Risk It All

"Nolee, stay with me baby." she had heard Murphy say in a panicked tone she could feel his hand gripping hers but she could not get the energy to open her eyes. She felt so exhausted it hurt to move any part of her body. Her stomach contracted making her whimper and began to fear she was in early labor.

"She's in severe shock."

"Baby is showing signs of distress, we need to stop her contractions before they try to bring on early labor."

"We'll have to give her steroids to slow it down."

"Need more oxygen."

"What's wrong, are they goin' to be okay?"

"Mr. MacManus you're unable to go past this point. You'll have to wait here."

"I just want ta know what's goin' on, is ta baby okay?!"

"Mr. MacManus you need to calm down. We can't tell you anything right, please wait here."

'Murphy...' she whispered before drifting off again.

____

"Why ta fuck won't anyone tell me anything?!" Murphy huffed in frustration as Connor sighed once again at his twin while they had been in the waiting room for what seemed like forever. Connor noticed the way his hand had twitched madly slowly losing his mind by the minute. Every time Murphy had tried to ask a nurse or doctor about Nolee they would turn him away further pissing the dark haired Irishman off.

"Murph ye need to calm down-"

"Don't fuckin' tell me ta calm down Connor!"

"Gettin' angry isn't goin' ta help ta fuckin' situation, get a hold of yourself brudder!" Connor shouted back as Murphy sighed pulling at his hair. "They're both gonna be okay Murphy." he whispered comfortingly. "Let's go for a smoke, c'mon." Connor suggested as Murphy begrudgingly walked alongside his twin down the hospital's corridors to the courtyard outside. Murphy practically ripped Connor's hand off when had offered him the small white cancer stick and lit it with his lighter. Both of them stood in silence taking long drags of their cigarettes as they stared at the twinkling lights of the city against the night sky.

"It's my fault Con," Murphy whispered after a while. "I wasn't there ta protect her, I promised I would protect her. I shouldn't have left her alone-"

"Murphy." Connor interjecting putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. "This is not ye fault."

"He had a fuckin' gun Connor. If Nolee hadn't found ta courage ta shoot him first..." Murphy trailed off as he shut his off in attempt to not think about what would've happen to her.

"Ye did ye best Murphy, ye knew somethin' was wrong and came back. Fortunately Nolee's a lot stronger than I estimated. Ta fact is, Nolee's still here and t'at piece of shit is dead t'ats all that matters."

"I wish it had been me. I wish I had been ta one ta shoot t'at motherfucker. All ta pain he caused her, I want him ta fuckin' suffer." Murphy hissed feeling the rage build up again at the thought of Tristan and how broken he had made Nolee feel. Even if she was free from him now, it wouldn't help the trauma she'd went through because of it especially now. Connor watched his twin bewildered never seeing him act this way in their whole twenty seven years of existence. Murphy had a been a hot head sometimes, but the rage in him now was on a whole other level. Connor stood there slightly speechless upon the realization.

"You really love her...don't ye?" he whispered amazed seeing Murphy's expression instantly soften. It was as if they both had shared the realization. Murphy took a long a drag off his cigarette before slowly exhaling it outwards, his eyes lowering to the ground beneath his feet.

"I do."

______

The sound of beeping machines had made Nolee's eyes flutter open as she slowly came to. Her vision of white walls blurry as she slowly sat up from the hospital bed. Looking around for a moment in confusion as to where she was, a soft gasp escaped her lips staring at the machines.

'What happened? Why I am here?' she questioned before panic began to set it in. 'My baby.' Clutching her stomach and feeling the solid bump desperate for any sign of life.

"If you're in there I want you to kick the hell out of me right now, give me all you got...please." she whispered pressing into the skin and squeezing her eyes tight. There was a brief moment of silence until a jab had responded to where her fingers were making her exhale a deep breath of relief.

"Thank you." she whispered aloud teary eyed looking down at her stomach. "I'm so sorry sweet one, I'm so sorry." she added as a wave of guilt washed upon her having thought of all the times she doubted whether she wanted to be a mother. Now that she had faced almost losing her child she would never take another moment for granted again.

Her eyes glanced up at the door when she heard footsteps and seen Murphy come into view. Her face frowned noting the exhausted and stressed expression on his face slowly sipping his cup of coffee.

"Murphy..." she called to him in relief making his head shoot up in her direction nearly dropping the coffee.

"Baby," he gasped equally relieved practically sprinting to her bed as he cupped her face. "Christ you scared me love, don't ever do t'at again...please..."

"What happened?" she questioned placing her hand on his forearm.

"Ye fainted and ye went into shock. Ye were havin' trouble breathin.'

"What about the baby? Is the baby okay?" she asked worriedly as he calmed her down again.

"Ta baby is okay Nolee, she's fine. She had a moment of distress but ta doctors managed ta stop ye from goin' into early labor and steady her heartbeat. Ta doctor can it explain to ye better though." he replied gently as relief spread across her face feeling Murphy's hand caress her stomach.

"She's a fighter just like her Ma." Murphy smiled looking back at Nolee. The last part of his sentence had brought Nolee back to reality as she recalled everything that had happened. Her eyes welled up tears at the revelation of Tristan really being dead.

"Murphy I killed him...I'm a murderer." she lamented. "They're going to put in me jail."

"Nah-ah, don't ye even dare Nolee. Look at me." he demanded as her eyes lifted up to meet his. "Ye did what ye had to do, it was self defense. If ye hadn't shot him, he would've hurt ye and t'at precious little life inside of ye. As scared as ye were, ye defended ta two of you. And baby, I'm so fuckin' proud of ye." Murphy declared as she stared into eyes.

"Ye are free my love, ye are finally free." Murphy confirmed as Nolee had crumbled all over again. Overwhelmed at the trauma she had carried for so long had finally ended. The monster in her nightmares and reality was gone forever. She had always wondered what complete freedom felt like and now that it was here, it frightened her more than she ever imagined. Because now Nolee had learned that even freedom came with a price.

The tears spilled freely as Murphy held her knowing years of emotional and physical torment was finally releasing and Nolee was trying to come to terms with it. Murphy had only held her and rocked her slowly, remaining silent for he knew this was something she inevitably needed to do. He gently lowered his lips to her ear and began to sing quietly.

"Rest tired eyes a while
Sweet is thy baby's smile
Angels are guarding and they watch o'er thee

Sleep, sleep, grah mo chree
Here on you mamma's knee
Angels are guarding
And they watch o'er thee

The birdeens sing a fluting song
They sing to thee the whole day long
Wee fairies dance o'er hill and dale

Dream, Dream grah mo chree
Here on your mamma's knee
Angels are guarding and they watch o'er thee
As you sleep may angels watch over
And may they guard o'er thee.

The primrose in the sheltered nook
The crystal stream in the babbling brook
All these things God's hands have made
For very love of thee

Twilight and shadows fall
Peace to His children all
Angels are guarding and they watch o'er thee
As you sleep may angels watch over
And may they guard o'er thee."

Nolee closed her eyes and concentrated on Murphy's voice allowing it to relax her. Her cries had slowly reduced to hiccuped breaths while listening to his heartbeat.

"I love you Nolee." she heard him whisper as she lifted her head up to look at him briefly her voice unable to find the words to respond back.

"I..." she began as footsteps quickly entered the room.

"Nolee!" Kira cried out as she appeared in the doorway running to her best friend.

"Kira," Nolee smiled relieved to see her best friend reaching out to hug her.

"Oh Nolee, I'm so glad you're okay." Kira whimpered as tears began to seep out her emerald eyes. "Why didn't you tell me...?" she whispered painfully as Nolee guessed Connor must've informed her about everything that had happened.

"I'm sorry..." Nolee whispered in guilt. "I just didn't want you to look at me differently, you're the one of the few people who actually love me for me, I didn't want to ruin that you mean so much to me Kira. And knowing what Tristan could be capable of, I didn't want anything to happen to you somehow. If you ended up hurt because of, I would never forgive myself." Nolee lamented as the other girl scoffed.

"I would never look at you differently because of something like that, don't you ever think that. I'm always here for you sister." Kira consoled through her tears as the girls shared a long embrace, Murphy sat back in silence allowing the girls to have their moment.

"Miss Wade." a voice had interrupted as the girls pulled apart to look at the tall middle aged man standing in the room. "Glad to see you're awake, I'm Dr. Hawthorne. I'm the one who evaluated you last night."

"Is everything okay?" Nolee questioned fearfully.

"You obviously endured something traumatic last night Miss Wade, you went into shock and starting having low oxygen levels. Because of that your body was sending distress signals which in turn made the baby feel stress and for a while we were concerned at the baby's heartbeat dipping. We had to inject you with steroids to ensure your contractions wouldn't bring on labor. Even though your baby should be born now she'd have a high chance of survival, her lungs are not matured yet, which would cause problems later on. However Miss Wade, if you intend to carry your baby to full term it is imperative you rest as much as possible. Any further stress can still trigger premature labor. You will need to take it extremely easy, no exceptions." Dr. Hawthorne ordered firmly as the small girl only nodded.

"I understand."

"I trust your company here will make sure you stay grounded."

"We will doctor." Murphy assured.

"Good. Now I'll allow you to visit for a while longer but afterwards you'll need to rest. We'll most likely have to monitor you some more before we can determine if you're well enough to go home. In the meantime please push the call button if you need assistance."

"Thank you." Nolee replied politely as Dr. Hawthorne gave a small smile before and a nod before exiting the room. Nolee turned her attention back to her best friend and sighed.

"It's time I'm honest about everything with you." she acknowledged while Kira listened intently as the smaller girl began to explain the events of her past. How she met Tristan, how the abuse began, and how she fled to Boston.Ultimately leading up to Tristan and Foster managing to track her down. Kira bit her lip as she trembled listening to her story but never once broke contact. As hard as it was to confess to her best friend what happened, in the end Nolee felt relieved to no longer harbor such a painful secret.

"It all makes sense now...I'm sorry I always gave you shit for being guarded all the time, when you had every right to be." Kira apologized ashamed while the other girl only touched her cheek.

"It's okay Kira, it's okay."

Nolee had visited with Kira, Murphy, and Connor for a while longer. Feeling emotional at having three amazing people with her she questioned how she deserved such luck after everything transpiring, especially Murphy. Her road to recovery would be a lot harder now, but at least this time her past had loosened its grip on her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt here, but I believe I need to speak with Miss Wade." a distinct voice had stated making all three heads turn to the slender man dressed in a suit.

"Hello Miss Wade, I'm Special Agent Paul Smecker."