Status: Active.
Secret For the Mad
i.
The rain pattered against the window lightly, the drops falling freely down the glass like teardrops. Green eyes followed one drop, and then another, and another, mind elsewhere as Hayley observed the storm. She was only brought out of her thoughts when thunder rumbled in the distance, and then her gaze wandered to the flowers growing outside the window. Or, attempting to grow. Many of them were struggling to get bigger, the sunflowers beside them thriving instead and then blocking the smaller ones with a shadow.
Somehow, it reminded Hayley of herself.
She didn't realize that she was reaching out for the poor dying flowers, wanting to comfort the plants as if it would help them grow and heal until her pale fingers were met with the cool glass. Her small fingers left prints behind, but they faded into the fog again quickly. She sighed as she let her head fall onto the windowsill in front of her. It made a decently loud sound, loud enough that her best friend Taylor turned around from where he was sat on her floor messing with his guitar with an eyebrow raised. This happened pretty often, Hayley getting lost in her sadness, so he could only ask, "What's up, buttercup?"
It wasn't that surprising to the curly-haired man when he was met with a shrug and another sigh, this one quieter than the first. Somehow, it was filled with more sadness. Hayley had been trapped in her own head for quite some time now, but she was attempting to get better with some time and support from the two boys that loved her through it all.
Keyword: attempting.
__________
Hayley never imagined that she would step foot back in Franklin after what happened, but her best friend had somehow convinced her that maybe it would be good for her to come back and write some, maybe spend a little bit time just enjoying life and being alive. Existing, without any huge responsibilities and burdens. She had spent a good amount of time back home with her parents after calling Paramore off, but that hadn't done much good. It actually may have done more harm than good. She was alone out there, her only friends settled there being her blood relatives.
She really didn't know how she felt about being back just yet.
There was something about the window next to her bed, about the garden beneath it. Sometimes she would wake up in the morning with this urge to cry, the urge to reach out and pull out the damned sunflowers draining the life from the other, smaller flowers. They were being selfish and they weren't even giving the dying ones a chance. She sat back and just watched them die more every morning, drooping over and browning as the life was sucked from them, their leaves falling to the ground. It reminded her too much of herself. Of her situation. Of him and what he had done to her over and over throughout the years they had been together.
It drove her insane, until in the middle of the night one weekend she was digging into the ground, the dirt getting under her nails and all over her oversized shirt as she desperately ripped the sunflowers out of the ground. Her eyes were blurred with tears and her ears were ringing, so much so that she didn't even hear Taylor calling out to her until he collapsed beside her.
"Hayley, what the hell?" There was no anger in his voice. There never was, not toward Hayley. He was so understanding and loved the fragile girl no matter what. Confusion, worry, and maybe tiredness? That was definitely clear in his tone, and in the way he hesitated to reach out and put his hand on top of hers, the one resting steady on the ground to keep her upright as she tugged at a root, as she continued to destroy the once beautiful flowers surrounding the home.
When Taylor's hand came in contact with her own, she froze. Her mind went blank, and then it filled with oh god, what am I doing, I'm going crazy aren't I? This is it. I'm insane.
She choked on a sob as she fell backwards onto her behind in the dewy grass, too ashamed to make eye contact with her best friend. Hayley didn't care that she was covered in dirt, she didn't care that it was getting on her face as she covered her face and the tears, the shame. She only cared that she had ripped apart something that didn't belong to her, like she had done so many times before.
Taylor understood. He always understood.
There was this connection that they had, and while he might be confused about the intentions and the thoughts that were running free in her fragile mind, he knew the feelings the girl next to him had. Taylor had learned to identify them in the time they spent together. He had dealt with Hayley while she was in a state like this before (not as bad, but close to it, at least). That wasn't a bad thing, though.
Taylor would do it anytime and in any life.
That's why he ended up reaching out to pick Hayley up bridal style, doing so with ease. She weighed almost nothing these days and he was also pretty used to carrying her around, something he did sometimes when they played around backstage. "Hey," He cooed, trying to calm her, "I'm here, I'm here. You're fine. You're going to be alright."
Hayley couldn't get anything out except for apologies between her sobs, her voice raspy and just as broken as the rest of her. She couldn't focus, and she didn't even notice when she was set down in her soft bed and tucked in. She fell asleep with ease, Taylor staying next to the bed without her noticing, but she knew deep down that she would regret waking up the second that her eyes opened. The fact that the sunflowers were now gone, spread all around the grass outside her window... well, that certainly wouldn't help any.
It was an endless battle these days.
Somehow, it reminded Hayley of herself.
She didn't realize that she was reaching out for the poor dying flowers, wanting to comfort the plants as if it would help them grow and heal until her pale fingers were met with the cool glass. Her small fingers left prints behind, but they faded into the fog again quickly. She sighed as she let her head fall onto the windowsill in front of her. It made a decently loud sound, loud enough that her best friend Taylor turned around from where he was sat on her floor messing with his guitar with an eyebrow raised. This happened pretty often, Hayley getting lost in her sadness, so he could only ask, "What's up, buttercup?"
It wasn't that surprising to the curly-haired man when he was met with a shrug and another sigh, this one quieter than the first. Somehow, it was filled with more sadness. Hayley had been trapped in her own head for quite some time now, but she was attempting to get better with some time and support from the two boys that loved her through it all.
Keyword: attempting.
__________
Hayley never imagined that she would step foot back in Franklin after what happened, but her best friend had somehow convinced her that maybe it would be good for her to come back and write some, maybe spend a little bit time just enjoying life and being alive. Existing, without any huge responsibilities and burdens. She had spent a good amount of time back home with her parents after calling Paramore off, but that hadn't done much good. It actually may have done more harm than good. She was alone out there, her only friends settled there being her blood relatives.
She really didn't know how she felt about being back just yet.
There was something about the window next to her bed, about the garden beneath it. Sometimes she would wake up in the morning with this urge to cry, the urge to reach out and pull out the damned sunflowers draining the life from the other, smaller flowers. They were being selfish and they weren't even giving the dying ones a chance. She sat back and just watched them die more every morning, drooping over and browning as the life was sucked from them, their leaves falling to the ground. It reminded her too much of herself. Of her situation. Of him and what he had done to her over and over throughout the years they had been together.
It drove her insane, until in the middle of the night one weekend she was digging into the ground, the dirt getting under her nails and all over her oversized shirt as she desperately ripped the sunflowers out of the ground. Her eyes were blurred with tears and her ears were ringing, so much so that she didn't even hear Taylor calling out to her until he collapsed beside her.
"Hayley, what the hell?" There was no anger in his voice. There never was, not toward Hayley. He was so understanding and loved the fragile girl no matter what. Confusion, worry, and maybe tiredness? That was definitely clear in his tone, and in the way he hesitated to reach out and put his hand on top of hers, the one resting steady on the ground to keep her upright as she tugged at a root, as she continued to destroy the once beautiful flowers surrounding the home.
When Taylor's hand came in contact with her own, she froze. Her mind went blank, and then it filled with oh god, what am I doing, I'm going crazy aren't I? This is it. I'm insane.
She choked on a sob as she fell backwards onto her behind in the dewy grass, too ashamed to make eye contact with her best friend. Hayley didn't care that she was covered in dirt, she didn't care that it was getting on her face as she covered her face and the tears, the shame. She only cared that she had ripped apart something that didn't belong to her, like she had done so many times before.
Taylor understood. He always understood.
There was this connection that they had, and while he might be confused about the intentions and the thoughts that were running free in her fragile mind, he knew the feelings the girl next to him had. Taylor had learned to identify them in the time they spent together. He had dealt with Hayley while she was in a state like this before (not as bad, but close to it, at least). That wasn't a bad thing, though.
Taylor would do it anytime and in any life.
That's why he ended up reaching out to pick Hayley up bridal style, doing so with ease. She weighed almost nothing these days and he was also pretty used to carrying her around, something he did sometimes when they played around backstage. "Hey," He cooed, trying to calm her, "I'm here, I'm here. You're fine. You're going to be alright."
Hayley couldn't get anything out except for apologies between her sobs, her voice raspy and just as broken as the rest of her. She couldn't focus, and she didn't even notice when she was set down in her soft bed and tucked in. She fell asleep with ease, Taylor staying next to the bed without her noticing, but she knew deep down that she would regret waking up the second that her eyes opened. The fact that the sunflowers were now gone, spread all around the grass outside her window... well, that certainly wouldn't help any.
It was an endless battle these days.