Status: Active
Are You Happy?
Reinventing The Wheel
He picked me up at noon and we made the short drive to Starbucks. He grabbed us a table while I stood in line to order.
He had us in the corner, away from most of the other people in there. "You didn't tell me what to get you," I smirked, placing his pink frozen drink with sprinkles on the table.
“Whatever is fine,” he said, then looked up at the cup and laughed. He put his phone away and turned his attention to me. “So you asked me a bunch of questions the other day, I think it’s my turn,” he smiled.
“Uh, okay,” I said nervously.
“How have you been, since everything happened?”
“I’ve been doing alright.”
“You said that last night too, it just seemed like there was more to it,” he said and I shrugged. “Like I said, I’ve done my grieving. It’s okay if you want to talk about yours.”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like when she died, I did too. Everything hit pause. For a long time, I was stuck in exactly that place but lately I feel like, I don't know, it's time to get back on the horse. ,” I told him.
“Yeah, I get it. I think most people feel that way at one point or another. If you want things to change, you have to change it. Figure out what you want, and make it happen,” he said with a reassuring smile.
“Yeah. Baby steps,” I laughed. I still had no idea what to do for a career. I really didn’t want to go back to school, but that would make my parents upset. But - I’m young, I have time to figure that stuff out. Getting 'back on the horse' might take a nudge or two, but there were a few things I could handle starting with.
We talked for a while longer and drank our coffee. Spending time with him was so easy. The conversation just flowed.
Emily inevitably took up the brunt of conversation. While the two of them were connected, the more we talked the more I could see how different they were. He was level headed and more kind, granted the last time I spoke to her was when I was 15. There were two years between Ashton and I but he sometimes seemed older. I guess loss does that to people. They grow up too quick. I wonder if anyone had ever thought the same of me.
He dropped me off at work, giving me just enough time to run into Jason at the time clock. “Hey, can you give me a ride home today?”
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When we pulled up outside my house, I told him we needed to talk. I think he already knew it was coming. I explained that the way we were together wasn't what I wanted anymore and that I've been in a weird transitional place the last three or four months. He offered to try and work things out but overall accepted my decision. That was it. We were done.
When I got to my room, I sat on my bed and shed a few tears. Although we weren't right, he was still a big part of my life and he was important to me. We were better off apart, but we had a lot of history. I felt the urge to call my mom but we had just talked a couple days and if I called again so soon, she'd know something was up. I wanted to keep it to myself for a little while.
I spent the rest of my night curled up in my bed, watching Netflix, and talking to one of my friends from high school I hadn't seen in a while on Facebook. I unintentionally shut most of my friends out when Emily died, and the ones I kept I hadn't spoken to since graduation. She was headed to Uconn in the spring, an English major like she'd always wanted. She invited me out with her this weekend to catch up and get some shopping done for her dorm room.
He had us in the corner, away from most of the other people in there. "You didn't tell me what to get you," I smirked, placing his pink frozen drink with sprinkles on the table.
“Whatever is fine,” he said, then looked up at the cup and laughed. He put his phone away and turned his attention to me. “So you asked me a bunch of questions the other day, I think it’s my turn,” he smiled.
“Uh, okay,” I said nervously.
“How have you been, since everything happened?”
“I’ve been doing alright.”
“You said that last night too, it just seemed like there was more to it,” he said and I shrugged. “Like I said, I’ve done my grieving. It’s okay if you want to talk about yours.”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like when she died, I did too. Everything hit pause. For a long time, I was stuck in exactly that place but lately I feel like, I don't know, it's time to get back on the horse. ,” I told him.
“Yeah, I get it. I think most people feel that way at one point or another. If you want things to change, you have to change it. Figure out what you want, and make it happen,” he said with a reassuring smile.
“Yeah. Baby steps,” I laughed. I still had no idea what to do for a career. I really didn’t want to go back to school, but that would make my parents upset. But - I’m young, I have time to figure that stuff out. Getting 'back on the horse' might take a nudge or two, but there were a few things I could handle starting with.
We talked for a while longer and drank our coffee. Spending time with him was so easy. The conversation just flowed.
Emily inevitably took up the brunt of conversation. While the two of them were connected, the more we talked the more I could see how different they were. He was level headed and more kind, granted the last time I spoke to her was when I was 15. There were two years between Ashton and I but he sometimes seemed older. I guess loss does that to people. They grow up too quick. I wonder if anyone had ever thought the same of me.
He dropped me off at work, giving me just enough time to run into Jason at the time clock. “Hey, can you give me a ride home today?”
--------------------------------------------------------------------
When we pulled up outside my house, I told him we needed to talk. I think he already knew it was coming. I explained that the way we were together wasn't what I wanted anymore and that I've been in a weird transitional place the last three or four months. He offered to try and work things out but overall accepted my decision. That was it. We were done.
When I got to my room, I sat on my bed and shed a few tears. Although we weren't right, he was still a big part of my life and he was important to me. We were better off apart, but we had a lot of history. I felt the urge to call my mom but we had just talked a couple days and if I called again so soon, she'd know something was up. I wanted to keep it to myself for a little while.
I spent the rest of my night curled up in my bed, watching Netflix, and talking to one of my friends from high school I hadn't seen in a while on Facebook. I unintentionally shut most of my friends out when Emily died, and the ones I kept I hadn't spoken to since graduation. She was headed to Uconn in the spring, an English major like she'd always wanted. She invited me out with her this weekend to catch up and get some shopping done for her dorm room.