How Did We Get Here?

Chapter Four - Family Issues

‘Where have you been?’ Ollie demanded, he was waiting for her in the stairwell as she rounded the corner, she was glad, she preferred to do this here rather than on the ward. It was the exact same spot she’d found herself when she’d first found out her news and she thought it gave the occasion a nice sentiment.
‘Ollie, good, I need to tell you something.’ She said quickly as he made to turn back in the direction of the ward, he stopped when he realised that she wasn’t following.
‘Does it really have to be now? We kind of need to get to theatre, Roxanna is getting restless.’ He said, he was practically bouncing up and down with eagerness and anxiety.
‘Yes, it needs to be now, it’s really important.’ She told him and then nerves began to eat at her chest and she shook her hands to try and dispel some of them and took a deep breath.
‘Well? Go on then.’ He said and she opened her mouth to say it but she found that she couldn’t. She groaned to herself and crossed to the window, gripping at the railing and trying to calm herself.
‘Okay, just, uh, just give me minute.’ She requested and took some deep breaths, counting the cars.
‘Hannah? Are you okay?’ Ollie asked, suddenly stiller as he crossed to her side and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
‘Yes, yes I’m fine.’ She said, instinctively moving away from him and rubbing her palms together. She walked backwards and forwards a couple of times in front of him, ensuring that she ended up on the opposite side of the stairwell to him so that she had a bit of room.
‘Look, I’m worried, but we’re also a little pressed for time here…’ Ollie began and Hannah mentally removed her filter and let it all fall out.
‘I’m pregnant.’ She said and there was a pause between them, Hannah could hear her heartbeat thrumming in her ears as she watched his face. It took a moment for Ollie to register what she had told him and when the realisation dawned on him he leaned back against the railing suddenly and stared into space as he tried to process the information. Hannah couldn’t stand the silence so she decided that the best thing she could do was to fill it.
‘I know that this is weird and I have been absolutely terrified and worrying myself crazy with trying to work out how to tell you because we haven’t exactly been the couple of the year and it’s okay, I’m fully aware that I was just a rebound for Zosia and that we were nothing serious and I completely understand if you don’t want anything to do with the baby but you had a right to know so I had to tell you and I don’t even know yet what the hell I’m going to do…’ Hannah wasn’t looking at him and was just spouting out whatever came into her head so she didn’t really notice when he approached her quickly, the first indication she had that he had moved was when he grabbed her face between his hands and pressed his lips to hers passionately. She kissed him back after she’d got over her initial shock and when he broke away she was speechless but stammered a little. He kept her face between his hands and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs.
‘This is crazy…’ He smiled at her with a small laugh which made her feel inclined to mimic his small laugh.
‘Yeah, it kind of is.’ She replied and he planted a soft kiss on her lips again.
‘Look, I don’t know how I feel about us, and we’ve not been too serious but no matter how this turns out I won’t leave you, I won’t abandon you in any way, not like…’ He didn’t have to finish the sentence. Hannah felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and affection for him and she was mildly annoyed that the only way she could show it was a smile.
‘I don’t know how I feel about us either, but I think… we could maybe make this work.’ She smiled and Ollie kissed her again, this kiss was deeper and longer, he agreed.
‘Whenever you two are quite done, I’d like to get into theatre.’ Roxanna’s voice rang from the top of the flight of stairs looking down on them and they sprang apart like a couple of guilty teenagers. They both muttered their apologies and headed towards the theatre, rushing past Roxanna who kept her face stern until they had passed and then she allowed herself to smile in reflection of what she’d seen and overheard.
She knew more than John about Hannah’s past, she’d always done her best to keep in contact with Henrik about his daughter; for reasons of her own. She’d wished she could have helped her go through the experiences that she’d gone through but it hadn’t been allowed, it wasn’t appropriate. She wished that she could let on to Hannah that she knew more than she let on.
Roxanna was only supposed to be supervising the operation, observing it from within to make sure that nothing went wrong but she could be there if they needed her. She knew that she wasn't allowed to treat her own husband but there was no way that they could keep her away. Ollie and Hannah were more than capable of taking care of David and Morven Digby was there too; she was only observing but she would be able to scrub in quickly if they really needed another pair of hands.
Ollie was usually good at keeping his personal life separate from his professional one, but it was understandable that his excitement at the news Hannah had relayed was going to affect him a little.
'So how many weeks along are you?' He asked quietly and Hannah removed her eyes from David's heart and up to him, she could see the smile behind his mask but he didn't look up at her; she could feel Roxanna's eyes boring into her back and she let out a small sigh.
'Not sure,' she replied quietly.
'Wait, Hannah, you're pregnant?' Morven asked, intruding in her usual way but Hannah knew it was just curiosity and excitement.
'I'm not even sure we can count it as a pregnancy at the moment,' she replied with a smile nobody could see, she continued to focus on the heart as Ollie made a crucial incision. 'It's barely bigger than a Brussel sprout.' She smiled and Ollie chuckled lightly.
'Sprout, that's cute. Our little sprout.' He mused to himself and Hannah felt a rush of something go to her heart as she looked at him, he was genuinely excited about this she could tell and it made her happy to see him happy about something.
'Congratulations.' Roxanna added quietly from behind them as Hannah passed Ollie clamps to hold open David's flesh. Before anybody could continue the conversation regarding the baby, everyone's pagers seemed to go off at the same time. Hannah and Ollie looked up in confusion as Roxanna and Morven pulled out their devices to check what the emergency was.
'What's going on?' Hannah asked, obviously distracted.
'Ms. Macmillan, what is it?' Ollie asked, turning to Morven who held up her pager for him to see. Hannah turned to Roxanna who did the same and Hannah felt a sinking feeling fall through her and her breath caught in her throat.
'Oh, my God.' She whispered but Ollie turned back to the patient.
'Dr. Hanssen I need your attention here please.' He reminded her and she tried to turn back to the surgery but her mind was wandering. The hospital was on lockdown, someone had been shot, the shooter was still on the loose. Hannah knew she was a good surgeon but she couldn't stop her mind was wandering and it always came back to the same thought, where was her father?
'Dr. Hanssen...' Ollie warned and she took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment and when she opened them they were resting on David's beating heart.
'I'm here.' She said and she knew that if she gave David her full attention then she could get out quicker and find her father. She tried to think of where he could be, she assumed the wet lab with Gaskell, that was the last she'd heard.
'Could somebody… um, phone the wet lab for me please.' She instructed and Ollie seemed confused.
'Why do we need...?' He began and she interrupted him before he could finish.
'I need to know that my father is okay, otherwise I won't be able to focus properly, once I know he's alright I'll be fine again.' She said and he nodded in understanding.
'Of course.' He replied and Hannah did her best to maintain her focus whilst a nurse rang down to the lab to confirm who was down there.
'Mr. Hanssen, Professor Gaskell, Nurse Harrison, Mr. Levy and Ms. Naylor are all in the wet lab.' The nurse said and Hannah held up a hand before they could say anything else.
'Thank you.' She said, knowing that her father was still there made her feel more safe, secure, she could focus again.
'Let's take him off bypass.' Ollie instructed and they took a small step back whilst waiting to see if it was successful. Morven was wandering towards the door to peer out and Ollie chastised her, Hannah heard the conversation around her but she remained as absorbed in her patient as possible, she couldn't let her thoughts wander. Her breath was shaky and it was taking a lot of effort to control the shaking of her hands but she knew that she could do it. She remembered a trick they had taught her at the clinic shortly after she'd been admitted, a way to keep calm, to remind herself.
'My name is Hannah Hanssen, I am twenty-six years old, I have a brother named Fredrik and a son named Danny, I am a cardio-thoracic junior doctor at Holby City hospital, and I am alive.' She repeated the phrases over and over, Ollie gave her a questioning look but didn't verbalise anything. Once she felt a little calmer she stopped and they continued the surgery. They were silent except for speaking when absolutely necessary but Morven was clearly distracted. Hannah jumped when Morven's phone went off and she pulled it out to check it.
'Oh, my God, they know who the shooter is, there's a picture.' Her voice was quiet and Hannah felt her pulse quicken a little when she saw the look that Morven gave her.
'What? Who is it?' Hannah whispered, she was surprised anyone heard her. Morven came forward slowly and held her phone up to reveal the photo. Hannah felt tears spring to her eyes and she thought her heart might have momentarily stopped. She was looking at a photograph of her brother holding a rifle.
'I don't think I can continue.' She told Ollie and took a step back.
'Hannah, please, I need your help here.' He pleaded but Hannah felt wobbly.
'Ollie, I can't...' She whispered, her breathing quickening and he came around to the other side of the operating table to her, he didn't touch her but he stood close and looked down at her in earnest.
'You're a good doctor and an excellent surgeon. I know how difficult this is but I need your focus here, I need you to help me with this or else David might die. I know you don't want that to happen, please Hannah...' He spoke quickly and firmly and Hannah tried to close her eyes and calm herself. She knew that what Ollie was saying was right but her fears for her father had increased tenfold since the original developments and she wasn't sure that she knew how to continue.
'I'm scared...' She whispered but before Ollie could reply there was a crash from outside, making them all jump. Their eyes turned towards the door to see the man dressed in black approaching the theatre.
'We carry on.' Roxanna instructed but everyone was frozen. The man approached the door and paused, Morven was the first to speak.
'He knows the code.' She said as he began to punch it in and Hannah could hear her heartbeat drumming in her ears. She pulled off her mask, it was constricting her breathing, she was going to have a panic attack.
'He's coming for me...' She gasped but by this time he was pushing open the inner door to the theatre.
'We have a patient here who's about to come off bypass.' Roxanna explained calmly but Fredrik paid no attention, his eyes were fixed solely on his sister.
'Please don't do this...' She whispered as sprung down her cheeks but he was disconnected. He slowly raised his gun and aimed at her head and the rest of the world vanished for her, it was just her and her brother staring one another down.
'No!' Morven was shouting and Ollie was moving to step in front of the gun.
'Don't point that at her...' He instructed angrily and a shot rang out, deafening Hannah. Blood spattered her face and it took her a second to register Ollie falling to the ground in front of her, it took her even longer to register that the scream that was sounding was coming from her. Fredrik seemed to be happy with the situation and left, Hannah fell to her knees and found herself acting on autopilot. She was cradling Ollie's head even though her body was shaking violently with sobs, she tried to apply pressure. Morven appeared with packs and helped her to apply them to Ollie's wound but he had been shot in the head, Hannah knew that there was little chance he was going to make it. She looked up to see Morven crying too and then down at her bloody hands, Ollie's blood. When her eyes fell on his face the world snapped back into reality around her, Roxanna was shouting instructions, machines were beeping, Morven was sobbing. This was all her fault.
The doors opened again and Hannah's head shot up as she expected her brother to be making another appearance, it was her father instead. He fell to the floor beside her as Morven explained what had happened to Hanssen.
'Henrik, go. You're the only one who can stop this, you too Hannah.' Roxanna instructed and the father and daughter looked up at her and then at each other before Hannah remembered her duties towards her father. She stood up quickly and peeled off her surgical gown and gloves.
'Look after him.' She instructed Morven, pulling her hair loose from the surgical cap and then pulling her father to his feet. 'We have to find him, dad.' She said, surprised at how calm she suddenly felt. She took a step towards the door before pausing and then rushing back to Ollie's side, Hanssen waited for her.
'I'll be back.' She whispered to Ollie's unconscious body and planted a swift kiss on his pale lips before rushing to catch back up with her father. Hannah and her father didn't need to talk to know where Fredrik was headed next, they wordlessly made their way to Keller and burst onto the ward as they heard banging coming from the direction of the theatre.
Henrik stopped and put an arm out to keep Hannah from moving any further forward, he knew that Fredrik had aimed at her before and he was determined not to let him have a second shot.
‘Fredrik!’ He yelled and Hannah clung to his arm, peering around his shoulder to watch how things unfolded with her brother, she could still feel Ollie’s blood warm on her face. Fredrik appeared through the doors onto the ward and strolled forward with a small smile on his face, Hannah shuddered.
Hanssen gave a small shrug but Hannah could tell that he was afraid, she was too, her brother was holding a gun and had an unhinged smile on his face. She expected him to raise the gun and shoot at them at any second.
'It's just us now Fredrik.' Hanssen said and Fredrik gave a small smile but didn't say anything. 'Alright?' Slowly, so slowly it was painful, Fredrik placed down the gun and began to remove his jacket, Hannah knew that this was his endgame and that, out of the three of them, at least one of them was going to die. She gripped her father's arm harder and stifled a sob, she wanted to bury her head in his back and pretend like this wasn't happening but she was afraid to take her eyes away from her brother, he gave her a glance but returned his attention to their father, staring him down as he slipped off his jacket and placed it on the side by his gun.
He picked the gun back up and Hannah took a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm. She tried to remind herself that her father relied on her to stabilise his emotions, he needed her to be strong then and maybe all three of them could get out of this without a casualty; she had to remain hopeful. As he turned back to them with the gun in his hands, Hannah felt her father's hand tighten around her wrist, he was frightened.
'What have you done, Fredrik? Hmm?' Hanssen asked sympathetically, Hannah felt fear but she had no idea how her father could be sympathetic towards him at a time like this. He had hurt people, potentially killed them. There was another painful silence and Hannah felt like she ought to say something but she was terrified of where it would land them, it was safer to stay quiet. The silence was interrupted by the sound of shuffling feet and Hannah spun around, loosening her father's hold on her wrist, to see a platoon of armed police entering the ward and stopping short of them. The man who looked to be in charge tried to gesture her out of the way but she shook her head, she had to stay, even if it meant danger she couldn't bear to walk away now.
'Fredrik,' the man in charge called, leaving Hannah to make up her own mind, 'my name is Sergeant Taylor. We have to be here, okay? Just so I can hear you, nothing else, nobody will move, nobody's a threat to you. We want to hear you so we can communicate, find a way to resolve this.' He explained slowly and Hannah knew that there was no resolving this by the look on Fredrik's face.
'We just want to listen.' Sergeant Taylor concluded and Hannah dared to creep around her father's arm a little further, she wanted to give the impression that she was reassuring him that she wasn't afraid, to take him off edge a little.
'So, a lot of people are hurt, Fredrik,' her father spoke with a calm tone but she could feel him shaking and she placed her hand on his arm comfortingly, she stood by his side now.
'I know...' Fredrik replied after a pause.
'So let's just keep this between us now, alright? Whatever you want...'
'No,' Fredrik interrupted, his anger rising and Hannah steeled herself. 'I don't want anything from you, not anymore.' There was another pause and Hannah could almost feel the force of her father's brain, trying desperately to work out a resolution to the situation that wasn't going to get himself or either of his children killed.
'Let me come to you...' He finally attempted but it was no use.
'You stay there,' Fredrik retorted angrily, pointing a gloved finger at him and Hanssen remained rooted to the spot, Hannah gave his arm another small squeeze but this time Fredrik seemed to notice her. As his eyes found her a small smile played on his lips.
'Hannah, you come forward, slowly.' He instructed and Hannah was rooted to the spot for a moment in shock but made to move forward. Hanssen grabbed her wrist and stopped her.
'No.' He said firmly but Fredrik was adamant.
'I'll talk to her, your golden girl.' He hissed and Hannah gently prised her father's finger from around her wrist and gave him what she hoped was her bravest smile.
'It's okay...' She whispered and managed to stumble a couple of steps forward so she was at an equal distance between her father and her brother.
'Fredrik, put the gun down.' Hanssen instructed as he played with the safety, for the first time desperation tinged his voice. Fredrik ignored him and Hannah thought that he was going to shoot her.
'Put it down!' Hanssen yelled suddenly, making Hannah jump. She wasn't sure she'd ever heard him shout before, even when she'd been her most rebellious as a child and teenager he had only ever spoken in a disapproving tone, he hadn't ever raised his voice at her; in a way it frightened her more than the gun, it meant he was really desperate. Fredrik seemed to be just as taken aback as she was and looked up in shock, Hannah knew they were getting to the end game now, tensions were too high for it to go any other way, and she was literally right in the middle.
Fredrik lowered the gun slightly but Hannah knew he was far from putting it down.
'Thank you.' Hanssen said from behind her, she didn't dare turn around, she kept her eyes locked on her brother. There was desperation in her father's voice and her fear began to spiral, she couldn't bear to see her father afraid. 'Now, Fredrik don't raise the gun, if you raise the gun they will...' Hanssen trailed off as the unspoken truth surrounded them, they all knew it, somebody was going to get hurt, most likely die.
'Just put the gun down, please.' Hanssen said quietly, he was pleading. Fredrik seemed to think for a moment but Hannah could see he was battling with his anger, it was taking everything in him not to open fire.
'I decide how this ends...' He announced and both Hannah and Hanssen nodded but Fredrik yelled before either of them could respond. 'Me!' He screamed and Hannah jumped again, she wished she was back with her father but she knew that it was her turn to try and make things right. She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.
'What's the matter, Hannah?' Fredrik asked in a calm tone and she swallowed hard, opening her eyes again and staring him down like it was just a sibling spat. 'Scared now you don't have daddy to hide behind?' He jeered with a scoff and she took a deep breath, steadying her voice.
'Stop this Freddie, it's gone on long enough.' She said quietly and evenly, and anger spiked in his features again.
'It's Fredrik.' He replied bluntly and she was taken aback, all the time she'd known him she'd never thought about the way she shortened his name, it had been instinctual.
'Fredrik, I'm sorry. But please, nobody else has to get hurt, please just put down the gun.' She begged taking another step forward, but he gave her a warning look and she stopped short. 'You can come back from this, let us help you.'
There was another silence and Hannah felt her father move a little closer behind her.
'Right, put the gun down. This has to end now, my boy.' He said and Fredrik looked up with a smile.
'And that's what I'm here to do.' He smiled at Hanssen before turning his grin to Hannah, she knew that if there was any kind of agenda he had, she was top of the list. The realisation that she wasn't going to walk out of here unharmed dawned on her and made her fearless, she thought that if she could end it quicker it might make things less painful, she had to take control and be strong like all the times she'd had to be strong for her father during his depression. It wasn't about anything other than their family now, she knew Fredrik hated her and she knew there was nothing she could do about it, it was over. She took another step forward, more confident now and she held out her hand behind her, trying to stop her father from coming any closer. Before she could say anything, however, Dom rushed in from the other end of the ward, held back by Lofty.
'Fredrik, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...' He gasped, struggling against Lofty's restraints.
'You couldn't even let me have this one moment?' Fredrik asked lightly and Hannah clenched her fists.
'Dom, get out! Go!' She shouted and Fredrik looked back at her in surprise, there was no hint of fear about her now, no waver to her voice, she was calm and confident.
'This family you have, I'm not a part of it but neither are you, either of you.' He mused and Hannah shook her head in disbelief.
'What's wrong with you? You are our family, you are my brother!' Hannah retorted hotly, she was angry now. The memory of Ollie lying senseless on the floor flooded her mind, the memory of all the times Fredrik had brushed her off, all the time's he'd disrespected her father. She was so angry she forgot about the gun, this was between her and her brother now.
'Your family?' Fredrik scoffed and Hannah almost wanted to stamp her foot like a child.
'Yes, you are my family but this is messed up and it has to stop right now. I get it, dad wasn't around for you when you were a kid and that was crap, but at least you had a mother and a father figure. You seem to think that my life was all peaches and roses well it wasn't, but I made do with the family I had, I tried to make you a part of that but you've only ever thrown it back at me.' She spoke quickly and she could tell it was provoking him, she heard the rustle of the armed police behind her, preparing for action, she could hear her father on the verge of tears.
'Your family will always be perfect and I can never be a part of that. You have your precious father and everyone just adores you! Even an accidental pregnancy turns into an opportunity for family growth when in reality it's just stupidity!' He yelled back but she was no longer afraid of him.
'So, you shot Ollie in the head because he got me pregnant?' She yelled back and Hanssen interjected.
'Wait, Hannah, you're pregnant?' He asked in disbelief but they both ignored him, continuing their argument. 'Come back here right now!' He yelled but Hannah ignored him.
'No actually I shot him by accident...' Fredrik shouted, Hannah and Hanssen both yelled over him.
'This is so messed up, I mean are you serious!? Are you really that petty?'
'Hannah come back here right now!'
'No, you stay back!' Hannah turned her head for a moment to gesture her father back as Fredrik continued his shouting.
'I SHOT HIM BUT I WASN'T AIMING FOR HIM I WAS AIMING FOR YOU.' Fredrik yelled and when Hannah turned back the gun was aimed at her head and she froze as the fear flooded back. She knew it was only a split second but it felt like an eternity, she heard the ring of shots and she was sure that she was dead, she waited for the searing pain to split through her head, she waited for death. The pain didn't come to her head but to her right shoulder and she was thrown backwards at the exact same time as her brother. The two siblings fell in synchronicity, it would almost have been theatrical if it wasn't so tragic. The difference was, Hannah's fall was broken by her father's arms who rushed forward to catch her.
Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion and Hannah couldn't see her father's face above her only a blur as tears swum in her eyes, she put a hand to her shoulder and felt the wound, brought her finger back and saw the blood. She blinked a few times and tried to register what her father was saying to her, she gathered her breath and tried to reply.
'Go... go to Fredrik.' She instructed him and she realised the fear on his face. 'I'm okay, go to Fredrik.' She nodded and then suddenly Dom and Lofty were there too. Hannah was barely able to register her father moving away towards her brother and Lofty's face was looming above her.
'You need to apply pressure.' She heard coming from somewhere and then Lofty's hands were on her shoulder and he pressed down. It was only then that the pain became unbearable and she screamed, then she passed out.

…..

When Hannah awoke, her arm was in a sling and she was lying in a bed on a ward she recognised to be AAU. She lay for a moment and allowed herself to remember the events which had unfolded, she played them over frame by frame in her mind, remembering every detail and forming all the questions she needed to ask, but who could she ask? The curtains were drawn around her bed but she could hear the bustle of the hospital, she was glad they had remained open, it would have been horrible to feel partially responsible for the closure of the hospital, even though there was nothing she could have done differently. She ran her hand over her shoulder, gently tugging on the cannula in her hand so it ached but it was nothing compared to the dull ache left by the bullet wound. Her first thought was how she was going to explain what had happened to Danny, there was no way she could hide it, her arm was in a sling, she would have a scar. Her father would struggle with this, she knew that too, she had to be the strong one, keep them going no matter what.
The curtain was drawn to one side and Donna emerged with a tired expression.
'Oh, you're awake, hello.' She said softly and came to her side with a soft smile. 'I'll quickly do your obs and then Professor Gaskell asked to be made aware as soon as you'd woken up, how're you feeling?' She asked and Hannah had to think.
'Confused.' She answered and Donna's smile turned sympathetic.
'I meant physically.' She said and Hannah shrugged, wincing as the ache in her shoulder spiked to a pang. 'Do you remember what happened?' Donna asked, checking her blood pressure and noting it down on the chart.
'Yeah… Where's my dad, is he okay? And Fredrik? Ollie?' The questions began to tumble from her mouth and when her mind settled on Ollie the thought of the baby returned to her mind, something was wrong.
'Professor Gaskell has told us that he'll answer your questions,' Donna replied which made Hannah worry even more. 'Let me grab him for you, I think it's best you speak to him.' Donna said and disappeared. With every minute she was gone Hannah panicked more and more. Eventually she couldn't deal with the frustration any more, she had to know what had happened, she couldn't bear to sit in this small cubicle any longer not knowing where her family was, whether they were dead or alive.
'Donna?' She called as she swung the covers off from over her and yanked the cannula from her hand, it began to bleed but she didn't care. She swung her legs over the side of the bed as the curtain was pulled aside again, but this time it was John who emerged and once he saw her escape attempt he rushed forward and took hold of her good arm.
'No no no...' He said and gently restrained her, he held her back against the bed and when he realised he couldn’t make her lie down he contented himself with sitting on the edge of the bed so that she at least couldn't make another escape attempt; he kept his hands on her elbows, she clung to his arms in desperation.
'John, tell me, please.... Who's dead?' She asked bluntly, her heart in her throat. John sighed and ran his hand through his hair, he was stressed out, she vaguely remembered that it was still technically his first day.
'Raf Di Lucca, David Hopkins...' He said and Hannah was shocked, she hadn't even heard that Raf had been shot, she'd not known him too well but he'd always seemed lovely. The loss of David hit her hard but she put it aside for a moment, she would grieve when she knew the full extent.
'Ollie and Jac are in ITU, they should recover.' John continued and Hannah nodded, Ollie had been shot in the head, she knew that recovery meant something very different for him but she had to know what had happened to her family, she couldn't allow herself to feel anything strongly until she knew about them. Just like Raf, she hadn’t even known that Jac had been shot and she fought back tears, Darwin would be falling apart.
'Fredrik?' She whispered, she had flashes of memory from when the guns had gone off, it felt like the shots were still ringing in her ears; she remembered that he fell at the same time as her, he had been hurt too.
'I'm sorry...' John whispered, shaking his head. Hannah felt the full force of her lost brother and nodded, she let herself cry, there was no way she could stop it, but she tried to remain strong, she had to. 'Hannah, there's something else...' John added and Hannah felt a sense of dread sweep through her, her father.
'What? Just tell me, please.' She begged and he shifted slightly and took her hands, holding them tightly.
'We had to operate on you, to get the bullet out, and when you were in theatre...' He couldn't look at her, 'I'm sorry Hannah, you suffered a miscarriage, there was nothing we could do.' He explained and Hannah couldn't control it anymore, she had known something was wrong, something was missing, but she hadn't expected this.
She collapsed into a sobbing mess and felt no shame, there wasn't room for shame anymore. Without thinking John wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest, they both knew that her father would not be making an appearance at her bed side for quite some time, if at all, it would be too painful for him, but she needed support; she couldn't go through it alone so John knew he had to be there for her. She shook with violent sobs and drenched the front of his scrubs with her tears and still he held her, he held her until she cried herself out, and he cried with her.