Three

Colin kicked the door shut behind him and dropped his keys onto his desk, his backpack sliding off his shoulder as he did. Professor Marcus had been extra harsh today, berating them for most of their lecture on the essays they’d turned in last week. Just when he was thinking he couldn’t hate college even more than he already did, his least liked professor went and proved him wrong. His roommate, Jacob, was at home for the weekend so Colin had the whole place to himself and, therefore, didn’t feel any embarrassment as he face-planted onto his bed. The pale green sheets smelt like coffee beans and musk, leftover from the last time that Azra had come over to spend the night. Colin felt a brief stab of sorrow at the thought of his boyfriend, who was spending his gap year working at his grandparents’ deli on the Near North Side of Chicago, and who he only got to see every other weekend. He knew he didn’t have much right to be disappointed (Jacob had to drive five hours in order to see his family and girlfriend), but he and Azra had been together for three years and had hardly ever spent a day apart.

He wished sometimes that they could go back to how it’d been when they’d first gotten together, when they used to do nothing but watch YouTube videos and eat heaps of Five Guys fries without even caring. Now, Colin was in his second year of college and eating Five Guys with Jacob whilst watching Good Mythical Morning after their morning lectures just wasn’t the same as doing it with Azra. He huffed into the fabric of his comforter and reached up to grab his pillow, wrapping his arms around it and inhaling the smell of Azra. A quick nap before doing his homework was exactly what he needed.



They’d been dating for three months when Colin realized that Azra loved him. Colin had called him in the middle of the night, after a particularly rough argument with his dad, and the other boy had been quick to reassure him. “I’ll be right over,” he’d said calmly, after helping Colin to regulate his breathing. Colin had then grabbed his backpack, hastily packed after he’d locked himself in his bedroom, and shimmied open his window to climb out onto the fire escape; one of the best parts of living in an apartment, Colin had been quick to discover when he’d become a teenager, was having a fire escape right outside of your bedroom. Many nights Azra would leave his house, covered by his older sister, and the two of them would sit out on the fire escape watching the night traffic go by and munching on leftovers from Azra’s families’ dinner. His mom made the best beef shawarma and her hummus wasn’t half bad either.

Once on the street outside, Colin scrubbed at his tear-stained face and nervously rocked from foot to foot. Azra lived closer to the Harbor, about twenty minutes by taxi. Colin was thankful, at least, that it was the middle of summer and not winter. Chicago winter was a pain. Of course, Colin would endure it for Azra; he’d walk through a blizzard on the streets of Chicago to get to Azra. He wasn’t quite sure that Azra would do the same, so he was really surprised when a taxi pulled up in front of his apartment building and the other boy opened the backseat door, motioning Colin forward. In the time they’d been together, Colin had been lucky to not have had many fights with his dad; but, tonights had been particularly awful and Colin’s knee-jerk reaction afterward was to immediately call Azra. He rushed forward and slid into the seat beside his boyfriend, pulling the door shut behind him as Azra gave the driver his address. Their thighs were pressed together and Colin’s backpack was pressed uncomfortably between them, but he didn’t care; he was with Azra and he was safe and the relief was so sweet and sudden that he couldn’t stop the tears from coming.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Azra said, turning back to him. “Colin, babe, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I know,” Colin spluttered, looking up through teary eyes into Azra’s. They were hazel, almost completely green, and beautiful. God, he’d never seen a more beautiful pair of eyes. “I’m just—thank you.”

Azra smiled slightly and grabbed Colin’s hand, squeezing. One two three. One two three. “You don’t have to thank me, Colin,” he replied, reaching out with his other hand to brush the wetness from his cheeks. “That’s what I’m here for.” They would have to talk about this later, Colin knew, but at the moment anything other than the feeling of Azra’s hand in his was unimportant. Even the promise of the home cooked dinner awaiting them. And the next time Azra squeezed Colin’s hand, he realized what the other boy was truly trying to say.

One two three.

I love you.



“Hey, Colin? Baby, wake up.”

Colin woke up with a jerk, almost toppling off the side of his bed and into the figure standing over him. Confused, and more than a little concerned about how someone could have gotten into his dorm room, Colin blinked up at the person and sucked in a surprised breath at the sight. Azra stared down at him, smiling so wide that his hazel eyes crinkled at the edges. “Wha—?” Colin mumbled, still shaking the sleep from his body. He sat up and accepted the fierce hug his boyfriend bestowed upon him. “What’re you doing here?”

“Don’t sound so excited.” Azra laughed, his breath tickling Colin’s ear.

“No, I am!” Colin was quick to defend, pulling away so that he could look at Azra. God, he’d missed him. It’d only been a week, two at the most, and yet it felt like a lifetime. He was pathetic. “I’m just confused. I thought you had to work all weekend.”

“Sabba saw how miserable I was and let me have tonight and tomorrow off,” Azra explained, taking a seat on the bed next to Colin. “I brought movies, by the way.”

“Oh, thank god.” Colin’s cousin Rachel had “accidentally” taken all of his favorite movies when she’d gone off to California for her first year at San Diego State. Azra was the only other person he knew who had the entire Star Trek franchise on DVD and that was mostly due to Colin’s influence from when they first met. “I could definitely use a Chris Pine Pining Sesh.”

Azra snorted and elbowed Colin in the side and the other boy hid a smile in his shoulder. He couldn’t believe he’d spent three years with this boy; three wonderful years after a lifetime of crap. He was lucky. So lucky. Colin grabbed Azras’ hand, smoothing over the rough calluses on his knuckles with his thumb, and squeezed it three times.

One two three.

I love you.