Someone Out There Loves You

"She's a pretty girl. She's always falling down. And I think I just fell in love with her. But she won't ever remember..." - Plus 44

What do you do when your life is out of control? When everything you do doesn’t matter anymore because you know you don’t decide what happens next.

I didn’t choose this. Any of this. I didn’t choose to live with my Father. Something happened that decided that. I didn’t choose to move into this flat. My Father decided that. It’s my life yet I don’t get a say in what’s happening in it.

I wish I could go back. I wish I stopped it. I wish I was younger. When you are a kid, you have nothing to worry about except whether you are going to miss your favourite cartoon.

It sickened me that even in my darkest times; Will could cheer me up. If he knew what I really like would he still want to be friends with me? Where we even friends? It seemed like it. But you see that girl wrestling on the floor with Will wasn’t me. She looks like me, sounds like me, has all of my characteristics. If Will knew the real me; all of my secrets he wouldn’t want to know me. I’m a fake.

People say that if you wish hard enough; it might come true. But I knew different to that. I had made a lot of wishes in my life but the one thing I want now more than anything is to be normal. I wanted to have friends, have a boyfriend, have a proper family. Just like the people in the movies. But I knew that no matter how hard I wished; I would never be normal again.