Never Say Never

It was three am when I had finally managed to pull myself out of a heart throbbing nightmare. I realized that I was soaked in sweat and panting heavily as I sat up wearily. Something was wrong, very wrong but I wasn't sure what it was. Hershey, my two year old lab woke up and sat beside me worriedly.

"It's alright girl, just a bad dream," I told her, kissing her head softly. I got up from the couch and walked over to the bathroom sink to wash the sweat off, cautious as to not wake up Sam and Dean who were knocked out cold. I decided that I should get some fresh air so I snuck out of the dingy motel room, grabbing my guitar on the way out. Finding nowhere comfortable to sit, I just sat down on the ground and rested my back against Dean's Impala. Hershey assumed her position beside me and I adjusted the guitar on my lap, pondering what to play.

I was depressed, I had been ever since I met the guys and became stuck hunting with them. Well... it wasn't necessarily their faults. It was mine. I used to live about a mile down the road from Bobby, who I had known for quite some time and ran into the two brothers at his place while they were digging up information for a case they were working on. Me not thinking decided to try (key words "try") and help and well here I am stuck with the two.

Sam was like a brother I never had, always on my side and looking out for me. But Dean...he was my problem. Always putting me down and criticizing me. Keeping me with them was definitely not his idea but Sam left me no choice. Thinking about these things gave me a song to play. One that I haven't played in a long time by 3 Doors Down. It was anything but happy and that's what I wanted to feel.

It’s down to this
I’ve got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I've done
I miss the life
I miss the colors of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

Cause now again I found myself so far down
Away from the sun that shines into the darkest place
I'm so far down away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I'm over this
I'm tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling's gone
There's nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I know


"Hailey?" I jumped at the sound of my name, not taking notice of anyone ever opening a room door. It was Sam.

"Oh hey Sam. I didn't mean to wake you up," I replied as I set my guitar aside, quickly trying to hide my tears.

"It's alright. I was having trouble sleeping anyways. Why are you out here?" He asked as he sat down beside me.

"I just didn't feel like sleeping," I answered him with a shrug.

"Why are you crying? Did something happen?" I hated people questioning me. No one ever understood.

"Bad dream." I replied shortly.

"C'mon Hail. I've known you for how long? Don't play stupid with me. You don't play a depressing song like that for nothing. Be honest with me and tell me what's going on." I let out a sigh, knowing he wasn't going to let go easy.

"Sam, I don't even know where to start. There's just... a lot about me that you don't know. I really don't think I have the strength to explain myself." He was silent for a few moments and I felt a little guilty not explaining myself better.

" I understand. But you can't run from this. Whatever it is your trying to hide."

"Look, it's not that I want to hide things about myself. It's just, in order to understand why I am the way I am, I have to go back to my past and that....that is painful. These past few weeks have not been easy for me," I admitted, doing my absolute best to hold back my tears.

"You definitely aren't alone on that one."

"I know. There's going to be a day where I have to tell you guys everything. Today's just not that day," I told him blandly as I stroked Hershey's back softly.

"I'll have to hold you to that one." I couldn't help but smile a little.

There were a few more moments of silence shared between us before I thought of something to say. "So, Dean finally managed to pry himself out of Purgatory, huh?"

"Yeah it's crazy...but nonetheless relieving."

"Sam...can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer it if it makes you feel uncomfortable."

"Go for it, I don't mind."

"Why didn't you look for Dean when he disappeared with Dick and Castiel to Purgatory? I mean, I'm not criticizing you for that at all. You were left alone for the first time with no one, literally. And I don't get why Dean was angry with you for deciding to not hunt anymore," I stated with curiosity, always wanting to know the answer since Dean had showed up to Sam a few weeks ago.

"He's just very headstrong on keeping the family business going on since my dad isn't around anymore to do it. I do feel forced sometimes but when I take the time to think about it, I'm just too far into the lifestyle to just quit cold turkey and live a normal life. I definitely wasn't going to make you help and put you in danger...I was scared to look for Dean and quite frankly, with no one to help me, I didn't know how to. But he just didn't see it that way," he explained and I nodded my head in agreement.

"Dean doesn't always have an open mind but hey, some things will never change. So uh...can you tell me why your hot shot brother despises me so much?" I asked trying to change the subject. He let out a chuckle and shook his head.

"He doesn't despise you. He's just a pain in the ass sometimes. Dean has always been reluctant to have outsiders with us when we're on a case, even though you've been around for what? three years already? It's just his nature though," he explained but I didn't believe him. I knew he was trying to sweet coat the fact that Dean would be much happier with me as far away from them as possible.

"And he doesn't like dogs...which makes me like him less..." I mentioned with a sour face as I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her nose.

"Yeah, he's not a dog fan. But Dean wouldn't hate you over a dog. You just can't take everything he says to heart. He normally apologizes at some point if he knows he said something he shouldn't have.You don't have a crush on him do you?" he questioned which completely threw me off guard but I couldn't help but laugh.

"A crush on Dean? No. Hell No. I don't know why in the world you'd come to that conclusion but no. I will admit that I did a long time ago but when I realized how much of a man whore he was I gave that up," I replied, causing Sam to chuckle.

"That's Dean Winchester for you," he laughed. “So since it doesn't seem like you're going back to sleep anytime soon, you want a beer?" he offered as he got back up on his feet.

"As long as it's not Budweiser yeah I can go for one." I watched as he walked back into the room and returned a few moments later with two bottles of Stella. "Thanks."

"So where did you learn to play guitar?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. I took a sip of my beer and picked my guitar back up.

"My dad taught me when I was younger. Eight I believe. He bought me this guitar before he......its the only thing I have left of him." I did my best to hold back tears.

"Hailey..I'm sorry for asking. "

"It's okay don't be sorry. I just miss him a lot."

"I know how you feel. I miss my parents every day still," he admitted after taking the last swig of his beer.

"Well at least we can relate somewhat."

We sat around and continued talking for about another half hour before deciding to head back inside. It was almost 5 and Dean would be waking up soon. I really didn't want to have him ruin the mellow mood I was finally in. So Sam headed back to his room and I went to mine which was a few rooms down. Technically there was enough space for all three of us in one room, but I preferred my space. I had just gotten too comfortable on the couch watching TV in their room that I had accidentally fallen asleep instead of sleeping in mine.

I figured it would be best if I took the time to shower before Dean woke up and decided to hit the road because there was no telling when or where we'd stop next. And after my heart ripping nightmare, I knew it would be refreshing. Stepping carefully into the shower, it felt very relieving to have the warm water engulf my bruised and aching body.

What I would give to have Dean in here with me...

Not that he'd want to be in here with me. Although ...that would be interesting. That thought alone made my body shudder. A girl can dream.

After finally cleansing my body, I hesitantly turned off the water and when I pulled the curtains back to reach out for a towel, I couldn't help but gasp and jump backwards, using the curtains to cover me. My heart stopped instantly at the sight before me. There stood Castiel, silent and covered in filth from God only knows what. His clothes were deeply stained and torn in every which direction and his face was hidden beneath a thick beard he had grown since he had been gone. He looked weak and broken, his eyes lifeless. The sight of him provoked tears that I had to fight very hard from slipping out.

"Castiel....is this really you?" I stuttered in disbelief but silently rejoicing in my mind.

"Yes, I....I don't know how....or why, but I'm here," he replied in his own confusion and by the look on his face, I could tell he was just as astonished and confused as I was.

"That's okay. You're here.....that's what matters. I was afraid that I'd never see you again. I-we all thought you were dead," I admitted, still in disbelief.

"I-I thought so too. Somehow I'm here now but I wish I had more answers."

"We will figure it out Cas, don't worry. I'm just glad you're okay. Would you mind throwing me that towel, please?" Without saying anything, he turned and grabbed a towel and handed it over to me. I hid myself behind the curtains and quickly dried myself before wrapping the towel around me and slipping out of the shower. I stood in front of him for a moment in silence, unsure of what to say.

His weary blue eyes managed to lock in with mine, causing a chill to run down my spine because I could’t tell what he was thinking.

" I'm sorry for showing up at an inconvenient time for you…” was all he managed to say before taking a step back from me and averting eye contact.

"Castiel, you are by no means ever an inconvenience to me. I was done showering anyways. Are you....going to go see Dean and Sam? I'm sure Dean will be relieved to see you," I told him while rummaging through my duffel bag for a fresh pair of clothes. Ugh, I need to do some shopping.

"Yes...yes I suppose so. " And before I had a chance to say anything else, he was gone. I knew that Castiel's appearance would delay our departure so after I had chosen to wear a pair of ripped shorts and a navy blue tank top, I sat beside Hershey and let her eat-or more like inhale her breakfast.

"Sharing a little moment with our Angel buddy are we?" said a voice from behind, a voice I knew too well. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh.

"Crowley, what did I tell you about popping up like that?" I asked quietly, trying to hide my annoyance.

"Well, darling I suppose knocking on the door would cause some suspicion from your friends and I'm sure you don't want this since you are trying to keep your future hidden from them," he replied in an attempt to justify himself and I was in no mood to argue.

"Why are you here?"

"What, am I not allowed to check up on my sweet little bride to be?" he questioned in a falsely sweet tone that almost made me want to gag.

"Of course. Well I'm doing just fine here. You have a lot of nerve showing up here at this time considering the fact that you are trying to hunt down one of our friends " I snapped as I stood up and turned to him, hoping he would leave soon. Every time I caught sight of him, I found myself falling in a steeper depression that tore my insides to pieces. So maybe he wasn't unattractive...but he was definitely not the man that I wanted to be stuck with the rest of my life and I was left with no choice but to do just that.

"Yes, I suppose you're right. Times are tough but I can assure you that nerves aren’t a problem considering the fact that I am the King of Hell. Its only a matter of time before we find him, you know. Anyways, I've got to run, love but before I go I just wanted to also remind you to give your friends their invitations..they are of course your friends so I would imagine they'd like to know sooner than later." I cringed at that thought, knowing that Sam and Dean would flip if they knew that I was going to be marrying the King of Hell. They would never understand.

"How could I forget," I half mumbled, looking away from the man that held my fate in his hands.

"Your dress should be arriving soon so I'll be picking you up to have you try it on. We have to make sure it fits perfectly now don't we?" he said as he extended his hand out to run his fingers through my hair. "Such a pretty little thing aren't you?" I wanted to scream, punch him as hard as I could and shoot him, but I knew I couldn't . I couldn't do anything.

His hand moved up to my cheek and cupped my face in his hand and I knew what was to come next. "And to think you're all mine. Forever and Always. Right , Darling?"

"Of course," I replied meekly with a weak smile. He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, taking his sweet time, knowing that I was hating every moment of it.

"Am I interrupting something?" Crowley pulled away at the sound of Castiel's voice booming through the room. My body stiffened, unaware of his presence in the room.

"No, not at all, I was on my way out. Good to see you've crawled out of Purgatory Castiel. I'll see you soon, love," Crowley said quickly to me and with the snap of his fingers was gone in thin air. I stood there with my head down, too ashamed to turn around and face him.

"Cas...." I whimpered as I once again began to let out tears. I hated the feeling of being exposed like I was now. How was I to explain myself?

"I know, Hailey. I've always known.”

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