Post Traumatic

(Mike's POV)

Overnight and over the course of the next two weeks, both of the songs had blown up and been spread like wildfire throughout the internet. Kelsey and the guys had taken me out for drinks to celebrate, but I wasn't so much into the drinking as I was just enjoying the company of my best friends and girlfriend. People loved them, people hated them, people related to them, people connected with them. That was always my main purpose, to portray my feelings and end up connecting with people on a personal level. Especially with "Over Again", that was one that really struck people deep in their nerves and ultimately struck a chord that made them want to bawl their eyes out. Although it wasn't my intention to do that, I was just glad that everyone approved of them. Of course, then there was the naysayers, the people who totally despised what I was doing. I had gotten a flood a comments saying that I was completely 'abandoning Linkin Park, forgetting about Chester, moving on without thinking of how it affects the fans, and all around being a total two faced person'. That was what hit me the hardest in the gut, I felt like I was being put on trial for no good reason.

Thankfully, I did have the support of my brothers, I did have the support of my real friends and family. I had the support of Kelsey, Tali, the kids, and that's all that really mattered to me. But the thing that was tearing me apart the most inside, was that I hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Chester lately. So that was what I had put at the top of my to do list today. I was going to stop by the bookstore, bring Kelsey some pizza for lunch, stop at the flower shop to get a beautiful bouquet of multicolored roses, and go see Chester. I didn't do it for anyone else, I did it for my own well being. I had to tell him about everything that was going on, I had to tell him the things that were happening in my life and about everything that had happened between Anna, Kelsey and I. So after I brushed my teeth and did my hair, I made sure that everything was locked up tight before heading out for the day. I didn't tell Kelsey that I was coming either, so I was sure that she would love the surprise visit from me. I stopped at a local pizza joint that was just down the street from her work and ordered her absolute favorite; ham, banana pepper, roasted red pepper and minced garlic.

The young girl behind the counter had immediately recognized me once I had walked up to the counter to pay and insisted that the food was on the house, compliments of the manager. I thank her graciously but still insist that I pay for it. She declines once again, a shy smile soon coming to her face. "I'm sure you hear this all the time, but you're one of my heroes, Mike. After losing Chester, I wasn't sure what to do anymore about anything in my life, I felt so lost. But then when I heard your songs, I felt like I was starting to get some type of closure and my wounds began to start healing. So again, it's on the house and thank you again for everything." Her words bring me to tears and I'm almost embarrassed by how hard it hit me, so I do the next best thing to help calm my nerves and give her a tight hug. "Thanks, Jazzmine. I'm glad you're a fan. See you around." I wipe my tears on my sleeve before walking out, making sure that I leave her a token of my gratitude, a fifty dollar bill, inside of her tip jar. It wasn't much, but I knew she deserved every cent of it.

After my ordeal, I trek down the road and pull up in front of Kelsey's work next. I climb out and grab the box hurriedly, wanting her food to still be nice and hot by the time she had gotten to it. I balance it with one hand before opening the door, soon being greeted by her enormous cat and his rather loud meow. "Nice to see you too, buddy. Hey babe? Are you in here?" I call out behind the rows of books, my gaze almost instantly being met with her very surprised one. "Oh my God, you didn't have to do this!" She gasps happily, rushing over to my side as I hand her the box of pizza and place a kiss on her grinning lips. "I wanted to surprise you, I know you've had a long couple of weeks and we haven't gotten to see much of each other either. And I really hate to hit and run too, but I have some other stops to make and I was gonna go visit Chester. But you enjoy your lunch and I'll see you later for sure, yeah?" I felt slightly bad that I wasn't staying to eat with her, but I also felt torn if I didn't keep my promise to go and visit Chester either. She immediately waves me off, giving me another swift kiss on the lips before agreeing that it was super important that I go and have my venting talk with him. I look deeply into her eyes before I leave, noticing that it seems there's something she needs to tell me but she dismisses it quickly, saying it wasn't a big deal.

"Alright well, we'll talk later babe. I love you, Kels." We hug each other closely for a long minute, until we kiss one final time. "I love you too." Those words keep replaying in my mind the entire ride to the cemetery and while I'm walking towards Chester's graveside. I place the flowers in the small vase and sit down with my legs crisscross. There's remarkably more gifts and trinkets left this time, the most interesting one that I notice is a framed photo of Chester and me together. There's a little note attached that still neatly folded together. I'm almost positive that it wasn't meant for my eyes to see, but I decide to read it to Chester, figuring that the fan would more than likely be grateful that the person it was meant for got to hear it. The handwriting is neat and elegant, definitely belonging to a woman. I scan it briefly before beginning to read it aloud. " Dear Chester; I want you to know that I am so sorry that we, us, the fans, weren't able to help save you like you helped saved us. But I think it would do you proud to know that Mike has released new music since what's happened and it's honestly the most raw and heartfelt stuff that I have ever heard. He really misses you, Chester. We all do but I know that deep down Mike, the guys, Talinda, and your kids miss you more than all of the world combined. He's an amazing person and deeply deserves to know that he is loved as much as you are. Please, if you have a chance, give him a sign to know you're there. Sincerely yours, Anabel."

Tears are pouring out of my eyes as I fold the letter back up as neatly as I can, tucking it away back inside of the frame. I hadn't heard anyone say that and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I did miss Chester, I miss him more than words can ever even begin to say. That was the entire reason why I had came here today, to tell him just that. Once I can contain myself long enough, I start to tell him just that. "Sorry dude, that one just really took a lot out of me right now. But anyways, I miss you. I'm sorry that I haven't been around in a while but exactly like she said, I've been busy writing and releasing the new music that I've been working on. I actually wrote a song that I'm sure you've heard already, at the Hollywood Bowl show. Remember, 'Looking For An Answer'? Well, I was thinking about putting that song out there, as an official track or something. I don't know, I guess I just really want the world to understand and know that I still and always will love and miss you, Chazzy. People seem to think that I don't, but I do, I do so goddamn much. But things between Kelsey and me are getting better and stronger everyday. I do love her, I really do. I want to propose to her, I don't care how short of a time its been. I don't care if it was a damn day, I'd still ask her to marry me. I already lost her once to the wrong person, I'm not gonna let that happen, not again."

The wind is picking up drastically now and it's wiping hard at my face, obviously it was his way of telling me that he was here listening to me. "Yeah, I knew you'd approve of it man. I know you love her too, and she loves you as well. But Tali has really been needing you a lot lately C, she needs to feel you with her. Try to stop by and give her a little sign or something, just to know that you're still around. I love you so much Chester, I promise that I'll be around more often to just chat. Oh and before I forget, Anna got all of us arrested because Kelsey beat her ass for spreading all kinds of bullshit rumors. But enough about that because I'm only moving forward now. So anyway as I was saying, I love you and I'll be back tomorrow. Have a good night Chaz, see you later." The wind is still blowing strong as I place a kiss on his headstone and begin my walk back to the car. I notice that there's someone standing there beside it but I can't make out a clear face until I get closer. It's Kelsey and she's crying heavily. I practically sprint to her side where she grips onto me as tight as she possibly can. "Kels? Baby, what's wrong? How did you get here?" She tells me that her coworker dropped her off a few minutes ago. "But why are you so upset, what's the matter?" She looks up at me with her cheeks stained bright red, before digging inside of her jacket pocket.

She hands me what looks like a pregnancy test and from what I can tell, it's positive. My eyes are wide and I'm sure that my mouth is dropped to the floor as she buries her face deeper into my chest, shielding herself away from my gaze. I feel as if I'm stuck spinning in a whirlwind as I try to comprehend everything that's coming at me. She was pregnant? She was fucking pregnant?