On Top of the World, at the End of the World

Birthdays are yet another thing that became obsolete after the crumbling of society. Most people never knew the day that they were born because most didn’t even know their parents. If you were one of the ones who was lucky enough not to have lost them to war, disease, or “reeducation programs,” any sort of celebration was strictly prohibited out of fear that it might produce any sort of intense emotion. To be nameless and ageless left a person a blank slate that was easy to manipulate and control.

Ultimately it was Party Poison’s idea to start celebrating their birthdays, even though none of them knew that exact day that they were actually born. Surviving another year was something to be celebrated, especially when tomorrow was never guaranteed. Poison was about four years old when Kobra was born, so he doesn’t remember the exact day, but he can recall that it was spring. Their father had picked their mother fresh wildflowers and they had been sitting in a vase next to her hospital bed when Kobra was born. The desert never really had any color, but it did turn slightly less brown in the spring, with flecks of green dotting the landscape.

So when the color starts to return to the bloated wasteland, they celebrate everyone’s birthday. This year, Poison has managed to make decorations out of old newspapers, stringing up paper chains and snowflakes from the ceiling and is bustling around the diner in a frenzy when Ghoul and Jet walk in with their arms full of supplies.

Kobra is sitting in the corner, grumpily constructing a paper chain against his will and shooting glares at his brother. “Aw, come on Kobra! Cheer up! It’s your birthday!” Jet says, ruffling his hair and making him even more agitated than before.

“This whole thing is fucking stupid! It’s not my birthday. We don’t even know when I was born. I could’ve been born out of a freakin’ test tube for all I know!”

Poison clucks his tongue at him. “Well, too fucking bad. It’s a family tradition now and you can’t get out of it. Besides, I know you were born in April, Kobra, I was there you dunce cap.”

“Well, are you completely sure he wasn’t a test tube baby, Party? It’d explain a lot,” Jet chides. Kobra punches his arm with far too much force in response.

“Whatever,” Kobra mumbles as he goes back to making his chain while Jet rubs his arm and winces in pain. Ghoul finishes unloading the boxes of supplies on the counter and hops up onto the counter next to where Party is standing on the ladder, hanging decorations. Ghoul pecks him on the lips and as Poison laughs, his chest is flooded with the feeling of coming home.

“It’s so weird not having to bend down to kiss you,” Poison teases and Ghoul rolls his eyes.

“Bully.”

“You love me.”

Ghoul sighs. “I do… I guess.”

The radio is playing one of Poison’s old tapes softly in the background as they decorate the diner. Although it’s a little extravagant for a party of seven, Party Poison insists that it’s necessary. Ghoul can’t quite decide if this is because of Party’s dedication or his desire to cover everything in glitter. Either way, he enjoys the way Party is glowing right now as he lovingly fills their space with color.

“So, Hot Stuff, how old are we this year?” Ghoul asks as Party chuckles.

They truly have no idea who’s exactly older than who. They know that Jet is the oldest and Kobra the youngest, but Ghoul and Party fell in the middle and just decided one day that they were the same age. They remember a lot of the same things, although Party left the city before Ghoul did, they had actually lived in the same orphanage for a while, but they didn’t know each other at the time.

“Realistically? Or the age you want to be?” He just shrugs. “Well, you’re not a day over eighteen then, Babe.”

“Well, if we’re going by looks you have the face of a thirty five year old man on a twenty-something’s body,” Poison says as he moves further up the latter so Ghoul can’t punch him.

“So you have fucked, then,” Kobra retorts from his booth.

Poison rolls his eyes so hard only the whites show for a few seconds. “He’s literally my boyfriend, Kobra. Why are you acting like this is a secret?”

“Because you wouldn’t be such a little bitch all of the time if you were actually getting laid,” Kobra spits. Ghoul’s face turns red and he just looks down at his hands. He’s intentionally trying to start something but he’s not exactly… wrong. Poison has been doing a lot of stomping and huffing around lately, throwing things at walls and yelling at the other Killjoys over small, stupid shit. The only reason they agreed to let him completely take over the party planning this time was that he’d finally seemed to be in a good mood for a change.

Party Poison gets down from his ladder to grab more things from the counter where Ghoul is sitting. “Jesus, Kobra, you lose your virginity and you suddenly care about my sex life?”

Kobra turns bright red and stands up abruptly. “What the fuck?! You said you wouldn’t tell anyone about that, you fucking cocksucker!”

Party just laughs mockingly. “Oh trust me honey, everybody knew. You practically had a glowing neon sign on your forehead that said ‘virgin.’”

“Well, at least my boyfriend actually wants to fuck me!”

Party’s grin falters and his face turns about as red as his hair. Usually this is about the tome where a fight would break out and Kobra would get his nose broken (again). But Party just goes quiet and is staring at the counter, unblinking for a few seconds before he walks off to his room and shuts the door.

Jet and Ghoul just look at Kobra with cool gazes. “That was extremely uncalled for,” Jet says in his “Dad Voice” that he only breaks out when they’ve clearly fucked up. Ghoul doesn’t stay to hear the lecture, though, and immediately walks over to Party’s room. He knocks on the door softly.

“Hey, Baby, it’s just me. Can I come in?”

He hears a weak reply of “Yeah” through the wood and opens the door gently. When Ghoul comes in, Party is curled up on the mattress, staring at the wall.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, m’fine. He always gets like this when do the whole birthday thing. It brings up old traumas and shit that he really needs to deal with but isn’t. He was old enough to remember when our parents died but not the way the world used to be. He- he thinks that this- this wasteland- is all there is and it’s not! I want to give him a life. That’s why we came out here in the first place. And it just… it hurts when he refuses to let me.”

Ghoul lays down and curls up beside him, presses a kiss to his cheek. “That’s not what you’re upset about, though.”

Poison sighs loudly. “No… It’s not.”

“So… do we finally need to talk about it?”

“Yeah…” He rolls over so he’s facing Ghoul, chest to chest, nose to nose. They kiss softly and when they pull apart, Poison smiles and sighs softly. “You know I… I never thought I would ever have to have the Sex Talk with any guy I was with. ‘Cause… no other guy has been on your level.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. Don’t sound so surprised,” he teases and wraps his arms around Ghoul’s waist. “You are, without a doubt, the only person I’ve ever been serious about. All those other people I was with were merely there to fill a space. Sometimes it was a literal physical space-“

“In your bed you mean?”

He sighs. “If you’re trying to politely call me a whore-“

“You called yourself a whore!” Ghoul exclaims.

“Anyway- I was saying, I’ve never really been with someone who has wanted me for everything that I am, not just for my body. With you, the connection is deeper and it… it freaks me the fuck out because I’ve never felt this way about someone before and I- I’m-“ he mumbles something that Ghoul can’t make out.

“Hmm? What was that, Baby?”

Poison mumbles it again, his face reddening. “Still can’t hear you, Party.”

He sighs and says, “I’m… nervous to have sex with you.”

Ghoul’s heart swells and he cups his boyfriend’s face in his hands. “Seriously? You? Nervous?”

“I know. It’s a new thing for me and I hate it… But I- I’ve realized lately that I’ve never been vulnerable with any of my past partners because I had nothing to lose, really. Most of them never even got to see me with my clothes off. Pony’s the only person I’ve ever gotten fully naked for and even that took months.

“There’s just… a lot going on with me, clearly. I don’t really like myself or my body very much, but I like sex. Like… a lot. Too much actually. And I’ve realized that it’s because I shut myself down. I don’t have to think or react, I just feel and get high off of the rush it brings. Even if I’m so full of shame afterwards. I guess… what I’m saying is that I’m scared because I’m used to sex void of emotion and I know that sex with you is going to be full of
It and that’s extremely scary.”

Ghoul brushes his lips softly against Poison’s. “Well, you have nothing to be afraid of.”

He hums contently, settling against his boyfriend’s chest. “I feel so safe with you,” Poison murmurs. Ghoul plays with his hair for a few minutes, letting the words dissolve into the air around them. Eventually he pulls them both up, straightening Poison’s jacket.

“Okay, you have a party to finish planning, Babe.”

Poison just groans. “Can’t we postpone it until tomorrow? I just want to melt into a gooey puddle on the mattress with you.”

“Later.” Ghoul gives him a soft peck on the lips. “Promise.”

Party Poison sighs dramatically as Ghoul intertwines their fingers and pulls him back out into the front of the diner. Jet has taken over Patty’s task and Kobra is still grumpily making paper chains in the corner. When they notice each other, Jet shoots a look at Kobra and jerks his head towards the two of them.

Kobra rolls his eyes, sighing dramatically as he gets up to stand in front of his older brother. “I’m… sorry that I made inappropriate comments about your sex life-“ he begins, in a monotone voice, as he recites a Jet Approved apology. “It was out of line and I need to work on finding a more positive outlet for my negative emotions-“ he sighs, “rather than taking them out on those closest to me.”

Party just laughs and pulls his brother into an uncomfortably tight hug and claps him on the back. “Hey, it’s cool, Bud! S’your birthday so you get a free pass today!”

Kobra grits his teeth. “It’s not my-“ Jet shoots him another look, holding up his scissors threateningly and Kobra sighs in defeat. “Thank you. For caring so much,” he says finally.

“That’s my job, you dummy. Now, come on, Cherri and Dr. D should be here any minute.”

The decorating is finished and Party is in his room, getting all dolled up by the time the car pulls up to the front of the diner. The crew helps to carry in the supplies as Cherri helps the Doctor into his wheelchair. When the pair comes through the door and Kobra immediately launches himself at the doctor, pulling him into a hug.

“H-hey, kiddo! It’s been a while! How’ve you been?”

“Oh you know, keeping busy with my schooling. Getting straight A’s.”

“Yeah, right. As if you could keep a straight anything,” Poison says as he comes out from behind the counter and drapes himself in Ghoul’s lap. He chokes down a yelp of surprise as Party Poison subtly grinds his hips back against Ghoul’s lap, as if the red skirt and velvet tank top combo he’s wearing aren’t enough to get him riled.

Kobra just ignores him and goes on to ramble to the Doctor about this new comic he’s reading and how much he loved the latest broadcast. It’s one of the few moments where he actually looks his age, his eyes wide as he talks, his arms waving frantically. Ghoul is glad his mood has improved so drastically, but wonders just how long it’s going to last. Like his older brother, it was often hard to tell with Kobra… Meanwhile, Jet helps Cherri get the food and drinks set out and Party moves further back into Ghoul’s lap, grinding his hips down again.

Ghoul pinches his side and hisses, “Stop that!”

Party just chuckles, stretching out his long legs to show off the ripped fishnets he’s wearing that he knows Ghoul loves. “Make me,” he says with a small giggle as he gets up to go help the others. Ghoul can’t stop staring at him as he swishes away to the other side of the room. He’s so enamored he doesn’t realize that Dr. D. has come up to him and is watching him with an amused smile on his face.

“Careful, son, you leave your mouth open like that for too long you might start to catch bugs,” D says, clapping a hand on Ghoul’s shoulder and startling him.

“I-I- whatever!” He says, though his cheeks feel hot and he can’t help but smile.

“I know that stare- I’ve done that stare. Still catch myself doing it from time to time.” Dr. D gazes fondly over at Cherri who is helping Jet open a bottle of long expired soda, his tongue poking out of his mouth as he struggles to loosen to the cap while Poison laughs at him. His face is turning a little red and he looks ridiculous, but that’s basically his default state.

Eventually Pony rolls through the front door and takes the soda from him, stabbing the metal cap with their pocket knife. They remove it easily and take a long drink before handing the bottle back to Poison.

“Useless men, all of you,” they announce as they roll over and drape themselves in Kobra’s lap.

“Do you think… do you think you would still love him as much as you do, or even at all if the world was- well, different?” Ghoul asks suddenly.

The Doctor takes off his glasses and cleans them on the front of his shirt, which only manages to smudge them more as he ponders the question. “Now I’m just a superstitious old man, but I’d like to think that in every new life, in every new form, we would find each other. I’ve seen too much to not believe in that. Or him. Our love doesn’t last because it’s the only thing we have. We last because we have our love, as awfully sappy as that sounds. Think I’d still feel that way even if Texas still existed…”

Ghoul is about to say something when Poison returns to his lap and kisses his forehead. “Well, did’ya miss me?”

“Nah,” Ghoul says with a smirk as Poison pouts. Cherri walks over and hands Dr. D a soda as he sits down next to him.

Cherri takes a swig of his own drink as he marvels at the decorations and the lightness in the air. “You know, I always hated my birthday until I got out to the Zones. It was so easy to get caught up in all the bullshit, to lament about getting older. Now, to have the luck, the opportunity to even grow old at all is… a blessing,” he says with a smile as he threads the fingers of his free hands beneath the Doctor’s.

“Well, I propose a toast then!” Party announces, climbing out of Ghoul’s lap once more and raising his bottle, encouraging his friends to do the same.

“To another year survived! And to growing old. Though, if we don’t make it to next year, may we burn a lot of shit down in the process!” They all make noises of affirmation as they clink their bottles together.

“Speaking of things that survived the apocalypse… I picked these up the other day…” Pony hands Kobra their bottle as they begin to rummage through the paper bag they brought with them.

Cherri’s eyes widen. “Wait you didn’t-?”

“Oh, I did!” They dump the contents of the bag onto the table as Cherri looks like a little kid who got locked inside a candy store at the end of the world.

“What… are these things, Babe?” Kobra asks as he holds up a small yellow sponge cake in plastic foil.

“That- is what they called a Twinkie back in the day. It’s a sponge cake filled with creme that tastes like disappointment and nostalgia. My favorites though are these-” They hold up something called a “Moon Pie” that shouldn’t look as appetizing as it does, considering it managed to last this long on its own…

Dr. D eyes the cakes suspiciously while Cherri inhales an entire Twinkie in one bite. “Cher, these things are probably older than Kobra. You know how badly they rationed sugar during the war.”

“Well, something has to kill me eventually, right?” He says with a shrug as he shoves another Twinkie in his mouth.

“Thank Destroya you were never diabetic…”

“Whose dick did you have to suck to get these?” Poison asks in disbelief. “Tommy’s the only one who ever has any of this old vending machine crap and he always charges nearly 1,000 carbons a piece for them.”

“I have my ways…” Pony says with a smirk.

Meanwhile, Ghoul has opened a Moon Pie and is carefully inspecting it. He sniffs the tiny round cookie in his hand and rolls it over in his palm. Poison just laughs at him. “I’ve never seen you so hesitant around sugar before. Here-“ He takes the cookie, snaps it in half and takes one for himself. “We can eat it together so I can prove to you it’s not poisoned.”

They take a bite of it together and Ghoul’s nose crinkles up. It’s hard and kind of stale, but it tastes kind of buttery and sweet. “What is this flavor called?”

Poison giggles. “Butterscotch. They’re my favorite flavor. I remember when our mother was pregnant with Kobra, she was craving these things like crazy. Talked about them constantly. My dad managed to bring two home one day and she was just overjoyed. She insisted on sharing one with me, even though she knew that was the last time she’d ever be able to have one. It’s kind of fuzzy because I was so young but it’s a happy memory. Here Kobra, you should try one.” He holds it out to Kobra who just smacks his hand away.

“It looks fucking disgusting,” he spits. Poison raises an eyebrow at him but doesn’t say anything.

“You know what I miss the most, though?” Doctor D says with a fond smile. “Cake.”

“You seriously miss those awful sheet cakes with the terrible decorations and the twelve layers of frosting?” Pony asks.

“I mostly miss the ritual of it. The candles that always melted before that terrible song sung by your tone-deaf relatives was over, making stupid wishes as wax pooled on top of the cake,” Cherri adds.

“I miss shoving your face into it,” the Doctor says with a smirk.

Cherri rolls his eyes. “Only because I let you lick the frosting off afterwards…”

“I think this whole “birthday” thing is fucking stupid…” Kobra announces to no one in particular. Jet just groans because he knows where this is going.

“Well you’re the last teenager in the family, so it’s your job to hate everything,” Party chides and everyone laughs but Kobra.

“No, seriously. What’s the point? We’re probably all going to be fucking dead in a year anyway…”

“Yeah, well, you said that last year, the year before, and five years ago. And look at us- we’re all still here.”

Kobra just rolls his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest. “Whatever…”

“C’mon, why are you like this every year? Mom celebrated our birthdays every year it’s-“

“Well Mom is fucking dead! And I’m tired of you bringing her up every five seconds because I don’t even remember her! What she did doesn’t mean fucking shit to me!” Kobra tries to stomp off but Poison grabs his sleeve. The atmosphere in the room has changed drastically and everyone is afraid to react or say anything, aware of this routine by now.

“No, you don’t get to stomp away after acting like a fucking baby! You’re a goddamned adult, there’s no reason you need to keep acting like this every year.”

“Oh fuck you! I keep telling you over and over again that I don’t give a shit! But you keep forcing me to do it anyway and then wonder why I get pissed!”

“Well maybe if you stopped being such an ungrateful brat all the time you’d realize I’m just trying to give you a normal fucking life-“

“Newsflash, Poison! “Normal” doesn’t exist anymore. Normal was killed off with 99% of the population! That shit is dead and gone and I couldn’t care less. I’ll never know what “normal” is, so you’re better off just not even trying…”

Poison presses his fingers to his temples and sighs. “Kobra... I was there when you were born. I held you in my arms, and I looked at your stupid, scrunched up baby-face and you looked up at me with your big dark eyes. And you wrapped your entire fist around my little finger and Dad said, “Someday it’ll be just you two against the world. You have to take care of each other.” I’ll never forget that… So maybe the shit I do doesn’t make sense to you, but I do this all for you. I do. There is more to living than just waiting to die.”

Kobra just sighs and brushes the tears away from the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry I just… I get so tired of you guys all talking about how the world used to be. Because you were there to see it and I was… I was born too late, I guess,” he says softly, all the fight gone from his body in seconds.

Poison just grips his shoulders tightly. “Kobra look at me. The world has not ended. We joke about it, but we’re still here and we’re all it’s got left. So we have to make the most of it and suck all the fun and joy and pain out of life that we can. That’s why I do this every year.”

Kobra nods firmly as Poison pulls him into a hug. After a few moments, he says, “Now that all that mushy stuff if out of the way, let’s party, yeah?”