Post Traumatic

(Mike's POV)

"Shinoda, Michael! Your bail has been posted!" Three whole hours had went by since Kelsey, Anna and myself had been hauled off to jail. Thankfully I was only placed in a holding cell while poor Kelsey was taken to a completely different part of the facility to be processed. I only hoped she wasn't too pissed at me for all of this happening, I never expected any of us to get arrested. Honestly, it was the last fucking thing that I could have ever imagined happening in the first place. All I wanted to do was fucking talk, not get into an all out brawl. When I step out and follow the guard back out towards the main entrance of the release unit, I suddenly am met face to face with Talinda, who has a somewhat amused look on her face as I make eye contact with her. I don't say anything at first, I just let my mouth hang slightly open. "The charges were dropped against you, you're cleared of any wrong doing. But a restraining order will be in place between you and Anna Shinoda, so all that will be arranged at your court dates. Have a good evening." I collect the paperwork and my belongings from the officer before then heading outside with Tali.

The night sky is heavy and the clouds are hanging overhead. I'm almost ashamed to even look at her, but her hand on my shoulder tells me that I should feel otherwise. "I'm not mad at you or anything, Mike. Kelsey was actually the one who called me. Why didn't you? You know I would have been here in a heartbeat to get you out." I shrug my shoulders, feeling slightly defeated. What was I really supposed to say? How would I even begin to explain the situation at all? Besides, they had enough shit to worry about with all the drama starting, they didn't need to be bothered with my problems and all of my own mess. "We have to go and get Kelsey now. She wanted me to make sure I got you out first, because we all know how much of a softy you are and all." She says it with a lighthearted chuckle but I still can't make myself smile or at least laugh. So I just say what I can only think of at that moment. "Yeah, I have a lot of apologizing to do. I wouldn't be surprised if she never wants to speak to me again after all this shit. I never should have told her about what was going on with Anna. This was all a big mistake."

When we get to the women's section of the jail, I can feel everyone's eyes on me and it's literally the second most uncomfortable thing in the world. The first being having to tell all your family, friends, and the fans, that their beloved friend and singer has died. I sit down on an empty bench while Tali goes up to the reception window to bail out Kelsey. I'm bouncing my knee up and down, trying to somewhat ease my anxiety. But it's no use, I'm a shaking mess by the time she comes back to sit beside me. "So I guess Kelsey is facing an assault charge and a restraining order against both of you from Anna, so she has to go back to court the same time as you. Thankfully she'll be out in a few minutes, they haven't even processed her. But I guess Anna is back there too, she's in until she can get her own bail posted or she'll be out in another couple of hours." I can sense a hint of sympathy in her voice as she mentions the last part. I sigh deeply, running my hand through my hair. "Go on, do what you have to do. You came for us in our time of need, I'm no one to tell you what to do Tali."

So up she goes again to the reception desk, posting who knows how much money now for all three of us. I could never expect her to do anything like this for me again, I would never ask her to. The next time I'm in trouble, I'll make sure that I find a way to handle it myself. But one thing is for certain though, Talinda has a heart of pure fucking gold and I can see now why Chester loves her so much and so deeply. She truly is his light at the end of a dark tunnel. "Desmond, Kelsey! You're free to go. Shinoda, Anna! Your bail has been set, you're out!" My nerves are deathly on edge as I hear both of their names being called from the large iron door across from me. And sure enough as soon as its buzzed open, revealing both Kelsey and Anna, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. Neither of them says a word to each other and immediately part ways once Kelsey reaches me. I hug onto her tightly, feeling a couple of tears leak down my face. "I'm so fucking sorry, Kelsey. I had no idea this was all going to turn out like this." She shrugs her shoulders with a bit of a menacing laugh as she quickly glances over at Tali and Anna, clearly noticing the rather large black eye on Anna's face.

"I'm sorry, I had to. I did a total number on that bitch and she deserved it. I can't believe Talinda actually bailed her out too, but you know, I totally understand. Damn that woman and her heart of fucking God. Anyway, let's go wait for her outside. I want to talk to you, about us." I just nod before wiping my eyes on my sleeve and following her back into the outside. It's now almost eight o'clock at night and the winds are beginning to pick up some, making a chill hit me in the chest. We sit down on another lonely bench where Kelsey lays her head on my shoulder. She's gazing out at all the lights and colors reflecting off of the skyline. "I want to know that you're not going to keep running away from all of your problems, not anymore. This thing with Anna, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't anyone's fault besides hers. But in general, I mean, you keep trying to hide from your own self, like if you're afraid of your own shadow. It's not healthy, Mike. And I know damn well if Chester was here right now seeing you like this, he'd be pretty pissed at you too. Because we know you better than that, Mike. You're strong, caring, and fucking brilliant. Don't let this keep destroying you."

I'm in tears once again as her words hit me. It's true, I had become a shell of my former self, but it was just so damn hard to do anything anymore without him here. I had to start everything over again, including my entire relationship, basically my entire fucking life. "You're a great musician, I've heard your new material. It's time that you let that out into the world, it's time that you showed them that Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park and Fort Minor, isn't going anywhere. You're healing through your music, you're expressing your sorrows and your grief, you're channeling that pain into something more positive then just locking yourself away and shutting off from the world. And that's the fucking beautiful thing about it, is that you're still going strong. Chester is so goddamn proud of you, Mike. He's looking down and smiling at his best friend, he's proud because you're not giving up on what you love. You've taken a tragedy and turned it into a way of healing. The fans will appreciate and understand, because they're still in pain and hurting too. They need to hear it, babe."

And that whole speech alone was enough to drive me to complete sobs. I'm clutching onto her for dear life now as she just holds me close to her. "Shh, it's ok, I'm here for you. I'm not gonna let you go." Her voice is soft and calming as she continues to hold me while I cry uncontrollably. "Woah, come on you two, let's get going. Mike, you and Kelsey are going to come have a sleep over at my place. The kids will love it, they will be so happy to see you guys. So come on, enough with the tears, let's put on our brave faces." I suddenly hear Talinda's voice loudly beside me as her and Kelsey basically have to hoist me up to my feet from the bench and help me back to her car. I keep thinking about everything she said to me, the words just kept repeating constantly. She was right, I couldn't keep hiding anymore, I had to get out there and face the world. I had to show them that I wasn't going anywhere, that I wasn't going to just give up and let what took their favorite singer away from them grab a hold of me any longer. I couldn't sit here and wait, the time to start is now.

I can hear Kelsey chatting away on the phone to someone, making arrangements for them to check on her cat while she was staying over with her niece's and nephew's for the night and the faint sounds of the radio playing in the background as we continue on the drive back to Talinda and Chester's place now. I can't imagine myself staying in the very house that I lost my best friend in, but I know for everyone's sake, I need to. I have to make my peace with it and accept the way that things are. Chester has been gone for a couple of months, it's only going to keep adding up, so instead of mourning him, I need to be remembering him. "We're here guys. Just watch out, the kids already know that you're staying tonight." And suddenly I'm bombarded by a barrage of hugs and smiles from each of them. "Uncle Mike! Auntie Kelsey! Mommy says you're sleeping over with us!" And next come the twins, who I pick up in my arms and hold them close as we all walk inside the house. The air is thick but I take in a deep breath and let it all out, trying my best to keep my mind occupied. "Yeah, that's right and we're going to stay up late and watch all kinds of movies!"

The sounds of their laughter immediately warm my heart as I look over and see Kelsey staring at me with tears in her eyes. The girls take notice and detach their selves from me before rushing over to her and hugging onto her legs tightly. "Auntie Kelsey, you're sad! Don't be sad! We'll cheer you up!" I give her a lighthearted smile as it's her turn to hug each of them close. "I know girls, I'm not sad, I'm just so happy to be here with all of you. Like Uncle Mike said, we're going to have a great time and stay up as late as you want! Now I heard that Mommy has lots of ice cream, who wants some!?" A loud group chorus of "Me!" echoes throughout the entire house as then the entire Bennington brood including Kelsey head off into the kitchen, leaving me to stand there alone for a minute. I look up at the large picture of Chester and can't help but to smile. "Thank you, Chazzy. I'll never be able to repay you for this."