When the Party's Over

a reason to make bad decisions

Miles gave me his hat to wear for the hockey game, knowing that I would be cold. He held my hand as we walked into the rink after he paid for our tickets. From across the room, I could hear his friends hollering for him. I shook my head with a small smile as we walked over and stood with them on the bleachers. Everybody was wearing our school colors and I didn’t feel out of place for once at a school game.

“Can I use your phone really quick to text my mom? Mine died.” I turned to Miles when I remembered that my mom had texted me asking where I was before. My phone had died right as I was typing a message to her. Miles nodded and reached into his jacket to hand it over to me. I unlocked his phone and went into his messages as he stepped down on the bleachers to talk to someone. I typed a message to my mom after putting her number in and told her I was at the game and that I’d be home later. Just as I was about to lock his phone, it vibrated in my hand. My mom must’ve been waiting for me. I looked down at the screen and read a message notification at the top, my eyebrows furrowing together instantly. It was someone named Ally.

can you come over again? my parents have an office christmas party to go to tomorrow and i’ll be all by myself. i’d love to see you! lmk

I felt frozen and it wasn’t from the chilly interior of the ice rink. My thumb rubbed the lock button and when I finally mustered up the strength to push it, I handed it back to Miles who took his original spot beside me. I sat down just as the game started and barely paid attention to the score. All I could think about was how I had been here before.

Miles cheered next to me and I gave him a tight smile as our team scored another goal. The buzzer went off and I wished my head wasn’t so loud, that way I could watch the game properly.

It was obvious that girl, Ally, and Miles knew each other well. But I wasn’t sure if they knew each other that well. They had to because she was inviting him over while she was home alone and I knew that play. I had done that to him a few times and he always fell for it. Miles was a sucker for being seduced. But was it true that someone else could seduce him like I could? Did something actually happen between him and Ally or was I just being dramatic? My gut told me the opposite of my head and that upset me even more. Miles had cheated on me. I knew this pain.

I kept my composure for the rest of the game. I tried not to be quieter than usual, but if I talked or even looked at Miles, I was sure that my knuckles would meet his cheek. I needed a fucking drink.

“Do you mind if we go to Chase’s?” Miles asked me as we walked outside into the snow. He grabbed my hand and pushed his fingers between mine. It didn’t feel right.

“No, lets go.”

I tried my best to make conversation during the car ride. All of it just didn’t feel right. I didn’t belong with him there in his car and my hand didn’t fit in his anymore. I wanted all these thoughts to go away and I would make that happen.

Miles led me into the crowded house and I started searching for the kitchen. The music was loud, but not loud enough for me to feel under my skin. I didn’t care if he would be mad at me for getting a drink or drinking too much. I just wanted to forget everything. A couple of girls were doing shots and I volunteered to join. They happily poured me one and I downed it, scrunching my face together as it passed. I asked for another. I was willing to go as far as I could to forget everything and to make Miles’ face as blurry as possible. I took another shot and poured myself a drink into a plastic cup before everything went blank.

I woke up to beeping. When I opened my eyes, I wasn’t in my room and it smelt like hand sanitizer. I realized I was in the hospital when I put together the smell and the beeping of monitors.

“Harley,” my mom breathed from beside me.

I looked over, gripping the scratchy blanket over me. “Mom?”

“Thank God.”

“What happened?” My throat felt dry and my head heavy.

“You had your stomach pumped after Miles brought you here last night. You scared the shit out of us.”

“Where’s dad?”

“He’s calling your grandparents,” she motioned behind her to the open door and I could see him talking on the phone. I looked around the room to see it bare. There was no flowers or cards or anything. Just my mom’s purse and her jacket draped over the chair. I moved to sit up and she rushed to help me. She poured me a cup of water and it tasted all wrong when I drank it.

“Did I screw up our vacation?” I wondered quietly.

My mom shrugged it off and asked instead, “What happened last night, sweetie?”

Her brushing my hair made me feel comforted. I knew I could talk to her about anything and I had already kept a lot of things bottled up. I didn’t know if I could keep the truth about Miles inside for much longer.

“I think Miles cheated on me, or he is. I don’t know for sure.”

She frowned and I knew she really liked him. “What makes you think that?”

I took another sip from the cup. “When I texted you from his phone last night, a girl was texting him. She was asking him to come over again.”

“I wish I could protect you from that stuff.” She held my hand on the bed just as my dad came in.

“You’ve got some explaining to do, Harley. Right now.” His eyes matched his stern voice and I nodded, knowing I had to tell them everything. I said the same thing as I did to my mom and I even told them more than just that. Things they didn’t know that happened months ago between Miles and I. I could see on their faces that they felt bad for me, but the three of us knew that none of it was an excuse for drinking so much. I apologized for that and for causing them to cancel our vacation. I didn’t bother telling them that they should go because there was no way they would leave me home alone after this.

I spent the rest of the day in the stiff hospital bed until the doctor came in and educated me on drinking before saying I could be discharged. My dad went to the desk to handle the paperwork as my mom helped me get dressed in fresh clothes she brought with her. I stepped into my snow boots and walked beside her with my head against her arm. My dad brought the car to pick us up at the front doors and the ride home felt good. My head didn’t hurt like I thought it would today, which was also a bad thing because it would’ve been better to stop me from thinking about Miles. I had no idea what I was going to do.