Risk It All

"Well...this is it. No more hiding." Nolee groaned as the reflection staring back at her, the lucky streak she previously held record of was officially dead. Deciding it was time to show off, her bump was now more solid and obvious, she could no longer chalk it up to period bloat. The realization of this sent shivers up her spine, she knew it was moot to keep putting it off. She had to come clean and that was that.

"At least I don't feel as sick as I used to. Just have to pee a lot," she mumbled in attempt to look at the bright side of the situation. Starting her normal morning routine she dressed herself and fixed the rat's nest that was her hair. When she finally felt presentable she walked to her kitchen and made some oatmeal and fruit. It felt very strange to her since normally this time of the morning she'd spend majority of the time puking her guts out, but in this moment she actually seemed to have an appetite. She prayed it would last and maybe just maybe, she could start to enjoy breakfast again.

"Damn, I have to pee." she groaned temporarily forgetting the other obnoxious symptom still plaguing her. Relieving her bladder and applying a quick coat of cherry chapstick she deemed herself ready to go work. As she slid on her coat and scarf, a knock erupted from her front door. She glanced on the clock and shook her head.

'Right on time.'

She sighed as she opened door and an amused smile spread over her face.

"You know you really don't have to walk me to work." she insisted once more looking up at Murphy still not used to seeing him show up at her door. Her feelings still shook up since he first spent the evening in her apartment. So naturally she was even more surprised to find him back the very next day to walk her to work. Soon another routine had seem to be created before her eyes.

"What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't?" he replied hoarsely while Nolee bit her lip in attempt to not admit to herself that hearing his tired voice was...charming. She found it amusing staring at him standing there with his coat and jeans. His hair was slightly messy and his blue eyes weren't as alert as they normally were. Giving the indication that Murphy MacManus was indeed not a morning person, who would've thought?

"But it makes you have to get up a little earlier doesn't it?" she replied noting that it wasn't much of a journey for her to get to Cosmo's but Murphy had to travel further to the meat packing plant.

"I don't mind lass," he insisted. She smiled back at him but inside she felt guilt at him sacrificing some extra sleep just to make sure she got to work. The gesture was kind and she felt grateful for it, but all of this was still very foreign to her. Perhaps it was going to take some time to get used to seeing him so much on this level.

"Well thank you." she told him sincerely as she grabbed her purse and both of them headed out of her apartment. As they reached the sidewalk to the city, she fumbled with her hands. It was definitely weirder to have someone beside her in the morning when she had gotten used to walking by herself to Cosmo's, but in a strange way the company was nice.

"Wow, ye weren't kiddin' about havin' a bun in ye oven." Murphy noted staring at her stomach as she involuntarily covered her bump with her arms suddenly feeling self-conscious that maybe her bump was even bigger than she thought. Murphy noted her reaction and reached out his hand to touch her arm. "I'm just teasin' love, I'm not tryin' ta be an ass. Just still a little surprisin' ta see ye with a bump is all."

"Well, I feel huge already." she lamented wrapping her coat around her.

"Ye aren't huge, ye look beautiful lass." Murphy assured her while making her blush in the process.

"Umm thank you," she responded shyly at the compliment. "So, Connor doesn't mind you leaving him by himself?"

"He's a big boy he can manage. Besides we usually go ta mornin' mass on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Sundays together." Murphy explained.

"Do you always go in the mornings?"

"For ta most part." Murphy replied with a nod. Nolee watched him carefully while they walked. He seemed a bit off more than usual, like he was trying to distract himself almost. His hands were also fidgeting against his jeans hurriedly.

"Are you okay?" she questioned curiously as he turned his direction back to her and blushed.

"Oh ye, it's just t'at usually about now I have a cigarette."

"Oh..."

"And I realized it's probably not a good idea ta smoke in front ye anymore. If I had known beforehand, I wouldn't have done it." Murphy clarified as she looked down embarrassed.

"I'm sorry." she whispered still feeling some guilt about not telling him.

"That wasn't a dig at ye Nolee. I just wanted ye ta know I'll do me best ta not smoke around ye. I know it's not good for ta wee little one."

'Wee little one,' she repeated inside her head, finding it intriguing when he said that.

"I appreciate that." she responded gratefully as he nodded. Crossing the street the coffee shop began to come into view and Nolee's nerves were tight again at having to face Cosmo.

"So I'll meet ye here at me usual time t'en?" Murphy told her as they reached the store's doors. Breaking her thoughts up, Nolee looked at him furrowing her eyebrows.

"Huh? What for?" she asked confused.

"Ye doctor's appointment is today remember? Ye still wanted me to go with ye right?" Murphy questioned as her face temporarily became pale. She had been so caught up with worrying about Cosmo she totally forgot about her doctor's appointment.

"Oh yeah, I totally spaced."

"Ye really forgot your own appointment?" Murphy teased as she bit her lip and nodded.

"Well I kind of had other things on my mind."

"Oh ye? Like what?" he inquired curiously.

"Well...I haven't exactly told Cosmo I'm pregnant either." she confessed as he raised an eyebrow.

"Mm, were ye just determined ta keep this a secret until ta baby pops out?" he smirked as she lightly glared at him.

"It's not like that,"

"Why ye so nervous about tellin' people anyways?"

"I don't know," she exclaimed with a shrug. "It's just something I can't freely say to people. Maybe I'm scared of the judgment."

"Why would ye be judged?" Murphy asked confused.

"I'm a stereotypical single mom living on her own, you do the math."

"So what? Lots of people do it, t'at doesn't mean you should be looked down on."

"I wish more people saw it that way, but they don't."

"Well ta hell with ta fuckers t'at pass judgment on ye. I mean, our Ma did it and look how amazin' I turned out? Connor, not so much." Murphy joked, involuntarily making her giggle as she put a hand to her mouth.

"Yeah, you're a model citizen Murphy."

"I try." he replied shrugging modestly as she rolled her eyes. "Don't worry so much tho, I'm sure ye boss isn't gonna care."

"I just get scared at the thought of losing my job. I really need it obviously." she feared as he reached out to hold her hand.

"It'll be fine, just be honest. I'll be here to pick ye up later okay?" he assured giving her hand a squeeze.

"Okay." she answered softly appreciating the gesture and how it helped her nerves a bit.

"I'll see ye later." he added letting go of her hand and sliding his sunglasses on.

"Bye." she waved lightly while he leaned into kiss her cheek.

"Bye." he repeated giving her a smile before walking off. Nolee sighed as she geared herself up and walked into the coffee shop.

"Holy mama!" Kira exclaimed as she watched the smaller girl walk in. "How's it going pumpkin smuggler?"

"Great, you too?" Nolee lamented feeling further self conscious that her suspicions were being confirmed.

"Oh come on, you look adorable! Come here, let me rub it." Kira beamed as her fingers danced excitedly. Nolee rolled her eyes as the taller girl moved her hands around her bump making her slightly uncomfortable.

"What are you a DJ, calm down." Nolee retorted as the other girl stuck her tongue out childishly.

"I'm being a proud aunt over here, don't kill my glory."

"I'm sorry."

"As you should be."

"Is Cosmo in yet? I need to to talk him," Nolee asked nervously as Kira widened her eyes.

"Oh shit." she replied knowingly. "Yeah, he's in the back."

"Great." Nolee frowned as she sighed once more. "If I don't make it, I just want you to know making fun of customers with you was an honor."

"Go forth my child." Kira whispered in solidarity. Nolee nodded bravely and made her way to the back room. Nervously she knocked on the door hearing various items scatter everywhere.

"Come in." Cosmo finally spoke as she twisted the doorknob, her eyes narrowing at the many vials of liquids Cosmo was messing around with now. Lord only knows what flavor they'd be introducing next.

"Ahh Nolee, what is it hon?" he spoke when he noticed her presence.

"Cosmo, I umm have to tell you something?"

"What is it?"

"Well...it appears that I'm 5 months pregnant." Nolee explained gently holding her hands out.

"Yeah...so?" Cosmo replied shrugging.

"I just thought I should let you know..."

"Well I already knew."

"Wait, you did?" Nolee asked shocked as he nodded.

"Yeah, I thought everyone knew."

"Who told you...?" she asked carefully as he scoffed.

"Nobody told me, no one needs to tell me, I mean look at you." Cosmo replied motioning to her stomach. "What you thought I'd think you went and got fat? Kinda obvious with your many bathroom trips Miss Wade." Cosmo replied raising an eyebrow as her face flushed with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry." she whispered as he shook his head.

"Truth be told Nolee, as long as you can serve coffee and refill the muffin trays I don't care if you give birth doing it. Well actually try not give birth here at the shop, you know sanitary issues and what not."

"I'll try my best sir." Nolee responded awkwardly as Cosmo laughed slightly.

"You know I may not know a lot about women, but I wouldn't ever fire someone for being pregnant, I'm not a monster."

"I appreciate it Cosmo really. I promise I won't let it interfere with my work."

"Good to hear, is there anything else?"

"No. That's all." she replied with relief.

"Great, now that we've cleared that up, I need you to get back to work." he replied curtly but giving her a wink.

"Yes sir." Nolee smiled as she turned on her heels and walked back to the counter to where Kira waited anxiously.

"Well?!"

"I'm not fired." Nolee smiled as Kira gasped clapping her hands.

"See I told you." Kira replied smugly as Nolee waved hand dismissively, choosing not to mention Cosmo somehow already knowing.

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm still bummed I can't make it to your appointment though. I'm really sorry."

"Oh that's okay, Murphy was going to take me anyways."

"Wait...Murphy is taking you?" Kira asked shocked as the small girl nodded.

"Yeah, what?"

"Oh nothing. I'm just waiting casually for you to admit that I was right." Kira shrugged staring at her fingernails.

"Right about what?" Nolee grumbled.

"That this man is managing to chip away the ice around your heart."

"Rude much?"

"You know what I mean, he's breaking your walls down Nolee."

"God not this again Kira."

"It's true stop denying it! You're both smitten with each other." Kira declared pointing her index finger.

"We...I don't know what we are yet..."

"If he's still willing to come around you AND come to your appointments with you, he's obviously committed." Kira noted impressed.

"Even if he is, I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket yet."

"Just don't screw it up okay?" Kira sighed in annoyance. "Just let things unfold, don't fight it too much."

"Whatever you say Kira."
______

The remainder of the day had been spent trying to avoid Kira and her never ending lectures. Nolee rolled her eyes as she mostly blocked out the taller brunette and focused on work. Kira was far too in depth than Nolee was ready for right now. Eventually Kira brought herself back to earth and cooled it on the noble Murphy crusade.

"I wish you would just let me do a gender reveal. We can make those adorable cupcakes."

"What's the point of those things anyways, it's unnecessary. Plus, it would just be me and you." Nolee replied confused.

"AND your new baby daddy." Kira winked as Nolee grimaced.

"I'm just gonna ignore that comment."

"I'm calling it now, just watch."

"If you don't stop talking, I will strangle you. I can plead pregnancy insanity." Nolee warned holding up the tongs in her hand.

"If you kill me then you'll have to deal with the annoying customers all by yourself so ha." Kira smirked.

"It'd be worth it."

"It's not fair, I want to see if you're having a boy like I think you are."

"I might not even find out today, the baby could be uncooperative."

"Still think it's a boy."

"Yeah, yeah." Nolee sighed, looking up as the door opened. She had to admit she never was happier to see Murphy walking in.

"Hey lass, ye ready ta go?" Murphy smiled as he approached the counter.

"Yeah, just let me get my things." she replied smiling back and undoing her apron before walking to the back. Murphy had no choice but to stand awkwardly waiting while being under Kira's scrutiny.

"So...you're the one taking my place today?" she questioned raising her eyebrow.

"Well, Nolee asked me ta accompany me her and I said I would. Apologies if I'm stepping on ye toes."

"Well as the adopted auntie, I'm a little bitter...but I'll let you slide this time." Kira replied civilly as Murphy bowed slightly.

"Thank you aunt."

"You better take good care of her." Kira told him firmly the humor in her voice fading as she stared the Irish man head on. Murphy stared back at the protective friend carefully but nodded.

"I promise I will." Murphy assured.

"I'm not afraid to go to jail."

"Understandable and duly noted lass."

"Then we're good." Kira smiled as Nolee came back sliding on her coat.

"Ready to go?" she asked looking at Murphy who nodded.

"Lead the way love."

"I'll call you later with all the details okay?" Nolee assured the other girl as she gave her a hug.

"Can't wait. Good luck." Kira smiled as she gave a wave watching the pair walk off. Nolee sighed a breath of relief once the fresh air hit her face, happy to get away from the shop momentarily.

"So are ye fired?" Murphy teased as she shook her head happily.

"No, Cosmo didn't get mad."

"I told ye it'd be fine didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did." Nolee admitted as he smirked in victory.

"Ye smell like muffins, I'm kind of diggin' it." Murphy noted in seriousness while she giggled when they walked to the subway entrance. As she prepared to take a step Murphy quickly stopped her.

"Whoa t'ere lass, let me help ye." Murphy exclaimed grabbing a hold of her hand.

"I can handle walking down the stairs Murphy." she assured him as he looked at her uneasy.

"Ye got precious cargo now, gotta be careful around stairs, just let me help ye."

"Okay," Nolee gave in and allowed the Irishman to help her down the stairs. As much as the independent part of her was annoyed, the other half had found it adorable at his protectiveness she wouldn't fight him this time as he helped her into her seat. Her nerves began to pick up as she sat there anxiously waiting for the train to take off and thinking about her appointment.

"Ye nervous?" Murphy asked noticing her fidgeting.

"Yeah." she admitted with a nod.

"Ye having a girl." was all he replied with as she looked at him surprised.

"What makes you say that?"

"Just have a feelin.' Murphy explained with a shrug as she bit her lip but remained silent, the train beginning to move away from the platform. Murphy had made small conversation with her even though he talked about someone getting their hand stuck in the meat grinder at the meat packing plant while she listened in horror. Thankfully before the nausea kicked in, the train had finally stopped and both of them stepped off, Murphy once again helping her up the stairs. Nolee nervously opened the door to the doctor's office and signing herself before sitting down once more. Murphy's eyes curiously looked around the office and Nolee laughed inside noticing the awkwardness that was radiating from him when he realized he was the only male in a room of pregnant females.

"Are you okay?" she teased while he shifted in his seat but nodded his head.

"I'm fine." he replied crossing his arms while they waited. Cindy the nurse finally appeared calling Nolee back as she poked Murphy in the shoulder. Bringing them back in the room she did the necessary check ups before she gave Nolee the gown to change into. She stared at Murphy nervously, suddenly wishing Kira was there instead.

"Look away." she whispered shyly as he held his hands up and obliged. Quickly changing into the gown she sat down on the bed checking periodically to see if he was peeking. "Okay you can look now." she told Murphy who rolled his eyes but stood beside her.

"Aye, no need for ta formalities lass." Murphy smirked as she glared at him. Staring at the different anatomy modules in confusion and horror she saw Murphy cringe.

"Ta fuck?" he whispered to himself as she giggled inside thinking it was actually amusing have him here.

"Miss Wade." Doctor Garcia spoke suddenly entering the room. "Good to see you again, and oh you brought your boyfriend." she smiled as Nolee shifted her eyes to Murphy both of them blushing.

"Well he's uhh...we're umm...his name is Murphy." Nolee explained as Doctor Garcia eyed them strangely but nodded.

"Okay, nice to meet you Murphy."

"Likewise Doc." Murphy replied lifting a hand up.

"Anything I should know?" Doctor Garcia questioned as Nolee's eyes widened.

"What do you mean?" she replied nervously.

"Symptoms, Miss Wade." Doctor Garcia clarified. "Any concerns you want to mention?"

"Oh, um I don't think so."

"You're weight went up slightly which is a good thing. Blood pressure is okay, and your blood tests came back all clear." Doctor Garcia smiled. "Let's measure once more and check on that little bean of yours, you did make sure to drink the required liquid amount for today correct?"

"Yes, I'm very close to peeing myself." Nolee answered while Murphy snickered holding a hand over his mouth as she lied back on the table in anticipation. Doctor Garcia measured her stomach fairly quickly as Murphy watched in curiosity.

"Measuring on time as usual." Doctor Garcia smiled before getting the ultrasound machine ready. Applying a thick of the jelly over the piece she rubbed it gently over Nolee's stomach. The image on the screen slowly coming into focus.

"Mm, little bean isn't shy today." Doctor Garcia smiled as she pointed to the screen before studying the image closely. "Baby's on track, heartbeat is 150, other organs are looking developed."

"Wow." Murphy whispered aloud staring at the screen amazed as Nolee looked up at him and bit her lip.

"Wait, is t'at ta ye know what? It's big." Murphy noted impressed as Doctor Garcia squinted her eyes.

"That's the foot actually."

"Oh." he whispered, this time it what Nolee's turn to snicker.

"That's okay Murphy, it's not always easy to tell. However...just after I get the little one to move over a tad, I can tell you the gender. Do we want to know?"

"I think so..." Nolee whispered nervously looking up at Murphy who shrugged. A simple question seemed so intense.

"It's up to you." Murphy whispered to her as she inhaled a deep breath but nodded.

"Okay, I want to know."

"Congratulations Miss Wade, it's a girl." Doctor Garcia smiled as she gasped in shock looking back at up at Murphy.

"It is?"

"It is. You are having a girl Miss Wade."

"A wee little girl, imagine t'at." Murphy smirked looking down at the small girl who was mystified.

"Overall little miss is healthy and looks to be thriving. Now that you're at this point and doing fine, you won't need to see me for a while until you're in the third trimester, or unless there's an emergency. Otherwise, keep up what you're doing and I'll see you next time. As always I'll give you some pictures to take home."

"Okay, thank you." Nolee whispered still in shock.

"Here you go. You two have a good evening and congratulations." Doctor Garcia replied giving a wink before walking out.

"So, what did I tell ye?" Murphy smirked leaning down into Nolee's face.

"How did you know?" Nolee replied amazed looking him in the eyes.

"Ye should probably know this now lass, I tend ta always be right."
_____

After the appointment was over and Nolee was allowed to get dressed, her and Murphy left the office. But instead of heading back home, Nolee felt the urge to keep walking. A million thoughts went through her mind and right now she just wanted a place to think. Murphy didn't object and allowed her to lead the way, her feet bringing her back to the riverfront. She inhaled deep breaths and watched the waves softly ripple, closing her eyes and focusing on its sound and birds chirping nearby.

'A girl. I'm having a girl.' she whispered in her mind still trying to comprehend it, not entirely sure she was prepared for a girl. Having it be official, the paranoid thoughts had begun to creep up on her.

'What would Tristan do if he knew it was a girl? Would he try to hurt her?'

'What if she grows up to make the mistakes I did?

'What if I can't protect her?'

'What if I fuck this up?'

'What if...'

"Nolee?" Murphy's voice interrupted her thoughts as she snapped her head up. "Are you okay?" he asked concerned while she shook the thoughts away and coughed.

"I'm fine. Sorry, I sort of drifted off." she replied keeping her gaze on the water.

"Are ye scared, now t'at ye know?" Murphy questioned while she nodded slowly.

"Very." she whispered.

"Why?"

"I never thought I'd actually have a girl of my own. I never thought I'd have a kid on my own in general. I'm scared I'll mess up."

"It'll all be fine, don't t'ink like t'at. Look on the bright side,"

"What's that?" Nolee asked curiously.

"She's bound ta be pretty like her Ma." Murphy replied with a wink.

"You're just sayin' that." Nolee mumbled.

"I'm certainly not." Murphy assured pulling her into his arms swiftly surprising her as his hands held her lower back in support. Contrasting against the cold wind his warm touch felt nice against her back.

"Thank you for coming with me again, even if it was awkward." she noted as he laughed.

"What did I tell ye before lass, ye don't have ta thank me."

"Yeah, but I do appreciate it." Nolee reasoned back quietly. Last thing she had ever expected was to have a guy beside her at appointments, let alone a guy in general.

"Ye shouldn't be nervous anyways, ye should be celebrating.' It's a beautiful t'ing." Murphy stated while she tried to get herself to agree. But what exactly was there to celebrate?

"I suppose." she replied shrugging still indifferent, it would take some adjusting like everything else
.
"Everythin' will be okay I promise." Murphy assured.

"How can you promise that?" she challenged staring into his eyes skeptically as he shrugged in agreement.

"Maybe I can, maybe I can't. But I can guarantee you one t'ing: you don't have ta do t'is alone. You have Kira, and you have me." he assured taking her hand in his. Nolee stared down at his fingers interlaced with hers the "AEQUITAS" tattoo exposed. As much as his fingers felt right holding hers, she would take his words with a grain of salt. Because after all she had learned, promises weren't as meaningful as you were led to believe.

"And you're honestly comfortable with this, none of this is weird to you?"

"In hindsight, a little bit I'll admit. But aren't ta weird parts usually ta best parts?" Murphy mused.

"I have no idea." Nolee shrugged.

"It's called havin' faith, love." Murphy stated raising an eyebrow.

"You might need to show me how." Nolee whispered truthfully. Murphy only smiled before leaning down to kiss her.

"T'at I can do." he answered when he pulled back making her smile lightly in response. "And for ta record Miss Wade, us Irish always keep our promises." he added with a smirk.

"We'll see about that."

"But ye know lass, we are going ta have ta fill Connor in on all t'is." Murphy sighed running a hand through his hair as she bit her lip. To her chagrin, she knew he was right but the whole idea made her uneasy. She wasn't sure if she was prepared to see Connor again, especially how he was with her on Halloween, she couldn't imagine how he'd react seeing her now.

"Okay." she eventually answered knowing it was pointless to object, they were twins after all. Murphy gave her hand another squeeze comfortingly. This time both of them stared at each other with the same nervous expression.

This time both of them seemed to know that now there was indeed no turning back.