Taste

When the final bell of the day sounded, I looked at the scribble on the back of my hand.

Bike sheds, I'll bring him there x

Truth be told, I wasn’t feeling confident in my abilities to persuade Matt into trying to be my friend again. He was right, after all, I just hadn’t wanted to hear it at the time. Well, I still wouldn’t like to, really.

But, at the end of the day, mistakes have been made and I’d prefer to see them rectified.

Packing up, I headed for the agreed rendezvous point, my heart hammering in my breaking chest, ready to burst for good.

I could hear them before I made myself known.

“What’s this about, Holly? I’m not exactly in the mood for any crap.”

Her back was to me, but if it was possible, I could hear Holly rolling her eyes.

“Good thing I’m not the one who wants to talk then,” Side-stepping, I appeared from behind the wall.

Matt not only looked worse than I’d ever seen him, but he was a complete open book for once. The moment he saw me, his aura changed for the better, although the narrowing of his eyes betrayed his fulfilment.

He scowled at his best friend, ready to snap at her when I approached closer.

“Don’t be mad at her, please. I was the one who asked.”

Pouting for a second, he settled on sighing.

“Then what do you want?”

Mouthing to me something along the lines of “good luck”, Holly left for the car park, back to safety.

I stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets as I waited for him to follow. As predicted, he did, but it wasn’t without a second’s hesitation.

At first, the silence was deafening. Each footstep and heavy breath could seem like the last, and while I cherished it, I didn’t want it to be the only input I received from him. When I opened my mouth to vocalise my thoughts, everything I yearned to say was empty and void.

This wasn’t working out at all like I’d planned, I’d revised a script in my head, anticipated his every reaction… but once again, I was stumped upon being his presence.

So, I just took the plunge.

“I’m sorry.” I rushed it out, unable to meet his eyes. “For, well, everything. You didn’t deserve that.”

I scuffed a stone at the same time he gurgled out a laugh.

When I looked at him, I expected it to be spiteful, or for him to already be walking away. Yet, he stayed, transfixed me with a hearty smile.

“Every time I think I have you figured you out, you surprise me.”

I think I scowled. “So, you’re not mad?”

“When you’re as amazing as you are, how could I be?”

Turning away, I carried on walking, unable to process his forgiveness so easily. I mean, what did I do to guarantee such an outcome?

I didn’t even have to try, or plead, or cry, or throw another hissy fit. I thought with friends you had to grovel twice as hard – this wasn’t the consequence I’d had in mind.

I stopped when Matt’s glowing face materialised in front of me, preventing me from marching any further. His expression was no short of ecstatic.

“You’re blocking the path.”

“I’m completely aware. It just got me wondering how much I like having you in my life.”

I swallowed.

Well… fuck. I hadn’t expected that in the tiniest.

Matt could tell me he invented the internet and I’d believe him though, that’s just how charismatic he was. He knew what to sell you, and how he was going to do it, straight away, like he’d been a part of my life the whole time.

He may be lying, but whether or not wasn’t my concern at the moment.

It was that I trusted him.

Which was completely unlike me. Emmy Willis, she who chose not to befriend anybody because she was smart enough not to show weakness. Emmy Willis, the girl nobody bothered to make small talk with, in fear she might punch their guts up. Emmy Willis… the only person I thought I could rely on.

Turns out, she was an idiot too.

“Matt, I’m not–”

“I’m not asking anything from you,” His voice was soft, sweet. Damn it. “I wouldn’t do that, considering what we have been through.”

I was once again startled when he draped his arm across my waist, cinching me a little. In that singular moment, my body escalated to an all-time high, like a feverish dream I could not elude.

Smoothly, he glided up until it was at my bottom rib, as his other hand clasped mine. In the sweet and bitter autumn cold, his palm was rough folding into mine.

I piqued a bemused eyebrow.

“Well, I’m not going to teach your boyfriend how to dance with you,” He snickered. “Best it be me.”

I could feel my cheeks burning before he undoubtedly even noticed them.

“I don’t have–”

“You have a love bite.”

I stopped swaying, dropping his hand and covering it up immediately. The punctures were still there, taking the time to form a crescent scar.

Regarding the ground, I said my goodbyes and went to leave for my house. I did not count on Matt pulling me back to him, so close once again that I feared for my safety.

The poison in my veins throbbed with need, begging I feed and nurture it.

Our heads were in such close proximity that I could feel his breath, on my skin, in the creases of my lips. I could taste him, a dip of flavour lasting on my tongue, that all I craved to do was devour the rest.

To kiss him.

Instead of chasing the thought away, I played into it. To kiss Matt Simmons. Could I ever?

Licking my bottom lip, I tilted my head slightly.

Only to be rewarded with another heart-wrenching grin.

“And here I’d been assuring myself the wonderful Emmy Willis didn’t date.” He laughed.

If he wasn’t going to kiss me, then why did he insist staying near?

As if in answer, he stepped back, curling a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

Fuck me, I was never going to win.

“Are you disappointed?”

Welp, I so totally didn’t that mean that! I had just gone and put my foot in it now. He was going to embarrass and tease me to no end, reveling in the fantasy that I could ever be deserving of him, or anyone.

I was well aware that I had next to zero filter more than half the time, but I’d never been truly convinced that I was an idiot. But now? Pfft, I wouldn’t question it twice.

But still, he grinned, keeping up the façade.

"Never.”

Brushing my arm quickly, he quickly changed the subject to the events of the day as he dashed for the car park. Reluctantly, I trailed after him, somehow feeling a little more deflated than I was before this entire conversation.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Matt was a boy, one I’d never had the intention of familiarising myself with, even from the day I first saw him. And I get it that he’d wormed on in and left a mark, but I’d been certain I would get rid of him before the week was over – yet here he was, showing no signs of stopping.

Crushes didn’t affect you like this, did they? Nothing about this situation was rational.

And it infuriated me.

Promising me a ride home, I hopped into his car, recalling the previous time I’d been in it.

Matt had the same look on his face, and just when I dared to reach over and clasp his hand, he cleared his throat gruffly, and we pulled out of the parking lot.

We did talk, albeit awkwardly. I guess despite what we said, things weren’t one hundred percent between us. Whenever one of us laughed, we looked for permission, or validation. It was… odd.

It hadn’t even been ten minutes by the time we arrived at my house. Gazing out the window, I could see my sister fluttering around the place, a slice of toast perched on her fingertips. And Zach, hunched over the kitchen counter, hand flurrying across his homework.

My people were small, insignificant if we were to be compared. We worked hard and true, with passion and love, even if it got us nothing in return.

Turning to Matt, I came to the swift conclusion that, whether or not I’d admit it to him, he was one of my people.

He was one of the few things outside of my family that made sense. Besides Arden, but even then, that was an entirely new question. It’s almost like he knew exactly what to do.

“Matt?”

Biting his lip, I noticed where his attention wavered to. “Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Not hanging around long to gauge his reaction, I hopped out and bounced for the door. I shut it promptly, leaning against it when I was sure he’d drove off.

My mind was reeling… yet, it was nothing compared to my stupid heart.