Almost Easy

Liz’s POV

Michelle was drunkenly dancing around the room of guests that were left, Zack was trashed while Jacky tried to load him in to her car to get home. Brian was somewhere with Jimmy which was concerning me mostly since no one else was sober enough to notice, and now Jacky and Zack were driving away.

I groaned and looked down at the half empty glass in my hands and realized it was nearly two in the morning and I was still awake. Sober. Annoyingly enough, sober. This was never me, I wasn’t sure how my life was going to be able to change this drastically. Only a handful of years ago I was chugging whiskey from a solo cup dancing in a parking lot of these fools having the time of my life, now I was pregnant, slightly miserable and just like then: no idea where my life is going.

I felt tears welling in my eyes and saving the risk of someone noticing me crying, I grabbed my purse and quickly found my way to the back door and out to the back yard. I walked out on to the yard and then to the sand, immediately leaving my heels on the grass behind me and taking in the relaxing feeling of sand beneath my toes, moving up between them and scratching against the tops of my feet.

I inhaled deeply, resting my hand on my stomach as I looked out over the ocean into the sky of billions of stars. I had never seen the sky look this incredible as it did currently. Once I had walked far enough out on to the sand I remembered one of the last times I had wandered my way out on to the sand at night, it was to confront a drunk Matt while I was with Levi.

“Idiot.” I shook my head and sank down in to the sand. I pulled my purse next to me and grabbed the T-shirt that was inside. I had packed a change of clothes for when I decided I was too tired to leave and crashed in the guest room upstairs, or when I ended up having to drive a hammered Jason home and ended up sleeping on his couch.

I shrugged out of my dress top and pulled the shirt over my head skillfully without exposing myself at all, I smiled, I still got it. I glanced down at my stomach and leaned back, keeping my dress clinging just below my waist as a skirt now. There was a human inside of me, a human that was going to depend on my dumbass to take care of it. My idiotic self who barely kept herself alive. A mini-me-and-Matt. If that wasn’t a recipe for a shit storm, I laughed to myself at the thought. I grabbed my phone from my bag and checked my messages, one from Jacky asking if I was going to be ok or if she had to come back for me. I laughed.

I’ll be fine, currently taking advantage of the quiet beach. I’ll text you in the morning, have fun with prince drunky

I sent it and tucked my phone away, just zipping my purse up when I heard something behind me.

“Oh, fuck, you scared the shit out of me.”

I laughed as Matt slightly jumped back as his eyes landed on me, “Didn’t see the human sitting right here?” I asked.

“No, honestly I thought you were a rock or something you were so still until you just moved.” He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, “Sorry, I’ll leave you alone..”

“It’s fine.” I patted the sand beside me, “Keep me company?”

His eyebrow raised in question but his feet moved him closer before he lowered himself beside me, still keeping a safe distance, “I figured after earlier you would have been internally praying I left you alone.” He took a drink from the water bottle in his hand.

“That’s surprising.” I mumbled, “The water, not the thought. The thought is well founded but… I was an asshole earlier. I figured you’d be hammered by now with all the beer pong you were playing.”

“Yeah, well, I started switching up my beer for water early on. I figured the best way to keep drama at bay is to stay sober.” He nodded, “And I’ve been drinking enough lately I could use the break.”

“Your liver must be in shock.” I mock laughed as he nodded, “Uhm… So I was planning on catching you at a different time but since you’re sober and we’re actually speaking..”

“What’s on your mind?” Matt turned so he could face me better as I bit my lip and shrugged a little, “Jesus, Liz, what’d you do get in a fight with an MMA pro?” His eyes trailed to my arms, fuck my sleeves.

“Uh, no,” I shuffled in my bag praying I had packed a sweatshirt, “Yeah? It’s nothing.” I tried laughing comically while I failed to find anything to cover them up. My mind flew, he would know instantly they were finger prints, you couldn’t miss it, they were clear as day, I tried avoiding eye contact with him but I didn’t even have to look up.

Matt had stopped breathing, since the words left his mouth. Air had not exchanged through his windpipe. The exhale was like a mix of a tornado and a category five tropical storm leaving his mouth, “As a friend it’s my right to ask,” He paused as the words left his mouth, “And I expect the truth.”

“It’s nothing.” I lied again and shrugged, but this time I had looked at him and he wasn’t looking at me. He was staring at my arms. His head tilted to the side and his eyes narrowed. The warm brown tone of his eyes that was normally so light and generally non-aggressive looking was now sending ice through my blood at how dark they had become, “Matt-“

“Those are finger prints, those are fucking-“ Matt kicked sand as he stood, instantly running his hands through his hair and cursing he paced a repetitive small circle, “Where the fuck is he, I’m going to fucking-“

“Matt stop, please stop-“ The tears built from earlier stormed down my face as I reached up, “Stop and sit, you need to listen to me.” I managed to grab ahold of his arm and guide him back to the sand beside me, I felt the heat radiating through his skin, “Please listen.”

“Liz,” Matt shook his head as his free hand wiped his own eyes then reached out for mine but by this time I was well aware of the deluge of foundation washing from my face amidst the streams of tears, “Lizzy..”

“It’s over, ok? He’s gone, it’s done, I’m safe-“

“How long?” The hurt in his voice broke my heart and I shook my head.

“It doesn’t matter, it’s over ok? I’m safe and this baby’s safe. That’s all that matters ok? And that’s what we need to focus on.” I waited for the words to hit him but his expression remained the same: worried. “Matt do you hear me? This is your child… this is your baby, I don’t know… I know this is, now, a terrible time-“

“I knew.” He shrugged, “I knew, I just… it’s an odd thought. I don’t know.”

“Ok. Well… Uhm, you can think about what you want to do? How you want to handle this? If you even want to be in his life-“

“It’s a boy?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, “I’m eighteen weeks and they got a really good look last week during my ultrasound..” I paused and watched Matt’s expression as he processed the words, “I just want you to know I’m not going to force you to be there or anything, you can do what you want as for being in his life. I mean, I’d like you to be there as much as you can but if it’s not your thing that’s fine I –“

“Liz,” Matt laughed gently and took my hand, caution reading in each of his actions, “I’ll be there, I’m not going to abandon my child. You know I love you, and even though we just can’t work doesn’t mean I won’t love this child more than anything in the world.” His eyes were sincere and almost made my own well with tears but I managed to hold them back.

“Ok. Then I guess there’s not much more to talk about?”

“Unless you want to talk about names..” Matt raised an eyebrow with a smirk as I laughed and gave in. His hand left my skin and we stayed sitting a good distance apart, watching out over the ocean as we let names gently roll out of our minds while the night wore on.