bond with her, once or twice she included their father in the mix but those meetings never went so well as the men usually made one another bitter or cold. Hannah never seemed to get down about their resentment towards each other though, she always did her best to keep the atmosphere upbeat and her positivity never seemed to falter.

Frederik tried hard to like her, he tried not to find her annoying, but he couldn’t help it. Her constant positivity grated on his nerves and became all the more irritating when he realised how much his father valued her brightness, he even learned about his endearing term for her as his ‘ray of sunshine’.

One day the weather was cold and Hannah and Frederik were meeting early for coffee before their shift started, it was just after Sara had left him and Frederik was in a particularly irritable mood but Hannah seemed to clock on to this quickly and subdued herself somewhat.

‘Can I ask you a question?’ He asked and she nodded as she cradled her coffee.

‘What was life like? I mean, your childhood?’ He asked and Hannah raised an eyebrow.

‘You mean with dad?’ She asked and he nodded, she sighed and looked down at her coffee, it was the first time he’d seen any kind of vulnerability in her. ‘Well, not as pleasant as you might think. He didn’t really pay me much attention, and I never knew my mum, I mean she disappeared as soon as she could after I was born. I don’t know why, I guess she didn’t want me or something. But dad was always sort of cold, distant. It took me a long time to connect with him really, it wasn’t until he realised that I was in a dangerous situation that he actually started to show me he cared.’

‘A dangerous situation?’

‘Danny’s dad.’ Hannah explained and the glimmer in her eyes was gone even though she was still trying to pretend she was okay. ‘He wasn’t very good to me. Dad found out and wanted to go to the police, I’ve never seen him like that, he was so angry and upset. Liam, Danny’s dad, ran off as soon as he found out I was pregnant though.’

Frederik felt his heart soften towards her and he realised that he’d not really taken into consideration that her life had been hard too. She’d had difficulties just like him, he hadn’t known that she too had grown up without a parent and he didn’t find it hard to believe that their father hadn’t been the most attentive father in the world.

‘Can I ask another question?’ He asked, quieter this time and Hannah nodded but could no longer meet his eyes. ‘What’s that?’ he asked and gestured to the old, ugly scar on her wrist. She gave him a small smile and rubbed her thumb over the scar.

‘You know about dad’s depression, right? Well I tried so hard to help him that I forgot about myself until it was too late. It got worse after I had Danny, I felt so alone and wanted it to end so I did this to myself. It’s not an experience I want to repeat in a hurry.’ She explained slowly and Frederik paused before leaning forward and taking her hand.

‘You won’t need to, you’re not alone anymore.’ He told her and she smiled at him warmly, some of the glitter in her eyes returning. ‘I’m just surprised, you’re always so happy.’ He said honestly and her smile widened.

‘It’s easier to pretend like I’m not feeling terrible than to explain to people that I have depression. It’s a little easier now but of course there are bad days.’

‘Well you never have to pretend around me.’ He said and Hannah looked at him curiously for a moment as tears came to her eyes, she whispered a ‘thank you’ and wiped her eyes quickly before they realised that they needed to move to start their shifts.

Over time Hannah continued to try and bring her family together and Frederik continued to try and be patient with her but couldn’t help lashing out at her occasionally which often earned him harsh words from his father if he was present or from Sara if she was. Frederik couldn’t help it, he felt sorry for Hannah, her life hadn’t been as easy as he’d thought but that couldn’t stop him from truly hating her. The truth was that their father adored her, even if he didn’t show it, and once again Frederik was left behind.