Status: updated as much as possible!

Post Traumatic

Holding Every Memory Close

(Mike's POV)

When I woke up the next morning, even though I guess you couldn't say I never really went to sleep last night, I still couldn't fathom the things that I had saw. I still couldn't believe that I thought I saw Kelsey, I couldn't believe that I had thought I saw Chester. Even though ever since he passed, I've been having dreams about him constantly. Some more real than others on different nights. I've tried talking to the guys about it and they don't think I'm crazy, they've had dreams about him too. But not like the ones that I had. Mine even felt real, like when he was standing next to me, I truly felt like I could literally reach out to pull him close and hug him tightly. Needless to say, it was almost torture.

I rolled out of bed around noon, a litter earlier today then I usually do and headed downstairs to the kitchen for a much needed cup of coffee. My eyes are a little less bloodshot and my vision is starting to be less blurry. I guess what little sleep I did get helped some. "Let's try to get this day over with without any more distractions, please?" I say out loud to myself as I pour the hot liquid into my favorite ceramic mug. Not long after I finally sit down at the small dining table does my phone start to ring rather loudly, making my head start to pound slightly. I wince as I try to read the name on the caller ID. It's Brad. I wonder what he could want this early. "Hello?" I say, my voice still groggy.

"Hey man, you get any sleep last night?" I sigh, that was usually the question everyone always asked first. "Yeah actually I did. How are you doing? Everything good?" I hear faint noise in the background that sounded like cars passing by. "Are you walking?" Another few seconds of silence before finally his voice returns on the other line. "Yeah I'm with Rob and an old friend of mine. Listen, are you busy? Do you want to come have lunch with us? It'll be good to really see you. We all miss you." I rub the back of my neck nervously. Who else could be with him? I haven't really felt up to hanging out with anyone since Chester left. I'm not sure if I'm really ready to see the others yet.

"Mike? You there dude?" I pause for another long moment before finally taking in a deep breath and answering him. "Yeah, sorry. Uh sure, I guess I'd be up for it. Where and when do you want me to meet you? I just woke up." He gives me directions to a place where we used to go for Thai food all the time. I suddenly feel sick to my stomach as I think of the very last time that I had went there. It was with Ana, Talinda, and Chester, for their wedding anniversary. "Brad I-I don't think." He cuts me off quickly. "It'll be okay Mike, we have to cross that line and do it, for him. I'll see you there in about an hour." He then abruptly hangs up, leaving me there to be alone once again with my very broken thoughts. Now I really wasn't so sure that I could do this, it all feels too soon to me.

After another half hour of sitting alone in the dark, shaking, punching a wall, crying hard in the shower, yelling inaudible words, and putting my head in my hands, I was finally dressed and ready for the day. I made sure to lock the door behind me on my way out as I took about another ten deep breaths until I finally got into the car. I turn the radio on low, instantly changing the station as I soon hear Chester's voice start filling the airwaves. "Damn you." I mutter with a hint of anger, feeling the hot tears start to run down my cheeks as Shadow of The Day continues to play softly. "Sometimes solutions aren't so simple. Sometimes goodbye's the only way.". I'm sobbing hard now, having to pull over to the side of the road as it was too difficult to even see what was ahead of me. This almost always happened whenever I went anywhere, a memory always came along with me.

Thankfully it's not much longer that I'm forced to be driving down a long stretch of highway littered with traffic that seems to be never ending as I eventually pull in front of the small restaurant nestled on a less busy corner. Once I head for the entrance, I soon seen Brad and Rob come into view. I immediately approach them with a big hug. "It's great to see you man. Are you doing alright?" Rob asks as he slings an arm over my shoulder. I'm forced to lie, but they see right through it. "It's alright Mike, we know. It hasn't been easy for us either, we see him too." Suddenly I'm feeling guilty for assuming that my band mates had no idea of how I was feeling when in reality they were hurting just as much as I was. I was naive for thinking that only I was the one with the broken heart.

As we're seated in a small booth in the back, I notice an extra place mat has been set up for another guest. "Who else is coming?" I ask curiously, motioning to the spot beside Brad. His face is hard to read as he insists it's no one that I would know. "Well can you at least tell me if I'm expecting a man or a woman?" He shakes his head, saying that I'll find out who it is soon enough. I already hated being where I was. It was hard enough that I was sitting in the very spot that I was last time, it was hard enough that I was being surrounded by people who knew how much Chester means to me, it was hard enough that I was being haunted by every memory possible the longer I sat here. I was in no mood for guessing games or surprises but Brad insisted that everything was going to be fine. I felt my hands trembling greatly underneath the table as I tried to hold myself together long enough to order my food. But it was becoming harder and harder to do the more time dragged on.

"Hey guys, sorry I took so long. Parking was a total nightmare." A gentle voice suddenly comes from behind us. I whip my head to the side to see who it is, only suddenly being met face to face with a ghost from my past. "I-You-Didn't say he would..Mike." It was Kelsey. In the real flesh and blood, it was her. "Kels." My breath is hitched in my throat as I'm unable to make any other sort of sound or say another word. I knew I wasn't crazy, I knew that was her that I saw. She gives each of us a light hug, only the feeling between us is slightly awkward once she takes the spot beside Brad. "I'm sure you remember Kelsey, right Mike?" I feel my heart beating hard in my chest as I narrow my eyes at him some. How could he put me on the spot like this? I was already feeling bad enough as it was. "Of course, how could I ever forget you?" She smiles at me but I can tell it's uncomfortable for her. This was a complete mistake and I should have known better not to answer my phone for this reason. Stupid, was all there was to even say.

We eat in complete silence, not really saying much else besides the casual conversation that's said between friends who hadn't seen each other in years. "How are you? What's new? And how has it been going since we lost Chester?". That last question was the hardest. It was all still fresh, nothing has been going right. But thankfully it all went smoothly and before I knew it, Kelsey and I were finally alone, standing outside of the restaurant. Something I never in a million years I would have thought I would be doing. "So how long have you been back?" I ask somewhat quietly, shifting my weight to my opposite leg. She lets out a long exhale, running her hands through her long hair. "Since Chester passed. I was at the funeral and everything, I just kept my distance from you because truthfully I didn't even know what to say. I miss him." I nodded understandingly, I knew full well where she was coming from. I probably wouldn't even know what to say to her either. "And when you came into the bookstore, I had no idea what to say to you then either. So I ran." My eyes perked up instantly. I knew I wasn't crazy, I knew that was her that I saw working there. "You work there?" She nods.

"I own it, actually. I was planning on coming back home for a while but after I found out about Chaz I knew I needed to come home as soon as possible. What about you? Where's Ana?" I looked away briefly, still hurting from the fact that my wife of so many years had abandoned me after the death of my best friend. "We're not together anymore. She left me a week after Chester passed away. She said she couldn't handle watching me wither away and wallow in self pity. So now I have just been filling the void with writing and not sleeping. It's actually been a month since I've even seen those two, I just haven't felt the need to leave the house, you know? So I'm just taking it day by day now." She sighs, putting her hand to my face. I hadn't felt the touch of a woman in weeks let alone the gentle touch of Kelsey's warm hands. My body instantly tensed up but relaxed some when she stared deep into my eyes. "I know things were rocky between us, but I'm home now. If you need anything, please, don't hesitate to ask." I just shake my head and smile weakly, not sure what else to really say. "Thanks Kels, it's good to see you again."

As we're about to part ways, something in me kicks in instinctively and before I have time to comprehend what I'm even doing, I grab her by the hand swiftly, pulling her back. "Have you been to Chester's grave yet?" She looks down, shaking her head sadly. "No, I didn't think I could handle it. Why?" I then give her hand a light squeeze, smiling some. "I'll pick you up tomorrow around four, okay? At the bookstore? We can go together." She looks up at me, a slight grin on her face that starts to make my stomach do back flips. "Sure, sounds perfect. I'll see you then."
♠ ♠ ♠
And here's chapter 2! Hope you're all enjoying so far! I've lost 2 subscribers on my other story but it's not easy updating constantly, I've been dealing with so much! But thank you all for those who've stuck by my side! Enjoy Kelsey! I didn't want to keep you waiting too long! xx