Are You Happy?

“Yes, mom. I'm gonna be fine. You go away every summer, it’s nothing new” I said, attempting to reassure her as I brought her bags to the door.

My parents were leaving in a just a few short minutes to go on their yearly vacation. They’ve done it since sixth grade, but somehow she still worried we were going to destroy the place. There was that one year my brother, Levi, threw a party, but all damages were repaired before they came home. Anyway, I think it’s Cancun this time.

“Okay, willow. I guess we’re off” my dad said, giving me a hug and taking an armful of bags out to the car.

“Your brother will be home tomorrow. Don’t kill each other, please. Make sure he takes care of you. Are you gonna be alright tonight?”

“I’ll be fine mom. I can take care of myself. I’ll see you when you get back” I told her. Ever since Emily died, my moms been worried about my every move. She nearly had a heart attack when I told her I wanted to take a gap year.

Mom grabbed the last couple of bags and I waved to the car as they drove away. Closing the door, I let out a sigh of relief. I loved my parents and we were pretty close, I was just looking forward to their trip. They got to breathe down my neck and suffocate me with worry all year long, summer was my time to be free.

I dialed my boyfriend, Jason’s, number and made my way to the couch.

“They’re gone” I smiled.

“So, should I come over then?”

“Yes,” I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me.

Jason and I have been together since sophomore year. We became a couple just a few months before Emily died and he was by my side through all of the grieving. Things seemed to change after that and we sort of stayed together just because we were already together. We weren’t very affectionate towards each other, we acted more like friends than we did as a couple, but he was always around. We had classes together throughout high school and he worked at the same grocery store as me. It was just easier to keep it going, and he seemed happy with the arrangement.

I made popcorn and got comfy on the couch. I had just picked a movie when he came walking in. “Hey,” I greeted him as he kissed my cheek and sat down on the other end of the sofa. We sat mostly in silence through the movie and he pecked me goodbye before leaving, just like always. Same old Jason.

I picked up the living room quickly and headed off to bed. I didn’t have to be in work ‪until noon tomorrow but a little extra sleep never hurt anyone.

It was nice having time to myself in the morning, I was able to eat breakfast without mom pressuring me about college or making new friends.  Work was as boring as ever. I was a cashier at the local grocery store, and in this small town we tended to get the same customers over and over again. I could pick out who was in line just by looking at what was on the belt. Tonight I ended my shift with Ms. Cutler and the food for all twelve of her cats.

“Hey, you off soon?” I asked once I found Jason stocking the produce section.

“In a couple hours. Why, did you want to do something?”

“No. I was just wondering. Levi just got home today so I’m gonna stay in tonight.” I told him and he nodded. I got my stuff from the break room and clocked out before leaving.

I got home as my brother was paying the pizza delivery guy at the front door. “Hey Willow, long time no see” he smirked as I walked in the door.

“Hey. How’s college?”

“Eh. It’s college,” he replied.

“Mom's not making you lie and tell me how great it is so I’ll go?” I laughed.

“No. But she does want me to make sure you get out of the house and meet people instead of sitting in your room all summer.”

“Of course,” I sighed.

“I'm heading out in a couple hours if you want to come,” he said, walking into the dining room.

“No thanks. I’ll tag along next time”.

I threw my bag onto the bed when I walked into my room. I started the shower as I got undressed and hopped in once the water heated up. My mind got distracted as I shampooed my hair.

I thought about Emily for the first time in a while. So much had changed. I wondered how my life would be different if she were still here. I’d probably be going to an art college in the fall. I wouldn’t be so close to my family. I definitely wouldn't be so bored. And I most likely wouldn’t still be with Jason. Jason. Is this what I want? Is he who I want? Someone who can’t take a hint? I have to spell it all out for him when I want to hang out or even have sex for that matter. What kind of 19 year old boy wants to live like that? He never complained, but is he actually happy with me? Am I happy?

I finished up shaving my legs as the water started to run cold. I put on a baggy T-shirt and put my hair into two French braids to dry. It was only 9:30 so made myself some tea and got comfy in bed with my laptop.

I fell asleep watching YouTube videos and woke up around 2 a.m. when I heard Levi come home. I heard him banging around in the kitchen for a while and waited until I heard his door close to get up and brush my teeth.

In my half-asleep state, I didn’t notice the light under the bathroom door before turning the handle. I gasped and shut it quickly. There was a strange dude peeing and I just saw his dick. Who’s in my house?!

“Hey doll face, enjoy the show?” They smirked, walking out to see me still stunned in the hallway.

“Who the fuck are you?” I demanded, once I recoiled.

“Just dropping Levi off. I assume you’re his sister?”

“Not your business. Get out,” I huffed, getting aggravated.

“Girlfriend?” He smirked.

“No, gross. Goodbye.” I rolled my eyes and walked past him into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind me.

I took my time brushing my teeth, to make sure he was gone when I was done. I was wide awake now and spent a few hours scrolling through Facebook and twitter before I finally passed out again.

It was noon when Levi decided to roll out of bed. He came into the kitchen for some aspirin while I was doing the dishes. “Long night?” I said loudly. He only grimaced and left just as quickly as he came. When I finished cleaning up the house I went to work.

This cycle repeated through the rest of the week. Get up, clean the house, maybe work out, shower, go to work, eat dinner in my room, go to sleep. It became a routine, albeit an incredibly boring one. I didn't know what to do with myself during my free time now that I wasn't at school for half the day. I was happy to be free from my parents' microscope for the summer, but now I'm just so..... bored.