Kiss the Flame

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. -Comte De Bussy-Rabutin

Tre Cool stood over next to a window looking out at the city sprawled below. A sound caught his attention and he moved his glance over to the antique bassinette looking out of place in the starkness of the sterile room. The sound of his newborn son in the beginning stages of coming awake made him smile as he moved over to pick up the infant. "Hey, TJ.... how was my little man's nap?" he cooed to the baby. The infant gurgled back his answer and Tre smiled at the wonder of his perfect newborn son.

He walked over to the small dorm fridge that was also out of place in the room and pulled out a small bottle and walked from the room with the infant on his shoulder to go to the nurse's break room which was down the hall and had a microwave. He shifted the newborn to his other shoulder as he waited the short amount of time to warm up the breast milk that consisted of his son's meal.

Upon retrieving the bottle when it was finished, he walked back to the room where he came from and as always stopped at the door to compose himself with a deep breath before walking in. No matter how many times he walked into the room; it took a moment for him to get used to the sight within. With a sigh he pushed open the door with his hip and entered the room. Without a glance at the occupant of the room, he walked back over to the window and settled down into a rocking chair by the window he had been just looking out of a few minutes ago.

He smiled as he shifted TJ around to a more comfortable position and with a quick wrist check for the temperature of the contents of the bottle; he began to feed his son. His mind drifted to the chair in which he sat in; a gift from his parents. This was the same rocking chair that his own mother had sat in while feeding her babies. A single tear came to his eye at he thought that it was he in the chair instead of TJ's mother. He frowned and shook his head as if to shake away the bad thoughts that invaded this special time between a father and his infant son.

Billie Joe came walking down the hall towards the room where Tre was sitting. He paused in the doorway himself to watch Tre engrossed in the simple act of feeding his son. He blinked and glanced toward the bed that dominated the room. The sight never ceased to amaze him. How fragile life could be; one minute you're celebrating a miracle and the next; a life is almost extinguished.

He remembered vividly the night of TJ's birth; Tre being led down the hallway by a nurse and collapsing into a chair. The look on the drummer's face was unreadable. It was one of the few times in his life that Tre was at a loss for words. It was scary; no one knew what was going on. Finally the man spoke up, "I don't know what happened... I moved to see the baby and everything was fine and then all of a sudden every machine started to make noise. Nurses began to rush around and more doctors were called to scrub in. I don't know... " he trailed off and closed his eyes.

Billie Joe shuttered at the next memory of a lone doctor walking down the hallway. He felt his own heart drop to his feet and couldn't even begin to imagine what his friend was feeling. The doctor stopped in front of them, "Mr. Wright?"

Tre's head jerked up, "That's me," he said shakily.

The doctor nodded, "She's alive, but barely. After your son was delivered, Ms. Wright started to bleed uncontrollably. In trying to find the source of the bleeding, we found many cysts on her uterus and decided to perform an emergency hysterectomy. As we performed the procedure, she lost an enormous amount of blood which stressed out her heart enough to cause it to stop beating. After a number of attempts we finally got her heart restarted, but the damage was already done. Her kidneys already damaged before the pregnancy are now almost nonfunctioning. We are hopeful that the damage of her kidneys will lessen as her body heals."

The doctor paused and placed a hand on Tre's shoulder, "She is in a coma at the moment and on a ventilator, which is breathing for her. We are unsure on how the extreme blood lose effected her brain functions. That won't be determined until, if and when she wakes. I'm sorry Mr. Wright; the prognosis isn't looking good."

Billie Joe saw his friend just seem to shrink in his seat. He never had seen Tre look that small and helpless before in their over sixteen years friendship. The doctor startled him back into the present, "The good news is that Ms. Wright has a living will in which provisions have been made concerning her son if something were to happen to her during delivery. She was a smart lady; she was prepared. Her wishes were to be kept alive so that her body may produce enough breast milk for her son to thrive. She actually has it written to extract milk for her son. When it comes to the time that her milk dries up; she requested to be removed form any and all life support."

Billie closed his eyes at the sight of Tre as he completely broke down. The younger man's sobs reverberated through the small waiting room. Jill; his own fiancée sat and didn't even make a move to help comfort the sobbing man. Beth stood up and moved over to where Tre was sitting and glanced at Mike who got up from his seat next to the distressed man. She lowered herself to the now vacant chair and wrapped an arm around the crying man. She started murmuring in his ear and soon it began to show an effect as he began to quiet down a little.

Tre's gut wrenching sobs soon stopped with Beth's administrations. Billie watched as the man finally sat and was deathly quiet. Everybody was scared to talk since they had no idea what to say. Tre shattered the silence, "I have a newborn baby boy. She told me his name be... before sh...before she... I can't say it... " he murmured with the tears once again beginning to fall.

"It's okay one balled wonder," Beth said trying to get the man to crack a smile. She succeeded when the man gave a slight grin at the use of her nickname for him. Beth slung her arm around him and gave him a hard hug and he seemed to melt into the younger woman who once was his enemy but now was his comforter. "What did she decide for his name Tre?" she asked the man quietly.

"Frank Edwin Wright the IV, but Sabrina wanted... she wants his nickname to be Tre Junior or TJ for short."

Billie shook his head as if to shake the cobwebs from his brain. Ever since that night Tre had left behind the carefree part of his personality and now seemed to have grown into an old man overnight. He stayed at the hospital until TJ was discharged and then every day once the baby awoke Tre brought him to visit her. In the late evening after a feeding Tre would take the infant back to the house that he once lived in and called home with Sabrina. His parents had come down from up north to help Tre with the newborn and were also staying at the Oakland house. The man had also brought the rocking chair, bassinette, and small fridge to the room in order to make it easier to have TJ there all day in case she woke up.

The drummer also had convinced Mike and himself to help sit with her in case she woke up so she wouldn't be alone. That's why he was here; it was time for his shift. The front man and bassist shared the overnight/early morning shift. He would arrive around 10pm and would stay until Mike showed up at 4am and he would stay until Tre came back in around 10am; then the cycle repeated. They had been doing this for 5 weeks with no end in sight. Sabrina didn't seem to be getting any better and he didn't know how much more Tre or they for that matter could take.

Billie once again shrugged his shoulders and knocked softly on the door jam, not really wanting to disturb the father and son moment. Tre glanced up and gave a small smile to his friend and with a shake of his head beckoned him into the room. Billie walked in and sat in the other chair in the room and waited until Tre was finished feeding his newborn son. When the bottle was empty Billie held his arms out, "I'll burp him so you can get things around," he offered. Tre smiled and passed the child over to Billie's waiting arms. The punk rocker placed TJ over his shoulder and began to deftly pat his back with a rhythm and began to sing in time. That made the drummer smile at hearing one of his favorite Green Day songs, 'Macy's Day Parade' being used as a burping song for his son.

Tre stood up and watched one of his best friends help him and suddenly felt tears spring to his eyes, "Thank you Billie," he said quietly to the man.

"For what?"

"For you being my best friend; for putting your life on hold; for helping me make sure she isn't alone; just for being you Bill," he said simply.

"You know we miss her too... " the lead singer said softy. "I would give anything to see those baby blue eyes of hers."

"Me too Billie; me too."

Billie yawned and stretched as he glanced at his watch. The dial read 3:55am and the man knew that Mike would be arriving soon with a steaming cup of coffee for the two of them. As if on cue, the bassist for Green Day walked into the room with his hands full of coffee cups.

"I don't know how you can drink this and then go home and go to sleep," the tall man muttered to no one in particular.

Billie smiled at his friend, "Insomnia is a wonderful thing," he said with a slight smile.

Mike settled down into the chair next to Billie and yawned. "Beth is getting tired of me leaving every morning so early."

"Yea, Adie is lonely without me there at night."

"What are we going to do Bill, I feel like shit telling Tre we can't do this anymore," Mike admitted quietly. "I almost wish that she would... "

"Don't say that Mike; don't even think it... " Billie hissed angrily at his friend.

"Bill, you know that she wouldn't want to be like this... And it hurts to see her like this... She was so vibrant and now it's like the bloom is closed up to the light. I can't stand coming in here every morning and seeing her like this... " he finally admitted with a shudder.

Billie never said a word since he agreed with everything Mike had said. He too hated seeing her like this... like a dead leaf that still somehow was still attached to the branch; there but not there. The lead singer sighed and ran a hand through his hair and stood up with a groan as he straightened out his spine. He laid a hand and gripped his friend's shoulder and no words had to be said between them. They would continue to do this for her until something changed. Billie gave a final squeeze and grabbed his coffee and left the room.

Mike sat there and listened to the machines that were keeping her alive. The beeping of the heart and pulse monitor kept in time with the push and pull of the bellow that breathed for the woman. He sat there sipping his coffee and zoned to the sounds of the room that soon turned into white noise to the man.

A nap jerk awoke Mike with a start making him almost spill his coffee down the front of him. The man yawned and with surprise realized that over an hour had passed. He reached over to grab the TV remote and turned on one of the early morning news shows. Just as the weather man began to explain the crappy rainy streak they had been having; the one of the machines in the room began to beep a little faster. The slight increase of speed went unnoticed by the bassist who was engrossed in the news cast.

Suddenly when the beeping went out of control; the man jerked his attention towards the bed containing the woman. The woman's eyes were open as she began to thrash around in a panic. Mike quickly moved over to the bed and grabbed one of Sabrina's hands. She jerked her head to look at him and he could see the panic in her eyes. If she were a horse he would have seen the whites of her eyes. He took her hand and brought it to his lips in an effort to calm her. With his other hand he pressed the nurse's call button.

"Sabrina, I'm right here but you need to try to relax. I know you're scared and don't know what's going on, but you'll okay. I'm right here... I'll catch you... okay..."

The woman closed her eyes and squeezed Mike's hand hard. When her eyes opened again and she looked into his, he saw that instead of fear there was trust. She nodded her head at his words and closed her eyes again. Mike didn't realize that he had begun to cry at her awaking.

A nurse came into the room and took in the sight of the man leaning over the now awake woman and quickly ran back out and down the hallway calling for the doctor on duty. Within minutes there was a flurry of activity in the room. More nurses and the doctor came in to evaluate Sabrina's condition. Mike still sat by her side and talked to her so that she had a familiar face during the task of updating her condition. Sabrina did her best to stay calm and listened to her best friend speak about everything and nothing all at once.

Tre was woken up by the sound of his cell phone ringing off the hook. He sleepily glanced at the clock beside the bed and when he comprehended the time; his heart fell to the floor. The clock read 5:49am and there would only be one call that he would get at that time in the morning; a call from the hospital.

The doctor finally examined Sabrina and was satisfied that she could be removed from the ventilator. "Okay now, Ms. Wright; we will be turning off the ventilator. We need you to take a deep breath in and then exhale while we will pull out the tube from your throat. When you are ready," the doctor said to the woman.

Sabrina turned to the man beside her with fear creeping back into her eyes. Mike smiled at her, "I'll be right here. You can do it Sab, I know you can."

The woman turned back toward the doctor and nodded her head that she was ready. The doctor nodded back and with a look to the nurse standing next to the machine indicated to turn off the ventilator. The nurse switched off the machine and Sabrina felt like she couldn't breathe. She started to panic again, but felt Mike's presence and willed away the feeling. She inhaled as deep as she could and the doctor reached over to the tube and grasped it. "Exhale now," the doctor said as he pulled the tube from her throat.

Sabrina gagged as the tube came out and began to cough. Mike held a glass of water to her lips and helped her take a small sip to help get rid of the scratchy feeling. The water felt like heaven coating her throat and soothing the burn from the tube. "Where is my baby?" she asked in a hoarse voice that was barely heard above the beating of her heart.

Tre came down the hallway towards the room with TJ in his infant car seat being carried in his strong hand. As the man came closer to his destination, he stopped when he heard the voice that thought he would never hear again. He smiled at the infant sleeping in the carrier and thought about the reunion that was about to take place. When he came to the door; he automatically went to pause by the door before entering but shook it off with another smile.

Sabrina looked up at the noise of the door opening. Her heart just filled with love as she saw who was coming into the room. She watched as the object of her love walk towards bed and then gently place the item he was holding onto the floor and bend over it. The tears began to fall from her eyes when the man straightened up with the precious cargo in his arms.

When Tre saw Sabrina cry over seeing her 5 week old son for the first time, the tears also fell from his own eyes. He gently placed the still sleeping bundle into her awaiting arms and she cried as she held her son. She dropped her nose to the baby's head and inhaled the newborn scent for the first time. "Tell me that I'm actually holding my son and he's okay... please tell me I'm not dreaming... " she quietly spoke to the man standing next to her still.

"Yes Sabrina, TJ is fine, it was you who we were worried about," Tre spoke softy to the woman.

She glanced up at the man and saw the concern in his eyes. She smiled to him and as she shifted the infant to a more comfortable position for her to hold him. A feeling of love overcame her and the tears fell from her eyes as she held her son and finally had Tre beside her, just as she has always wanted.