Shinjuku Rush Hour

¨Something has come up again. It is just business. I’m sorry, angel. I’ll make it up to you. You know I was really looking forward to today but I am losing phone service now so I guess I’ll call you later. Be good. Love you”

I stared at the message, not knowing how to reply. This was the second time my dad had canceled on me this week. It really is not fair. He’s never home, and when he is home, he spends his time in his office. He even takes his dinner in there some days.

The subway had already come to a stop, but I felt as though I had no point or purpose in going to the park now. I only wanted to go with my dad, but he wouldn’t even be there. I wanted to tell him about some projects I had been working on. I brought along with me some books I had been reading, journals where I had been keeping notes, my laptop, and even pretz: our favorite snack. My bag is heavy; filled with all these things, but it should have been worth it. Now, I carried all of this for nothing. I never replied to his message, there was no point. I’m sure he never even noticed that I didn’t respond.

Everyone rushed off of the subway. While in a hurry, the tall man next to me accidentally elbowed my shoulder when he was caught off guard, being unintentionally hit by a briefcase some other man had. He apologized and walked away quickly. As if everything in the moment had not been irritating enough, the boy behind me with stupid glasses and overly-bleached hair was laughing at me being elbowed. I just rolled my eyes, ignoring him.

After leaving the subway, I checked the time on my watch. 13:00.
I didn’t know where to go. I wanted to go home, but it was not close enough for walking distance. The park, however, was only a block away.

I went anyway. Even though it would not be the same being there at our favorite park without my dad, it still beat taking another long subway ride back home.

I walked to the park and sat on an empty green bench. The smell of the fresh and sweet cherry blossom trees surrounded and calmed me. I reached over into my bag for my laptop, when a voice caught my attention.

“Hey.” I looked up and saw the boy from the subway, the one that had been laughing with the silly, dyed hair. “My name is Koei, and yours?” I introduced myself and he sat beside me on the bench. We had a short conversation, but I was distracted when I heard a distinct familiar voice.
I looked up, and ahead and across the empty park was my dad. I was in disbelief, as I thought he said he could not make it. To confirm what I was sure I had seen, I checked the text again, and yes, he certainly had made it clear that I shouldn’t expect him there. He must have thought that I would have decided to go home since he said that he would not go. In spite of me seeing him, he did not notice me. He was not alone. His attention was drawn by the woman he was with.

The woman appeared to be a bit younger than my father, but still older than me of course. She looked younger than my mother too, maybe in her thirties. The two of them talked and laughed together, and when she would laugh her hand would fall to his knee. They were sitting next to each other on another bench.

My face must have exposed my disappointment and disbelief, because Koei asked me if something was wrong. My head turned to him, but I did not say anything. Standing to my feet and picking up my bag, I had told Koei that it was time for me to go. He turned his head in the direction I had been looking- toward my father and the woman- so he could observe what I had seen. He seemed confused. Koei asked why I had been looking at them and what was wrong, but I said nothing. Just as I was about to say goodbye to him, he gave me his number, telling me to call or text anytime. “I would love to see you again,” he said. I smiled and walked away.

I didn’t know where I was going, I had no destination. I just needed to be alone to think. My mind replayed seeing my father with the woman. I debated on letting my father know that I had been there; to confront him for lying to me, and for being with someone who was not my mother. I also wondered if I should do the right thing and let my mother know what I had seen, or if I should just keep it to myself, for the sake of my mother’s heart. Her father had just passed away a few weeks ago, and her heart could not handle another break.

I decided to just keep quiet. I never did let my father know I was there, nor did I reveal to my mother what I had seen. I wondered how long this had been going on for, wondering if my father had ever really gotten a new job.

I laid on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, questioning and thinking about everything. It felt so strange and unreal to picture my father with anyone but my mother, but it was what happened; I had seen it. To distract myself from my thoughts, I decided to text Koei. Though he caught my interest and I enjoyed conversation with him more than I have with anyone for a long time, I could not stop thinking about the situation with my father.

My father and I were always close. Ever since I was little, he was a hero to me. We would tell each other everything. To know that he would betray my mother and me this way was heartbreaking. Different thoughts and questions ran through my mind. I was angry. I was confused. Was he not happy with us as his family? Did he grow tired? Was he always tired? Maybe I am overthinking it. Perhaps that was his business meeting? No, that can’t be it. They didn’t have briefcases with them or anything that you would see at a business meeting. They did not even act like two professionals at a business meeting.

I was hurting. If my father did not feel right with us, why had he never said anything? Why didn’t he tell me? He is my father, and of course I wanted him to be happy where he was at. He always wants the best for me, and he is a good man so he deserves the best too. Well, at least I thought he was a good man; this changed everything. I felt that he should pay for betraying my mother and me this way, but then again, maybe he had reasons. I didn’t know, all I knew was that I had never wanted someone to hurt but still be happy so badly.