Status: Active

Are You Happy?

Famous Last Words

"So, if you wanted to be a write, how'd you end up as a mechanic?" I asked him. We sat at our usual table in Starbucks; this had become our routine 'coffee date', usually a couple of times a week. He had just gotten through telling me how he'd wanted to be a writer. He told me about stories he'd written when he was younger and that he'd even gone to college for it but couldn't stomach the classes.

"I like working on cars too, they're a lot easier than people," he laughed, "no, but writing is slow and it's expensive and difficult to get published. I needed something to pay the bills so I figured why not pick something else I like?"

"You any good?"

"Terrible," he laughed.

"Would you let me read something?" I gave him a hopeful smile.

"What do you want to read?"

"I don't know. A poem, a chapter, a page, whatever you're willing to show me," I said, biting my lip. He thought about it for a minute and then took a pen out of his pocket to scribble something on a napkin.

"Alright, poem." He flipped the napkin over and slid it across the table to me, like it was some strange business transaction. I turned it over to read his words and couldn't stop the twitching at the corners of my mouth. Don't blush. Don't fall for him. It's nothing more than a joke between friends, I told myself.

Pretty girls don't knock

He was referencing the first time we met, when I walked in on him peeing. I reached over and took his pen off the table, adding to his napkin. I slid it back to him the same way I received it.

Cute boys don't lock the door

Fight fire with fire, I guess. He laughed when he read it. "Cute boys? Are you flirting with me, Willow?" He acted like he was shocked.

"You started it," I shrugged with a chuckle, though I could definitely feel the heat in my face.

"Dollface, I've been flirting with you since we met. It's about time you noticed," he laughed.

"What? No you haven't," I said in disbelief.

"Yeah, I kind of have."

"You said you didn't even know who I was until after we talked at Levi's party though..." I was so confused. Riley was right. At least she might have been. I still don't know. I honestly thought the only reason he continued talking to me, and the reason he wanted to be my friend, was because of Emily. If he'd been into me this whole time, why?

"For the record, I figured it out a lot sooner than you did," he chuckled, "and my interest in you has nothing to do with my sister."

"I...uh...okay." It came out as more of an awkward stutter than actual words.

"I'm sorry. I'll leave it alone. I know you're still with Jason, I don't want to step on anyone's toes," he said seriously after a minute. I guess now would be a good time to tell him.

"I'm actually not with Jason anymore," I told him with an awkward smile. I hadn't told him when we broke up, because I'd wanted time to sit with it on my own. I was interested in the possibility of Ashton, but I still wasn't sold on the timing. Besides, wouldn't starting something now just make him my rebound? Or is it it only a rebound if you're broken up about the break up? Either way, he deserved better than that. I was happy being single for now. I took the time away from Jason to get to know myself and my new-found-freedom.

"What? Since when?" He furrowed his eyebrows and leaned back in his chair.

"About two weeks ago."

"Wow, um, are you okay? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm fine. I'm the one that ended it. If I want things to change, I need to change them, right?" I answered, forcing a laugh. He seemed hurt that I hadn't told him sooner and I felt bad. "I haven't told anyone besides Riley, not that I thought anyone would particularly care."

"Why wouldn't they?"

"We weren't exactly the world's best match." He nodded in understanding, I guess he'd noticed too. There was a point in time when Jason and I loved each other, but I don't think we were ever in love. We had definitely grown apart and it was time to let go. Besides, I wanted the freedom to explore new experiences and, admittedly, new people.

My stomach fluttered when Ashton had told me he'd been flirting with me. I didn't really believe it, but part of me wanted to. I don't know why but I liked it. I liked that he wanted to flirt with me. He's handsome, and caring, and most importantly - he's involved. He listens when I talk, he remembers things I tell him, he's interested in how I'm doing.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Flirting doesn't really mean much. People do it all the time, whether they like the other person or not. Usually, nothing comes of it anyway. I don't really know how all this works, the last time I started a relationship with someone I was 14. I don't know how to do this. I don't have a damn clue how to do this.

And I can't anyway. I can't start thinking about him that way or liking him that way. I have too much to do.

"Are, uh, you okay? You look a little freaked out," he asked, snapping me out of my head.

"What? No, I'm fine." I gave him my best reassuring smile.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, sorry, I just have a lot on my mind." It wasn't a lie. I did have a lot on my mind, I just wouldn't tell him that he was most of it.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"No, I won't subject you to the craziness inside my head," I laughed and he joined in.

"Well now you have to tell me."

"My parents are coming back this weekend," I sighed, "They really want me to go to college but I'm not sure that's what I want. I have this whole to-do list of things I need to get done in my gap year and I haven't made any progress."

"You're kidding, right?" I shook my head, confused. "I don't know whats on your to-do list but you need to give yourself more credit. You've grieved. You turned around and became who you wanted to be and stopped letting things just happen to you. I'd call that a lot of progress."

In a way he had a point. "But it's not enough."

"Then you're right, it is crazy in your head," he smirked.