Never Say Never
Love
I had been in the bathroom for over two hours, crawled up in the fetal position practically naked with a bottle of Jack clutched in my hand. The guys had left earlier to do some investigating on the case they had at hand and I insisted on staying in the motel room alone to rest. Not sure you could call this resting but hey, it was enough for Sam and Dean to leave me alone in peace.
At this point, I was past the point of drunk. A hysterical drunk to make it worse. Here I was all alone on the bathroom floor crying my heart out to no one but my dog with no one to tell me to stop or make me feel like I was worth anything. Sam didn't know me enough and Dean didn't care. I really thought after exposing so feelings that he did… but ever since that day he’s never been more distant from me than he was now.
"God, please just kill me. Get it over with," I pleaded as I took in another gulp of the throat burning whiskey.
Through all the pathetic sobbing, I faintly heard someone call my name. Looking around, I saw no one. Must have just been the whiskey getting to me. A warm overwhelming sensation began to take over my body, just, like I had been wanting. Yes, Jack, please end it for me.
"Hailey." The voice was closer now and much stronger but I was too far gone to recognize who's voice it was. Shit
I was out of time and now I was going to be attacked with questions that I didn’t want to answer. A wave of anxiety washed over me as I realized that someone was going to have to open this door and see me in just my bra and underwear clutching this bottle of Jack. Way to fucking think this shit out Hailey.
“Hailey, are you okay?” The voice was closer now. And then there was a knock on the door. But I couldn’t do anything in this moment but sit myself up and rock myself back and forth while crying. I couldn’t talk, let alone breathe. I was just so ready to end this all...it was just too much.
But the moment that I was dreading yet longing for finally happened as I felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around me. I allowed him to slip the bottle out of my grip and he whispered something into my ear that I was not able to comprehend with my level of intoxication. Part of me wanted to push him away from me and tell him to leave me alone. But the other part wanted him to never let me go. I don’t know how much time passed with Dean there but it felt like hours. The alcohol I had consumed was begging my body for sleep. I needed to get off of this bathroom floor but I didn’t know if I had the strength to do it on my own.
It took everything in me to stop my pathetic sobbing and shaking but after a good ten minutes, I was able to. “Can you take me to bed?” I whispered meekly into his ear and avoided directly looking up at him. Without saying a word, he stood up and in one swift motion swooped me into his arms. He was careful as he placed me on the bed and was kind enough to pull the blanket over me.
“Dean, was this bottle full?” I heard Sam question with concern all over him tone.
“Yeah I think so,” Dean replied as he turned away from me.
“Should she go to the hospital? This is enough to get alcohol poisoning.” Shit shit shit
“I may be able to reverse it,” Castiel offered and before Dean could say anything, his hand gently touched my forehead. In an instant, everything I was feeling from the alcohol dissipated. Well there goes that fun.
I let out a dramatic sigh before sitting up in bed to find the three of them staring at me.
“Yeah, I know I fucked up. Can we talk about this later please?” I asked with a groan as I slid out of bed slowly. Cas May have taken the alcohol away but he didn’t take away the hangover effects.
“Fine. But can you at least put some clothes on,” Sam ordered in his usual “brotherly” tone. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
“What’s wrong with what she’s wearing? Let her stay like that,” Dean commented, completely catching me off guard.
“Dean, seriously,” Sam snapped and slapped him in the arm. My face was literally on fire at this point. He wanted me to stay the way I was. I quickly threw on a loose fitting shirt and my under armor sweat pants to avoid any more embarrassment or attention. Things can’t ever be normal with these guys.
“I’ll be outside,” I informed them and grabbed my guitar and made my way out the door with Hershey right behind me. It had been a while since I played anything on my guitar so it was long overdue. After getting as comfortable as I could on the cold hard concrete, I played the first thing that came to my mind.
There was a time when I was alone
Nowhere to go and no place to call home
My only friend was the man in the moon
And even sometimes he would go away too
Then one night as I closed my eyes
I saw a shadow flying high
He came to me with the sweetest smile
Told me he wanted to talk for a while
He said, “Peter Pan, that’s what they call me,
I promise that you’ll never be lonely.”
And ever since that day...
I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we’re bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
“Run, run lost boy,” they say to me
Away from all of reality
Never land is home to Lost Boys like me
And Lost Boys like me are free
Neverland is home to Lost Boys like me
And lost boys like me are free...
I took a moment to pause and soak in the beautifully lit sky. I always found a sense of peace in it...maybe because I knew that somewhere up there, my parents were looking down at me.
“It’s easy to get lost looking up there...” the blue eyed angel’s voice took me by surprise but I was relieved that it wasn’t one of the Winchesters this time.
“Yeah, you’re right about that,” I agreed with a smile. There was a few minutes of silence between us but it didn’t feel as uncomfortable as I thought it would be.
“You know, it’s always intrigued me to see what love does to people.” His statement caught me by surprise and I threw him a weary glace.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, being an angel prevents me from understanding human emotions like you do but it’s clear to me that there is some kind of love connection between you and Dean.”
“Oh yeah? How do you know it’s not you that I feel that way about?” What the hell, Hailey. Why would you even say that?
“Well, I’ve dropped into your dreams before...there may be some kind of emotions towards me. Nothing comparable to Dean though.” My face instantly felt hot at his statement. He’s been in my dreams...dear God.
“Well clearly you have no sense of privacy. I mean.. since there’s no sense in hiding anything, yes, I find you a bit attractive in your own adorable way. But you’re an angel and angles don’t hook up with humans so I never acted upon that.” I admitted quietly to him.
“Well you should know by now that I’m not you’re average angel..”
“So what you’re saying is I could have made a move on you, and you would have been okay with that?” I couldn’t help but giggle at his attempt to flirt.
“That could be what I am implying. But I’m not trying to add more drama to your life.”
“Castiel, you’re truly adorable. This is why I like you,” I laughed while shaking my head. Well...if Dean continues to avoid me I know I have a backup plan.
Another moment of silence passed between us, allowing my mind to run wild.
“Hey, I know I’m an angel but if I were you, I’d talk to him. He’s not going to step up and do it,” Castiel said which made my stomach twist into knots.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ve already said too much to him and with my complications I have with Crowley, what’s the point?” The sadness quickly flooded my body again.
“You know he’s not going to let that happen. He’ll sacrifice himself before he lets that happen.”
“I don’t know Cas...I just can’t—“
“Yes you can. Go in there and talk to him. Tell Sam I need him out here.” I hesitated for a moment and fought with myself before reluctantly getting up.
A huge wave of nervousness swept over me as I walked back into my room and saw them both talking to each other on my bed.
“Hey Sam, Cas said he needed to speak with you.”
“Of course he did,” he replied as he glanced over at me and rolled his eyes. As soon as he stepped outside and closed the door, my heart began to race uncontrollably.
“So are you going to explain to me what your intentions were of drinking the way you were?” Dean wasted no time in starting a conversation.
“I think you’re smart enough to figure that out on your own,” was the only response I could think of giving him. I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them again, he was somehow standing right in front of me.
I was at a loss of words, his presence was so overpowering that I was left paralyzed.
“Dean....”
“Shh...don’t..” he stopped me by placing a finger over my lips.
“Hailey..I know I’ve been distant and never let you finish what you started a couple of weeks ago. That’s not how I planned to go about things. But I needed time to process things in my head because it’s been so long since I’ve felt..anything. But when you kissed me and said what you said, it broke the wall I spent so many years building to protect my emotions. But I didn’t know how to express myself in a way that you could understand and know it wasn’t to try and take advantage of you.”
“I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to get rid of these feeling but...”
“No. Don’t. That’s the last thing I want you to do. Hailey I’ve been the way I’ve been towards you all these years because I didn’t want to give you any signs of having feelings towards you. But I do.”
Dean Winchester just told me he has feelings towards me..dear lord help me.
“Dean you don’t understand...when I said I had feelings for you..what I was trying to say was that I—I’m in love with you.”
Holy fuck, Hailey.
At this point, I was past the point of drunk. A hysterical drunk to make it worse. Here I was all alone on the bathroom floor crying my heart out to no one but my dog with no one to tell me to stop or make me feel like I was worth anything. Sam didn't know me enough and Dean didn't care. I really thought after exposing so feelings that he did… but ever since that day he’s never been more distant from me than he was now.
"God, please just kill me. Get it over with," I pleaded as I took in another gulp of the throat burning whiskey.
Through all the pathetic sobbing, I faintly heard someone call my name. Looking around, I saw no one. Must have just been the whiskey getting to me. A warm overwhelming sensation began to take over my body, just, like I had been wanting. Yes, Jack, please end it for me.
"Hailey." The voice was closer now and much stronger but I was too far gone to recognize who's voice it was. Shit
I was out of time and now I was going to be attacked with questions that I didn’t want to answer. A wave of anxiety washed over me as I realized that someone was going to have to open this door and see me in just my bra and underwear clutching this bottle of Jack. Way to fucking think this shit out Hailey.
“Hailey, are you okay?” The voice was closer now. And then there was a knock on the door. But I couldn’t do anything in this moment but sit myself up and rock myself back and forth while crying. I couldn’t talk, let alone breathe. I was just so ready to end this all...it was just too much.
But the moment that I was dreading yet longing for finally happened as I felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around me. I allowed him to slip the bottle out of my grip and he whispered something into my ear that I was not able to comprehend with my level of intoxication. Part of me wanted to push him away from me and tell him to leave me alone. But the other part wanted him to never let me go. I don’t know how much time passed with Dean there but it felt like hours. The alcohol I had consumed was begging my body for sleep. I needed to get off of this bathroom floor but I didn’t know if I had the strength to do it on my own.
It took everything in me to stop my pathetic sobbing and shaking but after a good ten minutes, I was able to. “Can you take me to bed?” I whispered meekly into his ear and avoided directly looking up at him. Without saying a word, he stood up and in one swift motion swooped me into his arms. He was careful as he placed me on the bed and was kind enough to pull the blanket over me.
“Dean, was this bottle full?” I heard Sam question with concern all over him tone.
“Yeah I think so,” Dean replied as he turned away from me.
“Should she go to the hospital? This is enough to get alcohol poisoning.” Shit shit shit
“I may be able to reverse it,” Castiel offered and before Dean could say anything, his hand gently touched my forehead. In an instant, everything I was feeling from the alcohol dissipated. Well there goes that fun.
I let out a dramatic sigh before sitting up in bed to find the three of them staring at me.
“Yeah, I know I fucked up. Can we talk about this later please?” I asked with a groan as I slid out of bed slowly. Cas May have taken the alcohol away but he didn’t take away the hangover effects.
“Fine. But can you at least put some clothes on,” Sam ordered in his usual “brotherly” tone. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
“What’s wrong with what she’s wearing? Let her stay like that,” Dean commented, completely catching me off guard.
“Dean, seriously,” Sam snapped and slapped him in the arm. My face was literally on fire at this point. He wanted me to stay the way I was. I quickly threw on a loose fitting shirt and my under armor sweat pants to avoid any more embarrassment or attention. Things can’t ever be normal with these guys.
“I’ll be outside,” I informed them and grabbed my guitar and made my way out the door with Hershey right behind me. It had been a while since I played anything on my guitar so it was long overdue. After getting as comfortable as I could on the cold hard concrete, I played the first thing that came to my mind.
There was a time when I was alone
Nowhere to go and no place to call home
My only friend was the man in the moon
And even sometimes he would go away too
Then one night as I closed my eyes
I saw a shadow flying high
He came to me with the sweetest smile
Told me he wanted to talk for a while
He said, “Peter Pan, that’s what they call me,
I promise that you’ll never be lonely.”
And ever since that day...
I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we’re bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
“Run, run lost boy,” they say to me
Away from all of reality
Never land is home to Lost Boys like me
And Lost Boys like me are free
Neverland is home to Lost Boys like me
And lost boys like me are free...
I took a moment to pause and soak in the beautifully lit sky. I always found a sense of peace in it...maybe because I knew that somewhere up there, my parents were looking down at me.
“It’s easy to get lost looking up there...” the blue eyed angel’s voice took me by surprise but I was relieved that it wasn’t one of the Winchesters this time.
“Yeah, you’re right about that,” I agreed with a smile. There was a few minutes of silence between us but it didn’t feel as uncomfortable as I thought it would be.
“You know, it’s always intrigued me to see what love does to people.” His statement caught me by surprise and I threw him a weary glace.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, being an angel prevents me from understanding human emotions like you do but it’s clear to me that there is some kind of love connection between you and Dean.”
“Oh yeah? How do you know it’s not you that I feel that way about?” What the hell, Hailey. Why would you even say that?
“Well, I’ve dropped into your dreams before...there may be some kind of emotions towards me. Nothing comparable to Dean though.” My face instantly felt hot at his statement. He’s been in my dreams...dear God.
“Well clearly you have no sense of privacy. I mean.. since there’s no sense in hiding anything, yes, I find you a bit attractive in your own adorable way. But you’re an angel and angles don’t hook up with humans so I never acted upon that.” I admitted quietly to him.
“Well you should know by now that I’m not you’re average angel..”
“So what you’re saying is I could have made a move on you, and you would have been okay with that?” I couldn’t help but giggle at his attempt to flirt.
“That could be what I am implying. But I’m not trying to add more drama to your life.”
“Castiel, you’re truly adorable. This is why I like you,” I laughed while shaking my head. Well...if Dean continues to avoid me I know I have a backup plan.
Another moment of silence passed between us, allowing my mind to run wild.
“Hey, I know I’m an angel but if I were you, I’d talk to him. He’s not going to step up and do it,” Castiel said which made my stomach twist into knots.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ve already said too much to him and with my complications I have with Crowley, what’s the point?” The sadness quickly flooded my body again.
“You know he’s not going to let that happen. He’ll sacrifice himself before he lets that happen.”
“I don’t know Cas...I just can’t—“
“Yes you can. Go in there and talk to him. Tell Sam I need him out here.” I hesitated for a moment and fought with myself before reluctantly getting up.
A huge wave of nervousness swept over me as I walked back into my room and saw them both talking to each other on my bed.
“Hey Sam, Cas said he needed to speak with you.”
“Of course he did,” he replied as he glanced over at me and rolled his eyes. As soon as he stepped outside and closed the door, my heart began to race uncontrollably.
“So are you going to explain to me what your intentions were of drinking the way you were?” Dean wasted no time in starting a conversation.
“I think you’re smart enough to figure that out on your own,” was the only response I could think of giving him. I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them again, he was somehow standing right in front of me.
I was at a loss of words, his presence was so overpowering that I was left paralyzed.
“Dean....”
“Shh...don’t..” he stopped me by placing a finger over my lips.
“Hailey..I know I’ve been distant and never let you finish what you started a couple of weeks ago. That’s not how I planned to go about things. But I needed time to process things in my head because it’s been so long since I’ve felt..anything. But when you kissed me and said what you said, it broke the wall I spent so many years building to protect my emotions. But I didn’t know how to express myself in a way that you could understand and know it wasn’t to try and take advantage of you.”
“I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to get rid of these feeling but...”
“No. Don’t. That’s the last thing I want you to do. Hailey I’ve been the way I’ve been towards you all these years because I didn’t want to give you any signs of having feelings towards you. But I do.”
Dean Winchester just told me he has feelings towards me..dear lord help me.
“Dean you don’t understand...when I said I had feelings for you..what I was trying to say was that I—I’m in love with you.”
Holy fuck, Hailey.