Never Say Never

The crisp scent of flowers filled my nostrils while I took in the view of the beautiful meadow I found myself sitting in. It was a sight I hadn't seen since I was still living with my parents back in Montana on the cattle ranch we had. I spent most of my afternoons here after school to just clear my head and play my guitar. Sometimes I brought one of the horses out with me. But in this moment, I was alone….in peace.

“So this is the place where Hailey spent her younger days, huh?” Dean’s voice portruded from behind, causing me to jump. Just the person I needed to make me feel like a damn nervous wreck.

“So is this real or am I dreaming right now??”

“No clue, feels real to me though. Do you mind if I sit down with you?” I was surprised at the question but of course did not object.

“You certainly don't have to ask me such a silly question. You can sit if you want to,” I said while motioning for him to sit in which he did, but a little closer that I had anticipated.

“And Yes, this used to be my happy place when I was younger. I spent hours here learning to play songs. It’s crazy how much things can change. Now....this place is long gone and nothing more than a mere memory for me,” I whispered with a sigh. Maybe because I knew the eyes of someone that I was so terribly attracted to were drilling holes into me, despite his arrogance. But this was a dream, it was clearly not real life therefore the wheel of imagination began to spin without the ability to stop it. And while he may have physically been here in my head, in reality I wasn't truly here.

"Hailey....what's wrong?" His voice was soft as he reached over and brushed his hand against my face to catch my tears that ran down my cheek.

"I just wish that I had found a different way to handle the situation I was in when I was younger and never resorted to making a deal with Crowley. I can’t believe I was so stupid,” I explained with frustration.

"There's still time. I made a promise that I would not let anything or anyone hurt you and I will not break that. I will do whatever I can to find a way out of this mess. If there was one thing I couldn't let myself live with if I let happen it would be seeing you marry the King of Hell...."

"This is not your burden to carry, Dean. I got myself into this mess and I have to face up to the consequences and---"

"No. Maybe if our paths had never crossed I could have agreed but because I have spent the time that I have with you...my views have changed. You may not have realized because we have always butted heads and I act like an ass most of the time but somehow you have managed to trigger something in me that I have never felt before. I don’t quite understand it myself to be honest. But I want you to know that aside from Sam and Cas you are the only thing on this Earth I care about," he emphasized and judging by the look in his eyes, I knew he wasn't lying.

My heart began to swell as I took a moment to process everything he had just said and at this point, I couldn’t do anything else but get lost in his eyes again. There was just so much I didn't know about him despite all this time I’ve been with him...but in this very moment... I knew enough to know that my heart belonged to him and no one else just the way I felt when I first met him. But I couldn’t tell him that, not even here in my own dream.

"Well I normally don't ever let my guard down for anyone because I've been hurt before and can't help but find it easy for me to be hurt by someone emotionally," was my response to him after lowering my eyes back down to the ground. I knew I couldn't just allow myself to tell him how I REALLY felt. Maybe in a normal life...

"Hey, look at me." His voice had become more tender than before which caused me to shudder but I forced myself to make eye contact again. It was hard to read his expression and I was terrified of the idea of not knowing what he was thinking. "If there is anything you get from this conversation and this dream that seems so real, know that I will always be here for you. I know I haven’t treated you the way I should have these past few years but I have come to the realization that I was trying to fight my emotions and therefore shut you out completely. So I am sorry but I am not going to sit on the sidelines while Crowley takes you away from me.”

“And if you don’t, I know that I will probably never have the courage to say this to you in person but....you’re the one I fell for and that I will never stop falling for you..every time I look at you it’s like I fall in love all over again. But I worked so hard to burn everything up I felt and distance myself that, until now, I forgot how strong it was. But this,” I whispered nervously as I took his hand and placed it over my heart, “was yours before you even knew and it still is now”

I bit my bottom lip hard and found that he was only inches away from me but made no attempts to distance himself.

“You honestly have to be the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on…” he uttered under his breath before making the tender gesture of resting his head against mine, our noses brushing against each other. This is the moment I've wanted to experience for so long. My heart was literally in my throat at this point.

Before I had a chance to prepare myself, His lips were pressed against mine, causing a slight whimper to escape my lips. In that moment, everything that I had felt for him and thought I had gotten over or disposed of instantly became amplified by a thousand times and I became lost in him. When I tried to pull away for a moment, he refused to allow me to and pressed himself harder against me. Somehow, I managed to slip my finger through his soft, messy hair and around his neck as he persisted on not breaking his lips from mine. My hormones were literally screaming at this point. All this time I thought I had wanted one thing when in reality it was someone else. All I kept thinking was God please don’t let this moment end.....

***
“Hailey…HAILEY wake up. HAILEY!” I jumped at the sound of Dean’s husky voice bringing me back to reality. We were at a gas station somewhere. I was still so caught up with my emotions in my dreams, I grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and forced my lips against his. To my surprise, he held the kiss for a few seconds longer before pulling away in a complete daze.

“I’m sorry but that is exactly what you were about to do in my dream and it felt so real, I couldn’t let it go. I shouldn’t have done that…I can’t even look at you right now,” I said frantically before getting up and pushing past him.

“Wait a minute, you can’t just do that and expect me to brush that off without an explanation,” he argued as he walked to catch up to me.

“All I can say is that we had a conversation and exchanged words that ... to say the least ... would never have happened in real life. And now I’m all jacked up mentally. SO if you don’t mind, I need a moment to breathe,” I expressed while avoiding eye contact.

“Hey, come here,” he said as he finally caught up to me and grabbed me by the waist, spinning me around to face him. Before I had a chance to argue back, his lips were pressed tightly against mine again. He had me up against him so tightly that I almost couldn’t breathe. The mere fact that he chased me into another kiss made me realize that he really did feel something towards me. And that was so overwhelming.

As I tried to pull away, he let out a small growl before whispering “No” under his breath. I didn’t fight him as his tongue found its way into my mouth to deepen the kiss. After what felt like an eternity I finally managed to pry away from him and his addictive taste.

“Fuck. Why did you do that Dean? That wasn’t supposed to fucking happen,” I questioned in a harsher tone than I had intended.

“Oh....” he sounded off guard by my remark which sent me into a shade of red I didn’t even know existed. “Well how am I supposed to feel or act with what you just did…”

“Pretend. It. Didn’t. Happen. Dean.” I answered slowly as I felt myself beginning to choke on my tears.

“Hailey…you know I’m always here if you need anything. But I was just trying to be nice and see if you wanted anything from inside. I couldn’t help what this escalated to. Clearly it was a mistake," he grumbled as a result of the tone of voice I had answered him in.

“Dean wait...” I grabbed his hand to stop him from turning away. “I’m sorry. It’s just... I’m not great at expressing myself but my dream just felt...so much more realistic than anything I’ve ever had and then realizing it wasn’t real just... really messed with my head. And that’s why I did what I did and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry if I came off wrong,” I apologized after feeling a wave of guilt rush over me.

“It’s okay Hailey, I know you’re going through a lot right now...”

“No you don’t understand. The thing is.... the dream I had made me realize that I...I-Wow this is hard. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to be scared to talk to me. I know I act like an ass but I’m not one to judge,” he spoke softly as he brushed the strands of hair of my face and pulled me into a tight hug in attempts to calm my nerves. I closed my eyes and took in his addictive scent. Put your big girl pants on Hailey.

“I have feelings for you Dean. I’ve tried to bury them for years but after this dream I had and what you just did to me...somehow it’s caused everything to spark all over again. But I don’t know if I want to fight them anymore....” I whispered meekly into his chest, hoping he didn’t hear anything.

“Then don’t. Because I don’t want to either, Hailey,” he spoke softly, sending a wave of chills down my spine.

“Are you saying that you….”

“Yes, you know what I’m trying to say. I just suck at expressing myself too. But holy fuck you have no idea what I felt the second you kissed me. It’s something I’ve never felt before. And that should tell you a lot, considering my track record,” he said, which caused me to giggle. He was clearly trying to lighten the mood.

“So….what happens now?” I asked with a sense of uneasiness.

“Well, what I wish could happen would be to keep kissing you. Because God are those lips addicting,” he answered, which caught me completely off guard.

“You’re just trying to be nice,” I replied, feeling my checks radiate with heat once again.

Instead of rebutting my statement he swept his hand along my jawline to bring my eyes up to his.

“No, I’m being open and honest with you Hailey. The things that I want to say to you….it’s just not the right place….” He whispered in a seductive manner that I had never seen from him.

“Hey Dean, you’re not gonna believe what Cas just told me,” Sam called out, clearly unaware of what was taking place between Dean and I.

Looking over Dean’s shoulder, I caught sight of Sam and Cas walking over to us. Damnit.

“This conversation isn’t over,” he whispered in my ear before managing to quietly peck my ear and pulled away to face his brother.

“Part of me wants to ask but the other part knows something absurd is about to happen,” Dean replied with sarcasm.

"Due to the circumstances in Heaven, I feel as though a break would help me. So I’d like to become a hunter, just like you guys. It will give me some sense of purpose for the time being," he announced with the most adorable grin on his face my stomach was once again consumed with butterflies at the thought.

"Are you kidding me? Cas, I don't know about that. Being an angel is one thing, but a hunter is a whole other ball game. And your people skills are not the greatest," Dean pointed out, clearly uncertain of the idea.

"I'm quick to learn. In fact, I picked up something here in this newspaper that looks like it's up our alley. A man in Oklahoma City’s heart jumped 10 feet out of him. That sounds like something we’d deal with right?”

“He’s right about that,” Sam pointed out as he and Dean exchanged looks.

“Fine. But if you’re going to hunt with us there’s no more zapping around. You ride with us. No if’s, ands or buts. Got it?” Dean ordered with his arms folded across his chest.

“Fine. You have my word,” Castiel agreed with his adorable grin still pressed on his face. If butterflies really could be inside my stomach, I would have flown away by now.

“Well then. Oklahoma City it is.”

***********