Status: Complete

Risk It All

Damaged Goods

Nothing but sobs had filled the quiet room as Nolee clutched her pillow tightly to her chest. Her breathing was unsteady and as she tried to calm herself down but to no avail. Praying for a silver lining that seemed nearly impossible. The fear of forever being a prisoner to own thoughts, she just wanted to escape. She didn't want to remember the past anymore, she didn't want to feel the pain anymore. Why couldn't she just stop?

She had tried so hard to build herself up back when she moved to Boston. She might not have had much hope but it was enough to keep her going. Now, she felt more lost than when she started. Why did Murphy have to come along and mess up her plans?

Nolee manage to quiet her sobs before slowly sitting up from her bed. Murphy was long gone and she was once again left alone in her demise. In a moment of desperation she slid off the bed and reached for her coat. Locking her apartment door Nolee went back into the night and allowed her feet to guide her until she ultimately ended up at Kira's doorstep. Nolee knocked hurriedly at the door, hoping the tall brunette would answer.

After a few moments she heard the chain being unlatched and the door open revealing a groggy and grumpy Kira.

"N-Nolee?" Kira asked tiredly. "What are you doing here so late?"

Nolee couldn't control herself as she broke down in hysterics again. Kira's senses had become alert as she gasped and pulled the small girl into her arms.

"Nolee, what's the matter sweetie? Are you okay, is the baby okay?" she began to panic.

"The...baby...is...okay..." she managed to answer through her sobs.

"Then what's wrong? You're scaring me." Kira questioned fearfully. Nolee inhaled deep breaths as she lifted her head and tried to compose herself.

"It's Murphy." she whispered.

"What happened with Murphy? Did he do something to you? Did he hurt you?" Kira demanded thinking the worst as she pulled the girl into her apartment. Nolee shook her head as more tears slipped down her cheeks.

"No, he didn't do anything. It's...it's my fault."

"Come here." Kira told her while guiding her to the couch and sitting her down. "What do you mean it's your fault? Did something happen with your date?"

Nolee explained everything that had transpired previously. How the date with Murphy had been wonderful and more than she expected it to be, how amazing the dinner and the gondola ride was. How sweet and charming he had been, almost as if he had casted a spell on her. Her voice cracked as she got to the part of her and Murphy kissing. How it was about to lead to more and for a split second Nolee had no objections until Tristan had suddenly invaded her mind. A rush of her anxiety came back to haunt her seeing his face instead of Murphy's.

"Oh Nolee." Kira sighed unsure of what so say. "You're still having bad memories about your ex?" Nolee slowly nodded while the taller girl shook her head. "I was worried this was going to happen." Kira added frowning as the small looked down at the floor ashamed.

"Nolee...I've tried to hold my tongue and be supportive of whatever Murphy and you are becoming. But...whatever is bothering you you have to let go of it. Whatever pain your ex caused you need to let go or it's only going to continue to get in the way of you and Murphy." Kira reasoned as the small girl shut her eyes. She wanted so badly to look at Kira and tell her it was because Tristan had been abusive. That he had treated her far more terribly than Nolee had initially led her to believe. That he had a become a real life monster from the stories she read as a kid, and now she didn't know how to deal with the aftermath. But her voice would not speak up, and she swallowed it down. She had already possibly ruined things with Murphy, she couldn't bare to lose Kira too.

"I'm trying so hard, but you don't understand Kira."

"I do understand Nolee, I do. But you need to realize how much this affecting you and making you push others away. Murphy is not your ex sweetie, you can't allow his memory to taint your present."

"Then what do I do? How do I stop this?" Nolee pleaded for answer. Kira sighed as she pulled the girl in for a hug and stroked her in a motherly way.

"You need to be honest with Murphy and you need to be honest with yourself. Give him the chance to understand why you feel the way you do. You can't fully start the healing process if you don't open up."

"But..what if he doesn't understand? What if he realizes I'm damaged goods and there's not point?"

"Damaged goods?" Kira replied confused staring at me. "What do you mean damage goods Nolee?"

"There's just a lot of things..."

"You're NOT damaged goods do you hear me?" Kira interjected firmly narrowing her eyes at the smaller girl. Nolee felt her chest tighten once again wanting to release more cries. "Please don't upset yourself sweetie, you're going to stress out the baby. You need to relax." she added while Nolee tried her best to listen and stop herself knowing Kira was right, about everything. Her mind felt heavy at the revelation and whether she could get herself to talk to Murphy again, seemed unlikely.

"Come on, how about I get you some clothes to change into and I'll make you some tea to calm you down okay?" Kira offered as Nolee slowly nodded. The tall girl helped her up on her feet and led her to her bedroom before searching for clothes. Kira found a large oversized sweatshirts and a pair of sweatpants, handing it to Nolee. "Here you can wear this and when you're done go ahead and lay down. I'll get the tea ready." Kira smiled sympathetically before exiting her room leaving Nolee to change. When she had finished, she listened to Kira and climbed into the plush lavender bed.

Even though her mind was still a wreck she felt a bit better being in Kira's bed, not alone for once. Kira hadn't taken long before she back in the room with a cup of tea.

"Here you go." Kira smiled sightly as she handed her the cup. Nolee smiled gratefully and sipped the tea letting the chamomile relax her throat. She sipped slowly while Kira had put on the television probably to distract for a while.

By the time Pretty Woman had ended both girls were finally sleepy. Nolee snuggled under Kira's soft bedspread letting the drowsiness spread throughout her body. As her head rested on the fluffy pillow Nolee chewed on her lip.

"Kira...?"

"Yes?"

"What if Murphy doesn't want to talk to me anymore?" she whispered into the dim room. She heard Kira softly before she a hand rub her shoulder.

"If Murphy is the guy I think he is, he will talk to you. Until then, you really need to rest." Kira whispered back as Nolee inhaled a deep breath but listening to the girl. Burrowing herself further into bed, she allowed to the sleepiness to fully take over.

___

The next morning Nolee had been awoken by the bright steak of sunlight peering through Kira's window. Not used to waking up in someone else's apartment Nolee felt slightly unease. Her head turned to the nightstand before her, gasping when realized the clock read 9:30 am. She was an hour and a half late to work, why didn't Kira wake her up?!

Just as she was ready to nearly jump out the bed she noticed a note beside on the bed. Reaching out to pick out she recognized Kira's fancy penmanship.

Don't worry about coming into today, I'll talk to Cosmo. Think it's best if you take the day off to rest. Feel free to stay here if you don't feel like heading back home. I'll see you later - K.

Nolee felt unsure of Kira letting her have the day off and contemplated going in to work anyways. Taking a day off felt unnatural to her, but maybe Kira was right. She wasn't exactly in a rush to face Murphy anyways, although she doubted he'd come by the shop today.

Still groggy from last night's episode Nolee took her time making the effort to head home. Instead she walked around Kira's apartment before making herself some more tea and toast with peanut butter. Sitting on the couch and turning on the television in the living room Nolee smiled herself as she put on more Law & Order comfortably eating her toast. It was the spot she remained in for the most of the day, feeling safe as if she were in a little bubble she didn't want to leave it. Unaware of the time it was when she felt her eyes to start get heavy again she slipped into another sleep coma on the couch.

When she woke up for the second time her eyes fluttered sitting back up. The nap had made her feel a bit better and less groggy.

"So basically I wasted the whole day." she lamented staring at the clock, judging herself mentally a bit for being unproductive for today. Figuring Kira would be home soon she decided to get up off her bottom and be useful. Maybe she'd even try to cook dinner for Kira as thanks for letting her stay at her apartment. Rummaging through Kira's kitchen she decided spaghetti was the safest bet. Halfway through of cooking the noodles she heard knocks erupt the door. Sighing as she made her to the door she opened it swiftly a smirk on her face.

"Did you forget your key again Ki-" she trailed off her sentence when she realized Murphy was standing at the door.

"How do you know where Kira lives?" she whispered confused as he stared at her sternly.

"I asked her. We need ta talk, now."