When in Doubt

“It’s been a week...And still no answer. I don’t know what to think”

“Give her time, Scott”

“I know. I’m trying, but I feel like...”

“...It’s ok to say it, Scott”

“I...I thought proposing to her meant that I was making us closer. But instead I feel like it’s what’s driving us apart. I feel like...like I’m losing her, Professor”

“To who, Scott? Who are you afraid you’re losing Jean to?”

“...Don’t. Don’t make me say it”

“But you do need to say it. You need to let out your feelings. Keeping them bottled in won’t help you. Let them out somehow. Even if you have to tell a telepath”

“Very funny”

“Scott, you’ve always been my best student, but your biggest flaw is that you’ve never allowed yourself to live outside of that”

“Yeah. I’ve...kind of heard that before, actually”

“Then be open with yourself, Scott”

“I’ll try. Thanks, Professor”

Scott comes out of the Professor’s office and shuts the door. He makes his way upstairs towards the room he shares with Jean. But when he opens it he sees no one is inside.

“Jean! Jean!” He calls.

He looks for her throughout the mansion.

He expects her to be in the kitchen, but only Ororo and Rogue are there.

“Good morning, Scott,” Ororo greets him.

“Good morning,” Scott replies.

“Hey there, charmer,” Rogue says,”You want some coffee? Storm here just fixed up a batch”

Scott shakes his head.

“No, thank you. Have you two seen Jean by any chance?” He asks.

Ororo nods her head.

“I believe she and Wolverine went out for a drive,” She tells him,”I saw them leave as I was getting up”

Scott’s demeanor changes.

“She went out with Logan?” He repeats.

“Yes,” Ororo confirms again,”But where to, I’m not sure”

“Thanks, Storm,” Scott replies.

He turns and walks out of the room.

Rogue lets out a low whistle as soon as he’s gone and drinks the last of her coffee.

“Poor boy,” She says under her breath.

Storm looks at her.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that I saw Jean leaving the mansion with Wolverine,” She says hesitantly,”He seemed rather upset”

“Nah, he’ll be fine,” Rogue assures her as she places her mug in the sink,”But I’ll check on him again just in case”

Storm gives her a relieved look.

“Thank you, Rogue. It’s been so awkward around here lately that it feels like no one can even breath easily. I would do it,” She says quietly,”But I can’t bring myself to try and talk to either Scott or Jean about what’s going on. It triggers my claustrophobia too much”

Rogue laughs.

“Your tellin’ me,” She says,”I wish the Cajun’ were here. He’d have a field day if he knew what’s been happening with our resident love triangle”

Storm’s eyes soften.

“Have you spoke to Remy?” She asks.

Rogue freezes.

“No,” She answers,”And I ain’t about to. If he can’t pick up the phone and call to let us know when he’s comin’ back, then I’m not about to spend my time worryin’ over the swamprat”

Storm laughs.

“Remy is resilient. Whatever business he has that’s keeping him in Louisiana, I’m sure he wants to handle it on his own,” She soothes,”It’s not his way to be improper. He probably just doesn’t want to involve us in any of his troubles”

Rogue shrugs.

“I don’t care,” She says and with that flies out of the kitchen after Scott.

Storm watches her go and sighs.

“But I think you do,” She whispers to herself with a shake of her head.

Rogue finds Scott about to leave the mansion in his red convertible.

“Where you headed, sugah?” She asks,”Out lookin’ for Jean and Wolverine?”

Scott looks away.

“I thought as much,” Rogue says as she opens the passenger door and gets in with him,”Well let me tag along. In case you need some air support, of course”

She winks playfully at him as Scott drives.

“I need to find her, Rogue,” Scott says,”I...I can’t...”

Rogue waits.

“...I can’t let Logan take her away from me”

Rogue looks at him with sad eyes.

“Sugah, you ain’t got no control over that. A gal’s heart is her’s and her’s alone. It can’t be shackled and chained”

Scott sighs.

“I know,” He says.

He continues to drive. Rogue’s hair whips in the wind.

“I shouldn’t have asked Jean to marry me,” Scott says to himself.

Rogue hears him.

“That ain’t true,” She says,”You did what you felt was in your heart”

Scott pulls over to the side of the road. He looks at Rogue.

“No,” He says,”I did it so I wouldn’t lose her”

Rogue raises an eyebrow.

“What? Are you surprised to learn that I’m also very selfish?” He asks her.

Rogue holds up her hands.

“No, I ain’t surprised. Just shocked that you said as much,” She says.

Scott runs a hand through his hair.

“I guess you’re uncovering it all then,” He says.

“You don’t have to be ashamed,” She says,”We all want to try and keep the people we love”

Rogue bites her lip.

“It’s ok to want guarantees,” She says,”But you can’t control anybody, sugah. Not even if you have papers on em’”

Scott listens to her.

He gives her a hard smile.

“Let’s go back to the mansion, sugah,” She proposes softly,”Tryin’ to track Jean and Wolverine down ain’t goin’ to help none”

He turns towards her.

“Your right,” He admits.

Rogue smiles.

“Thanks, Rogue,” Scott says quietly,”For keeping me in line”

Rogue laughs.

“Now ain’t that a role reversal?” She teases.

Scott laughs, too.

Then, much like Rogue had done the other day, Scott wraps his arms around her. Which takes her off guard much like she must have taken him off guard when she’d hugged him. He holds her to his chest, her hair pressed up against his shirt.

It surprises her because many people are too afraid to purposely touch her. At one point in time she had shared that fear of herself as well. But she has learned to accept her powers. Nowadays she knows enough about herself to make sure every part of her body is covered and that she never gets close enough to break any barriers. But other people still fear her touch.

Yet here she is now, being hugged by choice from Scott Summers. And he’s doing it as if he doesn’t remember that she is a disease. As if he isn’t afraid that just a accidental brush of her skin can send him into a state of paralyzing shock.

Rogue knows it is platonic. But somewhere inside of her she feels her heart beat fluttering.

“What the heck are you thinkin’, girl!,” She scolds herself mentally.

Sure, it has been a long time since she has been held by a man...ever since she put Cody in that coma. And sure, it is Scott, her team leader and comrade, but she can’t help herself from the wave of emotions that being sought out for human touch brings.

“Well, he is handsome...,” Rogue rationalizes to herself to explain the unsual way her body is reacting to Scott Summers giving her a hug.

But this wasn’t the first time she’d noticed that Scott was a good looking man. However, she’d always thought of him more as the cookie cutter good looking type rather than having any actual attraction to him. Besides, Scott was Jean’s. Not that Rogue ever wanted him in that way. She always saw him as too uptight.

It was a certain Louisianan that always had Rogue’s eye. Mainly because he wouldn’t leave her line of sight. His flirting was part of his charm. Remy had never physically held her before, but his attention was something she’d gotten used to over the time he was with the X-Men. She missed the swamprat and his bravado. Even if he did flirt with other women the same way...which angred Rogue more than she liked to admit. Sometimes she wondered the real reason he was in Louisiana...maybe it had something to do with another woman.

“You’re just lonely, gal,” Rogue realizes.

Yes. She’s lonely. She misses Remy’s attention. His absence has left her with a hole. No wonder Scott holding her against him brought out a fire in her.

“It ain’t fair,” She tells herself, “If the Swamprat’s out having fun and not worryin’ about me...why can’t l do the same?”

She knows why. But even if she could...it wouldn’t be with Scott.

“Alright now, sugah,” Rogue says in a teasing voice as she pulls back, “I ain't Jean”

Scott chuckles.

Rogue laughs.

“You know,” She tells him,”All this time I’ve been an X-man, I always felt like you didn't trust me”

Scott raises his eyebrows.

“I mean, I guess I’m tryin’ to say thank you, too, ya know?” She says, “...For opening up to me”

Scott is quiet for a moment. Then he turns his whole body to face her.

“Rogue, you're an X-man. You've always been an X-man” He says to her and a small smile lifts his face.

He puts a hand on her shoulder.

“I will always trust you,” He says.

He continues to smile at her before he realizes that he’s staring too long.

He clears his throat and looks away.

“What was that?” He thinks to himself.

This week lately has been the first time he’s ever spent one on one with Rogue. And he knows he means it when he says that he will always trust her.

He’d only trusted one other woman like this once before...

Jean.

Scott starts the car.

“Let’s go back to the mansion,” He says quickly as he pulls back onto the road.

He drives but he finds himself stealing glances at Rogue.

“What was that?” He keeps asking himself.

They get back to the mansion and get out of the car.

“Thanks again, Rogue,” Scott tells her.

“Glad I could talk some sense in ya,” Rogue replies.

He smiles and watches as she waves and takes to the air. He watches her as she flies away. And for some reason he can’t take his eyes off her. He never realized how beautiful Rogue was. Of course, he never thought she was ugly. But this was the first time he realizes just how attractive she is. Remy was lucky to have a woman with that much confidence and caring to be interested in him.

“What am I thinking?”

Scott shakes his head and turns away.

He walks back inside the mansion and goes up to the room he shares with Jean.

He takes out the ring he got her and sets it on their dresser.

He sits down on the bed.

He stays like that for a very long time until he finally decides what to do.

When Jean shows up, he’ll tell her that they should take a break.

Whether it will be a permanent thing or not, he’s not sure.

But he knows it is a long time coming.

If she doesn’t know whether or not she wants to marry him, then he shouldn’t put pressure on her.

He smiles to himself. Glad to be done thinking about all of that.

But his mind gets occupied once again.

Except there’s a different woman that’s on it.

•••••