Risk It All

"It was just a kiss lass, I don't t'ink it works like t'at." Murphy replied confused raising Nolee back up on to her feet.

"No Murphy, I'm...pregnant." Nolee repeated herself emphasizing the word. She could see the array of emotions change in his eyes.

"Since when?" he questioned in shock.

"For a while now..." she whispered in guilt, Murphy's eyes continued to widen.

"But how? I mean...who's ta father?" he questioned more aggressively.

"It's my ex, from back home." she explained still keeping her voice low, not trusting herself enough to speak up. Murphy remained quiet as he fidgeted on his feet, but continued to stare at her intensely.

"Why didn't ye tell me t'is before?"

"Murphy, I swear I was going to tell you."

"Ye? When?" Murphy scoffed.

"Soon of course. I just didn't...I didn't know exactly how to tell you." Nolee confessed rubbing her arm nervously.

"Well I'm glad ye picked t'is moment." Murphy replied sardonically as the hurt spread through her face.

"I wasn't doing it on purpose Murphy, please understand how hard this is for me." Nolee pleaded as tears formed in her eyes from the embarrassment. Murphy's aggression had softened at her reaction but his body language was still stiff and unsure. Nolee did not know exactly how long it took for him to speak.

"I get it." Murphy finally spoke up as he slowly nodded his head in understanding. "But...I need time." he added firmly while giving her a final look. He straightened out his posture and turned on his heels before he began to walk off down the alley without another word. Nolee had wanted to call after him but instead she lowered her head in defeat. He had made it less than a quarter of the way before he suddenly halted and looked over his shoulder at her.

"Congratulations." he whispered as he turned his head back and began walking again. Nolee's lip trembled watching him move until his figure had blended in with the dark of the night. She stood frozen and blankly stared at the other brick wall in front on her. She had expected this fully, but to have it actually play out in front of her and see him react the way he did; why did the rejection still hurt so much?

Ashamed and overwhelmed at the whole situation, she began to sob alone in the alley. This was not what she planned in the slightest, nothing had seemed planned.

"Nolee, there you are!" Kira suddenly cried out in relief to find the smaller outside. "Oh thank god, I've been looking everywhere for you, where did you go?!" she questioned coming closer. Her face instantly dropping when she saw Nolee's face. "Why are you crying, what's wrong? What happened?" Kira began to panic as she observed the small girl's body. Nolee looked up at Kira as her lip began to tremble again unable to speak.

"Oh sweetie..." Kira whispered knowingly. "You told him?"

Nolee nodded her head slowly in response.

"Come here." Kira replied comfortingly and pulled the smaller girl into her embrace. "It's going to be okay."

"We kissed Kira." Nolee admitted as the other girl's eyes widen in surprise but remained silent, instead she sighed in sympathy.

"Come on, let's get you home and maybe something to eat. We can talk about everything later, it's going to be okay though, I promise." Kira consoled her as she helped her regain composure. Kira held on to Nolee as they exited McGinty's and made the journey back home. As much as Nolee didn't have an appetite Kira demanded she eat something from the local market and not having the strength to protest, Nolee settled on a turkey sandwich. Aside from that both of them didn't speak much the rest of the way, but Kira's embrace had softened the pain. When they reached Nolee's apartment Kira had helped her inside.

"We'll talk tomorrow, but first try to get some sleep okay?" Kira told her softly as Nolee nodded.

"Thank you Kira."

"You don't have to thank me babe, just get some rest. I'll see you in the morning." Kira replied giving her one last hug before leaving. Nolee inhaled a sharp breath at being alone again, willing herself to walk to the bathroom and change out of her costume. She undid the bobby pins in her hair and flinched at the tenderness of her scalp. Looking at herself in the mirror she grimaced at her makeup now being smeared from crying. Deciding to take a shower, she let the hot water run until steam filled the bathroom. Stepping into it and letting the warmth take her over she temporarily felt as if she almost was able to wash away tonight's events...almost.

When she finished she dried herself off and changed into pajamas. Crawling into her bed she wrapped her arms herself and sighed. The tightness in her chest had remained and her eyes felt sore. Watching him walk down the alley had played over and over in head as she felt the tears build up again. Was it that she somehow deep down foolishly did hope he wouldn't have cared?

She huffed and turned to her otherside in confliction. Things weren't great when she moved to Boston but at least it was on the right track. Now? She had no absolutely idea what her life was now. Feeling the heaviness of reality weigh on her and having no one to talk to, Nolee felt deja vu of the first night she spent in Boston. Only instead this time Murphy had been the one to consume her thoughts. Nolee cried as she thought about the irony. As much as she felt indifferent about whatever Murphy and her seemed to have going on, part of her still felt inclined to grieve at the possibility that it was now over.

__

"So you kissed, and then you told him immediately after?" Kira clarified as Nolee nodded slowly. Her eyes still from crying herself to sleep the previous night. Waking up had been dreadful and Nolee was sure she scared majority of the customers with her face, but her energy had felt drained.

"Well what did he say afterwards?"

"He was a bit upset understandably. He asked me who the father was."

"Well did you explain it's your ex?"

"Yes, but I don't think that made it any better. I told him that I wasn't trying to keep it from him, I just wanted to wait for a right time. He said he understood but that needed time, and then he left."

"Well, maybe he really does need time? Guys are more dramatic, he might just need to collect himself. But if not, at least you finally came clean." Kira replied trying to be optimistic like she always did.

"He probably hates me now." Nolee lamented as she rested her head on the cold counter.

"I doubt he hates you Nolee. I mean, it is a tricky situation to be caught in."

"It's not like I planned this though, I didn't expect any of this." Nolee defended.

"But that's life cupcake, it's never planned. If it was, you think I'd be working at Cosmo's right now?" Kira teased.

"I just don't understand why it hurts so much." Nolee whispered confused. Kira sighed at the smaller girl and touched her shoulder comfortingly.

"Maybe it's because somewhere deep down whether you want to admit it or not, you started taking a liking to him. Maybe he somehow found a loophole into your damaged heart." Kira explained.

"It's absurd though, I haven't even known him long."

"Time doesn't always get to decide how you feel about someone."

"You sound like a fortune cookie."

"I'm serious."

"Yeah well, I'm unsure about that."

"Look all I'm saying, is that some things happen for a reason. You told him the truth and now the ball is in his court, that's all you can do at this point. Wallow a bit if you must, but don't do it for too long." Kira replied rubbing her shoulder before walking to the back leaving Nolee alone in her thoughts.

It was easier said than done.

She tried to keep herself distracted for the most part but it seldom worked. Because as she tried her eyes would still seem glued to the clock on the wall. Each passing hour her stomach would drop a bit more. Because each hour that passed, there was absolutely no sign of him.

'Maybe he really does need time?' Nolee listened to Kira's words and tried to act as normal as possible. But by the second day that had approached, any little shred of hope she had was diminishing. The gloomy weather had only made her mood worse as she stared out the window of her dark room she watched the city quietly sleep. Part of her wondered if he was somewhere out there right now.

'It's probably for the best anyways that he stays away from you. If he were to find out about what happened with Tristan, he wouldn't even want to be around you, who would want to be around someone so damaged?'

The revelation in her mind had manage to numb whatever feeling that resided in her stomach. After all, who was she really kidding? She knew it was better to be alone right now in the first place, yet she found herself in the exact situation she was trying to avoid.

Her hand gently cradled her stomach as she sighed and turned away from the window. This was not about her anymore, she needed to stop being so distracted and focus on what she came here to do. No more emotions being scattered all over the place, things were bound to get messier if she didn't. Maybe there was something meaningful crossing paths with the peculiar Irish man, but it was over now. Besides, Murphy had obviously made it clear where he stood and Nolee knew deep down he had the right to turn away.

But if was he was going to move on, she would do the same.