Someone Out There Loves You

I felt awful. And that wasn’t just due to the severe hang over I had. I couldn’t get Will’s face out of my mind. I shouldn’t have said that thing to him. But it was true. Will wasn’t my boyfriend. He never was going to be my boyfriend. Well, I had made sure of that.

The weekends were the only thing keeping me going now; the parties. I try and kid myself that I just go for the socialising and the free alcohol but I know the real reason. It’s because Will goes. I know we’re not talking and everything but I can’t help but feel butterflies when I see him. I like the butterflies. I like them better than the numbness.

Of course, Will ignores me now and that just about kills me. It had been two weeks since we had the argument; two long stressful weeks. He was over by the corner. I could see him through the crowds. He was talking to someone but I didn’t know who.

I was stood by myself. I didn’t know if Will could see me but if he could he was doing a very good job of pretending I don’t exist. I had on my black dress again although you could easily see the marks, bruises and cuts. If he already knew there was no point in covering up. Besides, he wasn’t talking to me. And everybody else at the party was too drunk to notice.

I watched Will take delicate sips of his beer and realised that I couldn’t stand this much longer. A normal, sane person would have gone home and sulked but then I reminded myself I wasn’t normal or sane. So, I walked over to them.

He didn’t see me at first and neither did his friend who I discovered was male. They were deep in conversation and I couldn’t hear them over the music but I liked the way Will’s lips looked when he was talking. However, I didn’t like the way the twinkle seemed to have gone from his eyes. Was that because of me?

I sat down in the seat beside Will. He didn’t see me as he was sat in an awkward sideways position facing his friend. That was perfectly fine by me. He would surely recoil in horror if he realised who the girl was who took up the empty seat on the couch. I was so close to him I could smell the cologne he was wearing.

I needed to touch him. I needed to feel him. I inched my self closer towards him and sighed in relief when he still didn’t notice me. He suddenly placed his hand behind him as he leaned backwards a little. The back of his hand was touching my little finger. It wasn’t much but it was good. It was real. I closed my eyes and felt the goose bumps spring up on my skin from his touch. I was going crazy and I knew it.

“Hey, is she alright?” I didn’t recognise the voice but when I opened my eyes I recognised the green ones that were staring at me.

“I’m sorry.” I stammered before pushing myself up and rushing off. He didn’t call after me. I was half expecting one of those dumb movie moments where he would snatch my hand just before it was out of his grasp and twist me round to kiss me. But it didn’t happen and instead I found my self outside.

The night was cool. Summer was on its way however it didn’t feel like it. The backyard was completely empty, that is if you didn’t count the couple doing God knows what in the bushes. Bang in the middle of the garden was a glittering pool. As I moved closer towards it, I saw the moon being reflected from it and the smell of chemicals. It looked nice; calm and smooth. I could ruin that. I could break through the smooth surface and destroy the tranquillity of it.

I kicked off my heels and stood at the edge of the swimming pool. The tiles were cool under my feet and when I dipped my toes into the liquid, the water bit at them it was that cold.

Without actually agreeing with my mind at what I was about to do, my knees suddenly sprung upwards and I was in the pool.

I don’t know what hit me first; the freezing temperature of the water or the fact I had lost my mind. It was close. I opened my eyes a little and saw the silvery moon blurrily before having to close them again because the chlorine was stinging my eyes. I wanted to stay down here forever and not have to deal with the real world. I wanted to breathe and feel the cold liquid fill my lungs but that would mean I would drown. Suddenly the idea became much more appealing.

Breathe... Just breathe.

I didn’t get a chance to though because suddenly a pair of strong arms were wrapping around my stomach and dragging me to the surface. I tried to stop it; I struggled and kicked but it didn’t work. When we finally came up for air I found I was gasping. My chest felt like it had been kicked and my lungs were aching. I tried to twist myself around to catch a glance at my “hero” but his grip was too tight. I struggled once more and he whispered harshly in my ear “Stop moving.” I felt myself freeze up. It was Will.

He swam towards the edge with me still in his arms. He then proceeded to drag me up. Well, it wasn’t exactly hard. I didn’t seem to weigh much these days. He carried me a few steps away from the pool just to make certain that I didn’t throw myself back in again and laid me down on the grass. He then collapsed beside me, shaking from the cold.

It took me a few moments to gain my breath back. It seemed the night had dropped temperature dramatically and I couldn’t stop myself from physically shaking. The air was attacking my body and my wet dress was clinging to my bones as if scared of something. I could see my shoes from were I was laid; unmoved and untouched as if nothing ever happened.

“Don’t you ever do something like that again!” Will warned through breaths. I finally turned to look at him and flinched when I realised he was glaring at me. His dark hair was clinging to his pale face and his green eyes stood out, vibrant from the anger in them. “I mean it.” He whispered before pulling me close to his body.

I don’t know how long we were laid like that. It could have been seconds, hours or days and I still wouldn’t have realised. I was in Will’s arms and it felt great. He suddenly spoke; his voice vibrating against my back. “Come on, we’re going.”

“Huh?” I said.

“We are going.” He said it slowly and sharply. It seemed he still hadn’t forgiven me for ignoring him for the past month.

“I’m not going anywhere. The parties still on and it’s not even late yet. I’m fine, I swear. I’m just...”

“Gabriella,” He cut me off and narrowed his eyes. “You’re not fine. I’m taking you home.” He didn’t give me a choice. He pulled me up off the floor whilst I protested and he ignored my protests. The truth was I was scared of being alone with him. He knew things and would surely bring them up.

We walked to his car and I thought about maybe running back into the house whilst his back was turned but I didn’t. Instead I watched as he opened his boot and took out some paint splattered clothes. He took my shoes off me and through them into the back, and then he gave me the oversized shirt and shorts.

“Change.” he told me before turning around. I sighed and quickly glanced around to make sure some pervert wasn’t hiding in the bushes. No, everyone was at the party having a good time. I reached to the zipper of my dress and tugged it a few times but it wouldn’t budge.

“Will...” I said desperately. He turned around and sighed as he gently unzipped my dress. I shivered and blushed as his fingers swept along my jutting spine.

“Here,” He mumbled before turning back around again. I ripped my dress off as quickly as I could and pulled the clothes Will gave me over my shivering body.

“I’m done.” I told him handing him my sopping dress to which he placed in the boot along with my shoes. He nodded and gestured to me to get into the car.

“Am I dropping you off at your place or are you coming back with me?” He asked as he started the engine. As much as I didn’t want to be left alone in Will’s company, I didn’t want to be alone either.

“I’ll go to your house... if you don’t mind that is.” I told him warily.

“No, I don’t mind.” He replied monotonous.

“Okay.” I said. The silence was screaming at me. I thought about switching the radio on but I thought maybe that would be rude. “You’re cold.” I stated watching his teeth chatter and his hands shake as they gripped the gear stick.

“Yes.” He answered. I glanced down at his pale fingers. A light layer of skin seemed to stretch across his knuckles and it looked sickly blue. I ached to reach my own hand out to hold his but it wasn’t allowed.

It didn’t take long to get to Will’s house but the ride seemed to take forever. As soon as we were through his front door, he was pushing a towel into my arms and telling me that he was running me a hot bath and he would leave some clean clothes outside the door.

I tried to suggest that maybe he should go in the bath first as he was so cold but he refused instead telling me to hurry before the bath over flows. I haven’t had a bath in so long. I pulled off my borrowed clothes and put my underwear on the radiator to dry before gently edging my self into the enamel tub.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t stay long in the bath because Will needed it but the heat and the smell of Will’s shampoo had this sort of hold on me. I was in there a little over an hour and I came out pink and smelling like a boy. Not that I was complaining because that boy was Will. I wrapped the huge fluffy towel around my fragile body, making sure I didn’t look in the mirror. I then quickly stuck my arm out of the door and grabbed the fresh clothes Will had left me. After I had put my slightly damp underwear back on and some pyjama bottoms and a shirt (which may or may not have been Wills) I left the bathroom.

I found the boy himself sat at the kitchen counter with his head in his hands. He looked rather upset. I coughed a little and he suddenly lifted his head realising that he wasn’t alone. “I’m finished with the bathroom.” I told him unnecessarily. He nodded and told me he would be “just a minute” and headed off to have a shower.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. The kettle was still on so I poured myself a cup of tea then sat in the living room waiting for Will’s return. He appeared after twenty minutes looking better then he obviously felt.

“So... erm... You can stay here tonight if you want. You can sleep on the couch and I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“No, you don’t have...” I trailed off as I realised he obviously thought I was going to attempt suicide or something. To be honest, I didn’t know whether I would or not. “Okay, so can I have a blanket or something? I’m actually really tired now.” He nodded once more and headed off to get me my sleeping equipment. He then proceeded to drag his mattress from his room to the living room where I was. If it was any other situation I would have found the way his butt wiggled amusing and maybe even of giggled and made a comment. But it wasn’t a different situation so when he lifted his now red face I tried my hardest not to crack a smile.

“Good night, Gabriella.” He said before shutting off the lights.

I woke up gagging for a drink. My throat felt dry and it hurt to swallow. I sat up looking around for a clock. It was four in the morning. The sun had not risen and it was way too early for any normal human being to be up. I slowly pulled the covers off me and stepped quietly onto the carpet. I could see Will’s silhouette move up and down as he breathed. He was still sleeping.

I tip toed past his body and made my way into the kitchen, turning the light on then glancing around to see if Will had awoken. He hadn’t. I sighed in relief then opened every single cupboard to find a glass. As usual, the glasses are kept in the last cupboard you come across. I rolled my eyes before grabbing one and filling it with cool water. I accidently knocked a bowl of cutlery into the sink and whilst I was cursing to myself I didn’t realise someone had crept up behind me.

“Jesus!” I half yelled as Will startled me. “Oh crap, I didn’t wake you did I?”

He half smiled as if he were still in slumber and said “You’re hardly the quietist of girls.” He looked sort of nervous.

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I was only in here to get a glass of water.” I held it up as proof although it was half empty from spilling half of the contents onto me when Will made me jump. He suddenly looked guilty and I realized it was because he thought I was going to do something. I suddenly felt guilty for making him feel guilty. It was like a big web of guilt.

“Look, I’m sorry for whatever I did that upset you so much.”

“Will...”

“If there is any way..."

“Will! It was nothing you did. I was just... going through something.”

“Oh,” He remained silent for a few moments then opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off.

“I’m going to go back to bed, okay?” I didn’t give him chance to answer as I had left the room and was already crawling back into the safety of the blankets. I didn’t hear him come in until at least five minutes after but I already had my eyes squeezed shut and was pretending to be asleep.

“Gabriella? Gabriella. Look, I know you’re awake.” I still kept my eyelids sealed shut. I felt the edge of the couch sink down as Will sat on it. “I... I know what you are doing to yourself. I just wish you wouldn’t. I...” A tear manage to squeeze its way out and was rolling down my cheek and being soaked into the couch. Will waited for a few minutes until he realised I wasn’t going to say anything. He sighed and leant towards me so I could feel his hot breathe against my pale cheek. “Good night Gabriella,” He said for the second time that night.

Then the most amazing thing happened. He kissed me. Not on my lips but on my cheek. Just a peck. Just enough to time to feel something warm and moist against my skin, but it was enough. It was more than enough. It was perfect.