‹ Prequel: Dear God
Status: ACTIVE
Almost Easy
I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink
Lizs POV
I watched the drop off and pick up lines at school like a hawk for Martha every day. Somehow Danny had gotten wine if the trip and managed to tell them I would “One hundred percent be going.”
Which was pretty much the hard opposite of what I felt I should do. I helped Colton with the buckles to his car seat and whisked us away towards home before any type of run in.
“Momma?” Colton’s coffee pulled me from my overthinking.
“What’s up sweet guy?”
“Meridith asked if I could come over for a playdate this weekend.” He finished his sentence with a fist fill of crackers midway through.
“This weekend? I guess I don’t see why not.” My shrug was hiding the inevitable fate of me either making Danny a liar or going. Now to you it may not seem like the biggest deal, Liz what’s do bad about Vegas huh?
Well I’ll tell you what’s so bad about this very particular trip to Vegas. Martha sent me the itinerary for the trip and the hotel they’re staying at us none other than the one with a very specific chapel. Out of all the gin joints in Vegas right? THAT hotel. If I didn’t have a solid reason to decline other than spilling an entire life no one knew any thing about, it looked like I was going. I sighed and pressed Martha’s name on my car display, using my Bluetooth finally and listening to the ring.
“Elizabeth Heely, I thought you were avoiding me.”
“Radical honesty I was.” I chuckled a little, “Colton’s in for the playdate and I’m down for mom’s trip.” I swallowed hard the anxiety creeping up my throat as she cheered and began rambling about how much fun we would have.
::.:.:.:.::
“I think it’s a brilliant idea! You need a break and you’ll get back just in time to come home to the new house.” Danny tried soothing my days long anxiety as we cleared the dinner table together while Colt played in his toy room.
“There’s one thing to look forward to.” I muttered, finishing off the wine from my spot. That was another thing we decided over dinner now that Danny was back for a few days, we were moving. The commute was obscene for him and he had mentioned a few gorgeous his very close and with good schools. He got me there, schools, “I’m just… Ugh. It’s a while didn’t issue that doesn’t even need to be an issue. I would text Dr. Gomez and see if she has any time tomorrow to talk.” I toppled my arm full of dishes in to the sink and retrieved my phone from my pocket, my fingers had successfully opened a text to my therapist and then stopped working. I furrowed my eyes together and sighed, feeling the wet slick screen beneath them.
“You good Lizzy?” Danny asked, half distracted by putting leftovers in to containers.
“Yeah, yes it’s all good. Y know, I’m not even going to text her. It’ll be fine.” I wiped the discreet tears from my eyes and continued to help Danny pick up until the kitchen, in silence, was spotless. I packed a quick lunch for Colton for the morning and shut the fridge for at the same time Danny shut the bathroom door to go take a shower. He had announced his departure but my mind ignored it. Instead I held my phone to my chest and let the surprise tears take full control over my face. I sunk down beneath the counter and the island with my phone and refilled glass of wine, using my inner arm to stifle what I could if my crying.
My therapist said this was normal, that the almost twenty-five years of having my heart tortured on and off in so many different forms was not something a long car ride and a new husband fixed. Which I knew, that’s why I gave in to Dr Heely, before he was my father in law, and went to therapy. He didn’t know the extent of why I was so on the fence or why I even considered it, but the fact he supported the idea made me feel like it was so right to go. Every session I groaned and bitched about how I still felt like if I ever heard from them again my life would become a blender of rocks and nails over again, and I wasn’t putting Colton through that shit.
“Oh babe…”
I half jumped across the floor at the sound of a voice above me, the fact it didn’t immediately register as Danny made my skin freeze. I looked up and he knelt down immediately beside me, I was still sobbing but doing a less successful job at muffling it now.
“Oh, shit… Im sorry, I’m just really exhausted and I haven’t gotten a good night sleep since you’ve been in Indy… I’m just tired.” I wiped my eyes, tucking my phone back into my pants as Danny wrapped his arms around me, my head was still spinning on the last memories I had left, the few I hadn’t managed to shake and like Dr. Gomez warned me, it was the bad ones.
“I know you’re tired but that’s not it, I’m not stupid. I know there’s something else and I know you hate it, but you need to talk to me about it. I know you haven’t told me everything and it kind of hurts that you don’t trust me-“
“Oh Danny, that’s not it at all. I trust you, with my life I trust you. I just can’t find a way to talk about all of that and everything without it sounding like…”
“Like you miss him?” He asked, my eyes focused in on the emotion in his eyes, “I’m not stupid, Liz but I love you so much. I know you love me too so I try not to let it bother me. But I hate seeing you like this..”
“Can we talk about this another time? I don’t want Colton walking in on this,” I gestured to my body, “I promised myself he’d never be impacted by my past.”
“Alright baby, I love you. I’ll go put him to bed and we can talk in bed ok? I think it’s time, before it gets swept under the rug again.”
I nodded and accepted the help to stand, watching him leave to go to Colton's room and the feeling that had become a distant stranger began strangling me from the inside once again. Failure, sabotage, anything good in my life had to have an end and watching an almost betrayed looking Danny walk away broke my heart.
He had every right to know the full truth.
I watched the drop off and pick up lines at school like a hawk for Martha every day. Somehow Danny had gotten wine if the trip and managed to tell them I would “One hundred percent be going.”
Which was pretty much the hard opposite of what I felt I should do. I helped Colton with the buckles to his car seat and whisked us away towards home before any type of run in.
“Momma?” Colton’s coffee pulled me from my overthinking.
“What’s up sweet guy?”
“Meridith asked if I could come over for a playdate this weekend.” He finished his sentence with a fist fill of crackers midway through.
“This weekend? I guess I don’t see why not.” My shrug was hiding the inevitable fate of me either making Danny a liar or going. Now to you it may not seem like the biggest deal, Liz what’s do bad about Vegas huh?
Well I’ll tell you what’s so bad about this very particular trip to Vegas. Martha sent me the itinerary for the trip and the hotel they’re staying at us none other than the one with a very specific chapel. Out of all the gin joints in Vegas right? THAT hotel. If I didn’t have a solid reason to decline other than spilling an entire life no one knew any thing about, it looked like I was going. I sighed and pressed Martha’s name on my car display, using my Bluetooth finally and listening to the ring.
“Elizabeth Heely, I thought you were avoiding me.”
“Radical honesty I was.” I chuckled a little, “Colton’s in for the playdate and I’m down for mom’s trip.” I swallowed hard the anxiety creeping up my throat as she cheered and began rambling about how much fun we would have.
::.:.:.:.::
“I think it’s a brilliant idea! You need a break and you’ll get back just in time to come home to the new house.” Danny tried soothing my days long anxiety as we cleared the dinner table together while Colt played in his toy room.
“There’s one thing to look forward to.” I muttered, finishing off the wine from my spot. That was another thing we decided over dinner now that Danny was back for a few days, we were moving. The commute was obscene for him and he had mentioned a few gorgeous his very close and with good schools. He got me there, schools, “I’m just… Ugh. It’s a while didn’t issue that doesn’t even need to be an issue. I would text Dr. Gomez and see if she has any time tomorrow to talk.” I toppled my arm full of dishes in to the sink and retrieved my phone from my pocket, my fingers had successfully opened a text to my therapist and then stopped working. I furrowed my eyes together and sighed, feeling the wet slick screen beneath them.
“You good Lizzy?” Danny asked, half distracted by putting leftovers in to containers.
“Yeah, yes it’s all good. Y know, I’m not even going to text her. It’ll be fine.” I wiped the discreet tears from my eyes and continued to help Danny pick up until the kitchen, in silence, was spotless. I packed a quick lunch for Colton for the morning and shut the fridge for at the same time Danny shut the bathroom door to go take a shower. He had announced his departure but my mind ignored it. Instead I held my phone to my chest and let the surprise tears take full control over my face. I sunk down beneath the counter and the island with my phone and refilled glass of wine, using my inner arm to stifle what I could if my crying.
My therapist said this was normal, that the almost twenty-five years of having my heart tortured on and off in so many different forms was not something a long car ride and a new husband fixed. Which I knew, that’s why I gave in to Dr Heely, before he was my father in law, and went to therapy. He didn’t know the extent of why I was so on the fence or why I even considered it, but the fact he supported the idea made me feel like it was so right to go. Every session I groaned and bitched about how I still felt like if I ever heard from them again my life would become a blender of rocks and nails over again, and I wasn’t putting Colton through that shit.
“Oh babe…”
I half jumped across the floor at the sound of a voice above me, the fact it didn’t immediately register as Danny made my skin freeze. I looked up and he knelt down immediately beside me, I was still sobbing but doing a less successful job at muffling it now.
“Oh, shit… Im sorry, I’m just really exhausted and I haven’t gotten a good night sleep since you’ve been in Indy… I’m just tired.” I wiped my eyes, tucking my phone back into my pants as Danny wrapped his arms around me, my head was still spinning on the last memories I had left, the few I hadn’t managed to shake and like Dr. Gomez warned me, it was the bad ones.
“I know you’re tired but that’s not it, I’m not stupid. I know there’s something else and I know you hate it, but you need to talk to me about it. I know you haven’t told me everything and it kind of hurts that you don’t trust me-“
“Oh Danny, that’s not it at all. I trust you, with my life I trust you. I just can’t find a way to talk about all of that and everything without it sounding like…”
“Like you miss him?” He asked, my eyes focused in on the emotion in his eyes, “I’m not stupid, Liz but I love you so much. I know you love me too so I try not to let it bother me. But I hate seeing you like this..”
“Can we talk about this another time? I don’t want Colton walking in on this,” I gestured to my body, “I promised myself he’d never be impacted by my past.”
“Alright baby, I love you. I’ll go put him to bed and we can talk in bed ok? I think it’s time, before it gets swept under the rug again.”
I nodded and accepted the help to stand, watching him leave to go to Colton's room and the feeling that had become a distant stranger began strangling me from the inside once again. Failure, sabotage, anything good in my life had to have an end and watching an almost betrayed looking Danny walk away broke my heart.
He had every right to know the full truth.
♠ ♠ ♠
xo