Fool Me Once

I made my way home from school. I was kinda sad it was over to be honest. I know it sounds weird. How could somebody love their school? But it just kinda went perfectly. If every day is like that, I won’t ever want to leave. Gen and I exchanged numbers. She said she’d text me at some point tonight, so I was looking forward to that.

“Hey honey. How was your day?” Mum asked with a big grin on her face.

“Amazing. I met some cool people, got to my classes okay. I had to choose which lessons I was doing first.” I answered.

“Which lessons did you choose?” She asked.

“Singing, music, drama and creative writing.” I answered.

“That’s right up your street!” She exclaimed excitedly.

“I know. And at the end of the semester we’ll be performing.” I added.

“What will you be performing?” She asked.

“Well, I chose Last Hope by Paramore for my solo. It just reminds me of granny, ya know? I used to sing that for her all the time when she got sick.” I said, getting kinda sad.

“Aw sweetie. She’d love that.” Mum said.

“Yeah. I hope so.” I answered. “And for our group performance, we’re singing some song by Panic! At the Disco? I think that’s the right name. Apparently they’re this local group.” I explained. At that she froze.

“What?” She asked, almost in disbelief. I got some water out of the fridge and started taking sips.

“Yeah, well, I’m gonna go practise it in my room.” I said, turning on my heel.

I studied the lyrics carefully. They were actually really good, if a little psychedelic. I decided to put the song on my phone so I could listen to the tune. It made it sound even better than what I had in my head, which was more fast paced than what it really sounded like. But I ignored the song completely when my phone buzzed.

U wanna hang? – Gen

Address? – Ali

Once she gave me her address, I told my still relatively distracted mother that I was going to see a friend. After giving me the go ahead, I made my way to her house. It was even bigger than mine. Is this some sort of affordable gold mine? I buzzed the button on the gate and a man answered.

“Hello?” He asked.

“Um, hi. I’m here to see Gen.” I said.

“Of course! Come in.” He said, opening the gate. I walked in and was greeted by a man in a suit.

“Hey. I’m Genette’s father. You must be Ali” He greeted. I smiled and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you.” I said politely.

“Right, well, Gen’s just in that room over there. I’m off to a meeting, so tell her please to behave.” He said. I smiled and nodded my head. Once he left I ventured over to the next room.

“Hey!” Gen greeted.

“Hi Gen.” I said back.

“So, I find it personally offensive that you don’t know who Panic! At the Disco are.” She said.

“Okay?” I asked, knowing she was going somewhere with this.

“Well, where do I begin? It started with a whole group of people, and now the band has dwindled down to one man. But, Brendon Urie has grown as a human being, and a singer, and a performer. Basically, he’s just grown into this entire band. Do you follow?” She asked.

“I mean, I guess. I don’t know why they sound so familiar though. I’ve never heard any of their songs. I mean, I may have heard their name in passing but I don’t think that’s it.” I said.

“I mean, it may be a de ja vu thing?” She suggested. I shrugged.

“You’re probably right.” I said, sitting down next to her.

“So, when did you move here?” She asked.

“Last night.” I answered.

“From England?” She asked in shock.

“Did my accent not give it away?” I jested.

“No, I mean you flew all the way over here from England last night and you’ve already started school?” She asked.

“It beats hanging out with my mum and stepdad.” I answered.

“Ah. I see. You don’t like them then?” She asked. I shrugged.

“I mean, I love my mum. I just don’t like Keith.” I answered.

“What’s Keith done?” She asked. I giggled.

“What is this. An interview?” I joked again. She laughed as well.

“Just curious.” She answered. Once we calmed down a bit I sighed.

“Well. I don’t know. For a while it was just me, my mum and my gran. Then Keith came along and it felt wrong. Like he messed up the whole group dynamic. I mean, I never knew who my dad was. I don’t know. Maybe it was this weird childish whim that maybe one day him and my mum would meet again and fall in love and play happy families with me.” I explained.

“Oh shit. Sorry.” She said.

“Don’t worry about it.” I said. “What about you? What’s your family like?”

“They’re boring. Dad’s a C.E.O at this major company so he’s barely home. When he is it’s usually because he’s sleeping or picking something up. Mom’s a socialite which gets on my nerves. I’m not a fan of the people she socialises with. I mean, for the most part it sucks. But it does get me into a lot of places I otherwise wouldn’t be allowed into. For example, I get backstage passes to a lot of concerts. But usually people like to suck up to me which is so annoying.” She said.

“Really? I’ve never had anything that made people want to get to know me.” I said. “That’s one of the reasons I was looking forward to moving to America. Apparently British accents are popular right now.” I joked.

“Yeah but you never know who your real friends are.” She said.

We kept talking for ages, I even shared a pizza with her, until eventually it was starting to get dark outside.

“I’d better go.” I said, looking at the sun begin to hide behind the horizon.

“Yeah okay. Let me know when you get home safe.” She said.

“I will. See you tomorrow!” I said. I hugged her then made my way home.

I was about to go through the front door when I heard raised voices from inside the house.

“What if she finds out?” Mum asked.

“Come on, she won’t. But she’s 16 now. She’s gonna want to ask some questions.” Keith said.

Why were they talking about me like this? What am I supposed to find out? I got my keys and jingled them loud to let them know I was here. I unlocked the door and walked in, pretending to know nothing.

“Hey, sweetie. How was it at your friend’s house?” She asked. She looked jaded, and I still didn’t know why.

“Good. We had pizza.” I answered.

“What’s your friend’s name?” Keith asked. I rolled my eyes. Why doesn’t he get the hint?

“She’s called shut up Keith!” I exclaimed.

“Please stop, Ali.” Mum said, rubbing her temples.

“Whatever. I’m going to bed.” I said.

Once I got to my room, I heard their raised whispers once more.

“Okay, let’s say Ali doesn’t find out. What if her dad does?” Mum asked. My dad?! Why were they talking about him?

“Helen, he thinks you live in England. He doesn’t even know about Ali. Let’s just calm down, okay?” Keith said.

I barely slept that night. I was thinking about my dad too much. I always just assumed he was a nobody who didn’t want anything to do with me. Now it’s worse. He didn’t know a thing about me? I decided to look at his picture. Pitch black hair, brown eyes, dorky braces. Why wouldn’t my mum tell him about me? Was I really that much of a mistake?

When it was time to go to school I put the picture in my bag and quickly rushed out of the house. Mum and Keith were awake but I didn’t want to talk to either one of them. I just left and walked straight to my first lesson. Drama. Gen wasn’t in this class, so I couldn’t even talk to her until music. It’s basically just fiddling around with instruments the whole session; the teacher doesn’t really care whether or not we talk. But in drama, you had to take it seriously. But I could hardly focus on anything.

“Good morning class!” Mr Pembroke said.

“Morning sir.” The half-awake class mumbled back.

“Good to see you all so enthusiastic to learn.” He said sarcastically. “Now, today we’ll be doing lines. I picked the script out for you, and I want you to give it 100%. I’ll let you all have ten minutes to get used to them, but don’t worry, you can read from the script whilst performing. The main thing I want to see is the way you deliver lines. And off you go.” He said.

It was hard. Almost impossible to concentrate and study the lines I was given. Yet the words seemed so imperative to me that I took them to heart.

“Ali, you’re up.” Mr Pembroke announced. I took a deep breath in and out. This is my first time performing in front of these people. And I was scared I was so distracted I’d be awful at it.

“From the very beginning of my life I’ve been told I was like a rose. I was always so sweet. That’s why you called me Rose.” I scoffed at the name.

“How could you have possibly known I was sweet, mom? I mean, I guess you were right. I was sweet. Maybe that was my downfall. I was too sweet. I basically let everyone walk over me. Even you. And that’s why I wrote you this note. See, I may have been sweet like a rose. But roses come in all different shapes, colours, whatever. But to me, roses are roses. And I bled mine red.” I finished in a semi monotonous voice to exemplify the characters numb feeling.

“That was incredible. Very poignant and you really seemed to bring the characters emotions into play.” Mr Pembroke started droning on about how good my performance was and what improvements I could make. I could barely focus on what he was saying. I just needed to tell someone something. Once the bell rang we all packed our bags and left to whatever we had next.

I had a study period, so I just went to the library, got out a laptop, and sat by the wall. Nobody would be able to see what I was researching. I took out the picture of my dad and started looking at it. Really looking at it. Before I was just curious. I wanted to know what he looked like. But now, I want to know what parts of me look like him. I wonder if my mum thinks I look like him? I was way over my head. But I needed to know.

I typed in men born in America in 1987 in the search bar.

Of course nothing even remotely related to what I wanted came up. Just a bunch of results for birthday gifts or famous celebrity’s birthdays. I don’t know what I was thinking. A big flashing popup wouldn’t say HERE IS YOUR FATHER, would it? I decided to give up. Maybe I’d never know the big question mark that is my father. I turned off the computer and just decided to stare at the picture. I didn’t even pay attention to the second bell.

“What’s that?” Gen asked, I almost jumped out of my skin. She was standing behind me and noticed my picture.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” I said.

“Easy, tiger. Why are you so jumpy?” She asked, sitting next to me. I was about to answer, but she stared at the picture wide-eyed.

“I thought you weren’t a fan.” She said.

“Huh?” I asked.

“You said you hadn’t even heard of Panic! At the Disco. Now you have a really old picture of him. How did you even get that?” She said.

“Oh uh…” I began. “Because I was embarrassed about how big of a fan I was.” I lied.

“Oh, come on, you don’t have to be embarrassed. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but all the good people here love them.” She said. I half smiled.

“Yeah.” I said.

“Hey Gen, who’s this?” A boy who looked a bit older than me said. He had a high school bomber jacket on and was spinning a basketball on his finger. He seemed like a typical jock.

“Oh right, Ali, this is Caleb Shaw, Caleb, this is Ali Lawson.”

“Nice to meet you.” He winked. I smiled at him.

“You too.” I said half-heartedly. Usually I’d melt at a guy like that winking at me, but right now I couldn’t care less. I needed to find out the truth.

“I gotta go.” I said, taking the picture and my backpack out of the library. I didn’t even know where I was going. I just knew I didn’t want to go home.