How Did We Get Here?

As the weather got warmer, conditions at the hospital began to change and things began to get a bit more hectic. Many patients began to be brought into AAU all with the same injuries. All the patients had been stabbed and multiple patients died from the injuries, the police were made aware, along with the media, and the hospital was placed on a high alert status. It seemed that Holby had a serial killer loose and anyone within the hospital could potentially be a target, depending on the killer’s intentions. This affected the staff on AAU more than any other department, but nobody was hugely concerned and didn't expect that the criminal would strike at the hospital; but nobody ever left walked home alone.
Hannah stayed with Dom for a few days which stretched into a week and when it got to that point Hannah realised that she really needed the space without intruding on her friend. She finally found a house and the following week moved in with Danny, it felt good to finally have her own freedom, her own space.
At first Hanssen had panicked that she was trying to take Danny away from him but she ensured him that it was just the case of needing to grow up a bit, he was still able to see Danny whenever he wanted.
Once the initial anger at her father and Roxanna had passed she began to understand their reasoning and felt an immense amount of pity for David, how he must have felt in that situation she couldn't imagine. Instead of thinking about it she threw herself into her work, keeping things strictly professional with both her father and Roxanna as much as possible. She didn't want to talk about that situation anymore, she appreciated that she finally knew the truth but she didn't feel like she needed to know anything more, she didn't feel like they needed to begin having family meetings or anything like that.
Hannah accepted more work from John to keep her occupied as much as possible when she wasn't at the hospital and, whilst she prioritised Danny at all times, she began to spend most of her nights deep in John's notes or proof-reading papers for him. It meant that she began to neglect herself a little; she struggled to sleep so she stopped really trying and, instead, tried to focus on her work. She took up extra shifts, leaving Danny either with his nanny or with her father.
This went on for a few weeks before it became noticeable. She was chugging coffee almost constantly just to stay awake and she couldn't eat much or it made her feel unwell due to the lack of sleep. Hanssen was oblivious at first but it all changed one morning when he met her at the front door as they walked from their cars.
'Good morning.' he said to her, at first, he thought she was nursing a hangover.
'Is it?' she asked and he smiled.
‘One too many last night?' he joked and Hannah laughed.
'I wish, John sent me a paper that needed to be proofed by this morning so I was up all night doing it, I haven't slept.' she said as they walked through the door and she headed straight for Pulses, in need of coffee.
'But yesterday you said that you hardly slept the night before?' Hanssen replied, confused as they waited in the queue and Hannah nodded, stifling a yawn.
'Yeah, I got about two hours the night before last. I was doing some research and... lost track of time.' she lied, she had known that if she slept the nightmares would come so research was the best deterrent. Hearing this, Hanssen took a moment to properly look at her.
'Are you sure you should be here?' he asked softly and she nodded.
'Yeah, it's fine, don't worry I'm on admin today. Since Jac's still on leave we've all got to make sure the paperwork gets done and today is my turn, I guess you could say I'm acting consultant for the day, isn't that fun?' she grinned as she accepted her coffee, paying in coins.
'I suppose so, as long as you're sure...' Hanssen said and Hannah dumped multiple sugars into her coffee, giving her father even more reason for doubt.
'It's fine, dad.' she said and headed for the lift.
When she got onto the ward she collected all the files from the nurse's station before making her way to Jac's office, they'd been using her desk so everything was in the right place for when she came back. She switched on the computer and saw that she had an email from John, it was another paper that he needed proof-read for that evening and she printed it out to add to her pile of reading to do.
Of course, whenever John said that he needed something proof-read it was completely optional and she had the choice to tell him that she was too busy that day, but she wouldn't ever dream of refusing him. She wanted to keep herself busy, she wanted to keep herself distracted but she wasn't sure what she was distracting herself from.
The morning dragged on slowly and she kept herself consistently sipping on tea and coffee just to stay awake but gradually even the caffeine stopped working and her eyes began to droop. She fought it as hard as she could but eventually her head dropped down onto the desk and she fell asleep. An hour passed before she was awoken by the shrill ring of her phone.
She jerked awake and snatched up her phone, accepting the call and putting it to her ear in one movement; her voice was groggy.
'Hello?'
'Hannah, hi, it's John...' John's voice crackled a little on the other end of the line, he was in Austria, she thought.
'John, hey, I was just going through your paper.' She lied and took a swig of her coffee, spitting it back out and grimacing when she found it cold.
'Aren't you at work?' he asked and she stifled a yawn.
'Yeah, but I'm admin duties today so reading your paper is actually a bit of a break.' she said, leaning back in her chair and rubbing her eyes.
'Actually, that's why I called...' John said slowly and Hannah relented the assault on her eyes for a moment.
'What was the reason?' she asked, a little worried that he no longer had faith in her proof-reading skills.
'You, taking a break. Your dad called me and said he was concerned about your current situation, he doesn't think you're taking proper care of yourself.' John said slowly and Hannah sighed, mentally cursing her father.
'I'm fine I promise, dad's just worrying over nothing because I've had a bit of insomnia recently.' she explained and she could almost tell John was raising an eyebrow in response.
'And what did you have for breakfast this morning?' he asked and Hannah paused, 'or for dinner last night?'
'Usually men ask what you're wearing not what you're eating...' she replied quietly.
'Hannah...'
'I use humour to hide my insecurities!' she snapped grumpily in response and she heard John sigh at the other end of the phone. 'Alright, I will go and take a lunch break now, okay? I will not allow Fletch to bully me into staying later than necessary and I will be in bed by ten p.m. sharp.'
John paused, like he was considering something, and then groaned slightly.
'You promise to take better care of yourself?' he asked and she nodded emphatically, leaning back in her chair again and closing her eyes.
'I promise.'
'Good,' he paused again and Hannah could feel herself slipping back into sleepiness and she fought to stay awake. 'I have to go, but I'll see you soon. Bye.' John said slowly but Hannah was on autopilot at this point.
'Okay, love you, bye.' she replied and hung up the phone. It was only when the phone was halfway to the desk that she processed what she had just said. Her eyes snapped open and she stared at the phone, her mouth agape and her cheeks flushing red.
'Oh, oh no...' she muttered, no longer on the verge of sleep as embarrassment made her feel more awake than any caffeine could.
She placed the phone down, unsure whether it was better to acknowledge it and send John a quick apology text, or pretend like it had never happened. There was always option three where she moved to a completely new country and never spoke to anyone she had ever known ever again. Somehow the final option didn't seem completely viable.
She stared at her phone for a full minute and only stopped when she was interrupted by Fletch.
'Hey, Hannah I need a favour...' he exclaimed as he burst in but he stopped when he saw her face. 'Everything alright?'
'I just said "love you, bye" at the end of a phone call...' she explained, still aghast at her own actions.
'Ah right, was it to someone you don't know, or...?' Fletch didn't finish as Hannah looked at him with wide eyes.
'Worse.' she said emphatically and Fletch narrowed his eyes. 'It was to Professor Gaskell.' her voice was hardly above a whisper.
Fletch paused for a moment as he processed what she'd just told him and then he snorted with laughter, he clapped his hands to his mouth and did his best to hide it but he couldn't suppress the giggles and Hannah slowly put her head onto the table with a loud "thunk".
'I'm sorry, it's not funny, I swear...' he spluttered between his giggles but Hannah didn't lift her head. After a minute or so he managed to gain some of his composure back and stopped laughing so badly, he couldn't keep the grin of amusement from his face though.
'I think I might actually have to change my name and move countries.' Hannah mumbled into the table and Fletch came to her and patted her back comfortingly.
'Come on,' he smiled, 'it can't be that bad. Everyone does it sometimes, he'll probably chalk it up to what it was, a slip of the tongue and then never speak of it again.'
She looked up at him with hopeful eyes and he did his best to refrain from letting his giggles get the better of him again.
'You really think so?' she asked and he nodded.
'I'm sure, but anyway this favour?' he continued and Hannah leaned back in her chair.
'What is it?'
'Can you stay a bit later tonight? Only for like, an hour, or so? Maybe two?' he begged and she rolled her eyes and sighed.
'Tonight, really isn't great, Fletch...' she groaned and he dropped to his knees beside her, grabbing her hands in his.
'I am begging you, Hannah, Ms Petrenko isn't in today and... I'm not meant to tell you this, but, the reason I need someone is because I need someone on the ward since they're looking to appoint a senior registrar for Darwin and I need to do the paperwork.' he said with a knowing look and Hannah stopped and thought for a second.
'A senior registrar?' she asked slowly and he nodded.
'It's between you and Frieda, and staying behind would look great for you...' Fletch smiled and Hannah considered for a second before sighing.
'Fine! But not because of the potential promotion, but because I care for the patients of this hospital and God knows what would happen if they were left with just you.' she said, turning back to her paperwork.
'You're a gem, I'll need you on the ward from about five? That's when we start to get a bit short-staffed.' he explained and she gave him a thumbs up. He thanked her again as he rushed from the office and Hannah returned to her paperwork, it looked like she would be breaking her promise to John after all, but it didn't matter much, not really, it’s not like he would ever know.
She pulled John's paper to the top of the pile and decided to get that out of the way first. She readied it before heading down to Pulse's to grab more coffee and some lunch to get her through the afternoon but when she stepped out of the lift she saw Roxanna waiting in the queue. Hannah jumped back into the lift before Roxanna had a chance to see her and she went immediately back up to Darwin, she decided that she would just eat later that day.
It wasn't that she didn't want to be around Roxanna anymore, she still liked her, but things felt awkward and uncomfortable between them now. Things with her father were easier to repair because they had been through so many ups and downs over the years that it felt like a routine; but finding out that Roxanna was her mother made things very different for them and she didn't know how to handle being around her anymore. The best course of action was just to keep her distance.
Hannah returned to the Darwin staff room and made herself a cup of tea to take back to the office where she began reading John's paper. It was almost perfect, like it usually was, there were only a couple of grammatical errors and a few instances of convoluted word order which Hannah noticed and set right and then it was ready to be scanned and returned to John and she could continue with the rest of her work.
When five o'clock struck, Hannah made her way out onto the ward and filed all her paperwork, now was the point where she was supposed to be going home but duty of care called. Fletch disappeared into his office and Hannah was left alone with one other nurse, the night shift didn't arrive until seven. It was just an unfortunate case, budget cuts had meant that there were less doctors for the ward and somebody always had to bridge the gaps, it was annoying.
Hannah spent the first half an hour scanning the patient's notes who would need regular observations, mainly those who had been in surgery that day. It was at around half-past five that she noticed a very tall man walking down the corridor towards her, her father.
'Hey, what're you still doing here?' she asked as he approached, looking concerned.
'I was waiting for you downstairs, I thought I would come and see where you were.' he replied and she sighed.
'Sorry, Fletch asked me to cover for a couple of hours until night shift arrive, I won't be here late.' she explained but he didn't seem impressed.
'Well perhaps I ought to bring you some dinner, I don't imagine you've had a proper meal all day.' he said and she winced.
'I'm not hungry, dad, really I'm fine. Why don't you go pick up Danny from his nanny's and spend some time with him? I'll swing by to grab him when I'm done. I'd really appreciate it.' she tried and she thought that he was going to refuse for a moment so she continued quickly before he could reply. 'Or maybe Danny could spend the night with you? Honestly, I am knackered and I'd really appreciate it...' she knew that admitting she wasn't her best would soften him, he would want to help; she just knew him too well. He paused for a moment before responding.
'Alright.' he said and she smiled gratefully. 'But please, please make sure you eat, alright?'
'I promise, dad.' she said, holding up a pinky. He looked between her and her finger for a moment in disdain before rolling his eyes and walking away back down the corridor. Hannah smiled after him and continued with her work. The hours crawled by and it seemed to take Hannah less time than usual to complete the observations on each patient. She did her best to entertain herself but ticked down the minutes until the night shift arrived and she could leave. When the time finally came, she greeted them warmly and popped her head into Fletch's office to say goodbye before hurrying to get changed, grab her things and leave.
As she left the lift in the reception of the hospital, she noticed that it was still quite light outside and wondered if it would be better to walk home rather than drive and then she could get her car the following day. She was still debating this as she walked out of the front doors and was confronted by a face she recognised. She stopped short and blinked a couple of times, worried that the sleep deprivation was causing her to hallucinate, but he was there, John Gaskell was stood by the memorial.
She walked over to him slowly, half expecting him to disappear at any moment.
'Hey,' she called and he wheeled around and smiled when he saw her.
'Hello!' he grinned and pulled her into a tight hug before she had a chance to react. The hug confirmed it, he was definitely there.
'What are you doing here, you're supposed to be in Austria?' she said, her voice slightly muffled by his shoulder. He took a step back and released her.
'I was in Germany...' he said slowly and Hannah winced.
'Oh yeah, sorry, I guess my mind isn't functioning too well today.' she said and suddenly remembered the phone call earlier and a blush rose on her cheeks.
'What are you doing here? I thought you promised to go home on time today?' he said, confused.
'There was a situation on Darwin, they had no doctors until the night shift came in and since I'm apparently up for a promotion I couldn't exactly say no.' she said and did her best to calm her burning cheeks. 'But you didn't answer my question, what are you doing here?'
'I came to see you.' he said bluntly and she was taken by surprise.
'What? Why?' she exclaimed.
'Because I was worried about you, you didn't seem yourself on the phone earlier.' Hannah braced herself for what was to come.
'About the thing, I said... at the end... I am so sorry! It was a complete slip, I was tired and sort of on autopilot and I am so embarrassed!' the words tumbled out of her mouth as quickly as she could form them and her cheeks were as bright as Rudolph's nose but John just laughed.
'Of course, don't worry about it, you'd be surprised how often people do it...' he comforted her by placing his hands on her arms and stepping closer to her. She felt a little better about his being so understanding and her cheeks faded a little but she was still embarrassed beyond belief. Her embarrassment was only heightened as her stomach made a very loud and prominent grumble, she'd forgotten that she hadn't eaten anything yet that day. John clearly heard it and Hannah looked down, wishing the ground would open beneath her.
'Why don't we go and get some dinner, I'm only back for tonight.' he suggested and she smiled a little and managed to look back up at him.
'Did you really come back, just to see me?' she asked quietly and he nodded.
'Of course, I did, Hannah I don't want to be responsible for over-working you, but I do so desperately want to consider you part of my team. I want you to be on my side but that has to work both ways. I... care about you, and I want to make sure you see how important it is that you take care of yourself.' he spoke with a calm, quiet tone which soothed Hannah better than anything else could have.
'Dinner would be great.' she smiled softly and he let go of her, seemingly reluctantly, but Hannah's suspicions about his feelings for her were stronger than ever.