How Did We Get Here?

It wasn't long before Jac Naylor left Darwin again, she had to take personal leave, her injury had not healed as well as the others had and she had to accept defeat, she had to accept that to get better she needed to take time off to let herself heal. There were other consultants, of course there were, but Frieda and Hannah didn't want to learn from them, they wanted Jac. They were both supportive of her taking time off in order to get better and in her absence, they often teamed up together to form two opposites that worked in perfect harmony; Frieda Petrenko was the dark and mysterious side with her pitch-black hair and elaborate eye make-up, Hannah Hanssen was the gleaming sunshine with her bright, blonde hair and smiling demeanour.
Darwin felt a little disjointed in Jac's absence, it was bound to, but Hannah and Frieda did their best to keep things running smoothly, with the help of Fletch of course. They worked like a funny little family unit in their own way, Hannah and Frieda were like opposite twins with Fletch as their big brother, together they protected the ward and kept things moving.
Hannah didn't relent in her visits with John though and she spent as much time as she could with him in the wet lab or at their spot on the stairs. She knew just as much about the trial as he did at that point and he referred to her as a sleeping partner, he asked her advice with everything and even called her in the night when he wanted her input with something. He sometimes woke her up or interrupted her but she didn't mind, she always dropped everything for him. She felt an odd stirring in her chest whenever she was with him, it was like nerves or anxiety and it made her a little jittery but she tried to ignore it, she didn't want to confront it just yet, she just wanted to enjoy spending time with him.
Everything changed very quickly.
It was a Tuesday and Hannah was heading down to the wet lab to say good morning to John before her shift started, she knew that he would be there, he was always there. This had become a ritual for them now, they always found one another. When she arrived at the lab he was alone, going through a case file with a vexed expression.
'Good morning,' she smiled as she walked in and he looked up, he tried to smile back but he was obviously distracted by the case in front of him.
'Hello Hannah.' He responded and she slowed as she approached him.
'Trouble in paradise?' She asked, trying to keep her voice light as she put down her bag and began to remove her coat, it was always warm in the lab.
'Not trouble, no.' He said slowly and she narrowed her eyes at him, leaning on the desk.
'What's wrong?' She asked and he sighed.
'I want to ask you to help me with something.' He said briskly and stood up straight, she mirrored him. This was business talk, not personal, and she knew that she needed to be the doctor she was at the hospital rather than the friend she was to him.
'Of course, you know I'm always happy to help.' She replied, a little uncertain, he'd never been this uncomfortable about asking for her help before.
'Well, here, take a look.' He said and pushed the case around to her, giving her a couple of minutes to glance over the main points. It was a CT case, something similar to what Jac had done on Gaskell's first day but less complex.
'I don't see any problems here, you've done it before.' She said and he nodded.
'I need a CT surgeon.' He said and Hannah suddenly knew where it was going.
'Jac's not back yet, when are you planning to do this surgery?' She asked quietly and he looked at her with cool eyes. She didn't like the look he was giving her.
'This afternoon.' He said and as soon as the words were out of his mouth she threw down the case file and shook her head.
'No.' She refused and he took a step towards her, his eyes were pleading.
'Hannah I've been building up to ask you this for weeks, I've been nervous about it because I know you don't want to be involved with the trial surgically but, truth be told I've wanted you to be an official part of the team for a long time now.' He explained and she shook her head again.
'There are people who are much more experienced than me that can help you, I can't do this. I'm just a registrar, there are consultants upstairs who would love to be involved in your trial, ask one of them.' She spoke quickly and backed away a little but he grabbed her hands to stop her moving further back.
'Listen, if by this afternoon, you still don't want to do it then that's fine I'll get somebody else, but I want you on my team Hannah. It would be good for you and it would be good for me.' He spoke slowly, calmly, but there was a tinge of pleading in his voice. She stared at his tie, tracing the subtle pattern as her thoughts mulled through her head, she barely noticed his thumbs stroking her hands but when she did that feeling in her chest rose again. She looked up into his face and found him closer than she'd expected, she felt an impulsive desire to kiss him which was closely followed by the impulse to laugh at her own strange thoughts. She did neither, she blinked a couple of times.
'Please, Hannah, I need you, I want you.' He spoke so softly and Hannah had to fight back the impulse to laugh again at the sexual implications of his words, she really was immature at heart.
'I'll think about it,' She compromised, 'I'll let you know my final decision by lunch, what time's theatre booked for?' She asked and he took a deep breath.
'Of course, it's subject to change but we're hoping to be in theatre at around half twelve, maybe one.' He said and she nodded.
'Okay, now I have to get to work.' She said but she didn't move, he stayed there too, gently rubbing his thumbs over her own; she wondered if he was even aware that he was doing it, whether he was trying to coerce her into saying yes or something else.
They stood there for a few more moments, neither of them feeling any inclination to move nor to say anything, not even to address the odd situation they had put themselves in, it wasn't until Meena appeared in the doorway with coffee for John that Hannah moved away finally, breaking the grasp he had on her hands.
'I'll see you at lunchtime.' She said softly, picking up her bag and coat and quickly leaving the room, ignoring the look that Meena was giving her as she rushed past.
All throughout the morning Hannah struggled to concentrate on her work, she cleared her afternoon just in case she decided to take John up on his offer, but she was unsure as to whether it was a good idea. Those butterflies were fluttering in her stomach again whenever she thought of John and then thought of herself. John was an incredible surgeon, he was gifted and charismatic and he was everything really that Hannah wasn't. When she imagined herself at his age she didn't imagine that she would be in a similar position to the one he was in now, she imagined that she would be in the same place, doing good but nothing innovative. She wondered who she could talk to about it, she didn't trust Frieda or Fletch to give her sound advice, they were both a little prejudiced against John themselves and valued her too much on Darwin, she knew that. She wanted to talk to her father.
The morning crawled by and the urge to just go to Keller to find her father was nearly overwhelming by the time eleven o'clock struck. She decided that she couldn't hold back any more and she decided to just go for it. She made her way to Keller ward, making sure that there was nothing pressing that she needed to attend to on Darwin and when she got there she was pleased to know that her father was on a break. She hurried into the break room and shut the door quickly behind her, Henrik Hanssen didn't even look up from the case file he was reviewing.
'Hey, dad, can I talk to you about something?' She asked and she saw him stiffen as she came around to sit beside him. He avoided eye contact and gave her a tight smile, they hadn't discussed the events of the night when Ollie remembered which had been weeks ago but she knew he was still afraid of talking about that.
'Of course, you can, as long as it's strictly professional.' He said and Hannah felt her heart sink a little, she wondered if he would ever let her open up to him again.
'It is.' She confirmed and he seemed to visibly relax.
'Then what can I help you with?' He asked and she began to pick at the edge of her thumb-nail.
'If you had to choose between the place you've known forever and something new, what would you do?' She asked quickly, she didn't really want to give him the specifics so it needed to be worded carefully.
'John asked you to help with the trial?' He asked and her effort went out the window.
'Yes,' she replied, picking a little more ferociously. 'I don't know whether it's a good idea, what do you think?' She asked and he thought for a moment before replying.
'Of course, the decision ultimately lies in where you think your loyalties lie, but I think that you and I owe a lot to this hospital and we ought to try and do what we can for it in any way possible.' He said carefully and Hannah was suddenly confused and worried, she didn't like what he was implying.
'What do you mean?' She asked quietly but before he could respond Roxanna had entered noisily, not realising Hannah was in there too.
'Tell me to mind my own business...' She said loudly and then realised that Hannah was there and stopped herself from continuing. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.' She added hastily but Hannah gave her a small smile and stood up quickly.
'Don't worry, I'm just leaving.' She said and gave her father one more look before hurrying out, squeezing past Roxanna in the doorway. She left them to their own conversation and went to find John, she couldn't wait until their appointed meeting, this new development was worrying to her. She found him in the wet lab and entered just as Meena was leaving with an excited grin, she gave her a reassuring smile, hoping that the panic in her eyes wasn't showing. John seemed pleased to see her.
'Hannah, have you come to tell me your decision? I hope it's good news.' He smiled but his smile fell when he saw her face.
'It's not about the trial, it’s personal is that okay?' she said quickly and continued without waiting for his answer, she didn’t have anyone else to talk to. 'I honestly don't know whether I can do the surgery, I'm worried about my dad. He's not been seeing a therapist I know that and I hadn't really, properly noticed until now just how bad a mind-set he's still in. He's not healthy, John, and I don't know what to do...' She paused and he didn't say anything, she stared down at her hands and willed herself not to cry as the silence went on and on, so she tried to change the subject.
'I hear that after this patient you're jetting off to Tangier? Wow, that will be... amazing.' She looked up at him, her voice cracked a little and she fought for control, he still wasn't saying anything.
'You're going to be off having medical adventures, I'm really happy for you, it's wonderful.' She said with a nod, hoping that if she ignored the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes then he would too.
'But...' He said softly and she took a deep breath.
'But when you're gone I don't know what I'll do, who I'll turn to. I have a son who seems to be going through his terrible toddler phase all over again, a father who's obviously letting his depression control him and I... I don't know how to cope anymore, how not to let my depression control me, I can’t do any of it, not without you.' She broke down into sobs despite herself and clamped her hand to her mouth in an attempt to hold them in. John moved forward suddenly and took her in his arms, holding her against his chest and stroking her hair gently.
'I'll only be a phone call away, you know that.' He said softly, 'I'll always pick up for you.'
'I'm just so scared of letting my own depression take over again, that's why I'm worried about doing your trial, I don't want to screw it up for you.' She said into his chest, tracing that pattern of his tie, the same one she’d studied earlier, with her forefinger.
'Come with me.' He said suddenly and she looked up to him but didn't move away, her chin tilted up and his tilted down to look into her eyes, their noses almost touched and Hannah had that ridiculous urge to kiss him again.
'What?' She asked, she expected herself to be fighting back a laugh at the ridiculousness of the idea but she found herself too captivated by him to find any humour.
'Come with me to Tangier, distract yourself from everything here, you'd be working but at least you'd be away.' He explained softly and she gave him a small smile as the butterflies fluttered again.
'That's an even more insane idea than me working on the trial in the first place.' She smiled a little and he reached up a hand to brush away traces of her tears. His thumb lingered on her face and there was a look in his eyes that Hannah recognised; in that look, she could see her own reckless urges reflected, the strange desire to lean towards the other and kiss them, she didn't want to go down that path, not today, but she couldn't bring herself to pull away, she didn’t want to be the one to ruin the spell.
She didn't realise that their faces were drawing together until her nose brushed his and this contact seemed to alert her to the situation and she pulled away suddenly.
'I should get back to work.' She said as she hurried towards the door, thoughts of her father flooding her head, but she stopped herself before she left. She held onto the door frame and took a moment to breathe before turning back to him. 'I'll do the surgery this afternoon,' she told him but she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye, if she did she didn't know what she'd do.
'Thank you.' She heard him mutter and she nodded once before rushing off, brushing past Roxanna in the corridor outside.
'Wait, Hannah...' Roxanna called and Hannah stopped, she hoped that Roxanna didn't suspect anything between her and John.
'Hey, Roxanna, what's up?' She asked, her cheeks burning despite her best efforts to keep her emotions in check.
'I just wanted to ask you if your dad had said anything to you? I don't think he's doing too well but he won't listen to me, I wondered if he would talk to you.' She said and Hannah sighed, of course it wasn't something about her, it was about her father.
'Uh, no he hasn't said anything and I doubt he would even if I tried to get him to talk.' She said and Roxanna sighed.
'Listen, I know I shouldn't be telling you this but I'm concerned for a patient under his care, I wondered if you might go to Keller and run some tests of your own, I'm worried it might potentially be cardiothoracic based.' Roxanna lied easily, she knew that the only way to get through to Henrik was through his daughter, Hannah had to be the one to see how he wasn't ready to be there.
'Of course.' Hannah said and Roxanna gave her the name of the patient.
Hannah went immediately to Keller and found the patient easily, she was glad she couldn't see her father anywhere, she didn't want to seem like she was treading on toes. She ordered some blood tests and told the patient that they would take a few hours but she hoped that they would give them more answers. She then returned to Darwin to finish as much of her work there as she could; she had to pass a few cases over to Frieda who, surprisingly, understood her reasoning and supported her taking part John's surgery.
She took a quick break and ate some lunch, checked on the bloods for the Keller patient and found they weren't ready but she didn't have a choice, she had to go to theatre.
When they were washing their hands beforehand, John and Hannah didn't say a word to one another and Hannah could feel her heart beating wildly in her chest, she was nervous. Her hands shook a little but steadied as she put on her gown and gloves, once her mask was placed over her face she managed to slip into her alter-ego, a doctor who was confident and professional, a skilled surgeon. John guided her through the surgery but let her do the bulk of it by herself, she had observed Jac’s su surgery and read through the notes but it was something quite different to perform the surgery herself. Once it was complete and everything had gone without a hitch, she finally allowed herself to look up at him with a beaming smile, she was proud of herself.
'I hope this means you'll consider joining the trial full time.' He said softly as they were closing, only she could hear him.
'I don't know yet,' she answered honestly, focusing on her sutures.
'And Tangier?' He asked and she looked up at him, surprised.
'You were being serious?' She asked, raising an eyebrow and she saw a smile in his eyes.
'Deadly.' He replied and she felt those butterflies again, this time she was less inclined to push them away, she wanted to embrace them. She had a small suspicion that her going to Tangier wasn't at all necessary, she had a small fear that it was just for him, so he could keep her close, her bad experience with men was telling her it was a bad idea, that he only wanted one thing out of her, but her experience with John was telling her something different. Her experience with herself was another factor altogether, she didn't know what she wanted, but she knew that it could be worth making a few mistakes at this time in her life.
'I'll think about it.' She replied softly and they finished closing the patient and headed towards the sinks to scrub out.
As soon as she was out of theatre she headed straight to Keller to check on her patient there. The test results were back and she studied them for a moment before realising the problem, what was causing the pancreatitis. She turned towards the ward to see her father stood over the bed, she sighed and headed over just as she overhead the patient ask something of her father, but in this situation he wasn’t just her father, he was her boss, her superior.
'But what about the blood tests?' She tensed and waited for it all to come out, this wasn't going to be pretty.
'They show heightened amylase levels, indicative of pancreatitis.' Her father responded and the patient seemed confused.
'No, I mean the one your colleague was running? Young lady, blonde, has a nice smile....' He continued to describe her and Hannah decided to make her appearance before the descriptions became less flattering.
'Ms Hanssen?' Her father seemed surprised as she appeared at his elbow, nervously holding the iPad. She was a little concerned, he had missed this, it was a big diagnosis and could have had catastrophic results for the patient if it was left untreated for much longer. Hannah handed him the iPad.
'I think you should take a look.' She said softly and went on to explain the findings of the test to the patient. 'Why didn't you tell us you were on medication?' She asked softly and the patient blushed.
'Because I'm not!' He defended himself and Hannah raised an eyebrow.
'Not even anything un-prescribed?' She asked and Hanssen looked up, angry.
'My guess would be growth hormone.' He retorted hotly and Hannah shot him a glare, it wasn't their place to judge the patients. Hannah listened to the continuing conversation between the patient and her father and grew more and more irritated with the way her father was speaking to him, her irritation grew to anger when he rounded on her.
'Ms Hanssen, might I have a word?' He asked and went to move away.
'Of course,' Hannah muttered, she knew that she was in trouble now, but the patient stopped her.
'Wait, Hanssen? You're both called Hanssen, he's your father?' He asked, his eyes widening.
'Yes,' she replied quickly and made to turn again but he asked another question.
'Isn't it a little odd to work at the same hospital with the same name?' He asked and she struggled to contain herself.
'Yes, well, I would have taken my mother's name but I have no idea who she was.'
There was a pause, Hannah had no idea where it had come from, why she had suddenly defied her own expectations and standards of herself and snapped at him, but it had happened.
'Ms Hanssen!' Her father was practically yelling at this point, she gave the patient an apologetic smile before turning and hurrying to the office where her father was waiting. When she entered, she shut the door firmly behind her and stood in front of it, she decided there and then that they were going to talk whether he liked it or not, she couldn't give him a route to escape.
'You had no right to run tests on my patient!' He spoke angrily and she folded her arms in defiance, staring him down until he had to turn and he began arranging things on the desk which were already neat, one of his coping mechanisms.
'I had every right,' Hannah responded in as cool a voice as she could muster, 'you would have missed it, you're not yourself.' She spoke slowly but her words only seemed to make him angrier.
'Given time I would have come to the same conclusion.' He said and she raised an eyebrow.
'I don't think you would have. Dad, people are concerned about you, I'm concerned about you.' She said and he all but rolled his eyes. 'I know you haven't been seeing a therapist, I know you're not seeking the help that you need!' Her voice was rising as she struggled to keep down her frustration.
'What's the point? What's the point of fielding endless questions? I respect the process but it is not for me.' He spoke quickly, he was angry but she could also see that he was scared.
'Because it helps you to get better! Why don't you want to do that?' She asked, exasperated, she didn't want to cry again but she was sure she could feel the tears pricking the backs of her eyes.
'Because I came back to this hospital to atone for the pain my son caused...' He said and it clicked in her mind.
'You think you need to suffer to make up for what Fredrik did?' She said, it wasn't a question, they both knew the answer. 'I'm sorry dad but that's insane and you know it. You do not need to hurt yourself because of what that sociopath did!' She yelled and he glared at her. 'Alright! You don't want to talk to a therapist yet, we can get there it'll be fine, but please, talk to me! I understand that you're scared dad, you can't love yourself right now, I get it, I get it because I feel the same way. I'm scared and I need you, Danny and I, we both need you, everyone here does but we do more than most. Please, come back to me...' She was crying but she did her best to ignore the tears falling down her cheeks. He looked at her with a horrified expression for a moment before pushing past her to get to the door, his usual routine of denial. Hannah knew that she had no choice, she had to pull out her last weapon.
'You're not competent.' She said, her voice louder than she'd expected it to be. She didn't turn but she felt him freeze, they stayed there for a moment before Hannah turned to look at him, his back was to her. 'I'm going to go to Abigail and tell her that, in my opinion, you aren't fit for work. Coming from me, I doubt she'll even want you to finish your shift.' It was her last resort, threats. He turned his head slightly and Hannah thought for a moment that it had worked, that he would come back and just talk to her. 'If, maybe, you could own up to how you're not coping right now then maybe...' she tried and he stayed in the same position, she prayed and hoped and did everything but cross her fingers, but it wasn't going to happen. He walked away and left Hannah staring after him as the sting in her throat rose.
She hurried to the sofa before her legs collapsed out from underneath her and she sat down heavily, bent over double and sobbing with her face in her hands. After a minute or so she felt a hand on her back and was hopeful that it was her father, come back, she looked up suddenly but it wasn't her father. Roxanna sat beside her and gently rubbed her back with a sympathetic expression on her face. Hannah didn't know what compelled her to do it but she suddenly turned to Roxanna and pulled her into a tight hug; she half expected to be pushed away, but instead she felt herself being hugged back as Roxanna continued to comfort her.
'I'm sorry I put you up to this, I thought he would listen if it came from you.' Roxanna said softly and Hannah began to calm as she breathed in her perfume, it was comforting and for the first time in years Hannah found herself wishing she had a mother again.
'He's... gone...' Hannah managed to choke out and Roxanna tightened her grip.
'I'm sorry... I'm sorry...' She kept repeating whilst she gently rocked Hannah and rubbed her back rhythmically.
Hannah was unsure how long they sat there, only that when she finally detached herself from Roxanna she felt drowsy. Roxanna stood up and retrieved a box of tissues, offering them to Hannah so she could clean herself up. Hannah hoped she looked a little more presentable as she turned to Roxanna.
'Thank you for being here for me.' She said and Roxanna nodded.
'Of course, I'll always be here for you, Hannah.' She said softly and reached up to brush a little hair out of her face. Hannah gave her a weak smile before taking a deep breath.
'I need to go and apologise to a patient.’
When she returned to the patient she was timid and unsure of herself but the patient gave her a small smile of encouragement, he didn't seem to hold what had happened against her.
'I need to apologise for what happened earlier, I aired my family's dirty laundry out on the ward and it was unprofessional and unfair to you. I'm sorry.' She said and his smile broadened a little.
'It's quite alright, I understand how difficult family can be, is your father alright?' He asked and Hannah looked down.
'He will be, I hope. I think that Ms MacMillan will be taking over your case from here though, I'm not sure what state Mr Hanssen is in, he probably just needs some air.' She said coolly but she knew she wasn't fooling him.
'Well why not you?' He asked and she smiled.
'I'm not actually a general surgeon, my specialty is cardiothoracics. Ms MacMillan was concerned that this might have something to do with your heart or lungs which is why she asked me for a second opinion.' Hannah explained with a slight smile before looking down again. 'I went behind Mr Hanssen's back, that's why he's angry, it's not you. I apologise for his behaviour also, nonetheless. He's a good man, I'm sure he'll see where he was wrong and apologise himself in due course.' She said, her voice getting gradually quieter.
'And are you alright?' He asked softly and she looked up at him quickly.
'Your eyes are red, you've been crying.' He explained and she gave him another weak smile.
'And here I thought I could hide it.' She attempted to be bright but her voice wobbled a little. 'This hospital has gone through a tough time and unfortunately my father and I were the cause for it, well no that's not fair, we weren't the cause, but we had a hand in it certainly. It's difficult to find our feet again after that.' She explained slowly and he narrowed his eyes.
'You don't mean the shooting?' He asked and she tensed a little and blushed before nodding, not trusting her voice. The patient paused as realisation dawned on him.
'Oh,' he said slowly, 'the shooter was Mr Hanssen's son, your brother...' The patient clarified and Hannah nodded slightly.
'Yes, so as you can imagine, right now we're not doing so great.' She said and the patient nodded.
'I'm sorry, but you know none of that was your fault? If we were all accountable for the actions of others' the world would be a very messy place indeed.' He said and Hannah gave him a strained smile.
'I think I understand that more than my father does.' She said quietly and before the conversation could continue a nurse called her over, asking her advice on a scan. Before she left she turned back to the patient.
'Please, take better care of yourself, try and accept that things are the way they are, you'll find a lucky lady soon I'm sure.' She smiled and he smiled back. As she approached the nurse's station, Mr Hanssen himself approached the patient to make his own apologies, warily eyeing Hannah who was unaware that he was there.
'Hello again,' the patient said kindly and Hanssen attempted a smile.
'I'm to apologise for your treatment today, and for my behaviour.' He said and the patient shrugged.
'I'm sorry I kept things from you, might have caused a little less drama, eh?' He asked and Hanssen managed a small smile.
'I have to ask, why did you do it? Why do you take those things when you know they're affecting your health?' He asked and the patient narrowed his eyes a little.
'I don't suppose you've ever wished you could be taller?' He asked in a dry tone and Hanssen mustered a smile again.
'Not taller, no. But somebody else, maybe...' He didn't know why he was opening up to this man, it had been an emotional day and it somehow felt right, he snuck another glance at Hannah.
'She was upset, you know?' The patient said and Hanssen forced his attention back to him. 'She'd been crying, a lot judging from how red her eyes were.' He said and Hanssen looked down, unable to respond. 'You must be very proud of her.' The patient said softly and Hanssen looked up again, that wasn't what he'd been expecting.
'Yes, I suppose I am.' He said softly, unable to lie.
'My guess is you don't let her know that very often.' He continued.
'Oh, she knows it.' Hanssen smiled but the patient raised an eyebrow.
'I'm not so sure she does.' He said and Hanssen looked at him, questioning. 'She's very frightened, you know. She does her best to hide it but it’s there, a vulnerability behind all that confidence. I think she thinks she's losing you or something I'm not sure, we didn't chat for long but I did gather that you mean very much to her, she just wants to see you happy, to see you get better.' He said and Hanssen sighed, he didn't have any fight left in him, not even to chastise his daughter for discussing their private lives with patients.
'I hope you'll endeavour to think of yourself in a new way, a healthier way.' Hanssen said softly, he meant it and the patient smiled back at him.
'I will if you will.' He smiled and Hanssen smiled back but also gave him a look to check him, to keep him within the boundaries. He turned back to the nurse's station with the intent of speaking to Hannah again but she was gone. He was told she had gone back to Darwin and he suspected she would go to Abigail on the way.
Hannah did return to Darwin ward to tie up her loose ends for the day, her shift was nearing its end. She reflected how it had been such a long day, how so much had happened, how she'd managed to feel so many conflicting emotions in the space of only a matter of hours. She was leaning back in her chair and staring into space when Fletch approached her slowly, waving a hand in front of her face.
'How squeezed are you to be done in time for the end of the shift?' He asked and she narrowed her eyes.
'Why?' She asked, drawing out the word.
'You got room for one more consult? Patient just needs a scan for tonight.' Fletch requested holding up the case file. Hannah held her hand out for it.
'Alright, whereabouts?' She asked as she flipped open the file and scanned the notes.
'Keller.' Fletch asked but he was already walking away when her head snapped up. 'Thank you!' he called after him and she knew she had no choice, she had to face the music.
She headed back down to Keller again and found the patient she was looking for, requesting the ultrasound be brought over so she could get it over and done with right away. Luckily the scan showed no abnormalities with the heart and lungs and it was up to Hannah to assure the patient that there would be no complications in the night and that they would undergo further tests in the morning. She wearily headed back to the nurse’s station to log her additions to the patient's notes, it wouldn't take her long and then she could go home.
She was busy typing and focusing on the screen when a shadow loomed over her, she looked up with the expectation of seeing Dom but was instead met with the sight of her father.
'Hello.' She said quietly and he smiled slightly and held out a small card.
'I have an appointment next Tuesday, a standing appointment for a minimum of ten weeks.' He said and Hannah took the card, it was for a therapist's office. She smiled up at him, her heart swelling with pride. 'It seems that seeking help is an act of self-love, and that's something which hasn't really been on my radar as of late.'
'I hope it comes back.' Hannah said softly and Hanssen nodded softly.
'It took you to make me realise where I was going wrong, you know that? Hannah, I am so very proud of you.' He said and she smiled wider, tears coming to her eyes once again but this time it was different.
'Thank you, dad, you know I really was just trying to be a good daughter earlier...' She told him, worried that his perception of her had changed with their confrontation.
'I know, but for the record I would like to keep working...' He said and she knew he was worried about her threat of going to Abigail, of course she'd never really intended to, she wasn't sure she would have been able to.
'I suppose it's a good thing I didn't have the chance to go to Abigail then.' She said softly and he understood her real meaning. They smiled at one another and she held up the card to give back to him but he closed his hand around hers, the first time he had touched her since the shooting, six months later, the first sign of comfort he'd given her. It was baby steps but it gave her hope nonetheless.
'Just in case you want to check up on me.' He smiled uncertainly before giving her hand a squeeze and walking away.
She felt a little lighter as she finished her notes and then headed up to Darwin to sign herself out and collect her things, as she made her way down to the lobby she spotted John talking to Meena, she seemed disappointed at something but as he made to walk away she rushed to catch up to him, she could see her father waiting for her outside the doors.
'John!' She called, she could still see Meena in earshot but she ignored her.
'Hannah..' He seemed surprised as she grabbed his arm, she let go quickly but Meena noticed.
'John, look, about your offer... I can't come to Tangier with you, not right now...' She shot a glance at her father and John understood.
'Well, I'm disappointed to hear that, but of course I understand.' He said and Hannah glimpsed Meena roll her eyes and look disgruntled as she stalked away, something told her that Meena hadn't been invited on the trip like she had.
'You didn't let me finish, I can't come but you can call me at any time on any day and I will always pick up for you. If you need advice or a friendly ear or you're just lonely, I'll always pick up. Of course, if you desperately need a CT surgeon then you can call and ask me to come and I'll come in a heartbeat, next flight out, but until then, my family needs me.' She explained and he smiled at her and took her hand, they stayed there for a moment, holding one another’s hands and just looking at one another with small smiles and Hannah found herself battling that impulse again. This time she was snapped out of it by the sound of her phone ringing, it made her physically jump, she hadn’t been aware of how engrossed she’d been in John’s eyes.
'Let me just grab this.' She said and she pulled out her phone and answered it as John laughed at her and left to meet Hanssen outside, he’d had his back to them the whole time and hadn’t seen a thing. Danny's nanny was the one calling Hannah as Danny wanted to speak to her, it was nothing important, just what he wanted for dinner. Once she managed to convince him that they were on their way to pick him up she could hang up and she joined her father and John outside. They seemed to be finishing their conversation.
'Ready?' She asked her father who nodded. 'Danny is wondering if his favourite granddad will make him his famous mac and cheese with extra broccoli for tea?' She said and John laughed, even Hanssen stifled a grin.
'Well, let's see what we can do.' He said and Hannah grinned at him, one of the first genuine grins she’d given in months. For the first time in a very long time she felt good; they walked towards the car together and Hannah finally had some semblance of her family back.