The Grief of Abortion

I dreamt about you last night. I dreamt that I gave you a chance, that I could feel your warm skin and cuddle you. I dreamt that I was happy.

I never wanted it any other way and I don’t regret my decision, yet it feels like the guilt will never go away.

I don’t know why I cry out loud, why the tears never seem to stop. Everyone has moved on with their lives but I feel like a part of me will always be stuck in June.

The physical pain that comes with the memories of that day is probably what makes it the most haunting. Thinking about it makes every hair on my body stand up. It makes me wish I would’ve killed myself.

I don’t wanna have to remember what I did - I feel awful. I wonder if this dream represents guilt or regret?

I would’ve been a mother this month - I could’ve held you in my arms. It probably wouldn’t be too different to how I currently feel…

I’d be tired most of the time, scared shitless of what’s to come, wonder if I’ve made the right decision.

I thought things would start to get better once it was done… I thought my life would be back to normal by now but it’s like I keep running in a circle and I always end up asking myself the same questions, ‘Do I really want to give it another try or should I just give up?’

Interpret that how you wish…