Last Year

The days went by much like the first day. I was loving how easy my classes were, how little work I had to do, and above it all, how much time I got to spend with Brandon.

“Are you going to the homecoming game this Friday?” Brandon asked me. He said it casually, without looking up from his phone.

“I am,” I responded, watching him. He was seated closer to me than usual, and this time he had walked into the classroom without his headphones in, making small talk as soon as he sat down.

“I’m going with a group of friends. Wanna come along? Sarah will be there I think.”

“Sure,” I said. Inside, I was incredibly excited to be able to spend time with him, even if we weren’t going to be alone.

Sarah had found friends back from Academia who had moved with us. Technically we were all good friends, but we only hung out on special occasions like birthdays and holidays. I had a different group of friends here at Westley, and the groups had no common ground whatsoever. My group of friends were the bad kids at the school, always getting in fights and getting busted for selling drugs.

Their groups of friends were the typical high school group who went out on adventures and were even in a band together.

After quickly discussing where to meet and when, Brandon suggested we play a guessing game in which I would play a song and he would have to guess the title. It entertained us for a little while until the teacher called our attention.

My heart grew heavy when the teacher announced that it would be the last week that the school would be doing homeroom, meaning that I would no longer have a reason to see Brandon every day or spend time with him.

“Damn I guess I won’t be able to see my only friend anymore,” I jokingly stated.
He chuckled and whispered back, “Homeroom meets every second Thursday to check up on the students.”

“I hope they announce that. I’m so not gonna keep track.” Of course I was going to keep track of every time I would see him.

“Yeah they do,” he said distractedly, turning to his phone again.

I was getting tired of him being on his phone, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want him to lose interest in me or think that I was being rude, but in truth, he was being rude when I was trying so hard to get his attention. I used my last resort.

“So what are you doing Saturday?” I asked.

“Saturday?” He repeated. He looked up and thought for a second. “Nothing, why?”

“Do you wanna go and hang out at the mall?” I asked hopefully.

He looked shocked at first, and looking away and nodding heavily he said, “Yeah sure, sure. I’d love to. As a date you mean?” He looked up at this.

My heart skipped a beat, anxiety rising and bubbling over me at the thought of being rejected. “Yeah, if you want it to be.”

“Um… let’s talk about it later when it gets closer to the weekend because I don’t know if I’ll be able to hang out yet, but I’ll let you know, yeah?”

I smiled at him, and he put his arm around me. I felt stares on the back of my head, both from classmates and the teacher, but I didn’t want to turn around and meet their eyes.

By the end of the day, I was completely smitten with Brandon and how smooth everything he did was. I stayed up all night thinking about him, waking up exhausted once again, except this sleepless night wasn’t too hard to go through.

The last few days of homeroom, we spent them sitting as close to each other as possible and talking excitedly about music and the game. This school was known for its sports and its size. With more than 4,000 students, a vast majority went to the games and participated in all of the homecoming activities.

The days passed slowly, with classes picking up the work load and lots of deadlines hanging over me. Mornings were spent sitting quietly next to Alicia hoping to get noticed, yet always living under her shadow. More often than not she would meet someone there, and I’d be informed the next day that they had skipped class to do god knows what. Anticipation for the weekend made Brandon the only thing I could think about, and I stressed over stupid little details like what to wear, what time to arrive, how long I should or could stay.

My parents had given me permission to go yet hadn’t exactly given me a time that I needed to be home by. I guess they were just glad that I was going out and seemed happier, and I was too.

By the time Friday rolled around, I had almost everything planned ahead. Brandon still hadn’t given me a time or place to meet at the game, but I knew that he would be with his friends, so I didn’t push too hard either. I took a deep breath as I entered the classroom.

Brandon didn’t look up from his phone until I sat down. He smiled at me and I scooted closer to him. He put his arm around me, but still he said nothing. I decided to break the silence and get a clear answer.

“So what time are we meeting tonight?” I asked. I didn’t meet his glance. We were so close that if I turned my head, I could basically kiss him. How many times had I dreamt of that?

“I still don’t know,” he said without much enthusiasm. Sensing my disappointment, he explained,

“Some of my friends want to go for other people, others don’t wanna go at all. They’re still battling whether to go or just hang out at somebody’s house. I want to go, because I’m meeting you and a friend there,” he finished with a smile.

My heart fluttered at being a reason for him to go. Before I could wonder about the other friend he was meeting, his phone buzzed. He turned it over and read the text without unlocking it.

“They’re not going,” he said, putting his phone down.

“Are you still gonna go?” I questioned softly. “It’s okay if you want to hang out with your friends instead.”

“No, I already promised my friend I would go, so I might as well.”

It bothered me that his friend had gotten a straight, clear promise from him instead of ‘maybes’ and ‘we’ll sees’. I tried not to dwell on it too much as we spent the rest of the class talking about music.

Five minutes before we had to leave, I gathered the courage to ask him, “What about tomorrow? Are you going to be able to hang out?”

He shrugged his shoulders, “It all depends on tonight. If after the game my friends still want to hang out, I might be tired tomorrow and just stay in. Otherwise, I’ll let you know.”

I sighed softly. I’d prefer a no than being kept on the edge, wondering if I’d get to spend time with him outside of class or not.

The rest of the day was uneventful, save for the school song that was played over the speakers during the change of classes. The quality of the PA system and the speaker of the device were terrible by themselves, and when together they created a cacophony of noise that shook one’s soul.

It was heartwarming, however, to see that people made an effort to unite the school, however loud and occasionally painful it was.

I hadn’t told many people why I was here, only that Academia just “wasn’t the school for me.” I was scared they’d view me less than I was if I told them of all the long nights I spent crying in my room, hoping that I’d wake up the next day and finally be good enough. What if I told them of the hours spent staring at my grades for so long that the C’s became F’s, The B’s were a disappointment, and the A’s were simply unattainable; what about the times that I doubted if I would survive the week, and of the times I came so close to leaving my brother an only child?

I settled for my mother’s excuse of the school not having or offering what I wanted, and now that I was here and I finally felt good about myself, and my grades, I felt like I could breathe again, and that I could meet my teachers’ eyes without feeling like I need to apologize.

That day in chemistry, I sat in my usual seat, front row, excited to chat with the friend I made behind me. Lillian was kind and energetic, with long dark brown hair and flannel shirts of every color. She and I had also become friends with Shiloh. Lillian talked about very nerdy and geeky things, like anime and countless video games, but I didn’t mind the sweet chatter. It was nice to have a bright conversation.

“Did you finish the third page of the packet?” she asked me. The worried look on her face gave away that she hadn’t.

“I finished the entire packet yesterday. Do you want it?” I said with a smile.

“You’d be my savior,” she answered, relieved. I pulled out the work and gave it to her. She flipped through it incredulously and looked up at me.

“So not only are you a sophomore taking a junior class, but you have finished the entire unit by the first day it was assigned? Where did you find the answers?” she asked jokingly.

“I just really like chemistry I guess. It’s not hard for me. Kinda common sense when you don’t look at it abstractly and find the why of the equations.”

“Sure,” she said looking down to fill out the page. The bell rang and I turned around in my seat. The teacher was playing soft music through the classroom speakers and gave no instructions until about 10 minutes into the class.

“Alright so I graded the quizzes from Wednesday on the mini unit we had,” he paused, looking around. “Not too bad, could be better, but then again it’s only the first week.”

With that, he turned and grabbed the stack of papers behind him, passing them out. Mine was placed on my desk and I froze.

A hundred stared at me, red, vibrant yet soothing. It was like a strange compliment, unfamiliar, unexpected. Tears threatened to spill, and I let them, not caring who saw or what I looked like. The teacher glanced at me and noted that I was crying, and smiled.

He quietly called, “Rosaly, do you want to go to the restroom for a second?”

I wiped away my tears and gave a chuckle, “No, I’m alright. Thank you though.”

He pushed a box of tissues across the lab table at the front of the room and I gladly took a couple to wipe the tears. The rest of the class was too busy comparing and complaining about their grades to notice the quiet exchange and my tears, and I was thankful for that small moment of privacy.

Crying gave me a headache for the rest of the day, but two ibuprofen fixed it. I got dressed for the game and sent Brandon a text, letting him know I was ready. I received a text saying, Okay. How eloquent; didn’t he just have a way with words? I breathed to calm my nerves and stepped into the car.