Daddy's Little Girl

I jumped up breaking into a cold sweat. I hated remembering. Turning towards Axel I felt bad about what I was getting ready to do, but I needed to talk. It was about time.

“Axel?” I whispered shaking his shoulder. He only groaned before turning away from me. I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat to keep from crying as I shook his shoulder again. “Coe on Axel...please.” I begged.

“Baby I love you and all, but it’s the middle of the night and I’m tired. Amora is five now. No more excuses.”

“Axel please. I had a nightmare. I really just need to talk to you.”

“It was just a dream love. Go back to sleep.” he yawned dismissing me as he turned on his side to go back to sleep.

“Axel please?” i pleased the tears spilling over as i began sobbing. I brought my knees up to my chest as my body began to shake uncontrollably. I couldn’t keep carrying this around. It was weighing me down. I had to tell someone. I really hate remembering. I hated crying. I hated breaking down. I hated all of it.

“Aurora, baby, it was just a dream.” he cooed pulling me against him.

“But it wasn’t Axel. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

“I’m up now baby. I’m all ears and I’m listening.”

“I should’ve told you this a lot sooner than now, but I thought that if you knew you wouldn’t want me anymore. That you would’ve thought that I was too tainted and damaged for you. I mean no one knows this secret of mines. NO ONE. If i tell you this, I need you to promise me that you will keep this between us. You can’t a single living soul and that includes Lance. I know somehow it’ll get back to my sister and I need to me the one to tell her when the time comes and I’m ready.”

“You’re scaring me A.” he sighed turning to face me so that he could look me in the eye. “What’s the big secret and is it going to make me cry?”

“Maybe.” I shrugged trying to find the energy to smirk, but couldn’t. I sighed as I took another look at him. So much concern was in his eyes and here I was about to ruin the very image he had of me. I was about to ruin everything between us. He wouldn’t want me anymore when he found out the truth. “The truth is Axel it wasn’t the fact that I was pregnant that made my dad force me to get an abortion. It was because he didn’t believe me when I said you were the father; and it was wrong for me to use you the way I did back them. I just wanted some of my memories of it to be my choice.” I cried pausing to catch my breath. I felt bad doing this to him in the middle of the night, but I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“I’m confused.” he breathed not taking his eyes off of me. I held my head down ashamed.

“Our parents had always been verbally abusive to me and physically abusive to Tori. I really didn’t realize it or understand it at first because I was so young, but I overheard my mother talking one day. Tori was an unplanned and unwanted child due to a drunken night. Mom wanted to abort, but abortion went against everything they were raised to believe in...or at least for her. When she turned ten things got physical for her. It’s why she screams when she cries. It’s the only way she knows how. I can’t tell you how many times she scream cried because she was hungry. As you know that kind of crying is not easy to listen to.

I was fifteen and all I wanted was for them to stop hurting my little sister. So I went and asked them to stop. My mom literally laughed in my face before walking off. My dad however wanted to compromise. He told me a way for it to stop and as he told me he caressed my body. He made it clear what he wanted and I denied it. Things got worse for her and I remember begging them to just hit me instead. I lasted less than a week before I finally just gave in. I can still feel his hands on me and it makes me sick. It makes it worse that it came from my own father.

My dad manipulated, abused, molested and rapped me. Whatever you want to call it, it was illegal and shouldn’t have been happening. It was the only way to stop them from hurting her, I had no choice. Now I can’t sleep because it keeps coming back in a never ending nightmare and I’m tired of it. I don’t know how to tell her. I mean I don’t even want to tell her, but I… I think it’s time she knows the truth.” I was shocked that I made it through the entire confession without breaking down once, but now that it was out I couldn’t stop the tears.

“Shh. Don’t cry babygirl. I’m here. I’m right here now and forever. I’m not going anywhere and I won’t let anyone ever hurt you like that again.” cooed Axel rubbing small circles on my back.

“I used to because I wanted a sexual experience that was completely my own. One that I chose to do and weren’t tricked into. I’m positive that was your baby Axel.” I blurted feeling the tears starting again. “H-he made m-me get i-it b-because he didn’t want t-to r-risk the chance of people finding out what he was doing to me. Oh god Axel I’m so sorry.” I blurted crying even harder into his chest.

“It’s… damn it look at me Aurora.” he demanded tilting my head up to look at him. I gasped seeing the tears in his eyes also. “You don’t have shit to be apologizing for. You aren’t damaged. You aren’t tainted. It’s not your fault that it was happening and it never was. Don’t you ever think it was. You did what you were made to believe was the only way you could protect your sister. You put her first even though it was destroying you to do so. That’s what I love about you. Neither of you deserved what you went through in that house.”

“You know, she once told me that I was the reason she was still alive and kept thanking me for putting her first. I know what she meant. Once he found out about you he started in on both of us worse than ever before. It was like he didn’t want us to grow up unless it was on his terms. He could have actually killed us one You know the rest. Still to this day Tori knows nothing about this. He keeps trying with me though, but he had completely blown Tori off now. I’m glad because I don’t have to pretend anymore. I just don’t think I can forgive him for everything.” I sighed finally calming down as he rocked me back and forth.

“You don’t have to forgive him, but forgive yourself. Try to move on from it. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. Remember that.” I sighed as we both laid down and I cuddled into his chest a little more. It was time that I started to finally live for myself for once. For me and my own little family. I needed to and it started with forgiving him.

I had to forgive him not for him, but for myself.

Relaxing in Alex’s hold I found myself drifting off. I never felt safe until I met him. Axel was my personal lifeline and I was clinging to it for as long as I could.