Control

“Shoot me,” the words falling passed my teeth were strong and steady. They cut through the tense air of the basement like a scalding hot piece of metal. The brunette that I had been battling with blinked hard, his teeth grinding together out of pure frustration and hatred.

The cold barrel of the gun pressing into my temple didn’t force adrenaline into my veins. My heart was not racing. For the first time in a long time, I was not scared. I knew the man standing next to me wanted to kill me. I know that was the plan. I wasn’t bait. I wasn’t going to be rescued.

I was going to be tossed into the ground like a piece of trash.

I had come to peace with that realization.

I wanted his plan to follow through.

I had spent so much of my life being a coward, letting people walk all over me. I had put others before me, no matter how badly they treated me or how little they cared about me. I thought other people's happiness was my escape. I thought the sparkle in someone else's eyes was enough to keep me sane. It had always hurt me in the end. It had always put me in situations that caused me pain or money. I should have minded my business when they came after him. I should have let them shoot him.

I should have kept walking. Minded my own business.

But then, would I be here? Would I have this chance? This perfect chance at peace?

Swallowing the blood that was pooling in my mouth, I parted my lips and let the liquid gushing from the gash start to dribble down my chin. My eyes were dry as I looked up at the man. His eyes were hazy, running over every inch of me. It didn’t bother me. I didn’t care what was going through his head, I just wanted him to act. I had seen him pull the trigger before. I had watched him kill a man not even two hours ago.

I knew he was capable. I knew he had bullets.

“I said, shoot me,” I growled. Every nerve in my body started to vibrate and go numb. I felt like I was full of cement. My skin felt like it was going numb. Thoughts stayed away from me. I didn’t think. I didn’t want to think about them anymore. I wanted this to be over.

I wanted peace.

“I said fucking shoot me,” I screamed at the man, my eyes wide with anger as I locked his gaze with mine. Pushing my head into the barrel of the gun, I let out a frustrated growl. My heart was beating slower. My organs felt like they had been iced over. I felt like my body was already shutting down in preparation for the bullet to pierce through my skull and send fragments of my brain onto the cement blocks behind me.

I screamed at him again, and again, and again, repeating the phrase until my throat started to burn.

“Shut the fuck up, I said,” the brunette took the gun and hit me in the head. The warm release of blood from my skin sent a tingling sensation down my spine. As the liquid started to soak my hair, I let out a sigh and shut my eyes. I was tired. I was tired of standing here, tired of waiting.

“I’ll pull it myself.”

“I said shut up!” The man's deep voice boomed, followed by a rhythmic snap of bullets.

As the rhythm echoed throughout the basement and the smell of gunpowder filled my senses, I looked up at him, not flinching as the bullets he fired off settled into the objects around me. Once the echos had stopped, I looked up at him and scowled, disappointment smothering my features.

I wanted to know why he couldn’t kill me. I wanted to know why I had to beg him to do his job.

“You’re letting me down, Matteo.” I whispered in a harsh tone. When his dark, confused eyes rose to mine, he furrowed his eyebrows and took a step closer to me. Eye twitching, the man pressed the barrel of his gun into my temple again. The metal was hot, burning my skin.

His hand was trembling.

“You’re such a fucking waste.”

His insult didn’t phase me. Our gaze didn’t break. He didn’t scare me.

“Then get rid of me.”

Matteo pulled away from me and let out another maddening scream. His fingers were laced in his hair as he turned away from me, his heavy limbs trembling. The brunettes ragged breaths filled the air. It was all I could hear, all I could focus on. I didn’t understand how someone who killed people before was having such a hard time with me.

I was insignificant. I was a liability. I was a mistake they were trying to hide. I was a witness to a crime. I should have been killed. I should have been thrown into the Hudson, my limbs covered in cement, a bullet hole through my head. I had put myself in this situation. I had tried to help at the wrong times. I had made enemies.

It was my fault.

Matteo turned to me again, the gun a shimmering extension of his arm. Examining the gun in the light, I tilted my head back and felt the blood start to run down my neck.

Sighing, I closed my eyes and let out every ounce of tension in my body. This was it. This was what I had wanted for so long. I’ve been begging for freedom, begging for peace. I just never thought death would be the answer.

“Any last words, sweetheart?” Matteo’s voice was still trembling.

Tilting my head forward, I opened my eyes and looked at him from under my blood coated lashes. Cracking a smile, I shrugged a shoulder, “Stop trembling like a pussy and get your shot right.”

A wild scream ripped through the basement.

Slamming my head back, I looked up at the dim lights on the ceiling and took a deep breath. As the click of the gun sounded and my mind started to drown his scream out. I shut my eyes and let a soft smile surface on my lips.

Boom

The footsteps and screams that followed didn’t phase me. I didn’t feel any pain. I didn’t feel the cold creep of death up my spine. The slow beat of my heart didn’t change. My fight or flight instincts didn’t take over.

I didn’t get shot. He didn’t do it.

That fucking waste.

As the realization that my life would continue started to wash over me, I felt a burning sensation spread from the pit of my stomach, up my throat, and through my sinuses. Biting down on my lip, I let the blood gushing out coat my tongue as tears freely started to flow from the corners of my eyes.

The noises around me grew louder. I could hear someone screaming my name. Over, and over, and over, the deep voice called my name out. He sounded like he was miles away. Everything seemed so far away. My sanity, my peace, my motivation, my will to live; it was light years away. In a different universe, in a different life.

Then, within seconds, it was silent aside from soft footsteps.

“What were you thinking?” The familiar voice boomed through the now silent room. The footsteps stopped. I could hear the heavy breathing from the man now inches in front of me. I could feel the anger radiating off of him. “Did you fuckin’ hear yourself, Andy? Did you realize what you were doing?’

“Yes,” I whispered, my body numb as I kept my head tilted back.

“You think talking like that would work? You think that reverse psychology would work? We’re the fucking mob, Cara, we shoot first.” I could hear the tension in Luca’s words. I wanted to look at him. I wanted to see the wild fire burning through the forest trees in his eyes.

“I know.”

“You know? You know?” His voice was strained but stern. “Look at me, Andy.”

I didn’t comply.

“Andrea, look at me.” Luca growled into my ear, his hand gently resting on my hip.

Inhaling slowly, I listened as the faint sound of footsteps disappeared. After the soft creek of the basement door shutting floated through the room, I pulled my head up and opened my eyes. Looking up, I locked my eyes onto his and watched as all of the anger that was keeping his features sharp dissipated.

“This is your fault.” I breathed as I looked up at him, his dark green eyes shimmering in the dim lights. I never thought I would see Luca, the leader of one of the most notorious mobs in New York, on the verge of tears. I could feel my heart breaking, but my words wouldn’t stop. “This is your fault. This is all your fault.” The volume of my words started to intensify as my throat started to burn.

“You should have shot me three weeks ago.” I was screaming at the man as I stood there, unable to find the energy to move. “You should have fucking ended everything, but you couldn’t. Why? Why couldn’t you just shoot me, Luca?”

“Andy, enough.” The tall brunette had lost the edge to his words.

“None of this would have happened.” Tears started to rush down my cheeks, mixing with the thick layer of blood covering them. “I could have been at peace, I could have been free.” I felt like I was going to cough up blood, but I kept going. “You’re the leader of this and couldn’t kill a little fucking mouse. What kind of leader are you?”

I watched my words slice through him. He didn’t move.

“What are you keeping me around for? Why do you keep saving me, huh? Why can’t you just let me go!”

“Because I’m in love with you!” Luca screamed back at me, the water that had been shielding his eyes shattered and started to cascade down his cheeks. “Because, I fucking love you, Andrea.” His voice ended in a whisper as he pressed his forehead against mine, his large hands gently resting against my cheeks.

Sighing, I pressed my forehead against his and felt all of the tensions that had been building up in my body release. A shiver ran through my spine leaving my muscles numb. Just as Luca went to take a step back, I started to feel my body shut down from the loss of blood and trauma inflicted.

Looking up at the brunette, I smiled as my vision started to dim.

“Nessuno ti farà più del male, mio topolina.”

The room went black as my senses left me.

I was at peace.