Pushing Me Away

(Luna's POV/Narrator)

When nightfall came and everything was loaded back onto the buses, the exact scenario that I had been dreading practically the entire day was finally here. Where was I going to sleep tonight? My stuff was loaded underneath a small row of bunks right beside Chester's things, which made it even harder to find exactly what I needed before I barricaded myself inside the tiny bathroom to change into my pajamas. "Luna? You in here?" I hear Chester voice suddenly call out just as soon as I had pulled my sweats on. I quickly threw a shirt over my head before stepping back out into the bunk room, appearing right in front of him. "Sorry, I was just getting ready for bed." He shakes his head with a small smirk as he comes closer to me now until our faces are a mere couple inches apart. I couldn't control the urge to smile nervously, feeling my hands begin to shake a bit as he got closer, this time resting his head on my shoulder and nestling his face in the crook of my neck. "What if someone comes in and sees?" He sighs deeply, taking my hand in his. "Everyone else is chatting with fans, so I took advantage of the time." I don't know how to respond to his advances. My hands are begging him to stay but my mind is saying no. He told us to wait on it, to take things slowly. Why was I having such a hard time agreeing with it?

Not wanting to hurt him emotionally or make it seem like this was unwanted, I took my other hand and pulled his arms around me this time, letting him hold me close to him. I had to admit, it felt so good being wanted by someone so strongly. "I wish I could just stay like this forever with you." Those words hit me directly in the heart and I'm almost brought to instant tears. Forever was a very long time, I had been promised that once before already. But somehow, I could feel deep inside that Chester actually meant it, not like Adam. He wasn't going to hurt me, he wasn't going to hit me, he wasn't going to drag me around the house by my hair and tell me I was a waste of life. He was going to hold me close at night, he was going to tell me he loved me and kiss me at every chance that he got. So instead of fighting back the urge like I was previously told to do so, I ignored every warning sign going off in my head and kissed him urgently on the lips. He deepens the kiss in a matter of what feels like seconds and my heart is racing as our bodies are pressed firmly against each other. My hands are wrapped securely around his toned frame while his are tangled in my hair.

But suddenly before anything can go further, I can hear footsteps coming directly our way. I instantly shove Chester off of me before retreating back into the bathroom and abruptly locking the door. I could imagine the empty and frustrated look on his face as I then hear the others soon join in. "Hey man, where's Luna?" I can tell it's Mike whose asking. "She's in the bathroom getting ready for the night. Are we all set to leave?" This time it's Chester and from the sound of his voice, it crushes me at how sad he sounds. "Yeah everything is ready to go. I just wanted to tell her Candy was looking for her to thank her on the job well done with merch today. She taking the spot below or above?" They must be talking about the bunks, exactly what I was wondering. "I'm gonna let her decide." And that obviously was my cue to make my entrance. "Hey guys, sorry. I'll take the one below if you don't mind, Mike." He smiles warmly, shrugging slightly. "Not at all hun, take whichever one you want. I don't mind sleeping above Chazzy anyway." He jokes now before throwing a wink Chester's way, making him suddenly fake gag. "I knew he couldn't resist me all along." The whole room erupts into laughter now before they then each bid their farewells and goodnight to each other. Once we're left alone to our own, I quickly glance over at him, seeing that same sad look.

Before Luna is able to speak a word to him, Chester suddenly climbs inside his bunk before shutting the curtain, leaving her to stand there alone with a sense of guilt. She knew she shouldn't have pushed him away so suddenly, but she was deeply worried about the others catching them. She was only trying to honor the pact that the two of them had made. She would never intentionally push him away ever, that was not in her nature. She didn't know what else to say or do at that moment, so she reluctantly climbed into her own bunk just below his. Tears are on the brink of falling from her eyes as she stares into the pitch blackness. It's quiet, but not too quiet. Faint sounds of music playing through earbuds could be heard across from her, light snoring from way above and soft humming from directly next to her. Everyone was either already asleep or preoccupied doing something else. Luna took it as the perfect opportunity to reach out her hand and feel above for Chester's. To her surprise, his is already hanging out, immediately making contact with hers. She feels him squeeze onto it three times and that makes her feel relieved at that very moment. She then gratefully gives it four back, hearing him chuckle that intoxicating laughter before letting go slowly.

I'm not sure what time it is when I suddenly feel my phone buzz beside me. I peek open one eye, seeing it was Chester who had sent me a message. He had insisted that I have a new phone before we left where no one had my number besides whoever I wanted. All the guys, my parents, and Mike's wife Anna, in case if any emergency happened with King while we were gone. It took me a couple of minutes to fully adjust to the bright light to finally read what it had said. "Meet me in the back lounge." I then finally checked the clock, seeing it was only two in the morning, meaning that I had only been asleep for about three hours. My adrenaline had kicked in when I crept slowly out of my bunk, noticing that the others besides our drive upfront were fast asleep. I tiptoed over towards the back lounge where the door was cracked open, barely emitting enough light for me to see a few steps in front of me. I poked my head in, seeing Chester sprawled out on the sofa bed. Once I stepped inside, he instructed me to close the door and lock it. By the time I hear the lock click, my heart is pounding heavy and I feel a knot tightening in my throat. "Come here, Luna." I do as he says once more, hearing his voice a bit hoarse. I sit beside him until I feel his arms wrap around my waist and pull me down next to him on the bed. His eyes are bloodshot and it looks like he had been crying some.

"Chazzy? What's wrong babe? Why do you look so sad?" I catch myself quickly once that word leaves my mouth, suddenly seeing a gleam flicker in his distant looking eyes. "I'm so sorry, that I can't do this right. That I keep asking you to help me hide our feelings from the world but then I keep recklessly bringing you back to me. I can't help it when I'm around you though, Luna. You have no idea how it feels to finally be loved and wanted by someone but then when you try to show them your affection, you can't. Why? Because I guess it seems wrong to people? Because I guess it's too rushed? It's too soon to be in love with someone? I don't even know how to full explain it. All I know is that when I'm with you, I feel different. I don't feel like my old self anymore. I feel happy, I feel more courageous. I don't feel numb anymore, I don't feel empty. For the last few years I've had to be with someone who just kept breaking my heart repeatedly while I just sat there and tried to keep gluing it all back together like everything would be fine in the end. But then I ran into you, at the coffee shop with my friends. Your eyes, your scars, your broken smile. It all reminded me of myself, everything. And at that moment, I knew. I knew that I had to meet you, I knew that I had to save you. I know I can't say that you don't know, because you do, you do know how everything feels."

(Chester's POV/Narrator)

As I'm about to break down into tears once more, I can feel Luna's lips press against mine desperately in a sweet kiss. We're kissing harder and harder as each moment passes and soon our bodies are somehow intertwined together, with Luna on top of me. Our breathing is heavy and my head is spinning, almost feeling like I'm going to pass out soon. Once she pulls away from my lips, I can tell she's fighting back what it is she really wants to say to me. "Tell me, tell me everything." She draws in a quick breath before looking deeply into my eyes. "We have to be quiet, I don't want anyone to hear us. I want you to know that this needs to happen. I want to feel that closeness with you. I just want all the sorrow and the pain and the anger to go away. I want to wash it all away, tonight. I love you, Chester. Let me prove it to you. Please, don't think I'm doing this because I feel like I have to. I'm doing this because I want to. Let me love you, Chester. I need you. Let me show you how you deserved to be loved. It's just me and you tonight that matter, nothing else. It's just us." And with that, I'm shook to the very core. We're both semi undressed and by the time I'm ready, Luna had already took full control of the situation. She bites down on her lip hard before I make my way inside of her. I'm kissing all over her face, her neck, leaving no skin untouched.

It's a pure feeling of ecstasy between us and I can't control the urge to let the tears fall down my face as she continues to moves slowly on top of me. I'm kissing over each of her scars and telling her how beautiful she is every second that I can. "Oh God I can't take anymore." It had been years since I had any sort of physical contact with a woman and it's almost unbearable to even try to control the urge to finish. "Let me have all of you, Chester. Just give it all to me."