Status: Ever so slowly being updated.

Unending Trails

My dream was always to see what this world had to offer. To see, at last, what all I was missing... what all I had been missing under the roof of the sweet warmth I called home.

Each story they read me, each legend they told, every word they spoke was imprinted into my mind. Ingrained for future use, building excitement for a time that I knew I'd revisit it. Perhaps I'd explore undiscovered land... reach heights thought impossible to reach.

I soon realized it was all just as it was. Stories, legends... words. The times I'd look forward to the warm thoughts I always had were the times I was the most stupid.

Naive. That's what it was... naivety. From the beginning and to my end, I give thanks to my naive little self. Gullible to my own fantasies. I'd betrayed myself, and now? Now what's left?

I placed my hand on the damage he had left, the void he'd place on me. It was all I could do. The pain was inescapable —ever so enthusiastic to follow me and whatever I did. It ate away, eager to do more as I'd make even the slightest movement.

Was this what I wanted? Is this what lies ahead on the path that I follow?

If so, I want nothing more than to sit the rest of my time here. To helplessly lay against the bark of the trunk, and smile to myself of those same dreaded warm thoughts and fantasies, pleading them to cover my ears, cover my eyes —to embrace me from the cold coming of death.

Though I think to myself, did even I want that? Was it fear, or was it impatience? Did I really want it to be my anodyne —for it to whisper to me that all would be fine and push me into the next life seamlessly, or did I crave it to be my final thoughts? To hear from it and embrace those words that I so badly wanted to hear: it was time. That perhaps, I'd just wanted the fog to consume me? To say to the Creator that, indeed, I was ready; I've spent too long here on this godforsaken land.

My eyes wandered through everything that was around me. Trees, trees... and more trees. The many tall shadowy-figures were around me, aligning in a sense that created an illusionary dark wall with the slits of the soft and faint moonlight being the only thing that kept my eyes sane. I gathered all the will I had to tilt my head back, allowing my eyes to see that the sky was coming to darkness... a solemn one that maybe only I was the unlucky one to be like this. The stars gleaming with boastful light and the silhouettes of the treetops were all but softness for the jagged edges.

My arms drooped at my sides —my hands lay upright on the ground, wanting to move. My legs stretched outwards, and, just as I had asked for it, I waited for the dark mist to come. I concentrated to pull my head back down and see myself. The poorly wrapped cloth was stained red as if it had everything under control. It drooped and loosely stayed on, staring back at me, waiting for me to make my choice.

What would I do? Was I even in the position to make a choice? Maybe not... but one thing I did know, is that hatred filled me. It coursed through my veins and was the filler for my injuries. I hated him with every fiber I had.

Ironically though, I thank him for what he'd done. I feared it all this time, and now... look at me; I've changed. I guess sometimes you just have to be pushed into danger's jaws to finally realize what it's already taken from you.

If only I could express my gratitude. Though deep down, I'd see him again. It's the fate of us monsters that have the luxury of knowing where we'd go when we pass.

If you can hear me, thank you, from one monstrosity to another. Lucky for me, I had peace —and in peace, I'll pass.

But as much as I like to dread it, I wanted my last thoughts to be of warmth. After all, I'd hate for him to hold me in cold hands.

Though, whatever it was, whoever it was, it was far from cold. Far from what I could ever imagine. The presence I felt... it was unlike any other. No one else was here —no one else except me and the many trees around me. And yet, he still watched. Not from afar, but from the closest possible place he could.

And so, my mind wandered off to where I knew it'd always go. I leaned back my head against the bark and stare at the beautiful illuminated and dark sky, letting my eyes close as they wanted to all this time. I waited for him to come, warming myself to the sweet warm thoughts I always had... the ones I'd take with me.

The stars... they felt so... alive. They stared back, just as I had always dreamt of. My senses drifted aloft, and my hope wavered to be nothing but a thought. He bellowed, a soft undertone erupted, and I felt the warmth of something... massive. In no less than two audible words, I heard him before I let go.

Dei sor'reall, mea kāl. Rest, child...