Someone Out There Loves You

The man was right. It is rather depressing drinking on your own. I was trying hard not to think of a certain someone whose name began with the letter “W” which didn’t give me a lot of other options. Oh, what an exciting life I lead.

It’s so exciting that I decided to clear my busy weekend schedule (Ha!) and go to the party. The slip of paper that the man had put into my pocket was the address to the house. It wasn’t too far away. Only about forty five minutes depending on how fast I walked. And that would depend on whether I was going to wear heels or not. See what I mean when I said I had nothing else to think about?

It was only the morning. I still had the whole day to sit and mope around. I decided to at least try and make myself look halfway decent. An empty bottle lay in the sink reminding me of my pathetic life. An unopened one was still in the plastic carrier bag waiting to be drunk. But there would be plenty of time to drink later. I will take that one to the party as a gift.

I ran my fingers through my greasy black hair and decided there was no time to have a shower like the present. I carefully covered the bathroom mirror before I undressed. I hated the way my hip bones poked out through my papery skin and I hated even more the pink horizontal lines that marked me from the top of my bony shoulder all the way down to my elbow. I was running out of room and soon I would have to start hurting the bottom of my arms. Not the inside though. It looked too white, too soft, and too pure. I couldn’t ruin that.

I let my clothes fall to the floor in an untidy fashion and half walked, half skipped to the shower before the cold morning air nipped at my exposed vulnerable flesh. I quickly hit the power button and screamed a little as the water came out freezing cold, leaving me with goose bumps all over. It took about a minute to warm up and I greedily took in the heat from the clear liquid.

My hair felt like straw as I rubbed shampoo through it. I realised I didn’t know when I last washed it before this. I was sort of grieving for Will but I usually didn’t act like this. The last time I was “grieving” I turned into a hygiene freak over night destroying every germ I could see, even if there wasn’t any there.

I don’t know how long I was in the shower but when I came out my skin was pink and my hands were wrinkled. I quickly changed into some old clothes mentally going through my wardrobe to decide what I was going to wear later. Happy with my choice of black dress and ballet pumps I picked up some nail varnish and proceeded to paint them.

***

I hate meeting new people; especially when I’m by myself. Usually when I’m with other people they make the introductions then I have a drink and that’s it. I didn’t know what to expect but when I entered through the all ready open front door nobody actually took any notice of me. That was good I suppose but I didn’t know where to put myself or who to talk to. I’m nothing extraordinary. I mean, I’m not breath taking beautiful and my hair isn’t a weird and wonderful colour. I don’t have a huge wart hanging off my chin and my body isn’t covered in tattoos for people to gawp at and look at with disapproval.

I was debating with myself to go introduce myself to someone or maybe get the hell out of there before anybody saw me but the table of alcoholic drinks made up my mind for me. I made my way over there; pushing through the mass of dancing bodies and grabbed a clear plastic beaker from the tray. I attempted to pull the cork out with my teeth but gave up when I saw the cork screw lying on the table and my poor gums felt like they were on fire. A glass of wine cooled them down though.

Instantly every thing became brighter. It was like I was seeing things through a soft focus. I even smiled at a girl making out with her boyfriend to which I received some weird looks about. That man was right; this wine is better. Speaking of the stranger he suddenly appeared at my side looking sheepish.

“Hey,” I slurred waving at him. That booze was working and it was working fast.

“Hey, yourself.” He replied smiling. His teeth were all crooked. “I’m sorry about the other day. You know, when I started ranting at you. It’s just my friend asked if I could invite as many chicks as I could and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“No problem.” I laughed. “I actually thought you were just a weirdo but whatever.” I said dismissively.

“You scrub up well.” He told me smiling when I playfully punched his arm.

“Hey James, who’s your friend?” A pair of arms found their way around “James’s” shoulders and attached to them was a drunken boy with a goofy grin on his face.

“Er, her names...”

“Gabriella.” I finished for him raising my glass as an introduction.

“You look like Rebecca” The boy said letting go of James and taking a stumbled step towards me. I don’t want to guess how much he’s had to drink.

“I’m not Rebecca. I’m Gabriella.” I said slowly but firmly. Booze gave me confidence I lacked when I was sober. The boy furrowed his eyebrows, obviously confused.

“This is Daniel.” James said embarrassed. “He’s probably so intoxicated he doesn’t remember his name.”

“That’s okay.” I said smoothly. I like the sound of not remembering your name. I remembered the discussion I had with Will about that, what seemed like ages ago. I felt my stomach drop but tried to cover up my grimace by refilling my cup.

“Well, I’m gonna go now. If a big beefy guy who goes by the name of Jack asks who invited you, tell them James did. I get extra brownie points that way.” He grinned before picking up a beer.

“Will do.” I assured him before he left, leaving me with a drunken Daniel.

“So Rebecca, why didn’t you call?” I rolled my eyes before looking him straight in the eye.

“I got to pee.” I told him before walking off. There was no way I was being stuck with him all night. I wanted to enjoy myself. I wanted to...

“Gabriella?” I froze mid step. It was weird. I could feel every individual hair stand up on my neck. I felt like I wasn’t there. I was slowly floating leaving my stone body. Time had stopped and I was looking down on the party beneath me. My body stuck out like a sore thumb as did certain bones. I was a shadow of my former self. A hand on my shoulder brought me crashing back to reality.

“Luke.” I said his name carefully not wanting my voice to crack.

“Gabriella.” This was it. I had to look at him now. His face looked confused; like a million thoughts and questions where buzzing around his head and he had trouble deciding which one to say. He settled on “You look different.” I smiled weakly at how he tried to be tactful.

“I...” I didn’t know what to say. All the time Luke didn’t take his eyes off me as if scared I would disappear or something. Chance would be a fine thing.

“You don’t come round anymore.” He stated.

“No.” I agreed looking down.

“How come?” He questioned.

“It’s just...” How do I answer a question like that?

“Will’s been pretty torn up. He won’t talk about what happened.” Great, just keep them coming. I remained silent for a few moments and he must have realised I wasn’t going to say anything because he sighed. “Well, it was good seeing you again.” He said, and then he suddenly pulled me into a hug. “Bye Gab.” He mumbled into my hair.

“Bye Luke.” And I felt bad because Luke’s a good kid and I’d hurt him as well.

“Will’s here, you know.” He said. It sounded muffled and it took a few moments to process and register what he said.

“What?” I exclaimed pulling away.

“Please don’t go!” He begged looking worried. “He will be so happy to see you.”

“I’ve got to go Luke.” I told him. “I’m so sorry...” And with that I was gone. I quickly pushed my way through crowds. I even spilt a girl’s drink without stopping to apologise. It was all in vain though.

It was his eyes that stopped me. His beautiful green eyes. They were now cold and glaring at me. This was... so not like him. And I had done it too him. I had made him this way. I thought about turning around again and making a run for the back door but he was too fast.

“Gabriella,” His voice sounded so good, so familiar. My feet disobeyed me and took a step towards him. He was shaking his head but he wasn’t smiling.

“Will... What are you doing here?” A good question, pity my voice was on the verge of breaking and letting down the tears I had barricaded up.

“It’s a party. I got invited. I didn’t want to let Luke down.” Three simple sentences left three sharp pains in the stomach. I watched as his eyes trailed over my fragile body, then widened when he got to my arm. He knew. I had been careless and cocky and thought everyone would be too drunk to notice and they didn’t know me anyway so why should I cover them up. But he had caught sight of them and his mouth opened to say something but he got interrupted by someone.

“Rebecca,” Daniel slurred planting a slobbery kiss on my cheek.

“Who’s that?” Will asked pointing at the drunken idiot who was struggling to keep himself up.

“Who am I? I should be asking who you are. Who is he Rebecca?” Daniel asked angrily.

“Her names not Rebecca, you-“

“Will.” I warned him. I didn’t know what this guy was like when drunk and I didn’t want to find out if he was violent tonight.

“Well, go on then! Who is he?” He shouted making people stop dancing to stare.

“He’s nobody.” I answered, flinching as Daniel pressed his cold lips against my neck.

“He doesn’t look like nobody.” Will declared.

“Well, why does it matter to you? It has nothing to do with you! You’re not my boyfriend!” The last part came out a little more angrily then intended. I didn’t mean to hurt him but I watched in horror as his eyes filled with tears.

“No. No I’m not.” And then he was gone; leaving me with a dozen eyes plastered on me and Daniel licking my ear lobe.

“Who was he Rebecca? An old boyfriend? But you’re not his anymore. You’re all mine.”

“I’m not Rebecca,” I sighed trying to search for Will’s retreating back.

Daniel pulled away immediately. “You’re not? Then who are you?” I’m mean. I’m horrible. I’m spiteful. I’m a bitch.

“I’m gonna throw up.” I told him calmly before running out side and puking in the plant pots.