Random and Spontaneous

Mistakes have been made, oh boy did she make mistakes.

I remember that one time I purposely forgot to mention I was on my period to that pretty guy met at the disco, what a nice sheet did he have the morning after. The Japanese flag in his room, a work of art, same as his face (fyi, his face was a work of art, nothing else was intended).

I remember that one time I was desperately in love with that blondie Hungarian motherfucker who saw me as his best friend, that kind of best-friendship where you stay up all night smoking ten thousands cigarettes while watching all the others say good night just to spend an hour alone waiting for the sunrise to say goodmorning and go to bed after chatting about fuck knows. He was gentle, kind, crazy, out of the known world and what he said about parallel universes seemed so freaking true. Yeah those kinds of bonding, he never touched me, I did touch him once but ok, another meaningless story. Back to the point, there was that night, he came to mines we did some Mandy, we had a couple glasses, we went out, we had a few Jaegerbombs and i sat on his lap before going to bed, together for the first time. I waited almost a year for that moment, he stretched an arm, I put my head there, completely naked and after all that red bull and all that happy flying powder I fell asleep to wake the morning after swimming in my own pee.

I probably have a thing for dirty beds with pleasant guys.

Or that one time when I was in my boyfriend's room at the hostel, after a gummy bear dipped in lsd and some other kind of flying powder, I was in his bed, he laid close to me and I couldn't fell asleep this time. So I got up and went upstairs, meeting a random guy who I made out with in the hostel' s gents room shortly after. For the records, I met up with Toilet guy a couple months afterwards in Manchester, 4 hours bus ride just to spend two nights and three days with him. Sun was up and bright, he came to the station and kissed me like that was his job, like he could make a living out of it, we went to a random hotel and we fucked till he told me he was sore two days after.

Youth, the blinding and blinded beauty of youth.

Actually, those aren't mistakes, not mistakes mistakes at least, a mistake is what I'm making now, letting the gold medalist of dickheading and douchebagging of southern Tuscany run my life like he is the bloody Prime Minister. Thursday I went out with a new guy, first date, dinner in a nice place, real nice place (split bill, but I guess it' s ok even if deep down my va jay-jay dried a little), this guy reminds me of Leonard from The big bang theory and I honestly don't know why I felt like Penny, he' s a scientist, he has a degree in maths, hair not in place, unbottoned shirt sleeves, funny voice. Fun guy after all, shy, clever, open to every bullshit I threw on the dinner table, I started to think that he might be close to what I need now, he might be a deeper aquaintance, he might be someone for me. During all this brainstorming where I heard him saying "I do" with his funny voice and with his messy hair while I laugh at the altar where I'm about to marry him, I went to town and met the golden fucker and a friend of ours, telling him that I went out with, let' s call him Leonard. He didn' t say a word, he went home after, the evening passed by, he wrote on our work group chat, no words to me, no questions, no nothing. Silence today as well, clear sign he' s angry at me just because I went out with someone else, someone else who happens to speak proper Italian instead of using the same old four words he cares to know in his own mother tongue.

Dear Douchest bag, get off my mind, don't use these stupid primary school tricks (which apparently work, judging from all this paragraph) just to keep me close to whatever this is, please go away, please let me forget your eyes, let me forget the way I completely lose my head everytime we have sex for those memorable 8 minutes (when I'm lucky)