Faking It
Faking It.
All of your life you hear the phrase, “fake it till you make it,” but what if all you do it “fake it”? How do you know what’s real or not? When does the “faking it” end and your true self begin? What happens if the person you are when you’re “faking it” turns into the new you? Who are you really then? How do you know? And how do you ever get back to the you, you once knew?
Growing up, all anyone wants to do is fit in. Be like everyone else. Be normal. From the beginning, humans are programmed to make friends. But what happens if you can’t make any friends? You change yourself to fit in. You fake a new personality to make friends. Now, that doesn’t happen to everyone, but it happens more often than not. Through middle school, it often gets worse. Fake it. Act like it doesn’t bother you that you’re getting bullied. “Be the bigger person” usually meant doing nothing about it. High school next. Fake it again. Act like you know what you’re doing in Calculus class. Pretend like it didn’t hurt when you didn’t make the school play. Continue to smile when all you want to do is break down and cry after breaking up with your significant other. Try to hide the scars on your arms and legs—evidence of your emotional turmoil. Laughing and smiling like those scars don’t exist. Fake it.
College. Something new. New year, new place, new you… right? Most people come to college wanting to start over. Be the person you’ve always wanted to be. More faking it. When does the faking it end? Tell me, why does everyone say that I must fake who I am? If I’m upset, why must I act like I’m not? Who says that I can’t be happy when others are sad?
My life as a music education major can sometimes get complicated. In most classes, I hear the words “fake it” or “pretend” more than anyone else. Yes, that’s understandable at points. I know that if I get a job, and have a horrible day, I can’t let it affect how I teach. But years of putting on a fake smile, and fake laugh leads to mental breakdowns and lots of therapy.
I’m so sick of those words. “Fake it.” “Pretend.” Do people not realize that those words lead to horrible things? The scars. Emotional and physical. I’ve seen what pretending to be happy can do to a person. I went years not know what my best friend was really feeling. Faking it was her main priority. “Conceal. Don’t feel.” Words from a fictional character, but very much real in this case. She had been my best friend for years. She was always smiling and laughing, and goofing around. I barely ever saw her not happy. One day, I saw strange marks on her thighs. Cut marks, I realized. Concern for her filled me. My happy-go-lucky best friend had been cutting herself. I was confused. What happened to this beautiful human to make her want to harm herself? I decided to pull her aside one day and ask her about it.
I asked her what happened to her thigh. She tried to tell me the marks were from her cat scratching her. She was faking it again. I told her she didn’t have to lie to me. I was there to listen and try to help, not judge. I told her she didn’t have to fake it around me. She hugged me and told me things I never knew was happening around me. Horrible things. Bullying in the worst way. Pictures that had spread like wildfire. Not knowing when the ridicule would stop. She said she needed control, and cutting herself was the only way she could stay in control. She knew she had to hide the scars. Pretend like there was nothing wrong, even when everything was wrong.
Pretending and faking seems so harmless. But the emotional baggage and pain of being someone who isn’t really you is often too much to bare. I wish everyone didn’t feel pressured to be someone else. To the grade schooler struggling to make friends: Don’t worry, just be yourself, and you will come to find that you will make the most sincere friends if you just continue being you. To the kid being bullied for being different: Stand your ground. Don’t let them crush your spirit. Be the bigger person. Don’t retaliate. Show them that you won’t change who you are because of them. You are beautiful. To the girl being called a prude for still being a virgin: Don’t give in. Continue being you and save yourself for someone who deserves you. To the ones who cut themselves for any reason: Stay strong. You were put on this earth for a reason. God has a plan for you. Don’t pretend like nothing is wrong. Find a person you trust and tell them what’s wrong. It will get better.
When does the “faking it” stop? Who will be brave enough to stand up and refuse to change for anything or anyone? Will it be you?
Growing up, all anyone wants to do is fit in. Be like everyone else. Be normal. From the beginning, humans are programmed to make friends. But what happens if you can’t make any friends? You change yourself to fit in. You fake a new personality to make friends. Now, that doesn’t happen to everyone, but it happens more often than not. Through middle school, it often gets worse. Fake it. Act like it doesn’t bother you that you’re getting bullied. “Be the bigger person” usually meant doing nothing about it. High school next. Fake it again. Act like you know what you’re doing in Calculus class. Pretend like it didn’t hurt when you didn’t make the school play. Continue to smile when all you want to do is break down and cry after breaking up with your significant other. Try to hide the scars on your arms and legs—evidence of your emotional turmoil. Laughing and smiling like those scars don’t exist. Fake it.
College. Something new. New year, new place, new you… right? Most people come to college wanting to start over. Be the person you’ve always wanted to be. More faking it. When does the faking it end? Tell me, why does everyone say that I must fake who I am? If I’m upset, why must I act like I’m not? Who says that I can’t be happy when others are sad?
My life as a music education major can sometimes get complicated. In most classes, I hear the words “fake it” or “pretend” more than anyone else. Yes, that’s understandable at points. I know that if I get a job, and have a horrible day, I can’t let it affect how I teach. But years of putting on a fake smile, and fake laugh leads to mental breakdowns and lots of therapy.
I’m so sick of those words. “Fake it.” “Pretend.” Do people not realize that those words lead to horrible things? The scars. Emotional and physical. I’ve seen what pretending to be happy can do to a person. I went years not know what my best friend was really feeling. Faking it was her main priority. “Conceal. Don’t feel.” Words from a fictional character, but very much real in this case. She had been my best friend for years. She was always smiling and laughing, and goofing around. I barely ever saw her not happy. One day, I saw strange marks on her thighs. Cut marks, I realized. Concern for her filled me. My happy-go-lucky best friend had been cutting herself. I was confused. What happened to this beautiful human to make her want to harm herself? I decided to pull her aside one day and ask her about it.
I asked her what happened to her thigh. She tried to tell me the marks were from her cat scratching her. She was faking it again. I told her she didn’t have to lie to me. I was there to listen and try to help, not judge. I told her she didn’t have to fake it around me. She hugged me and told me things I never knew was happening around me. Horrible things. Bullying in the worst way. Pictures that had spread like wildfire. Not knowing when the ridicule would stop. She said she needed control, and cutting herself was the only way she could stay in control. She knew she had to hide the scars. Pretend like there was nothing wrong, even when everything was wrong.
Pretending and faking seems so harmless. But the emotional baggage and pain of being someone who isn’t really you is often too much to bare. I wish everyone didn’t feel pressured to be someone else. To the grade schooler struggling to make friends: Don’t worry, just be yourself, and you will come to find that you will make the most sincere friends if you just continue being you. To the kid being bullied for being different: Stand your ground. Don’t let them crush your spirit. Be the bigger person. Don’t retaliate. Show them that you won’t change who you are because of them. You are beautiful. To the girl being called a prude for still being a virgin: Don’t give in. Continue being you and save yourself for someone who deserves you. To the ones who cut themselves for any reason: Stay strong. You were put on this earth for a reason. God has a plan for you. Don’t pretend like nothing is wrong. Find a person you trust and tell them what’s wrong. It will get better.
When does the “faking it” stop? Who will be brave enough to stand up and refuse to change for anything or anyone? Will it be you?