Labyrinth in the Shape of a Heart

(October's POV; Prologue)

It was no surprise that we were growing apart. I had known it from the very moment he had come back home from tour a couple of weeks ago. He wasn't the same; his touch, his kiss, everything. It all felt different, it all felt uncomfortable. I tried to ignore, I tried to assume that maybe it was just me, that maybe it was the long distances and not being able to communicate with each other all the time that had drove me to think that something was amiss. But the longer he laid beside me in bed, not saying one word and facing towards the wall, I knew it wasn't just me, I knew it had to be something else. "I love you." I say to him, almost barely above a whisper.

By this time already I was already on the verge of tears, so of course when he didn't say it back, I had no control over them any longer. "I said, I love you." Still nothing, no response. "Why don't you say anything? Why are you ignoring me? What in God's name did I do to deserve all of this animosity from you? You've been home for two weeks already and you've been acting as if though you don't want to be here anymore at all. What is it with you?" I was growing angry now, the tears still flowing hot down my cheeks. He shifted this time, he was facing me. The look in his eyes was just a blank, meaningless stare. I had never seen him this way before, I didn't understand. "Are you just gonna look at me all night or actually give me some sort of explanation?"

He gets up from his side of the bed, obviously annoyed by my persistence. I follow him downstairs, still not giving up. "What the hell is the matter? I want to know, damn it!" I raise my voice now, not really caring if the neighbors could hear me or not. He stops this time before sitting down on the small love seat positioned in the living room. "Sit." He says bluntly, motioning for me to take the spot beside him. I hesitate greatly, afraid that he might try to do something, even though he never has in his life before put his hands on me. "October, sit with me. Please. You want to talk, lets talk." I reluctantly give in and sit beside him, my hands trembling the entire time. He turns so we're face to face, taking my hand weakly in his. I can feel the air growing tighter around us the longer we sit there in silence until he finally speaks up first.

"I love you, October. You've been there for me since the beginning of all of this. But I can't keep pretending that things are going to stay this way forever. Especially not after the things that I heard while I was away on the road. I spoke to my ex, she called to tell me that we needed to finally meet when I was playing a show in Arizona. So I let her come, but she-" I quickly cut him off and shot up from my spot, already not able to take hearing anymore of this. "You cheated on me? Is that it? Is that why you've been avoiding me?" He shook his head profusely, yanking me back down beside him. "No! Let me finish!" He shouted this time.

I quickly calmed myself down long enough to let him finish explaining, although truth be told, I didn't want to hear anymore of it. "She wasn't alone. She had a child with her. A son. My son, our son. She didn't know she was pregnant when we split up at the time and when she saw how quickly my career was blossoming and that I was dating you, she didn't want to interfere with that. However, she can't do it on her own anymore and I don't want it that way either. I feel that now that I know he is mine, that I have a child, that I need to be there for him and help raise him. I didn't exactly know how to break all this sudden news to you, so that's partially why I have been avoiding you, because I didn't know what the fuck to even say. But since you keep insisting that you want to know, that you feel like you need answers right this moment, you've finally gotten what you have asked for. So the truth is, I'm going to let her move in, her and the baby. You don't have to be okay with this, you don't have to like it, but that's just the way it's going to have to be, at least for now. I think it would be a good thing, you could really get along with her. But again, if you don't want to deal with any of this, you can more than willingly leave. I love you, honestly I always will, but my family has to come first. I don't want to miss out on any of his life more than I already might have. They will be arriving at the airport in the next day or two, I arranged for her to come a little while after I had gotten back home so that way I could finally tell you all about this."

Every word that was said after that was a complete and total blur. I just remember flying off in a rage and storming up to our bedroom, grabbing whatever belonged to me, including the things that I had bought for him over the years and stuffing them into whatever suitcases and bags that I had found. He soon followed up after me, pleading with me to let this cool off, that I didn't have to go right this second, that we could talk this over in the morning and then figure it all out. But I couldn't, I just couldn't. I couldn't stand to look at him, I couldn't stand to even be near him. I felt like I was going to be physically sick if I had stayed anywhere near him for a minute longer. It was eleven thirty at night on a cold day in January. What a way to start off the new year, I'll surely never forget this.

"October, please. I really think we should talk about this more, work things out. You can't just pack up and leave right this minute without giving me more time to take all this in. Please, I do love you." I wiggled and shrugged my way out of his grasp as he tried to hold me close to him, the tears evident in his eyes and the hurt clear in his voice. None of that mattered to me, not anymore. He had just broken my heart into a million tiny pieces all in the matter of fifteen minutes. I needed to get away and as far away from him as soon as humanly possible. I immediately arranged for a taxi, stating that I would be staying at a hotel for the night until I could leave. Leave away from all the mess that was being created around me. "Where will you go, October? You can't just go like this."

His words were all a foreign sound to me as soon the cab had arrived and I was dragging my bags one by one down the large flight of steps out to the driveway. "Please, I'm begging you, don't go like this." He had always been at war with his emotions, that was the way he was when I had first met him. One minute he could be strong and levelheaded, the next minute, a total wreck, crying and pleading on the ground. "Stop it, just stop it. I can't take this, okay? I have to go. This is not just something you lay on a person like that and expect them to be okay with. That's not fair, Chester. You may say you love me and all of this, but, evidently in the end, my love for you wasn't enough. So I'll see you whenever the next time may be. Whatever I left behind, you can do whatever you wish with. I hope you have a fantastic life with her and your son. I love you, thank you for pretty much being the death of me."

My voice was harsh and cold as I loaded my last bag into the back before getting in beside the drive and almost slamming the door. I left him standing there in the driveway, just staring off at me with the saddest look in his eyes as we finally pulled away from the house. "Where to, ma'am?" The driver finally asks me softly as we continue to drive. "The Four Seasons Hotel in Downtown, please." I have to force myself to pull out my phone before quickly dialing an old friend's number who I knew just happened to be in town this week for a photo shoot.

"Hello?" His voice answers groggily, obviously he was asleep. "Hey, Bam, it's me. October." His voice instantly perks up before a loud yell could be heard echoing behind him. "Holy shit! I'm surprised you still have my number! But what's going on? This isn't just a random hello call, it's almost passed midnight. What's up? Everything good?" I briefly explain to him what had happened at the house before then telling him that I was going to be staying at a hotel for the night. "No shit. Well, look, I'm staying at a hotel a few blocks away from yours, I'll be over in the morning so we can talk about this. If you're really keen on leaving, I've got a plane ticket headed out to Finland for tomorrow. I was going to go out there and visit with some friends. You remember the Eyes, don't you?" I laugh some now, remembering the first time I had went with Bam to one of their shows when I still lived in Pennsylvania a couple of years ago before I met Chester and moved out here, to California.

The whole group of guys were amazing people, I instantly clicked with them as we talked and drank the night away. "Yes, I definitely could never forget about them. But you know what, I think I may take you up on that offer. A new country totally sounds like a great new start. I'll see you in the morning, Bam. Thank you again, I know it's been so long." He instantly told me not even to worry about a thing, that he would have it all taken care of. "But, you have to meet my new friends too when you get there. I'm sure Ville would just love to meet a dark and evil gal like you." I chuckled, already picturing what these friends of his could already look like now. Probably just as goth as the Eyes.

After we had finally hung up, I paid my cab fare and somehow managed to bring all my luggage along with me when I headed to the front desk. "Hi, I just need a room for the night." The older woman clicked away on her keyboard before announcing that I had already had a room reserved under my name. "A Mr. Margera arranged for it for you a few moments ago. Here are your keys." I thanked her before sending Bam a quick text, thanking him next and swearing that I would repay him when I saw him later on. He insisted he did it out of his love for our friendship, that I wasn't required to pay him back for anything even after these last two years of not much speaking. I instantly felt terrible, especially for neglecting my friends like that, but promised that things were going to be much different.

He agreed that he couldn't wait to see me as well and that I better get as much sleep as I could because I probably wasn't going to be able to once I got on that plane the next morning. Once inside, I wasted no time in stripping off my clothes and tossing myself in a hot shower. I wanted to get every inch of him off of my skin, I never wanted to remember him after this night. I was no longer his girlfriend, I was nothing. I was going to be moving to a new city, a new fucking country, and I wanted no one to know about my old life. This was going to be my new start.