The Graveyards We Leave Behind

Night has fallen and bellies are full again on disgusting panther meat and moonshine. Bellamy is nowhere to be found and the groans of Finn, another dying boy, echo through her visions of grey. His girlfriend, Raven, had fallen from the sky the night before, and she sits on the ship holding his hand while Clarke bites her tongue.

Nyx walks by Miller, gently brushing against him as she makes her way into his tent. She stands there waiting for him, unsure if he will come. He always comes. Before she knows it his lips are on hers and his hands are squeezing at her waist. She moans into his mouth, and the wetness seeps through her lower lips.

Nathan lies down reaching for her hand to pull her on top of him. She complies in hopes of filling her senses, in hopes of feeling something for a moment other than grey despair. When he pulls her shirt over her head and a breast out of her bra only to bite down on her nipple, colors flood her mind. She leans down to kiss him, and when he tugs on her ponytail she moans in pleasure. Suddenly the parachute is blue, and his eyes are chocolate, and the pain is love.

"Bellamy! No!" she hears Octavia's voice in the distance, and everything fades to grey again.

Nyx stands and pulls her shirt back on despite Miller's protests asking her to stay. She walks toward the drop ship where the commotion seems to be coming from and finds Octavia in front with tears in her eyes.

"You have to stop him, Nyx. He's going to hurt the grounder!" Octavia pleads. Her eyes are red and swollen, and her hands are shaking with fear. It is an interesting turn of events, as just a few days ago she was scared of grounders.

Nyx pulls the girl into a soothing hug feeling her cold tears trickle down her chest. "I'll handle it," her voice seems to soothe Octavia who lets go and watches her walk into the ship. Nyx climbs to the third level where a man is tied up by all four of his limbs, and Bellamy and Murphy each sport a knife in their hands.

"Bellamy," her voice hits his ears like a warning and a betrayal. "You said it was too dangerous," she is angry. She is done listening to him.

"For you," the response is short in attempt to shoo her out. His eyes hold a fire that could almost burn a hole through her. She knows when he is up to no good.

"Torturing him this way won't help you!" She warns, "His people wont forgive you."

"I don’t want their forgiveness - I want their land," he says sternly, hoping she'll turn around and walk back down before he has to take her out himself.

Nyx's eyes travel to the man they call a grounder. She scoffs in her mind because they are all grounders now. He does not look at her. She is surprised. Her eyes don't hesitate to devour him, though, for he was much more of man than the children in her company. His shaved head is bowed, and his pants are torn, barely hanging on. Tattoos like tribal markings sit on his tanned skin eager to be fingered.

"You shouldn’t say that in front of him; he'll tell them when he's free that you couldn't care less about the lives of his people," she warns Bellamy as she steps closer to the chained man. Prisoners imprisoning. The irony.

"He doesn't understand," Murphy says as if he has given up on the idea of torture.

Nyx places a hand on the man's chest. His heart is not thumping through it in fear. His skin is warm and smooth like butter. "My, my, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes," the words leave her mouth like a sultry whisper. Her fingers begin to roam along his arms, his muscles not giving with any squeeze of her hands. In the back of her mind she hears Bellamy's protests but chooses to ignore them because she knows this is a sight she may not see again, and she deserves to see and feel just as much as he does.

"I didn’t think I'd see anyone this sexy after leaving home with a bunch of kids," she admits. When her hand cups his crotch she asks, "is this why Octavia likes you so much?"

His eyes flash to meet hers. They hold her gaze for no longer than a moment, but it's like they are telling her that she is wrong - they are telling her to stop because he is not hers to claim.

"He understands," she concludes. His eyes meet hers for another moment in anger of her manipulation. "Cut him down," she tells Bellamy, and that time he keeps his head up while holding her gaze.

"I didn’t bring him here to fuck you, Nyx. Can't you think about anything else?"

She laughs when she hears that come out of his mouth. Bellamy of all people would judge her. "I said let him go, Blake," and then there is only darkness.

When she wakes her head is throbbing. She looks up to see the man still hanging there, only now he is beaten and bruised. There is blood on the ground too far from his feet to be his, and suddenly she realizes how quiet the ship is.

"You love him," the voice of the grounder seeps past her eardrums and pulls at her heart. He speaks with pity, and his eyes seem to forgive her for failing to help.

Nyx reaches up to untie his hands first then his feet. He watches her carefully, amazed how well an empty shell can sympathize. Her head spins when she hears the hatch open, and she is overwhelmed by relief when she sees Octavia with a bundle of clothes. "Get out of here," she tells her sternly as she takes the clothing from her arms. Nyx would not let Bellamy blame his sister for setting the man free. She watches as the girl looks up at the unbroken man who gives her a small nod.

When Octavia leaves, she begins to help the man dress, "Im sorry," escaping her lips on behalf of what Bellamy has done.

"Lincoln," he tells her. His voice is now laced with trust and an apology of his own. The hardest part is getting him out the ship. He is so weak he can barely climb. When they are standing at the gate of the wall he thanks her before staggering out into the wilderness.

Her eyes meet Finn's who is standing there watching. He is back to normal thanks to Bellamy torture tactics, she thinks spitefully. She walks away letting her grey despair overcome her senses.

Night has fallen again, and Bellamy returns to the camp with his sidekick Murphy, and Clarke, in tow. Nyx sits on the ground, watching them walk into the hunk of metal that brought them down like a shooting star.

Seconds later his shout fills the air. "You let him go," Bellamy threatens, and yet her world is still grey.

"Go fuck yourself," she spits back and stands, making sure he watches her peel her shirt off as she walks into Miller's tent.

Who is Bellamy to play God? Killing and torturing, not just grounders, but her too. She wants to hate him, but she can't so she hates herself. She wants the numbness to go away.

Nathan sits up. The annoyance is written all over his face. He is mad that she left him last night at the sound of Bellamy's name. "What do you want?" he asks.

"I want you to fuck me," she demands, peeling her black jeans down her legs.

That is enough for him. How pathetic that he can't resist. He stands up gripping her bra with his hands and tearing it in two like it is nothing. The same hands, full of anger, push her down, watching her fall to her knees. He pulls his dick out, already hard and waiting, and rubs it up and down her already dripping pussy.

The groan comes out of her throat like a plea.

His hand grabs a hold of her hair, and he uses the other one to strike her ass leaving a bright pink print. "What do you want?" he asks her again.

"You. I want you, Nate, please," she begs him to put it in again. She needs to feel it. She needs to feel something.

He lets her go and demands, "show me."

Nyx crawls over until she is facing him. Her mouth devours his dick in hunger, and he cannot help but let out a moan at the feel of her tongue pressing him up against the roof of her mouth. Anything to take the visions of Bellamy out of her mind.

"Good girl," he whispers, "suck it just like that, baby."

His words heighten her arousal. She feels like she is ready to explode with his thick dick in her mouth and his low voice in her ears. His rough hands are on her head, pushing it down to the base and holding her there just to hear her gag and struggle with him deep in her throat. When he lets her go her moan is so loud that it must be audible through the whole camp.

It is her turn to push him down. She leans down to nibble on his nipple, and his moans make her smile into his skin. She turns her ass toward his face before sitting down on his dick and throwing her head back in relief. This is what she was waiting for. She notices the blue of the tent, the tan of his skin. Up and down she rides him, enjoying the hot touch of his hands on her ass. When he puts a thumb in she moans and goes faster, and when he grabs her hair again she feels as if she can see the constellations through the sky of tent.

"Nyx," he says her name like he needs her. "Ohhh, Nyx," his voice is saturated with desire. He pushes her off and onto her knees, taking her from behind as his fingertips dig into her hips. His balls hit her clit as he rams into her greedily. All the colors of the world swirl before her eyes, time is standing still, and all she can hear are his heavy breaths and grunts that seemed to say he loves her.

When they collapse the grey crowds her vision again, reminding her there is no love in this tent. Her breath is cut short by his hand around her throat.

"Look at me," his words demand as he clamps down on her nipple with his teeth. She grunts in pain, and his eyes lock onto hers as his fingers force themselves against her swollen clit. Nathan watches her struggle to keep her eyes open as her pelvis bucks against his palm. "Don’t ever leave me hanging again," he demands.

"Don't stop," she pleads finding herself on the edge one more time.

"What?"

When she feels his fingers pause panic slips into her eyes and he sees it, "please!" She begs, "Please, don’t stop, Nate."

"Don't fucking leave me hanging again," this time it sounds like a threat, but she doesn’t care because his eyes are cocoa, and his touch burns.

"I promise, I wont leave you, just don’t stop," she begs like there is nothing else left on this world but the two of them. When her climax hits it is like a wave of smells and colors. For a moment his musky sweat is in her nostrils, and her breasts are laced blue with teeth marks. Then suddenly she is grey again. It never lasts. The distraction only works for the moment, and then he is on her mind again. She is empty in every aspect.

"Thanks, Miller," she sighs as she sits up to dress herself. He says nothing, used to watching her leave.

Outside of the tent the air is cool, Bellamy is feeding the fire, and her hunger is left unsatiated while his arm hangs around a young girl's waist. She walks to the flames for heat, and Bellamy looks over at her - he is curious at the emptiness seeping out of her skin. She glances up at him, and for a moment feels shame as she thinks back to what just transpired, and how she wishes it was him in that tent with her. The silence eats at her, so she gets up and walks into the drop ship to sleep the despair away.