Winter Comfort
Never had He Ever
“Anything for you miss”
“A glass of your finest Malbec” you replied tired. It’s been 2 weeks since bumping into Steve and my usual thoughts of trusts were now replaced with a new fear, never seeing Steve again. But why did I care? I took Stark’s side. I believe Stark! It was better for us to work in unison with the government than disobey it. We had taken too many innocent lives already, and despite our conscious being clear our actions clearly had consequences we couldn’t afford. A life is too valuable and Steve was wrong. As much as he wanted to be right, he was outside of the law on this one and I couldn’t justify his actions. I just couldn’t. So why did that meeting feel so right. Why did I miss him so much. I just couldn’t figure it out, but I knew one thing, I wanted, no needed, to see him again.
The server returned with the glass in hand. Before he could even ask, I reached for my bag and pull out my card swiftly and handed it over, “start a tab please”, this was routine now. Not that I was an alcoholic frequenting bars to rely on a substance to feel something, no, but I couldn’t deny my drinking lately has gotten heavier and there was a sense of relief in the numbness it created. It was nice to not feel so much, to have a slice of relief.
“Actually miss it’s already paid for”, wait what did he say? Paid for? by who? I look up and catch him gesture towards 2 men at the bar. It was dark and I couldn’t quite make out their faces but I knew one thing was sure, no man was going to pay for my drink. The moment you do, they take it as an invite to talk and tonight I did not want to talk.
I pull out a $20 bill and hand it to the waiter, “tell them I’m flattered but not interested”. I watched him walk over and hand the man on the right the bill I had given him. There was a small commotion and I could feel the eyes reaching my vicinity. I looked down at my phone, I was not going to do anything that suggested the slightest bit of attention.
Scrolling past texts and emails grew I grew bored. Nothing I wanted was in those texts and emails, no the information I wanted no one knew. No one but me for 10 minutes, 2 weeks ago, inside a crowded coffee bar in east village. I wanted to know where Steve was, but what were my hopes of a google search, when not even the government could track him down. Either way I set up an alert, “captain America” I typed, wait no “Steve Rogers”.
I knew Tony knew, that Tony was hiding something, something that happened between their fight he couldn’t admit to but who was I to ask my boss for that information. I couldn’t just walk into his office and demand Captain America’s location because he flirted with me at a coffee shop, I’d be an idiot.
A year ago I wouldn’t have cared. I’d always been surrounded by ‘superheros’, I’d fought of Thor’s flirtations several times, I turned down Tony when he asked me out after him and Pepper were on a break, no way was I going to be in the middle of a Ross/Rachel “we were on a break” showdown. I had been trained to not let my feelings, especially ones as frivolous as Lust, get in the way of professionalism, but those were different times. Those were times when I could trust a system, where there had been stability, that was before I felt the disappointment of the world haunt me. Now I felt everything. I empathised with every person I saw in the streets. Those who were out of work because of destroyed offices, those who lost a loved one as a casualty, those who lost their home. I always thought there would be a price to pay, but it’s only evident now that price was too high. Even S.H.I.E.L.D couldn’t be trusted, so who was I, what was I to believe in? Are we ever going to be safe? Were we ever safe? It plagued me daily, the guilt.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I look up expecting to be confronted by the shadow at the bar but instead I was met with a familiar silhouette. The eyes were darker now in the light, equally blinding, but there was a softness to them. His lashes, so thick, surrounded the beautiful blue with a golden brown. I felt that warmth again, the warmth that I hadn’t felt since that fateful day at the cafe. What could he read my thoughts now too? This coincidence seemed almost too good to be true.
“What the hell are you doing here? A bar? In Chelsea too of all places? Now I’m really doubting that whole hiding scheme you me buy into” Honestly, what the hell was he doing here! This was the last place a fugitive should have been seen at. The bar wasn’t packed, but one photo with giddy girls who lose control at the sight of Captain America and he’d be screwed.
“I saw you through the window” he tilted his head to gesture the large glass I’d been seated next to “you looked… upset”
“Steve, I’m glad you’re concerned about me, but what about you. You know you’re about to have 15 girls screaming if they figure out it’s you behind that beard. It’s not exactly the best disguise”
“Don’t worry, I’ve been in town for 2 weeks and no one has even questioned me yet, I’ll be fine”
The waiter approached us again.
“Sir, your girlfriend was all so loyal, she even turned down a free drink waiting for yo-“
“He’s not my boyfr-“ I tried to interject, my face flushed. I hated male attention and being called out in front of Steve was really not how I imagined my relaxing night to go.
“Oh really, how sweet of you darling, one patron on the rocks please” he said before I could finish my sentence. Now I could feel that heat in my cheeks warm my entire body. Why was I so nervous around him? Was I always this weak? The waiter returned to the bar and Steve fixed his gaze on what I would assume to be a tomato red face. Very unflattering.
“So, no free drinks for you? Why not?” He asked
“I don’t need a man to pay for my drinks, Im quite capable myself”
“It’s just a little bit of Chivalry. Pretty girl, alone at a bar-“
“Steve, its been a 100 years since your Chivalry, we don't need anyone to pay for anything, plus I liked being at the bar alone. I was seeking peace and comfort here”
“So am I disturbing that now?” His eyebrows raised. God no that face wasn’t distributing me, it saved me… again, but I couldn’t let him know that.
“Ill let you be an exception being that you paid for my coffee”
“Ah, well I did subject you to all that paper work on a Saturday remember?”, ugh how could I forget.
“So, lemme ask you again, what got those brows so furrowed when I walked by earlier? Is something wrong, you can talk to me you know” Could I? Could I really tell the guy who was on the opposite team all my issues with his political position? Could I really tell him that our encounter had been replaying in my mind on loop for the past two weeks?
“Politics” I replied short. I picked up my drink, if I was to open up I could only do it one way, drunk.
“Ah, politics. You know they say theres three things you should never bring up in a conversation, politics, money and religion”. There he goes again with his old, literal old, habits. God that face makes it so easy to forget he’s about a 100 years old
“And again Steve, you are outdated”, he laughs as the waiter places his drink down. I wonder do superhero get drunk? Patron on the rocks, surely no one, even Captain America, is immune to that.
“Do superheros get drunk” I ask, unable to hide my curiosity the more I drink
“i asked you a question first” he taunts
“Fine- if you must know I’m just feeling a little lost lately and I’m trying to piece everything together, if I even can”
“I know how that feels” he looks down at his drink and takes another sip. Again I can sense our kindred pain.
“Anyways, lets not dwell on that, so, how many drinks can Steve Rogers hold?” I force a grin, but it didn’t feel so forced this time, it came easier than it had in a while.
“haha you really want to know? Truth is, I’m not sure. So far my tolerance seems to be quite high but I never really put it to the test before”
“I have an idea” I shout almost too enthusiastically, I snap back straight. Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the butterflies in your stomach, but almost instantaneously the most juvenile sentence pop out of your mouth “Lets play ‘Never Have I Ever’”
“Never have I ever?” He seemed confused. Again, the old man skipped out on generations of debauchery.
“Oh Capt, you have so much to learn” I tease. “its simple, you list out things you never done and if the other person’s done it they drink”
“Sounds like trouble, and again its Steve not Capt” he laughs
“I dont like Steve its too formal and… old” that was defiantly the alcohol talking “Capt is… cute”
“Cute you say?” His eyes soften again. Was he flirting again? “Alright lets play, trouble” yep. He was flirting.
“A glass of your finest Malbec” you replied tired. It’s been 2 weeks since bumping into Steve and my usual thoughts of trusts were now replaced with a new fear, never seeing Steve again. But why did I care? I took Stark’s side. I believe Stark! It was better for us to work in unison with the government than disobey it. We had taken too many innocent lives already, and despite our conscious being clear our actions clearly had consequences we couldn’t afford. A life is too valuable and Steve was wrong. As much as he wanted to be right, he was outside of the law on this one and I couldn’t justify his actions. I just couldn’t. So why did that meeting feel so right. Why did I miss him so much. I just couldn’t figure it out, but I knew one thing, I wanted, no needed, to see him again.
The server returned with the glass in hand. Before he could even ask, I reached for my bag and pull out my card swiftly and handed it over, “start a tab please”, this was routine now. Not that I was an alcoholic frequenting bars to rely on a substance to feel something, no, but I couldn’t deny my drinking lately has gotten heavier and there was a sense of relief in the numbness it created. It was nice to not feel so much, to have a slice of relief.
“Actually miss it’s already paid for”, wait what did he say? Paid for? by who? I look up and catch him gesture towards 2 men at the bar. It was dark and I couldn’t quite make out their faces but I knew one thing was sure, no man was going to pay for my drink. The moment you do, they take it as an invite to talk and tonight I did not want to talk.
I pull out a $20 bill and hand it to the waiter, “tell them I’m flattered but not interested”. I watched him walk over and hand the man on the right the bill I had given him. There was a small commotion and I could feel the eyes reaching my vicinity. I looked down at my phone, I was not going to do anything that suggested the slightest bit of attention.
Scrolling past texts and emails grew I grew bored. Nothing I wanted was in those texts and emails, no the information I wanted no one knew. No one but me for 10 minutes, 2 weeks ago, inside a crowded coffee bar in east village. I wanted to know where Steve was, but what were my hopes of a google search, when not even the government could track him down. Either way I set up an alert, “captain America” I typed, wait no “Steve Rogers”.
I knew Tony knew, that Tony was hiding something, something that happened between their fight he couldn’t admit to but who was I to ask my boss for that information. I couldn’t just walk into his office and demand Captain America’s location because he flirted with me at a coffee shop, I’d be an idiot.
A year ago I wouldn’t have cared. I’d always been surrounded by ‘superheros’, I’d fought of Thor’s flirtations several times, I turned down Tony when he asked me out after him and Pepper were on a break, no way was I going to be in the middle of a Ross/Rachel “we were on a break” showdown. I had been trained to not let my feelings, especially ones as frivolous as Lust, get in the way of professionalism, but those were different times. Those were times when I could trust a system, where there had been stability, that was before I felt the disappointment of the world haunt me. Now I felt everything. I empathised with every person I saw in the streets. Those who were out of work because of destroyed offices, those who lost a loved one as a casualty, those who lost their home. I always thought there would be a price to pay, but it’s only evident now that price was too high. Even S.H.I.E.L.D couldn’t be trusted, so who was I, what was I to believe in? Are we ever going to be safe? Were we ever safe? It plagued me daily, the guilt.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I look up expecting to be confronted by the shadow at the bar but instead I was met with a familiar silhouette. The eyes were darker now in the light, equally blinding, but there was a softness to them. His lashes, so thick, surrounded the beautiful blue with a golden brown. I felt that warmth again, the warmth that I hadn’t felt since that fateful day at the cafe. What could he read my thoughts now too? This coincidence seemed almost too good to be true.
“What the hell are you doing here? A bar? In Chelsea too of all places? Now I’m really doubting that whole hiding scheme you me buy into” Honestly, what the hell was he doing here! This was the last place a fugitive should have been seen at. The bar wasn’t packed, but one photo with giddy girls who lose control at the sight of Captain America and he’d be screwed.
“I saw you through the window” he tilted his head to gesture the large glass I’d been seated next to “you looked… upset”
“Steve, I’m glad you’re concerned about me, but what about you. You know you’re about to have 15 girls screaming if they figure out it’s you behind that beard. It’s not exactly the best disguise”
“Don’t worry, I’ve been in town for 2 weeks and no one has even questioned me yet, I’ll be fine”
The waiter approached us again.
“Sir, your girlfriend was all so loyal, she even turned down a free drink waiting for yo-“
“He’s not my boyfr-“ I tried to interject, my face flushed. I hated male attention and being called out in front of Steve was really not how I imagined my relaxing night to go.
“Oh really, how sweet of you darling, one patron on the rocks please” he said before I could finish my sentence. Now I could feel that heat in my cheeks warm my entire body. Why was I so nervous around him? Was I always this weak? The waiter returned to the bar and Steve fixed his gaze on what I would assume to be a tomato red face. Very unflattering.
“So, no free drinks for you? Why not?” He asked
“I don’t need a man to pay for my drinks, Im quite capable myself”
“It’s just a little bit of Chivalry. Pretty girl, alone at a bar-“
“Steve, its been a 100 years since your Chivalry, we don't need anyone to pay for anything, plus I liked being at the bar alone. I was seeking peace and comfort here”
“So am I disturbing that now?” His eyebrows raised. God no that face wasn’t distributing me, it saved me… again, but I couldn’t let him know that.
“Ill let you be an exception being that you paid for my coffee”
“Ah, well I did subject you to all that paper work on a Saturday remember?”, ugh how could I forget.
“So, lemme ask you again, what got those brows so furrowed when I walked by earlier? Is something wrong, you can talk to me you know” Could I? Could I really tell the guy who was on the opposite team all my issues with his political position? Could I really tell him that our encounter had been replaying in my mind on loop for the past two weeks?
“Politics” I replied short. I picked up my drink, if I was to open up I could only do it one way, drunk.
“Ah, politics. You know they say theres three things you should never bring up in a conversation, politics, money and religion”. There he goes again with his old, literal old, habits. God that face makes it so easy to forget he’s about a 100 years old
“And again Steve, you are outdated”, he laughs as the waiter places his drink down. I wonder do superhero get drunk? Patron on the rocks, surely no one, even Captain America, is immune to that.
“Do superheros get drunk” I ask, unable to hide my curiosity the more I drink
“i asked you a question first” he taunts
“Fine- if you must know I’m just feeling a little lost lately and I’m trying to piece everything together, if I even can”
“I know how that feels” he looks down at his drink and takes another sip. Again I can sense our kindred pain.
“Anyways, lets not dwell on that, so, how many drinks can Steve Rogers hold?” I force a grin, but it didn’t feel so forced this time, it came easier than it had in a while.
“haha you really want to know? Truth is, I’m not sure. So far my tolerance seems to be quite high but I never really put it to the test before”
“I have an idea” I shout almost too enthusiastically, I snap back straight. Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the butterflies in your stomach, but almost instantaneously the most juvenile sentence pop out of your mouth “Lets play ‘Never Have I Ever’”
“Never have I ever?” He seemed confused. Again, the old man skipped out on generations of debauchery.
“Oh Capt, you have so much to learn” I tease. “its simple, you list out things you never done and if the other person’s done it they drink”
“Sounds like trouble, and again its Steve not Capt” he laughs
“I dont like Steve its too formal and… old” that was defiantly the alcohol talking “Capt is… cute”
“Cute you say?” His eyes soften again. Was he flirting again? “Alright lets play, trouble” yep. He was flirting.